This is an actual phone conversation with my dad Friday Morning:
Dad: I am not taking your mother to the Emergency Room.
Me: Um, OK. (looking for my coat and car keys)
Dad: I called AT&T this morning to have the phones turned on in Florida.
Me: (wondering if I had somehow missed a sentence here). Uh, Dad, is mom ok?
Dad: Sure, why?
Me: WHY? Because you said you weren’t taking her to the ER (some major history here that I will not get into but trust me there were times when he SHOULD have taken her to the ER)
Dad: That was a joke because I didn’t want you to worry that I was calling so early.
Me: Oh, funny (not) But it is 9:45, it’s not that early. Never mind. So you were saying that you called AT&T.
Dad: (with Mom starting to laugh in the background and me feeling grateful that she was not unconscious with her head bleeding on the dining room floor) Oh, right. So this woman answers the phone and she sounds like she has a cold, has this really heavy southern accent, and she talked so fast I could not understand her that well. I asked her name and she said “Miss Nipples” (now Mom is really cracking up in the background)
Me: Miss NIPPLES?!
Dad: (Starting to laugh). Yes, so your mother told me to tell her that I was old and hard of hearing and ask her to speak slowly and clearly. (that would be because he is old and hard of hearing but he does not seem old so we always think it is kind of funny to tell people that he is).
Me: I assume you were not wearing your hearing aids.
Dad: What? (just kidding, he didn’t say that but he would) She repeated her name and it was not Nipples (how shocking) it was NICKELS.
I told Gary this story later in the day and his response:
Gary: Know what her first name is?
Me: No, what?
Gary: Ophelia. Ophelia Nipples.
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