Category Archives: absurdities

July 17, 2009 · 11:24 pm

Talk about packing heat

cannon-balls

This sort of gives cannon balls a new meaning!

Alright, I admit I have reached new depths of sophomoric behavior. There should be a shot of me falling down laughing on the lawn in front of him while taking the picture.

Yes, Gary is AGAIN a good sport. And yes, this also explains his comment about explosives in cameras. He claims to be humoring me but I know he loves doing this. At least I think he does.

Hey, if after all these years we cannot amuse ourselves, what is the point?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 12, 2009 · 12:14 am

Cinema on the Bay presents Jaws

jaws-cinema-on-the-bay

I kid you not. In my sleepy little town they have this lovely movie series at Sunset Park, aptly named for the obvious reason that it has the most magnificent sunsets over the bay.

Do you think they decided to show this movie because it was funny to show Jaws by the water? This banner across Main Street (yes, we have a Main Street, we ooze quaint) caught my eye and cracked me up. Lovely rendering, no?

I am not sure if I am just paying more attention because I am working hard at being alert and not rushing, or if there are an unusual amount of humorous things out there lately.

What will they show next week The Poseiden Adventure?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 10, 2009 · 10:19 pm

Just call me Kimmie O’Chaos

kimmie-o'chaos

I LOVE this name. If I had any musical talent this might be my stage name. It is so fitting. As was the circumstance in which I found myself behind this truck. I was on the way to the doctor for another in a series of bizarre ailments. No, my burning mouth syndrome has not flared up again, this is something new… ish.

Other people get bug bites. Me? I get the mother of all swell up and fear anaphylactic shock type bug bites. Gary can be sitting in the same spot and not get a single bite. I am like his fly strip! I have taken more than one trip to the the ER for bee stings, but this sucker was just a mosquito.

Doc walks in. Says “Wow”. (is that a diagnosis?) Writes a scrip for some industrial strength steroid cream and tells me to call if it gets worse.

Define worse.

Ok, so I have one arm that looks like I have been pumping iron and the other, not so much.

My life is always one long emergency. Even now, in the slow dog days of summer with no real crisis on the horizon, no kids home, work quiet and managable, something always seems to pop up.

I guess you can just call me Kimmie O’Chaos. (seriously, doesn’t that name kill you? I am so easily amused).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 9, 2009 · 8:41 pm

A bird in hand…

a-bird-in-handOk, I am now officially convinced that I am the magnet for the absurd. I think these things happen to me on days when I am sure there is nothing inside my head worth blogging about.

I was out doing errands. Seriously, just a suburban yenta out going about her mundane business. You know, Staples, drug store, supermarket. The usual stuff. It was a perfect summer evening.

Apparently  a perfect summer evening TO TAKE YOUR BIRD OUT FOR A RIDE!

I am not making this up. This is no Photoshop ploy (not that I don’t have that skill set, of course). I pulled into the King Kullen Shopping Center parking lot and in the car next to me was this yellow-shirted woman with matching…

BIRD.

Having been a bird owner in a past life (another post for sure) this baby looks like a sun conure. (mine was a nanday conure named Picasso and it HATED Gary even though he bought it for me… do the math).

So, this woman was just parked. Every once in awhile she would scratch him behind the head (they love that). I parked, took a few pictures, food shopped, came out of the store and she was still there.

I must drive by in the morning. You can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 8, 2009 · 7:29 pm

A man walks into a dentist’s office… naked!

iStock_000001172175Medium0308-225_0

No, this is not the beginning of a corny joke. This was on this evening’s news.

It seems Christopher Hoff was a little warm today and decided to pay his dentist a visit sans clothing. No biggie, really. Just hop in the car, take a little ride and walk into the reception area with not a stitch of clothing on.

The receptionist? Well she screamed of course.

So he ran.

But the cops found him at home where he claimed to have been sleeping. Bud, just curious, by any chance did you dream about being naked in the dentist’s office?

Here is the best part. The receptionist was able to identify him immediately because ‘his eyes were very blue and he had a good tan’. Um, hon, this guy had his dick hanging out and you noticed his EYE COLOR? Any one else find this odd?

In case you are wondering he was charged with two counts of disorderly conduct and one count of public indecency. And failure to comply with fingerprinting. Maybe they should have taken a print of his… never mind.

So tell me, Dr. Jimmy, have you had any naked patients lately?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 7, 2009 · 8:35 pm

Hairy Backs and Tattoos

With the rain finally gone I have been fortunate enough to have spent a good amount of time on the beaches in the past couple of weeks. As always there are plenty of hairy backs out there. The mangroomer should be doing a booming biz.

If you will remember, I am both fascinated and aggravated by back hair. Some of these guys look like they are wearing sweaters. It must be awfully hot under there. Look at this guy, I think he is down by the ocean just to cool off. The spinal hair is particularly fascinating on this guy. Look at that dense patch down the middle. It almost looks like hairy vertebrae.

hairy-back

I have also noticed that there are way more tattoos this year. It seems everyone is sporting ink. And a lot of it is major. Saw some guy in Fire Island with full photorealistic portraits of his kids on his arm. I wonder if they will age as his skin sags.

tats-and-hair

This guy here had a wonderful combination of tats and the most bizarre body hair pattern I have ever seen. What is with that tuft of hair at the base of his spine crawling down his up way to high bathing suit. Eww!

Again, we women are out there spending all kinds of money waxing, lasering, shaving, eppilating, dipilatoring our lives away and these guys just let the hair out of the bag and don’t think twice.

Who are the schmucks here?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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July 1, 2009 · 5:58 pm

Lawn Ornament Afterparty

lawn-ornament-afterparty

I pass these three every morning on my walk. Today I felt compelled to share them with you.

I simply love each one of them. Here is my take on the scenario:

Froggy: good chance he just did one of the bunnies. What, not what you were expecting? C’mon, look at that smug look on his face and his satiated stance. What else could have gone on here?

Bunny in the middle: Thinking this one was a witness not a participant. Seems kind of rejected or perhaps embarrassed.

Bunny on the right: Yep, this one looks pretty chipper and flirty.

What concerns me a little bit about sharing this with you all is the fact that I am starting to spill the contents of my warped mind into the blogosphere at a staggering rate.

Oh, that and that fact that I am listed in some places as a mom blogger. Hey, nothing wrong with a little birds and bees lesson now and then. Or frogs and bunnies if you will. And the  co-mingling of species is a nice piece on tolerance. All in all I think this is a lovely little parenting post.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 30, 2009 · 10:03 pm

To the young women on the cell phone on the train…

Travelling backpacker

Did you think you were alone in that car? Were you under the impression that all of us sitting near you were deaf? More than once I have been on a train where people have aired their dirty laundry as if they were the only ones around. I have heard about family feuds, business deals gone bad, the intimate details of teen children’s social lives and marriages on the brink. But never have I heard a conversation quite like this one.

By the end of the 35 minute trip to the city I knew more about your life than I do about most of my dear friends. Because of the sheer stupidity of airing your dirty laundry on a commuter train, I will honor that by sharing some sound bytes with my readers. Hold on to your hats, kids, this chick is out there. Quotes are from her, italics are my commentary.

“So he said to me, “Tell your dad if all he cares about is his money, he can suck my dick.”

Hmmm, good start, right?

“I mean he broke my heart and stole my money. I told him he is going to have to work really hard to win me back.”

Ummm, why do you WANT him back?

“He wants to know why we can’t just be together. It’s so sad cuz we used to have so much fun till he stole my (dad’s) credit cards.”

Wait, he stole your credit cards and you are thinking you can work things out?

“He complained that my family is just all about the money and I told him that is what Long Island is like. He’s from Brooklyn and just does not get it.”

Sweetie, I think he gets it fine. He seems pretty much about the money if he stole yours. And, correct me if I am wrong but I think there are plenty of parts of Brooklyn that are about the money. Have you ever been to the Heights?

“He gets all defensive as if I did something wrong whenever I want to talk about him paying us back. It is so weird.”

Weird? Sounds kind of psychopathic to me.

And this is my fave of all:

“I told him he needs to learn that going to school is better than stealing and dealing drugs.”

Ya think? What the hell!

I was told today that people sense my being and then they perform for me so I can blog about it. Could that actually be true? Could I be a cosmic magnet for the absurd?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 28, 2009 · 8:31 pm

Harry Potter Landscaping

harry-potter-lawn

I have passed this house before and it never registered what those slates were up against the wall. If you look closely they are Harry Potter characters.

There is virtually no landscaping on this side of the house that faces the main road in a beach town, other than the lone red impatien planted by the brick wall.

Stopped at a red light it registered what this was and this image is the result of a split second decision to take the shot before we moved. For once, I was not driving.

I wonder what drove the homeowner to paint these slates and keep them as the sole adornment on their property.

Odd at best.

I find myself singing the Mysterious Ticking Noice video song in my head when I see this. Go ahead, what the video, there is nothing that is both more annoying or more addictive.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 26, 2009 · 8:42 pm

Pick Your Nose

pick-your-nose_2

Once again, I am jealous of a product name and sorry I did not come up with it. Both the item and the category are brilliant. A little further online digging and I came up with these, which are just as clever.

Pick Your Nose Cups are hysterical. What kid would not love to drink out of one of these. And Party Animals is the perfect name for the series.

Do you think the idea for these came one drunken night when someone was drawing on all the cups at a party? For those who do not know, I went to art school. Stuff like that happened all the time. We even went through a Christo phase when we wrapped peoples’ cars while they were sleeping. I think we wrapped the trees and the front door too. I need to find those pictures.

Now you can understand why I am so envious when I see a product like this. Surely I should have come up with this idea. Although I don’t know how lucrative they were because if you will note the price tag, I found this at Home Goods and they were only $4.99. I need to be careful at these places, I was snapping away all sorts of funny pictures and I think the staff was starting to get weird about it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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