Category Archives: absurdities

September 29, 2009 · 12:27 am

Time to (laugh till you) Cry Tuesday

Smoked Salmon Bagel

Jews were not meant to go without food.

It is a simple fact that without caloric intake, and surely caffeine, things can go haywire.

Big time.

Antics. That is the only way to explain the absurdity of the end of my day. Amy antics. To the nth degree.

Keep in mind that the patriarchs in the family are hearing about this for the first time with this blog post, so to my dad and father-in-law, sorry the bagels were not warmed up and really, it was all my fault.

Here goes. And understand that there is no way you could make this stuff up.

I, in my control freak fashion infinite kindness, tried to help my mother-in-law out by picking up the food for break fast and keeping it in my garage fridge so it would not spoil. On cooler days she can keep it on her terrace, but in the name of not wanting rancid smoked fish and egg salad, we offered to keep it here and bring it over to her house at 5 when my husband and the dads went back to closing services for Yom Kippur.

For reasons of logistics I was taking my dad’s car. I loaded the trunk, closed it and realized I had just…

locked the keys in the trunk!

Yeh, well that did not suck much. I was going to run to my parents house (35 minutes away) to get another set of keys when my mother-in-law, in her infinite wisdom suggested AAA. The fact that she was not ready to kill me at this point is truly amazing.

I begged the guy on the phone to get here ASAP telling him how my dad was going to kill me. Then promptly told him how old I was when he replied, “hey, I am 62 and I am still afraid of my mother! She used to chase me with a wooden spoon.” Alrighty, then.

Sure enough they sent a locksmith within in the hour.

My man Andre! Oh, how I loved him. Especially when we found out that the trunk release button did not work unless the key was in the ignition. If you are still with me here, THE KEYS WERE IN THE DAMN TRUNK. He used the little entry to the trunk through the armrest in the back seat and somehow navigated around platters and bagels and kugels to find those keys. And during it all gave some sage-like advice about some higher reason why we should not be where we were supposed to be at that moment and that is why this happened.

Zen locksmith.

And then it started to rain.

Luckily we got there about 15 minutes before the starving temple guys and made a quick effort of getting it all together.

Sorry dad, but don’t worry, the car is fine. Thanks to my mother-in-law for being such a good sport and my mom for staying calm and sharing a good (nervous) laugh through it all.

Moral of the story:

Stay out of it and risk the rancid fish on the terrace.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 26, 2009 · 9:55 pm

Outrageous Emails

We all get them from time to time. Those outrageous emails that either inform you of the millions you can claim from some Nigerian bank or the those that are complete nonsense and sound like a foreigner randomly picked words to string together.

This morning I woke up to one of the best ones I have ever received. I have decided since I am truly the Magnet For the Absurd (MFTA) I am going to brand this sucker. So for now on when you see this logo you will know what to expect.

mfta moment

Here is today’s email:

Subject: Equal had awakened them and his.

Copied to: A2disco@optonline.net (I LOVE this email address)

Message: a black in plain clothes and yellow slippers who was gliding to recognise his style immediately. go ashore; and looked upon the spires, and roofs and smoke, of

That was it, typos and grammatical errors and all. Left me hanging with ‘of’. Of what, for crap sake?! How could this Sonja Bryan (wilsonqupafa47@finessraeder.de) have left me hanging at such a crucial point in the story?

Oh how I long to know what happens to this ‘black in plain clothes and yellow slippers’. Perhaps I will start a new series where we fill in the story where it leaves off.

Any takers? Feel free to continue writing this story in the comments.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 25, 2009 · 11:13 pm

Uranus underwear!

soyunderwear-797191

I kid you not. Thanks to that grand diva of design in the blogosphere, designmom, I am now privy to these skivvies.

These are soy based underwear. Sustainability with a sense of humor, what could be better?

Imagine the founders sitting around naming the line. Can we really call it Uranus? Sure, why not? I mean it does cover your…

Seriously, I am sure this is a lovely product, but I know I am inclined to try it out because the name is so funny. In fact, I could buy these as a gift for oh so many people.

The three things I like best about this product:

1. the word Uranus boldy printed on the waistband

2. the ‘about uranus‘ button on their website.

3. their tagline: help save the planet earth starting with uranus

Yes, I am an infant. But admit that you have laughed through this entire post.

So Uranus babes, let’s see if you pick this post up in your social media monitoring. If you are wondering, I am thinking this big ole butt is probably a large.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 24, 2009 · 10:35 pm

Menopause, Mercury in Retrograde and other Mania

Mercury1I can’t sleep. All forms of technology are going wacky. Appliances are on the blink. I feel like I am in groundhogs day. I am hot. I am cold. I am bloated. I am starving. I can’t complete a task, let alone multi-task. The sun is in my eyes. There is a bump in the bowling alley. The dog ate my homework.

I am in a funk (and I am NEVER in a funk!)

Ok, you get the point. Things are just a little amiss these days. I could have written it off to turning 50, menopause (because everything gets blamed on that) or simply cyclical mania which I suppose I can be accused of being prone to. Hell, I could even blame it all on being the Magnet For The Absurd.

But thankfully both Yogamom (2nd shout out to you, babe) and my sister-in-law have pointed out that Mercury is in Retrograde from September 7th till October 18th and that crazy devil, that cosmic trickster, can cause all types of problems. And what, you ask, does this actually mean? Read this from astrology.com:

A planet is described as retrograde when it appears to be moving backwards through the zodiac. According to modern science, this traditional concept arises in the illusory planetary motion created by the orbital rotation of the earth with relation to other planets in our solar system. Planets are never actually retrograde or stationary, they just seem that way due to this cosmic shadow-play. Click here for more on the science of retrograde planetary motion.

Huh?

Whatevs. My takeaway on this is simply things will be back to normal on October 18th.

Define normal!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 22, 2009 · 7:35 pm

Bandals or Soots?

bandals-or-soots

I just don’t know what to make of this style.

Are these bandals or soots?

Neither really works for me. Sometimes you can get away with a combo name. Like the skort, for instance. That was big back in the seventies. That shorts/skirt combo. The new word just worked. These simply don’t cut it.

Nor does the style in my book. Seriously, did she buy these because she truly loved them or because she was a slave to fashion?

Or would that be a gladiator?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 12, 2009 · 11:11 pm

Not Your Mother’s Ken Doll

ken-dude

I saw this surfer dude ken doll in a window in Madison. He is frighteningly lifelike even with those funky joints. I don’t remember my Ken dolls having facial hair and a pony tail.

So, do you think that he is anatomically correct? And what is up with the fish? Is this an amphibian dude or is that a dead fish?

And why are they in the window of an eyeglass store?

Just asking?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 10, 2009 · 11:34 pm

Got Mooovers?

marrins-moooving

First, yes that is the front of my car in the bottom of the screen and yes I shot this while I was driving. With all the talk of texting and driving hazards I am embarrassed to admit that but you know this being a blog of full disclosure and all…

Please don’t judge me. Thanks.

So there I was driving down the LIE the other morning after a meeting and this moving truck pulled up next to me. Or shall I say this M-O-O-VING truck. I was first struck by the cow motif as I have an affinity for all things bovine. Jana’s nursery had a cow border and ever since I have loved them. Then I noticed the name and scrambled through my bag for that damn camera. I first took a shot of the back but then came up alongslide and caught the phone number and had to get this angle. 1-877-270-COWS?

Brilliant.

This is surely not as cool, but does rival Mambo Movers. (They have a logo with a rhino being stuffed in a truck).

So, Marrin’s Movers, here is my little plug for your biz. I have no idea how good you are at moving crap, but your truck gave me a smile.  And a little strategic advice, carry your cow motif over to your website, it could use a little refresh.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 3, 2009 · 8:50 pm

The Magnet For The Absurd (MFTA)

I have always noticed the oddities out there in the world. Even before this blog became the catch-all for all things crazy, they always found me.

Now that I have deemed myself the Magnet For the Absurd it seems to have stuck. In the last 2 weeks people have sent me all sorts of oddly humorous and offbeat things, via every technology possible. I thought it would be fun to share a few.

This came from an old friend via email:

Driving cross country. Now in arizona.  Just passed a billboard and thought of you: Ostrich Eggs. Meteorites. 50% off.

This was from a friend via Facebook:

I thought of your photos and your blog yesterday while passing through Frenchtown on our way home from Elon U. . . we noticed a street sign stating ” Saturday is cancelled” — found it to be funny . . . and maybe something I should send along to my two kids away at school?!

And these two pics came via text message from Sedona:

ufo-store

I particularly love the ‘Est. Before Mankind’. Nice touch.

alien

These submissions prove to me that people do see the absurdities out there, they simply never had a place to share them.

I am happy to be that place, so keep ’em coming!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 1, 2009 · 9:19 pm

Recombobulation

recombobulation-area

Have any of you seen this yet?

After walking through airport security; juggling my laptop, shoes, belt, carry-on, ipod, keys and a partridge in a pear tree, I came across this sign. I promptly dropped all that crap and grabbed my camera.

Admit it, who doesn’t feel discombobulated at that moment. BTW, recombobulation comes up as a misspelled word in my blog software, I think they made this word up! Seems the only place I can find it is in my old favorite spot, Urban Dictionary.

So, picture the committee that had to name this area. The meeting probably went something like this:

“How do you feel when you walk through security?”

“Well, discombobulated, of course!”

“Exactly, so we will call this the Recombobulation Area and everyone will relate and we will appear to be sensitive to our target market and everyone will forgive us for making them walk barefoot and half naked through the airport.”

I am thinking that this might catch on. Maybe in the corporate setting. Every office should have a Recombobulation Area. You get chewed out by your boss, you lose a big account, just having a bad day. Simply step into the “RA” and get your self good and combobulated.

Wait, does recombobulation infer that you were once combobulated in the first place, became ‘dis’ and then needed to ‘re’.

Yeh, you’re right, I need to get some sleep.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 30, 2009 · 9:55 pm

Traveling Shoes

travelin-shoes

Believe it or not, there was a woman on line in front of me at airport security that was wearing these shoes. Imagine what the rest of her outfit looked like. Whatever it is that you are imagining, go one step further.

I am always amazed that anyone would want to travel in anything this uncomfortable. I love her toenail color and the hint of the tattoo on her right angle.

Jana and I loved this woman. We really got a kick out of the way the security screener spent and extra long time looking back and forth between this woman and her photo ID. Her face was a botox playground and I would bet her photo ID was taken before the surgical enhancement.

Don’t you wonder what who was waiting for her on the other end of her flight?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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