Category Archives: absurdities

March 24, 2010 · 9:21 pm

No, this is not my truck

But whoever was driving it is surely a kindred spirit. A big thank you to Gary for taking this picture for me. If you did not read last week’s post about my experience on the Cross Bronx Expressway you cannot fully appreciate why this is so funny.

Although on it’s own it is pretty damn funny.

I particularly like the steaming illustration. My brother should love this!

Hmmm, I wonder where I can buy this bumper sticker. It would make such a lovely gift. Silly me, all you have to do is google it… if you are interested, you can buy it here.

Wait you guys, I don’t want to wake up and come outside to find this on my bumper, ok? Just want to make that clear.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

5 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, road signs, road trip

Tagged as ,

March 18, 2010 · 6:49 pm

Gerber Baby Wanted

You all know how I love facebook ads. This one surely does not disappoint. It would appear our friends at Gerber are searching for a new baby to represent their brand. No, they are not a client, and no I do not feel either one way or another about their product. Honestly, since Danny is 17 (years, not months) I am embarrassed to say I don’t even know if that is the brand I bought for him.

Wait, did I even give him baby food? Oh, I guess I must have, he wasn’t born with teeth. I think with Jana I might have gone the make your own food route for a little while. I have memories of ice cube trays of pureed chicken but I think that got too gross.

Whatever, this is not about baby food. It is about babies. Now for those of you who are not familiar, this is the traditional Gerber baby. This kid is friggin’ adorable, right. I mean that little button nose, the sweet little bowtie lips, the sparkling eyes laced by long lashes, perfect shaped head… you get the picture.

Now the baby in that facebook ad? C’mon folks this little sucker is scaaaary looking. This little imp looks petrified and I hate to be cruel here but a little alien-esque. Of all the babies out there, and with all due respect to the parents of this one, could they not have found a stock photo of a better looking baby than this?

Hey, I guess it’s better than using that hairy guy they used on the moms go back to school ad.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, humor, marketing

Tagged as , ,

March 17, 2010 · 11:49 pm

Comment of the Month

Verbatim!

This is what I found in my spam blocker over at Leaving the Zip Code. This is some pretty serious advise.

DO SOME PETTY POINT OR GO FOR A VISIT TO POINTE CLAIRE QUEBEC. LITTLE GIRLS LIKE YOU USUALLY WEAR PONY TAILS ANG GO BY THE NAME OF SWEDISH PIPI LONGSTOCKING NOT ANE DE GREEN GABLES, THATS A DONKEY SIMILIAR TO THE ONE FROM PIXCZAR NOT THE ONE YOU ARE THINKING OF NAMED FRANK. YOU SEEM TO BE OFF THE WALL BUT I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU’D WALK THE PL-ANE-K (AS ON WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S STAR TREK) OR BE THROWN OFF SOME BRIDGE BY THESE CEMENT COMMENTS. THAT’S A PONT IN FRENCH AND THAT’S THE POINT.

IF YOU NEVER FOUND A JOB IN THE POINT DOWN BY GRIFFINTOWN AND THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD, THE VICTORIA BRIDGE, YOU MIGHT BE IN FOR A PRETTY NASTY TIME.  LEAVING YOUR ZIP CODE. THAT’S ALL IN THE POST BOOBS. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD ASK ELVIS HOW HE SWUNG HIS PELVIS OR THAT OTHER GIRL WHO WAS ‘IN THE ZONE’.

I do love the reference to Pippi Longstocking. And of course the reference to William Shakespeare’s Star Trek. Do you think he meant Shatner?

The scary part is that this crazy person writes in a stream of consciousness (maybe English as a second language) sort of style that might be a tad bit reminiscent of say… me maybe?!!

But my favorite line of all is “Leaving your zip code. That’s all in the post boobs.” Would that be the post boobs as in after-boobs. Or do you think that means on the blog post boobs?

Just asking.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor

Tagged as , ,

March 16, 2010 · 6:50 pm

Keep on Truckin’ Mama…

… truck my blues away!

Have you ever found yourself on the Cross Bronx Expressway when it is at a complete standstill?

That’s a joke. If you are from NY you know that the Cross Bronx Expressway is ALWAYS at a complete standstill and you avoid it at all costs. Except when you are a completely happy-to-be-out-of-the-basement idiot listening to your ipod at 10, while you are driving on a painfully glorious 60 degree almost-spring-you-can-taste-it sort of day like today. Then you mistakenly take the Throgs Neck Bridge instead of the Triboro to the Harlem River Drive when you are going to Jersey and you find yourself smack in the middle of the worst 10 mile stretch of road in the universe! Or at least the east coast because I think all of Southern California is probably the equivalent of the Cross Bronx only with better scenery.

So there I am.

Stuck between 4 tractor trailors.

And I have to pee.

Like, so bad that it seems a waste not to have to go for a sonogram with a bladder that full. (inside joke for those who know about having to take a pelvic sono). Only I could bring the word ‘pelvic’ into a post about traffic and trucking. Yeh, I know, part of my charm.

So, to amuse myself, and to take my mind off of the fact that my bladder was very likely going to burst any moment, I pulled out my camera and started to find things to take pictures of. What? You don’t do that?

Well, lucky for me that I had that camera because somewhere around exit 5 this red truck pulls up alongside me with my last name on it!! (ok, maiden name but I use it for blogging and work so it counts). Thanks Zimmerman Truck Lines for truckin’ my blues away. (ok, painfully corny, sorry)

I took it as a sign that I was meant to be there at that moment.

Huh? Whatever, just humor me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, cars, companies, humor, New York, New York City, road trip, travel

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

March 14, 2010 · 10:17 pm

Fill in the blank

Fortunately this blog post is not intentionally blank. In fact it is filled with the nonsense inside my head and a big fat question for the brand guys at Samsung.

We just bought this super cool flat screen TV for bedroom because, well because it was Gary’s birthday and I could not bear another life cycle event with him looking longingly at the TVs everywhere we went. If you read yesterday, it was a bit of an ordeal to buy and make room for this item. It continued to be an ordeal when our main man Carlos came to install this baby and he could not find the stud. Yeh, I know, it was a present for ‘the stud’ but I can’t hang a TV off of him so we needed to find the one in the wall. Built in 1939, this house has its charms, but finding studs in plaster walls is not one of them.

I digress. While Carlos was making countless holes in my wall looking for the stud, doing a great job installing the TV, I decided to look through the QuickStart manual and familiarize myself with the TV.

Ok, that is a lie. Actually, I did not even consider looking at the manual until I was checking out the nifty swing mount on the TV that will actually allow me to get into the back of my underwear drawer in the armoire by moving out of the way (the old stationary tv blocked it) and in turn touched… SOMETHING, that knocked out the reception on the TV. Did you follow that last stream of consciousness insane sentence? Anyone out there distracted by my underwear drawer? No matter, point is we needed to figure out how to get the TV back on again so I looked at the manual. Gary, on the other hand, called Carlos and he told us how to do it.

Never mind. None of this has anything to do with what the point of this pointless post is. Looking through the guide I came upon 3 pages that said ‘This page is intentionally left blank”. Really? WTF. Why would three pages be left blank. Intentionally no less. Ok all you printer and designer types out there, we all know that a saddle stitched (fancy name for stapled) brochure has to have a multiple of 4 pages because the sheets are printed in spreads and folded in half creating 4 pages per signature. Enough of the print layout lesson. My question to the brand manager at Samsung would be:

YOU COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING TO PUT ON THOSE EXTRA 3 PAGES OTHER THAN “THIS PAGE WAS INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK”?

I mean seriously, guys, a little marketing opp here maybe. Perhaps some more troubleshooting, I am sure you did not cover all the problems that I will encounter on that one page. But three blank pages? And your solution to them was to let us know that it was intentional? Yikes, I have been in the biz for a long time. I have never had a client say, “Hey, let’s intentionally leave these pages blank and then state it so we don’t look like we made a mistake. Ok, our work is done here, drinks anyone?”

Yeh, well, the TV is real nice, even if the brand guys are kind of lame.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, companies, gary, humor, marketing, products, tv

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

March 11, 2010 · 11:02 pm

Top News Stories of the Week

These were my faves:

Botched butt surgery (they used caulk! construction grade caulk! As my FB friend Stanley would say, “Caulk Suckers!”)

Mother’s milk used to make cheese (one word… EW)

Woman arrested for shaving while driving… her bikini area. (thank goodness she was not waxing)


1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, current events

Tagged as

March 10, 2010 · 10:29 pm

An Equidistant Moment

It’s moments like this I am absolutely certain I was born to carry a camera. And I always wonder if other people notice this kind of stuff.

Right after we saw the white dogs with orange socks, we came upon this odd little scene on the World Financial Plaza. This was one of the first warm days in NY and everyone was trying to catch some time outdoors. The odd thing was that these five seemingly unrelated people decided to do so in almost the exact same way. They were spaced perfectly (hence equidistant), legs crossed on the same side, each one reading, as if they had been set up by an art director. Of course this was not, in fact,’a shot’.

It was real life.

I mean, seriously, what kind of art director would have kept that guy in the powder blue sweater on the left side there. He is the wild card in this shot. I mean, for G-d sake, he is not even crossing his legs.

Damn rebel!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, communities, humor, New York, New York City

Tagged as , , ,

March 9, 2010 · 9:09 pm

White Dogs with Orange Socks

I don’t know, I just couldn’t come up with anything clever as a title for this. Sometimes the obvious is so outrageous it just fits.

Seems like the theme this week is pets. So if you are not an animal lover check back on maybe Saturday.

I saw these little lambikin like doggies on the Esplanade in Battery Park City yesterday. If you have never been there, you should visit, it is a very cool place and it almost seems like it is a different city than NY. Full disclosure, Battery Park City Authority is a long-standing client but I genuinely love this place and have watched it grow over the past 25 years from a whole bunch of open lots into a thriving urban jewel.

Back to the white dogs in orange socks (this sounds rather Suessian, no?). I was with a friend/client and we stopped to talk to the owner of these little… scamps. I am pretty sure she suffered from a little OCD of sorts because when I asked to take their picture she was all upset about their ‘faces being dirty’. Apparently these tiny orange socks are not meant to protect their delicate itsy bitsy feeties, they are to keep them from getting soiled.

Oh my!

Do you think she was offended when I bent down to pet them and told her my dog takes bigger dumps than this? Yeh, probably was classic anti-social behavior, but it did get a laugh out of my friend.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, communities, humor, New York City, pets, photography, places of interest

Tagged as , , ,

March 8, 2010 · 11:56 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Love of a Good Fish

I know I write about my dog a lot, but what you may not know is that along with dog sitting, we are also fish sitting. I know, seems a little ridiculous, but my in laws spend the season in Florida and they have this beta fish that they really love. So much so, that my father-in-law even considered taking it on the plane.

Correct me if I am wrong, Poppy, but I think the 4 oz liquid restriction was the only thing that stopped you. Imagine this scene, grandfather is taken to the back and questioned for trying to carry his pet fish over state lines.

We were the obvious candidates to watch the fish. My sister-in-law has cats so she was out. And my brother-in-law travels too much.

Now here is the thing. They are not just fond of this fish, they are really attached to it. When it first came here I was convinced I would kill it within a week (I have a bad fish history). And all I could think of was that my entire future with my husband’s family lay at risk over this one beta.

Fortunately, this fish is madly in love with me. No, I am not kidding. When I walk into the room it goes nuts. First time I thought I was imagining it. But after awhile it became apparent that I was having a very strong effect on this little swimmer. And I am not going to lie, I take some comfort in knowing that fish is into me.

Goes to show, there is nothing like the love of a good fish. (but please don’t tell the dog)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, pets, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , ,

March 3, 2010 · 10:06 pm

To the woman in the nail salon

Ok, I admit it. Towards the end of the day on a work day I skipped out for a manicure.  I had a tragically low broken nail that needed to be attended to. It was more necessary maintenance than pleasure. If you are a guy you think… “women!” If you are a woman you think, “damn, I hate when that happens.”

Here’s the thing. I don’t really have the kind of job that translates well into public places. These 50-year-old eyes are getting too old to view artwork on a blackberry and I am stuck zooming all over the place trying to make an intelligent comment when people send me stuff. (there that iphone envy goes rearing its ugly head again) Add that to the fact that I collaborate with a team and need to chat it up in the thick of a project. Oh and to top it all off we are always working on impossible deadlines.

So… I admit it. I was the women on the phone at the nail salon. Well, actually, not the only one as the woman across from me got a call and she was a realtor who was at the last stages of a deal where the parties were only $20,000 apart and she had to give the old, “I am in a meeting I will get back to you as soon as I am in the office” routine.

Back to my call. There was no option not to take it. Decisions had to made, time is money, yadayadayada. So woman number 3 sitting at the nail dryer, let me refer to her as THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS EARTH. She tells me when I end the call, “you know, you don’t always have to take the call. things can wait. sometimes it is beneficial to keep them waiting.”

THEM? Sweetheart, who are your THEM? In this market, no one waits in my book.

And seriously, you were giving me your opinion because? Oh right, because you ARE THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS EARTH!

You see, right here is why I have a blog. The beauty of this here little slice of the interwebs is that when I am on my last friggin’ nerve, I have a perfect place to vent.

And the best part about it is that THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS EARTH has no business being here.

Ahhh, now I feel better.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, blogging, conversations, work, work habits

Tagged as , , , , , ,