Category Archives: absurdities

April 22, 2009 · 7:56 pm

Is that a balloon in your pocket?

ballon_dick

While I am on the topic of ‘bona’s’ I thought this would make a good follow-up post to yesterday. Sometimes life presents us with the most wondrous opportunities. Hence why I will never be caught without a camera.

There I was, enjoying a lovely spring afternoon and Little Mister Balloon Dick just crossed my path at the perfect moment. In respect for the privacy of this kid I cropped his face out, but I left just enough of his little brother on the right side for you to imagine his expression. I have heard of multi-tasking, and multiple orgasms, but this guy had multiple members.

Sometimes life is so grand I could burst.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 16, 2009 · 10:36 pm

String Cheese Incident

worlds-longest-stringcheese

No, not the band. This is about my own personal string cheese incident.

While driving through the heartland  today I passed a billboard announcing Weyauwega Wisconsin, the home of the world’s longest string cheese. Sadly I was behind the wheel and could not get my camera out fast enough to snap the picture.

Luckily, thanks to Jazzian‘s flickr photostream I found this shot. 2700 ft and nearly 4 city blocks long. That is one hell of a piece of cheese!

Only in Wisconsin!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 14, 2009 · 9:20 pm

Do Not What?

do-not-throw-away

I walk every morning and try to remember to have either a camera or at the very least, my phone.

I love the irony of this photo. I suppose this is something akin to the do not remove tag on pillows. But seriously, wouldn’t you be just a little embarrassed to have this sticking out of your garbage?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 12, 2009 · 8:54 pm

Cheez-Its vs. Jesus

cheez-its1It could have been a case of Woody Allen style Jewish paranoia, or perhaps it was simply a loss of hearing combined with a little too much to drink. But last weekend, while enjoying a weekend birthday celebration for a friend, her sister mistook the word ‘Cheez-Its’ for ‘Jesus’. We were staying at a resort that was short on Jews and I think the atmosphere led her to start hearing everything with a sort of Christian filter.

Whatever the reason, this made for a most hysterical encounter. In the spirit of always carrying a camera, and now a video thanks to my Flip Mino, I decided to do a little mini-documentary. I asked the question that has puzzled religious philosophers for centuries, “Tell me the difference between Cheez-Its and Jesus”.

Due to a severe case of bloganoia and in respect for the privacy of those who would rather not have the entire internet witness their Patron-induced silly behavior, I will not post the video but will share with you my favorite answers.

There is nothing better than getting a religious woman who is part of a Chrisitan Mom’s Ministry group to tell you this:

Cheez-Its are full of calories and will give you a fat ass, while Jesus will save you from your own fat ass.

Better yet, her crazy college friend who jumps in behind her with:

I beg to differ. In the middle of the afternoon when you are starving, Cheez-Its can be TRUE salvation.

From the original paranoid Jewess:

Cheez-Its smell, and as far as I know, Jesus does not.

And yet another misunderstanding but a funny one none the less:

Wait, there are different flavors of Jesus?! I think that would work very will with bringing in the younger generation and helping engage them. Oh, different flavors of Cheez-Its, never mind.

Anyone else want to jump in with an answer?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 10, 2009 · 10:39 pm

Holy Botox and Snorting Smarties (through a tampon)?

smarties1

This week in the news has topped out the absurdometer.

It seems a Staten Island preacher has been accused of ripping off nearly $85,000 from his congregation over three years to buy booze, botox and ‘nice clothes.’ Forgive me father but I believe you have snapped!

As if that were not crazy enough, now we hear about kids chopping up smarties and snorting them through a tampon?!! I swear I did not make that up. Click the link. That could be one of the sickest things I have seen in a long time!

Anyone else out there have a ridiculous story they want to share?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 7, 2009 · 11:01 pm

All the Other Vegetables Were Jealous (vol. 2)

horseradish_penis2

I am always amused at the comedic way Mother Nature toys with us in the produce section.

While frantically shopping for the Passover Seder in what felt like an episode of Supermarket Sweep, I ran into a dear friend near the broccoli. She was asking what I used for the bitter herbs on my seder plate and I told her that I was a fan of fresh horse radish. As she reached into the pile and pulled out this beauty we could not help but notice its striking resemblance to…

well, I don’t think I need to spell this one out, do I? No wonder I am a fan, right?

This past summer I wrote about a certain cucumber who I am sure would be quite jealous of the way this horse radish was being held.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 5, 2009 · 6:55 pm

Rebranding STDs

Tonight’s post dinner clean up conversation:

Danny: In health they are trying to get us to stop calling sexually transmitted diseases STDs. They want us to call the STIs

Me: What does the I stand for?

Danny: Infection. The thought is that ‘infection’ is less scary sounding than ‘disease’ so we will think of them as something that can be cured.

Me: Oh great, they are trying to rebrand STDs. That will never work. They tried to do that with erectile dysfunction too. And I have written about rebranding menopause. Also a no win.

Face it, when something sucks you can’t make it suck any less by changing its name.

Case closed.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 2, 2009 · 10:28 pm

Random Thought Thursday

Second installment. I know most of you will be reading this on Friday but know that I wrote it before midnight.

Random ramblings from the inside of my head:

1. Why must I call to opt-out of junk fax solicitations, shouldn’t I have to opt-in to receive them in the first place?

2. If my life was a made for TV movie would I change the channel because it was too ridiculous to be believable?

3. Is it fair to NOT read a book because it is on the Oprah booklist?

4. There is no reality, only perception. (can’t take credit for this one, a shrink once pointed it out to me).

5. If my dog pukes in the dining room and I pretend to not see it will someone else clean it up?

6. Coke or Pepsi? (I don’t really care because I don’t drink soda, just curious).

7. Should I point out to the local supermarket that is trying to market a passover menu that noodle pudding should not be on their menu?

8. Would you rather have a hoof or a paw? (again, can’t take credit. A woman that used to work for me posed this question).

9. Why is it ok for my car and pocketbook to be filthy when my house has to be clean?

10. If not now, when? (use this for anything you have been putting off).

That should do it. Head is empty…

for now.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 1, 2009 · 11:44 pm

Pardon me for being an infant… Fart Pads

fart-pads

I am so sorry. I could not resist this one. Just in case you were worried from yesterday’s post that I really did lose my sense of humor, this should dispel that myth.

I will dedicate this post to my brother who is more of an infant than I am, if you can imagine that.

This picture is priceless. I would have loved to have been the art director on this project. Imagine talking to the illustrator, ” You know, make it look like a cross between a mini pad and a spoon.”

So, let me tell you about this product. It is called Flat-D. That would be short for Flatulence Deodorizer. I kid you not. You must read the About the Inventor page on the website.

Because I could never do justice quite the way they do themselves, here is a little excerpt from their website:

Hey, isn’t it time to stop the release of unpleasant pungent gas odors? Our exclusive doctor recommended Premium pad instantly clears and sanitizes the air when gas is expelled… Without the tell-tale lingering odor that can instantly put you in a very awkward situation. 

Oh, you mean like that smell just before someone says, “Ew, who farted”? I wonder if it also acts as a silencer.

There is more:

Is embarrassing gas a concern for YOU?
Discreetly neutralize it fast with our Flatulence Deodorizer Premium Pad
• A doctor recommended way to neutralize gas odor
• Washable and reusable
• Perfect for IBS sufferers, gastric bypass surgery individuals, or anyone with excess gas

Washable and reusable?!!! “Honey do you mind rinsing out my fart pads tonight, I have a big meeting tomorrow.”

Anyone with excess gas? Um, is that not EVERYONE.

Oh wait, except my mom, there is no way she farts.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 29, 2009 · 8:29 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 8)

Search terms are my favorite part of blogging stats. Seems there are all sorts of crazies out there keywording their little fingers to the bone to find out more about subjects like tampons and hairy backs. Lucky for me I post about such absurdities.

In the past I have linked back to all the previous search term posts. Quite frankly I think that was a waste of time so that practice is now over.

So, dive right in my friends, and discover the crazy keywords that landed on I Could Cry this month. As always I give a little commentary and link back to the original post that I think was found.

i need a jolt so do I most of the time. But I will advise against that Jolt gum featured in this post. I chewed a couple of pieces on day and was hanging of the ceiling (not in a good way)

i made you a poop this big What a lovely gift. and you were so very proud of yourself. what makes someone use this as a search term? Never mind, I don’t want the answer to that one.

boob pop out fight I get this phrase almost every week. Further proof that everyone does love a girl fight (yeesh!)

i got a call from satan 666-6666. Yeh, well if you got a call from Satan and you are using an internet search to find out what it is all about I am thinking you are really screwed.

mom command center Are there more moms out there with command centers? I would suppose so.

box of shut the hell up Oh my, I totally forgot about this post. Remember kids, when someone pisses you off, just ask them if they would like a big box of shut the hell up. Very cathartic indeed.

don’t worry, i have toast Thank goodness, I thought we were all going to go hungry.

marry an asshole This is some pretty bad advise.

cancel colon medic Believe it our not I have had countless people comment on this post asking me to cancel their order. They have included names and addresses and have been might mad saying that this place keeps recharging their credit cards for reorders they did not authorize. Oh my!

toungue (yes there was a typo). Can’t say this is not a diverse blog. It takes you from the tongue to the tush and back.

And there you have it. Another month of fun and games brought to you by I Could Cry But I Don’t Have Time.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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