January 2, 2010 · 5:13 pm

Bags under my eyes and the spousal look of terror

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and noticed some not so attractive bags under my eyes.

That’s right.

Bags.

Under.

MY.

Eyes.

I stared in that mirror and the first thought that came to my mind was, “Ok, Ms. age gracefully, never consider plastic surgery, stop trying to chase your youth, I would NEVER… how do you like them bags?”

Not to brag, but I have – by no doing of my own – been fortunate to inherit the beautiful skin that both of my grandmothers sported well into their 80s. That coupled with an extra XX lbs on my ass, has left my 50-year-old punim relatively line and bag free(ish). But last night I was having some sinus and ear issues (no doubt from all the flying I witnessed at the movie, Up in the Air) and when I woke up it all settled in those not so endearing bags under said eyes. Luckily they started to disappear as the day wore on.

I was on the couch with my daughter and asked her to take a look at me and see if she noticed them. Then Gary came in the room. He was leaning over the coffee table innocently placing clementines in a bowl when I asked him. “Hon, do you notice bags and dark circles under my eyes?”

Deer.

In.

Headlights.

Poor thing. He stood there half bent over the table, frozen in time. I could hear the inner workings of his mind, “How in hell am I supposed to answer this friggin’ question?” This, my friends, falls into the proverbial ‘does my ass look fat in this…’ question. The way in which the husband answers this question will change the entire architecture of his day, if not his whole weekend. And he is fully aware of that fact. Luckily for him I had mercy on that poor terrified look on his face and started to laugh.

I am happy to report that the bags have ‘resolved’ but left in their wake is a new found terror that I am not as void of vanity as I once believed. And Gary, he is just happy he did not have to answer that question.

(oh, and of course that picture at the top of the post is not ME!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 2, 2010 · 4:24 pm

Lazy is the new productive

I made this my Facebook status today and it was immediately well received. Made me ponder that maybe I was on to something.

Think about it.

All year long we race around, make lists, disappoint ourselves with never completing everything we set out to do in a day. Why? For what reason do I set myself up for hyper-productivity? Like I am a better person if all the laundry is done and my closets are cleaned at the end of a weekend day? Yeh, right. Who cares if maybe the blueberries in the fridge are a little on the fuzzy side (ok, maybe my daughter since she did mention tossing them) — we could think of them as pets instead of food. Kind of like domestic multi-use.

I worked with someone once who told me a clean desk was the sign of a sick mind. Maybe everything done and in order all the time is not such a big deal. Maybe it is actually a losing a battle. Maybe an ever evolving to-do list is ok. Maybe sometimes we need to shut up and shut down in order to rest up to push that bolder back up the hill when we have no other choice. Perhaps the doing nothing piece is a way of letting the brain slow down to gear up again. This is a completely different way of thinking for someone like me. I am usually a moving target.

I won’t lie, lying around is not usually my thing. If I am not productive for too long a period of time I start to feel lousy. But there is something to be said for lounging in bed and reading a book, staying in your pajamas till 3:00 (or 4, or 5), drinking a little too much (define ‘too much’) and just hanging out. Hey, my kids seem to think that it is a full time job. I wonder what they would do if I moved the couches out of the house.

My point? I guess it would be that having a couple of weeks at the end of the year to lose the scheduling and the frenzy and just be lazy can have its benefits. First, for someone like me, at the end of all this I am dying to be productive again. But while I am still in it I am starting to take some pleasure in being a slug.

My family, on the other hand, wants to know why we don’t have any ______ (fill in the blank) left in the house.

Hey, you guys all drive…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 31, 2009 · 7:03 pm

Blue Moon

You know, like once in a…

Apparently we have one tonight. How lovely for New Year’s Eve. This is the first New Year’s Eve blue moon since 1990. There will not be another for 19 years. That must make this an awfully special new year. Should I howl or something?

A blue moon, by definition, is when a second full moon happens in a calendar month. To those of us who are more romantic, I would say that perhaps it means something is in the air.

So go out there, be safe, and pay attention. Maybe this is a sign. Perhaps something amazing is about to happen your life.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 30, 2009 · 10:17 pm

Font Masturbation

No, I did not make up that name, but I wish I did. This is an actual typeface that I found today while doing a font search. I will admit I colored it and added the effects, but hey, who wouldn’t?

You can see it here on my favorite free typeface website, dafont.com. (please keep in mind many of the free fonts are for personal use, if you want to use them commercially you need to contact them. This one in particular would be for EXTREMELY personal use).

This sucker (no pun – ok maybe yes pun) was designed by Graham Meade of GemFonts and I am not going to lie, I think I might have a crush on him. Seriously, how can you not love a guy that designs a typeface like this? It is so beautifully executed with just a hint of the perverse while still maintaining that whimsical aura. (ok, too many years of doing design presentations, I know).

Yes, once again I am an infant. But let’s be honest, that is why most of you come here every day; to see me behaving poorly.

Wishing you all a happy new year, be safe and remember, penic masturbata is just font usage with someone you love. And of course, hoping you do not experience any typface interruptus in 2010.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 28, 2009 · 8:54 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The family you choose

We are very fortunate Jews; very fortunate indeed, as we are invited to a most amazing Christmas every year with our dearest friends. I wrote about this last year but I can’t help but post again about an evening that is so very special to our family.

Seated in one room were  members of four families, one friend of the boys and the boyfriend of my girl. The ‘kids’ table was now populated with 14 to 20-year-olds!

As we all took our seats, the vision of all those young adults took my breath away. Some in High School, others about to go off to college, still others scattered in universities across the country, some about to go off on semester abroad adventures, were the finicky eaters and meltdown whiners of Christmas’ past. Was it not just yesterday that the girls put on their famous dance show in front of the fireplace while the boys bounced balls incessantly through the house? Did we not pajama the kids before we went home a few short years ago?

And it’s amazing how we don’t look a day older. (ok, we had a lot of wine with dinner).

It is never a bad idea to count your blessings during the holiday season. So much time is spent on rushing around to make it all perfect, when the truth is, by nature of the players it already is.

Thank you once again to my dear wife friend, Joanne, who makes a holiday like no other. Go figure that the skinniest, most fit woman I know would also be the best cook! She gave me the little framed picture above this post long ago and I keep in on my desk to thank my lucky stars for the day her husband brought her into my life (and believe me, he dated many women I would not have been all that happy sharing my life with, most of whom I remember and he does not).

I am doubly blessed to have a real family that I would choose anyway and an extended family of friends that I would throw myself in front of a train for.

Happy holidays to you all. Count your friends as your blessings for without them nothing is all that important.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 27, 2009 · 11:04 pm

Career Choices

The scene:

Driving to a family gathering. Jana is cranky.

Me: What’s the problem, why so cranky?

Jana: Because everyone will ask about college, my major, my trip abroad and what I want to do with my life.

Gary: Just tell them you want to be a stripper.

Got to hand it to him, that is pretty damn good advice. Kind of nips that conversation in the bud.

Sure enough, someone asked her that question right off the bat. And to tell you the truth, it worked! Although he did ask why you needed to go to college for 4 years to do that.

Some people have no sense of humor.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 26, 2009 · 11:19 pm

Eat. Drink. Sleep. Repeat.

Holiday weekends can be so stressful. There is all that food and alcohol, and lying on the couch and changing of channels, reading of books and turning of pages. How the hell do you get anything done in this atmosphere?

Oh right, that is the whole point.

Hard to get used to being so lazy, but I am not going to lie, it’s not all that bad.

Hope you are all getting some heavy doses of family and friends, laced with enough food and drink to make you feel good and guilty come Monday. Don’t worry, there is plenty of time to be productive and sensible, for now, just enjoy it.

Sorry, I have to go now. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is starting and the beginning is the best part.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photos from outside the comfort zone..

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December 25, 2009 · 12:45 pm

Confirmed Sibling

I received this message on facebook this morning. I have to say I am quite relieved. I guess our contract was almost up and I can be a bit of a pain in the ass, so the confirmation is comforting. Hey, Kei, is this like renewing your vows when you are married. Every 50 years you confirm your siblingship?

All kidding aside, I am thrilled and honored to have my big bro ‘confirm me as his Sister’. Without him my life would be much different. Short of turning this into an USTTCT (unscheduled time to cry tuesday) let’s just say there is no one out there like my big brother. And if you think I am out of my mind, I am mild compared to him.

Now, if there are any other family members out there that feel the need to confirm our relationship, bring it on.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 24, 2009 · 11:37 am

From a Jew on Christmas

Ho. Ho. Ho. Or for you kvetchy jews out there like the lady on the deli line in the market yesterday: Oy. Oy. Oy.

Forget religion for a moment and let’s talk about the holiday season and what it does to people. To that crazy lady:

What the hell were you thinking yelling at that little old lady behind you?

Granted she might have been crowding you a bit, or perhaps she might have been a little cranky, but your outburst was embarrassing to me, I would hope it was to you afterwards. And then it spawned another little scuffle at the head of the line. Sorry, call me old-fashioned, but no matter how old I get I am still from the school of respect your elders, no matter how much they may annoy you.

PEOPLE, what is up? It is the holiday, you are in an upscale market in a beautiful suburb and you can afford to shop here and hopefully your ‘stress’ is probably just how you will get all that food on the table hot. So catch a grip, chill out and grab a little holiday spirit and perhaps a drink or two to calm that mood and try to enjoy! And act civil to one another, for G-d sake!

Ok, so perhaps she had more stress than the hot food thing. And maybe everyone is a little edgier trying to make believe life is all warm and fuzzy in these not so warm and fuzzy times. But this woman? Yikes, what an outburst. Kind of like that Network, “I’m as mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore!” kind of thing.

My reaction? I turned to the woman behind me and promised not to fight with her. I told her I would never use that tone with anyone I was not married to. It gave her a good laugh and we of saner (and I use that term loosely) temperaments went on our merry shopping way hoping to learn from this lesson that we should do unto others and all that crap.

I can only top this with the facebook post from my friend Amy S yesterday:

Person ahead of me with a “Choose Civility” bumper sticker on the car just cut someone off and ran a red light.

Yeh, there are all sorts of hypocrites out there.

So to all my friends who are not hypocrites but instead wonderful people who appreciate all they have and would never yell at little old ladies (unless perhaps they gave birth to them), here is wishing you a Merry Christmas if this is your holiday. And if not, I hope you are as lucky as we are to share the holiday with friends.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 22, 2009 · 9:21 pm

Let’s Play Holiday Air Travel – A Reality Show

Flying. It just plain sucks these days. Weather, no weather, it’s all the same. Delays, cancellations, cranky passengers, bag fees, no meals… no fun.

Today, Jana played the third installment of fly home at Christmastime from a school in the Midwest.

After a huge snowstorm that crippled the east coast airports.

With very heavy luggage.

Now that the stage is set here is how the reality show went. These were the parameters: Connecting flights through Milwaukee. Two different airlines (thanks studentuniverse.com). Ok, flight one is delayed 1 hour. Flight 2 is delayed only 1/2 hour. Here is the catch, airline one will neither check the bag through to final destination, nor will they assign a seat on flight two (airline two). She is now required to do the following:

1. take delayed flight #1.

2. retrieve bags at baggage claim.

3. go to airline #2 ticketing desk to check bag (pay fee and heavy surchage AGAIN – bags flew for more money than she did)

4. get seat assignment.

5. go back through security.

6. arrive at gate and board plane.

All this had to be achieved in under 45 minutes. Now THAT is what I call incredible customer service! Jeez, can they be any more alienating?

I placed a little over/under on Facebook but I am happy to report she is now seated on flight 2 (behind a crying baby, of course) and on her way home.

Hey, at least her next flight will be to Europe for semester abroad. I am sure connecting flights in Madrid will go much smoother. Imagine, the Telemundo version in Spanish!

2/23 UPDATE:

To the idiot behind the counter at Airtran in Milwaukee… thanks for your undying lack of compassion, completely inexcusable lack of customer service and your totally inane comment of, “There is no way either you OR your bag will make this flight.” Seriously, do they give you a handbook on how to be a total creep when you do your training? Oh and of course, thanks also for being the slowest moving damn ticket agent in the midwest, just to add insult to injury. No thanks to you, she AND her bag made it. Perhaps that was due to the good nature of each and every person on the security line that let her cut through, and a great pair of 20-year-old legs that sprinted to (of course) the furthest gate in the airport.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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