Category Archives: gary

May 5, 2011 · 6:54 pm

Pat the Zombie

As everyone knows, May is Zombie Awareness Month. What? Everyone doesn’t know that? Well by the look of the stats on this blog you would think they did because there is a nice healthy amount of views of last years’ posts.

And I would think that Aaron Ximm and Kaveh Soofi (how do you pronounce those names) knew it was, because they launched their book, Pat the Zombie, this month. I learned about this on a Daily Candy email and could not help but jump with glee and run to post about it. (I am wondering how they were ever able to legally do this).

It would just so happen that our dinner conversation the other night was rather zombiecentric.

Me: Did you know that it was Zombie Awareness Month?

Gary: I love Zombies.

Me: I know that about you.

Gary: Zombies are my absolute favorite horror creatures.

Me: What are your second favorite?

Gary: I would have to say… Werewolves.

Me: Do you think there are such thing as Pet Zombies?

Gary: Oooo, I would like that very much.

What? Are you doubting that we actually had that conversation. You should know better!

When I saw this book I just wanted to buy it for him as a surprise for Father’s Day, but I couldn’t wait to post about it. My kids loved Pat the Bunny (favorite page was ‘Daddy’s scratchy face’). I really hope this book doesn’t scar them for life.

Watch the promo video… it is really out of control.

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March 20, 2011 · 10:57 pm

Honeycomb (hold the Earl Grey)

Gary came on today’s walk with Mel and I and check out what he found. Just beneath some rudimentary beekeeping apparatus were all these spent honeycombs. Now, of course if it was not March and in the ’50s you know I would have been writing this post from the ER (allergic, thank you very much… to bees, not honey).

I thought it sort of ironic that he was drawn to this. If you have ever eaten with us you would know that he is a man who loves a big-ass cup of tea (Earl Grey) with honey. He does not ask for much, but this is very important to him. So much so that those who are close to us stock both in their homes for when he visits (like Riki did tonight… thanks for never disappointing).

Hey, there are worse vices. Like tennis, perhaps. (just kidding)

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March 12, 2011 · 10:50 pm

Life with a Diabetic Dog – Part 2

In case you did not read Part 1, you can see it here.

Basic facts: dog is diabetic and needs to have insulin shots 2x a day. On the weekends I stay in bed a little later and my sweet husband takes care of feeding and ‘shooting’ the dog before he leaves for tennis.

Last time the note on the counter was shit. shot. fed.

Today, he was feeling a little abbreviated, I guess.

Gottta love it.

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February 13, 2011 · 11:24 am

Life with a Diabetic Dog

Oh, and with my husband, of course. A man of brevity, Gary leaves me little notes on the kitchen counter if he leaves before I get up. (he is such a romantic).

I have been battling the plague some sort of sinus/respiratory thing this week and slept in this morning since I was up hacking half the night. I came downstairs to make a cup of tea and found this note on the counter.

Translation: Let the dog out and she did her business, gave her insulin and fed her.

It’s good to laugh first thing in the morning, thanks G.

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December 8, 2010 · 8:09 pm

Huney Do

Seriously?!

I mean SERIOUSLY ‘dude’, you can’t possibly think driving around in a BMW with a HONEY DO license plate and a De-Fender bumper condom makes you cool, can you?

I wanted to wait till this guy got back in his car to see if he was wearing an ‘I am a Douche’ t-shirt. (sorry, that was probably uncalled for).

I just can’t help myself but rant when I see something like this. Guy goes to college, gets a good job, meets a nice girl, moves out to the suburbs, maybe has a kid or two and a house and a yard and the next thing he knows he trades in his I was once a fairly decent guy aura and becomes a suburbot (ooo, i sense another Urban Dictionary submission here).

For those unfamiliar with the term Huney Do – meaning those who either live under a rock, never saw a slice of life TV show or that stupid commercial (that I think is for Lowes) – Honey Do refers to the list of chores that a wife gives her husband.

Honestly, the word ‘chores’ reminds me of a 1950s sitcom.

Once, just once, I would like to hear one of these guys say…. Do it yourself, bitch. (ok, now I am totally out of control).

Not one to be into household gender roles all that much, this just makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. There are a few things Gary likes to do around the house… leaf blowing and power washing. (see a pattern). They make him happy.(again, see a pattern). He will even throw in putting away lawn furniture, taking out the garbage and emptying the dishwasher. He is really easy to live with, I don’t have to make a list and when I am lucky he doesn’t call me bitch. (to my face, anyway) Although when I get a little out of control he has called me a crazy old hag – but I sort of deserved it.

Wait, I forgot I was writing about the license plate. So, now that I have finished this rant it occurs to me that this person probably lives in my town because he was parked fairly deep in the zip code and we are not a drive through sort of town. So? Any of you Pdubbsters out there know whose car it is?

Yikes.

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November 22, 2010 · 10:57 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – If these walls could talk

Home. It’s more than just a house. Sometimes it is not even the ‘right’ house. Certainly not the dream house. But definitely home. With its drafty windows, ancient kitchen and not enough space… I still take comfort within these walls.

This is the place where the kids came home from the hospital and now come home from college. Where I walked the floors with them as teething, croupy, bronchitis babies and walked the floors again alone waiting to hear that garage door open when they started to drive.

And now this house – that has been so quiet these past months – is starting to come back alive with laundry and the smell of bacon. One kid home, first with a stomach virus and then a with her boyfriend. (21-year-olds get better quickly). And the other kid will be home before Tuesday comes to a close.

Not only have my children been gone, but their friends have been missed almost as much. I cannot wait for the door to open to those man-boys who love yodels and hug me till I almost fall over. Who initial the fruit and leave notes in the cup cakes and whose humor keeps me laughing all night long. I long for a foyer full of big sneakers and the shouting of video games in the basement. I can’t wait to have a late night kitchen full of  young women who want to bake and hear all the plans of the lives they will soon enter when they graduate. I am thrilled to line this house with air mattresses and make breakfast for the masses.

There is now life in rooms that since the summer laid silent. And if these walls could talk they would tell the tales of a family that has grown up here. The years seem to echo in these walls, and as I walk through them things catch my eye that make me smile. For instance, the photo above brings me back 20 years. That would be a drip of Baby Tylenol on the wall in my daughter’s room. We have painted it twice since then, but it would appear that Tylenol trumps Benjamin Moore and it keeps bleeding through. It is a reminder of the strong will she had as a baby that serves her so well as a young woman.

If these walls could talk they would tell you that maybe this family never got to upgrade their house, but they have certainly built themselves a warm, solid place filled with love that they can always call home.

To my beautiful kids: don’t believe what they say…. You can ALWAYS go home again.

Happy Thanksgiving all. May you and your families feel at home no matter where you may be. And may your turkey not be pink when you carve it.

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November 15, 2010 · 8:50 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – Four for Twenty

It is a bittersweet fact that as your kids grow, the time you spend as a family shrinks. If you have done your job well, their lives are full. If you are lucky, yours are as well.

We are four people with very full lives. Not one of us is the type to be idle or feel lonely. We have a great extended family, many friends and rich lives. We work hard and play hard.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Ok, so that is all academic. And though it is true on some level, after 21 years of being a family unit, you crave that time when you can be together. And you learn to appreciate the moments for what they are… fleeting and precious.

This weekend we visited our kids at college. If you don’t follow this blog regularly, my kids are away at school together as a freshman and a senior.

They love it. I love it more.

Parent’s weekend = fly. drive. eat. reverse. repeat.

But for twenty precious minutes, just the four of us sat on the couch in my daughter’s apartment and were simply US.

In all caps.

Nothing special was said. (oh except when my son told us about his human sexuality class and said he now knows more about the vagina than he ever cared to know – now that is something you rarely hear from a 18-year-old boy) There were no real heavy parenting moments. We just WERE. (again in caps)

And to me, there is nothing better on this earth than a little time with just us four…

even if it was only for twenty.

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October 23, 2010 · 11:15 pm

Yoga vs. Yogurt – a tale of hearing

This one can be filed under what we say and what they hear.

Tonight we were driving to a fundraiser that was based at a local Yoga Studio. Our dear friend Gail (yogamom to you who read the comments here) was kind enough to donate her beautiful space to the Port Washington Education Foundation for our first ever Amazing Race which was an amazing success.

I was telling Gary that the construction that was going on in some retail space in town was going to have a whole new row of stores facing the back parking lot. I also informed him a of a new yogurt place, that I thought was a franchise that was opening there. I said the guy already had 2 others.

Fast forward to the end of the race and poor Gail pulls me aside and says, “Gary already ruined my night so now you might as well give me all the details.” Hmmmm, I thought to myself, what the hell is she talking about. I leave him here bartending for an hour and a half and he has ruined her night? WTH.

Gail: So just give me the details and let me get this over with.

Me: Um, what are you talking about?

Gail: Gary told me a franchised yoga studio is opening in town.

Me: How would he know that?

Gail: He said you told him on the way here.

Me: (lightbulb going off in my battered brain). Not yoGA… yoGURT!

Note to self: schedule Gary’s hearing test.

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October 20, 2010 · 11:16 pm

Can it fit in a toilet?

This is the first question that Gary asks when told about a small dog. He is not a fan. (can you tell?) Being a big dog kind of guy I think this is his way of saying if you can flush it then there is no real argument for it having any pet value. I always sort of worry that he might actually try it one day. Then again, he used to call them puntable dogs and I never actually witnessed him drop kicking one, so I assume it is just his slang.

Anyway, this post is not really about small dogs. It is actually about toilets. And the crazy things that accidentally get flushed down them.

It seems that when shit happens (no pun intended), it usually happens in a big way in my house. We don’t like to do single crises. You could say we are calamity over-achievers.

So, as a quick overview, in the past few weeks I have been diagnosed with vertigo (it passed thankfully, except in extreme circular situations or when I hold my head funny), I chipped a tooth on a piece of toast and the biggie, my dad needed to have his pacemaker changed. He has had it done before, but being a long-term multi-issue cardiac patient it is a bit tricky. In all the confusion of family staying over and rotating bathroom schedules somehow the cap from the air freshener found its way into the bowl just as the water was going down.

Now, you may say to yourself, that cap is too damn big to go down a toilet.

Wrong!

Down it went and off to the hospital we went, with a call into my plumber of 22 years. Who, by the way, has still not returned my call from 9 this morning. So, yes, he is no longer on the preferred vendor list here. But another lovely plumber with some kickass blue super sonic gloves, a really cool telescoping mirror (kind of like the one the dentist uses, Dr. Jimmy, but a little less sterile) and the ever famous…

toilet vacuum! Yep, this baby sucked that cap right out of the toilet like it was nothing. And I am proud to say I now have the cleanest toilet in town. Kind of like a toilet colonic, if you will.

Of course I had to ask this guy what was the oddest thing he has ever seen flushed down a toilet? His answer?

False teeth.

EW! On so many levels

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September 29, 2010 · 8:50 pm

Spaghetti Muffins?

No joke, I took this picture at the store located conveniently at the end of our block, Uncle Giuseppe’s Marketplace. Go ahead, click that link and listen to the music on that site. Believe it or not, every time I shop there I am subjected to that! What happened to Beatles Muzak?

Back to the spaghetti muffins, at the economical price of 3.99 each. So what are these? Main course? Side dish? Hockey puck? What do you think the binding agent in these suckers are? And just for kicks, how many points on Weight Watchers? (does WW still use points?)

So, my friends, I showed this picture to Gary who told me they are just called spaghetti muffins, that is not really spaghetti in them? REALLY, hon? What would that be then, twine?

Not going to lie, I was in there again tonight picking up some ingredients and was really tempted to buy him one of these.

Anyone in PW try them yet? Please do tell!

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