Category Archives: humor

April 18, 2009 · 6:28 pm

Oh, honey

honey_head

Anyone who has ever shared a meal with my husband is accustomed to the familiar, “Tea please. Earl Grey. With honey.”

Everywhere. He could be at a diner in Manchester, Tennessee with Dr. Jimmy and he will just assume that they will be able to accommodate his needs.

So, when we happened upon this jovial honey vendor with the very creative hive hat at the fabulous Dane County Farmers’ Market on opening day, it only seemed fitting to ask if he would pose with Gary. (Gary is such a good sport. Actually, I think he loves this shit). I little plug for Marsden’s Pure Honey since this honey man was so willing to allow us to take his picture.

Of course we purchased a pack of honey sticks so I could carry them in my bag in the event that a restaurant does not have honey.

Always fun when you dine with us.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 16, 2009 · 10:36 pm

String Cheese Incident

worlds-longest-stringcheese

No, not the band. This is about my own personal string cheese incident.

While driving through the heartland  today I passed a billboard announcing Weyauwega Wisconsin, the home of the world’s longest string cheese. Sadly I was behind the wheel and could not get my camera out fast enough to snap the picture.

Luckily, thanks to Jazzian‘s flickr photostream I found this shot. 2700 ft and nearly 4 city blocks long. That is one hell of a piece of cheese!

Only in Wisconsin!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 14, 2009 · 9:36 pm

Mommy’s Time Out

mommys_timeout

I came across this rack of wine quite awhile ago and just stumbled upon this image in the archives on my laptop.

What a brilliant marketing idea. I wonder why I have not seen or heard of this since. So, of course I did a quick search and found their website. Rather unimpressive but I found their little blurb quite charming:

We All know that being a Mommy is a difficult job.  A Mommy’s Time Out is a well deserved break. 

No spin. No pretense. No psuedosnarkiness – (go ahead, click the link. Yes I have yet ANOTHER word in UrbanDictionary. I am become a regular Merriam Websterwitz).

I like that they went for the simple, to the point message.

So here’s to you Mike Cincotta of Selective Wine Estates – a job well done. And chances are there won’t be anyone ‘going motrin on you’ for trying to relate.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 12, 2009 · 8:54 pm

Cheez-Its vs. Jesus

cheez-its1It could have been a case of Woody Allen style Jewish paranoia, or perhaps it was simply a loss of hearing combined with a little too much to drink. But last weekend, while enjoying a weekend birthday celebration for a friend, her sister mistook the word ‘Cheez-Its’ for ‘Jesus’. We were staying at a resort that was short on Jews and I think the atmosphere led her to start hearing everything with a sort of Christian filter.

Whatever the reason, this made for a most hysterical encounter. In the spirit of always carrying a camera, and now a video thanks to my Flip Mino, I decided to do a little mini-documentary. I asked the question that has puzzled religious philosophers for centuries, “Tell me the difference between Cheez-Its and Jesus”.

Due to a severe case of bloganoia and in respect for the privacy of those who would rather not have the entire internet witness their Patron-induced silly behavior, I will not post the video but will share with you my favorite answers.

There is nothing better than getting a religious woman who is part of a Chrisitan Mom’s Ministry group to tell you this:

Cheez-Its are full of calories and will give you a fat ass, while Jesus will save you from your own fat ass.

Better yet, her crazy college friend who jumps in behind her with:

I beg to differ. In the middle of the afternoon when you are starving, Cheez-Its can be TRUE salvation.

From the original paranoid Jewess:

Cheez-Its smell, and as far as I know, Jesus does not.

And yet another misunderstanding but a funny one none the less:

Wait, there are different flavors of Jesus?! I think that would work very will with bringing in the younger generation and helping engage them. Oh, different flavors of Cheez-Its, never mind.

Anyone else want to jump in with an answer?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 7, 2009 · 11:01 pm

All the Other Vegetables Were Jealous (vol. 2)

horseradish_penis2

I am always amused at the comedic way Mother Nature toys with us in the produce section.

While frantically shopping for the Passover Seder in what felt like an episode of Supermarket Sweep, I ran into a dear friend near the broccoli. She was asking what I used for the bitter herbs on my seder plate and I told her that I was a fan of fresh horse radish. As she reached into the pile and pulled out this beauty we could not help but notice its striking resemblance to…

well, I don’t think I need to spell this one out, do I? No wonder I am a fan, right?

This past summer I wrote about a certain cucumber who I am sure would be quite jealous of the way this horse radish was being held.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 5, 2009 · 6:55 pm

Rebranding STDs

Tonight’s post dinner clean up conversation:

Danny: In health they are trying to get us to stop calling sexually transmitted diseases STDs. They want us to call the STIs

Me: What does the I stand for?

Danny: Infection. The thought is that ‘infection’ is less scary sounding than ‘disease’ so we will think of them as something that can be cured.

Me: Oh great, they are trying to rebrand STDs. That will never work. They tried to do that with erectile dysfunction too. And I have written about rebranding menopause. Also a no win.

Face it, when something sucks you can’t make it suck any less by changing its name.

Case closed.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 4, 2009 · 11:47 pm

Nomadic Ancestory

Pile of backpacksPacking.

What is it with putting things in a bag to go away that makes all my insecurities bubble up to the surface?

There is so much to consider; unpredictable weather systems, multiple options of my basically all black wardrobe (complete with white dog hair), health and beauty aids, hot flashes (keep your comments to yourself, this is a 50th birthday celebration weekend), music (thank goodness for the invention of the ipod), and of course electronics. The last item is paired down to a blackberry, flip video and a still camera – I am traveling techno-lite this weekend.

It stands to reason that the whole experience is overdone, I hardly leave the basement let alone the zipcode!

Seriously, an overnight trip and I could stay there for a week with what is my bag! I would have sucked at the 40 days and 40 nights thing.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 3, 2009 · 10:00 pm

Twordsmithing

As you may know, I am a huge fan of making up words. There is nothing more fun than coming up with a new way to say something that no one else has thought of.

I have taken to submitting my words to Urban Dictionary from time to time. The first word was Bloganoia, back in December. This came out of a couple of blog word posts.

This week one of my twitter friends, @earthxplorer tweeted his firstborn’s childbirth. Surprisingly he did not fall victim to a blunt force head injury with a smartphone. I highly admire his wife for her restraint. This experience inspired me to submit:

twitobirthThe whole experience made me think about twitter users, both newbies and power users. This line of thinking spawned:

twirginand

twexpertIf you would be so kind, please jump over to twitobirth, twirgin and twexpert and give me a thumbs up. It would give this pointless activity a sense of meaning.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 2, 2009 · 10:28 pm

Random Thought Thursday

Second installment. I know most of you will be reading this on Friday but know that I wrote it before midnight.

Random ramblings from the inside of my head:

1. Why must I call to opt-out of junk fax solicitations, shouldn’t I have to opt-in to receive them in the first place?

2. If my life was a made for TV movie would I change the channel because it was too ridiculous to be believable?

3. Is it fair to NOT read a book because it is on the Oprah booklist?

4. There is no reality, only perception. (can’t take credit for this one, a shrink once pointed it out to me).

5. If my dog pukes in the dining room and I pretend to not see it will someone else clean it up?

6. Coke or Pepsi? (I don’t really care because I don’t drink soda, just curious).

7. Should I point out to the local supermarket that is trying to market a passover menu that noodle pudding should not be on their menu?

8. Would you rather have a hoof or a paw? (again, can’t take credit. A woman that used to work for me posed this question).

9. Why is it ok for my car and pocketbook to be filthy when my house has to be clean?

10. If not now, when? (use this for anything you have been putting off).

That should do it. Head is empty…

for now.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 1, 2009 · 11:44 pm

Pardon me for being an infant… Fart Pads

fart-pads

I am so sorry. I could not resist this one. Just in case you were worried from yesterday’s post that I really did lose my sense of humor, this should dispel that myth.

I will dedicate this post to my brother who is more of an infant than I am, if you can imagine that.

This picture is priceless. I would have loved to have been the art director on this project. Imagine talking to the illustrator, ” You know, make it look like a cross between a mini pad and a spoon.”

So, let me tell you about this product. It is called Flat-D. That would be short for Flatulence Deodorizer. I kid you not. You must read the About the Inventor page on the website.

Because I could never do justice quite the way they do themselves, here is a little excerpt from their website:

Hey, isn’t it time to stop the release of unpleasant pungent gas odors? Our exclusive doctor recommended Premium pad instantly clears and sanitizes the air when gas is expelled… Without the tell-tale lingering odor that can instantly put you in a very awkward situation. 

Oh, you mean like that smell just before someone says, “Ew, who farted”? I wonder if it also acts as a silencer.

There is more:

Is embarrassing gas a concern for YOU?
Discreetly neutralize it fast with our Flatulence Deodorizer Premium Pad
• A doctor recommended way to neutralize gas odor
• Washable and reusable
• Perfect for IBS sufferers, gastric bypass surgery individuals, or anyone with excess gas

Washable and reusable?!!! “Honey do you mind rinsing out my fart pads tonight, I have a big meeting tomorrow.”

Anyone with excess gas? Um, is that not EVERYONE.

Oh wait, except my mom, there is no way she farts.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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