Category Archives: body image

Britney Barbie – hold the undies

Cheap shot, I know. Who could resist what with her latest headlines about sexually harrassing her bodyguard by walking around her house naked in front of him. Yeh, I would imagine most guys would hate that. WTF?

Could it be true that her dad charged her staff to make sure she never left the house without underwear on? A 29-year-old woman whose dad is doing a regular skivvie check, what is that all about?

I am thinking she could offset the legal bills if she licensed herself for the limited edition britney barbie sans foundation garments.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, carry a camera, products

I just think monsters are so interesting

This is one of my favorite Bugs Bunny cartoons of all times.

And if you ever sleep over my house (no this is not an open invite) you might hear me quote the title of this post when I emerge from brushing my teeth first thing in the morning. I have extremely thick hair, and for some reason after a night’s sleep it has a tendency to take on the shape of the monster’s head.

Ok, not really sure why I shared that one, but hey, I know Jeanne is going to love this post because it was her favorite Bugs Bunny too (AND she has seen my hair like that but was too polite to mention it).

UPDATE: Could not resist kiddies. Since there are so many of you that seem to love this one (even quoting lines, Celia, very impressive). Enjoy Everyone!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, humor

I heart my WHAT gum?

This one gets the MFTA tag because I was waiting on line to pay at a store today and was called over to the cashier on the completely opposite side of the counter from where I was standing. Why? Because in the ‘impulse buy’ rack at that counter would be the very last pack of…

I heart my penis gum. It was fate!

Yep, kiddies, this little package is the real deal. It contains ‘8 pieces of artificially flavored fruit chewing gum’ (why fruit?)

I told the cashier that I would have bought 10 packs if they had them and she told me they can’t keep this stocked. Seriously, is there a guy you know that you COULDN’T by this for?

You know how they all feel about them. And then there are the guys that refer to their penises as ‘the little guy’ or ‘little ____ (fill in their name in the blank)‘, ‘or he’ as in ‘he wants ____ (again fill in the blank)‘ as if there is a separate brain sitting down there in their pants. (which I guess there is).

No, guys, this is not a penis bashing post, you have to admit there is truth in all this. And do you really think you would ever see ‘I love my Vagina’ gum for sale. I think not. Maybe Gary can market the ‘I love my Hey-Nanny-Nanny gum, though.

Ok, so perhaps most men would prefer us to give them the ‘I love your penis’ but somehow I don’t think it would be as big a seller.

This is equally as entertaining as the Sexlet gum I found in South Beach and the Does this gum make my ass look big gum that I received as a gift.

I guess you could say I am the Magnet for the Absurd Gum (MFTAG).


Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at
50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, magnet for the absurd, photography, sex

How Will I Look Old?

Seems that facebook ads have become a new sport here at i could cry. This one is about as scary as they come. Well maybe not as scary as the Elvis Chihuahua, but close.

So let me get this one straight, I should not be SCARED of getting OLD. Ok, so then why are both those words in ominous looking all caps. AND I can not only see how I look old, but I can do this to my friends too?!

Well that might have some appeal to it.

Hey guys, look, I am a way better looking crazy old hag than you are. I am thinking if I did this to the First Thursdays and showed up with prints at dinner you would hear that collective scream around the world.

Oh my, I can even choose my age and try it FREE. And someone would pay for this why?

Correct me if I am wrong but don’t most women my age go into a plastic surgeon’s office and have this type of computer simulation done to show them how they will look YOUNGER? Not sure why we would want to peek any further down the back nine with this application.

Yeh, I think I will keep that little nightmare under wraps and wait for the real thing to gradually creep up on me, then I might not notice as much.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, humor, humor

Sparkle where the sun don’t shine

Ok, it has been at least a week since I have posted something inappropriate about private parts, I would say it is time for another one, wouldn’t you?

Thanks to my dear friend Jessica Gottlieb, who never fails to disappoint me by pointing out the most outrageous postings on the interweb, I have been made aware of the latest in genital fashion.

Apparently the new craze is called Vajazzling. Yep, just what it sounds like folks. Bedazzling the Hey Nanny Nanny, if you will. Those crazy folks at Swarovski have found themselves a brand new market. Looks like this will be hot with all those rhinestone cowgirls out there. (slutty much? jeez) So let me get this straight, pubic hair is out, pubic jewels are in. Oh I get it. What the hell?!

It seems this all started when Jennifer Love Hewitt mentioned doing it on the George Lopez show.

For those who want an up close and personal look at this new art, crazy Bryce over at theluxuryspot.com went and had this done… with a photographer! You have to love this woman!

What next?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, fashion, trends, women

Honey, does this potato make my butt look fat?

No, folks, no Photoshop miracle here. This baby came right out of the bin at the supermarket we affectionately call Stinky Farms (for the way it used to smell when I was pregnant, before they renovated).

I always find it uncanny when I find body part vegetables. This is not the first time I have blogged about them. Who could forget my friend Katie’s rather impressive cucumber from fire island? (All the other vegetables were jealous Vol. 1) or the rather impressive horse radish during Passover (vol 2)? And then of course there is Gary’s hidden talent for peeling an orange into an ‘elephant’ (cough, cough, yeh right)

But this one? This one is almost freakish in its resemblance to a perfect little baby’s butt.

Yeh, I know, you all wish you could go food shopping with me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, carry a camera, gardening, gary, holidays, humor

Sleep Apnea and You

Ahh, those fabulous facebook targeted ads. Does anyone else pay attention to these? One of my concerns of late is that I get more absurd ads than anyone else. Am I paranoid, or am I truly the Magnet For the Absurd (MFTA)?

This beauty came across my page the other night:

What the hell? What is a CPAP mask and is anyone else horrified at the idea of sleeping next to someone wearing one of these things? And, oh wise algorithm of facebook…why me? I wonder, is there a huge population of women my age on facebook that suffer from sleep apnea. Or is this just an ad that rotates through the entire facebook community in hopes that they will find those who do suffer. I had to do myself a little research on this (big surprise) and found this horrifying article that states the following:

New research from South Korea indicates that people who suffer from severe obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) have reduced concentrations of gray matter in multiple areas of the brain.

Gray matter refers to the brain’s cerebral cortex, where most of the analyzing processes take place. The changes in brain structure maybe the cause of heart and memory problems—which are both common in individuals with OSA.

Oh crap, is my lack of gray matter showing! Honey does this reduced gray matter make my ass look fat?

I digress, back to facebook ads. I can understand some of the others that show up on my page. You know the ones that target everything towards 50-year-olds just to remind me how old I am in case I maybe forgot for a moment or two in between the days when AARP has sent me membership cards – I have received 7 to date, no lie. I have seen the Buy Uggs at 50 ad with the pink Uggs that no one on earth would be caught dead in. Figuring this ad was done by some 20-something who thinks her mom’s friends are lame enough to buy them. Or the hey 50-year-old we need you to test out the i-pad, maybe because the i-adultdiaper is not quite out of beta yet! Yeesh!

Wait, what was this post about again? (uh oh, must be the gray matter thing)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Turning 21 and Locks of Love

Many of us know young women who choose to grow their hair down to their waists with the intent to donate to those who have lost their hair to illness. My daughter did it in 9th grade, as did many of her friends. It is the ultimate act of selflessness. Many of these girls have much of their identity tied to their tresses and by donating them to those who are suffering, they learn a great lesson of the true meaning of giving. (Locks of Love provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the United States and Canada under age 21 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis).

This weekend a very special young woman in our lives turned 21. She is the dear friend of my daughter and we have known her since preschool days. In celebrating her birthday, she too, chose to donate her beautiful long locks. Although turning 21 is a big milestone for many, this was monumental for Emily and her family and friends.  What is different about this remarkable woman is that she has known first hand what it is to lose her hair. Not once in her short life, but twice. By the time she was 12 years old she had battled Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and become a two-time cancer survivor.

This young woman has battled cancer and won with the grace and zest for life like no one I have ever known. She is a true inspiration to me and every time I see her she lights up the room. To be loved by Emily is to be truly loved, and she let’s you know that.

There was a big party at her parents home where she showed her bravery once again by having her hair cut in a room full of people who love and support her. And was that room full! It is hard for me to put into words how much of an effect this person has had on those of us who have known her most of her life. If you can measure a life by the people you touch, Emily is a giant.

As she sat in that chair I could not help but flash back to both times that we learned of her illness, the years she spent stoically fighting this dreaded disease and the elation we all shared when she received a clean bill of health.

She has dedicated much of her life to helping ease the road for so many children who are suffering. Among her many activities she is a past speaker and major fundraiser for the annual Relay for Life event in our town and volunteers at Sunrise Day Camp – the only day camp in the nation dedicated to serving the childhood Cancer population and their siblings free of cost. Her latest campaign is Bald for a Cause, where she not only donated her hair but set a fundraising goal of $5,000 in honor of her 21st birthday. These donations benefit the Sunrise Day Camp and The Winthrop University Cancer Center for Kids.

If you can, please join me in honoring this truly terrific young woman and give any amount to help her realize her goal.

In her own words, here is a quote from her Relay for Life speech:

I’ve realized that true friends will stick with you, no matter what you look like or what you’re going through. They’ll remain by your side, ready to help in any way possible, giving you the courage you need to succeed. I believe that my battle with Leukemia had helped me find those real friends. I’ve learned that bad things do happen to good people, but its bravery and courage that helps those good people make it through.

To Em – my sweet, may you always know the love that was in that room this weekend. With all the awful things you have had to live through, you have known the love of so many and have given it back tenfold. When I grow up I want to be just like you!

What this world needs is more Emilys!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, charity, communities, family, friendship, health, relationships

Ugly People

You have to love a street artist with a sense of humor. Great marketing, this guy really broke the clutter on a strip in New Orleans where you couldn’t walk down the street without tripping over people trying to draw your portrait. (and psychics, more street psychics per square block than I have ever seen).

In case you can’t read the small type on the top sign under “Ugly People One Dollar Extra”, it reads “So Hurry – Get your caricature NOW (before the UGLY sets in).

Now the butt sketch? It was tempting. And with the way my boy wears his pants these days he would only have to lift his shirt for them to get a full view.

This is my kind of town!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, art, body image, college touring, danny, travel

Driver’s License Update

Ok, so I admit it. I went and tried a second time to secure an acceptable driver’s license photo. And no it did not work out well…

AGAIN!

For those who have not read the beginning of this saga you can read about it here.

I know, give it up bee-otch. Maybe you really are that ugly. Maybe you do have the neck the size of a linebacker. But seriously, I really don’t look that bad in person.

Jana came home from school and decided that she, too, was not happy with her photo. (starting to see a pattern here?). The Monday between Christmas and New Year’s we lost our minds and were unconscious enough to not realize the entire universe was off that week and at least three-quarters of that said universe thought DMV biz was a good idea. So off we went to have the pictures taken and then sit on the bench watching the numbers roll by on the monitors for somewhere in the neighborhood of an hour and forty-five minutes. I know, what a lovely bonding afternoon for the reunited college girl and her mom. Hey, it was a great place to people watch.

Finally we get called up. She pays her 17 some odd dollars and then I go to my window.

Clerk: Can I have your old license please?

Me: Look at that picture! Isn’t it awful?

Clerk: Really, do you think anyone looks at these?

Me: C’mon, admit it is awful

Clerk: Does it REALLY matter?

Me: Ok, I am vain. There I admitted it.

Clerk: Thanks, that’s all I wanted from you.

I swear, that was the conversation. Then she proceeds to tell me that I do not have to pay because you have 6 months to keep retaking your photo for free.

Me: For real?!!

Clerk: Now, ma’am, please do not become a serial DMV photo taker.

Regarding the photo at the top of this post:

I was playing around with the Mac’s photobooth features and decided that posterized would be the preferable filter for me to use on all official documents. What do you think? Kind of babe-ish in this shot, right? In a maybe a you swallowed a lava lamp sort of way, but I kind of like it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, conversations, humor, Jana, photography