Category Archives: absurdities

March 29, 2009 · 7:41 am

Forget about diet and exercise

md_thin

This is my week to pick on the local medical community. Honestly, this one makes Turkey Neck look good. I must admit I absolutely LOVE the clip art.

When I was growing up there was a doctor that people used to go to for ‘diet drops’. I am pretty sure it was liquid speed and he surely behaved more like a drug dealer than a doc. Basically if you had the cash he gave you the scrip. Or maybe he was dispensing, come to think of it. Nonetheless his operation was eventually busted.

So here we are in the year 2009 and this guy is placing an ad like this in small town local newspapers. And this is ok because…?

I jumped over to his website and the language is really frightening. How about this: “Since we are able to get these medications from the manufacturers directly and in large quanities, we are able to pass the savings to our patients”, said Dr. Mostafa. “Our Weigh loss (yes, there was a typo) program is easy, safe and now affordable.”

Wow, the whole damn county should be thin with this kind of offer!

Safe? Phendimetrazine. Addictive much?

Oh right. Look Your Best.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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March 27, 2009 · 6:02 pm

Turkey Neck?*

turkey_neck

Another ridiculous ad from the same local paper that brought us Doodyman! But this one is more about crap than he was.

Anyone else find this ad offensive? Jeez, give me a break. Seriously, with all the money you guys are making here on the Gold Coast could you not pay for a better logo than the one you have? And while I am giving a critique, there is nothing worse than a medical practice with the suffix ‘tique’. Is this a doctor’s office or the makeup counter at Bloomies? They even have a ‘cosmetic coordinator’. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I must admit I was lured in by the question mark and asterisk in the headline. Draws you right into the definition and treatment for the ol’ turkey neck. So here are some of my thoughts (what, you were not expecting a list from me?)

1. sagging neck shows your age? Yeh, well if you already altered your face I guess so. When you fix the neck then what do you do about the hands?

2. Smartlipo?! TM no less, jeez!

3. Body-jet water assisted lipo? Why does this sound like a power enema to me?

4. SAVE THE TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING. ENJOY THE FINEST TRIMMINGS TODAY! How the hell did the ad agency sell that line?

Seriously, I find this so sad. Insulting and body-image-paranoia-focused advertising is such a low blow. What is the follow up headline going to be? Here are few thoughts:

Hey fat ass. Or maybe, Yo Hadassah Arms (that would be a combo street/yenta focused ad). Or why not go straight for the aging juggler: Who cares if you feel good, you look like crap.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against doing whatever rings your bell to make you feel better about yourself. But it feels like whores doctors who play this game are simply parasitic.

Enough for tonight. Hmmm, is it me or you guys craving a hot open turkey sandwich right about now?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 26, 2009 · 4:19 pm

Man Jailed for Sex with Vacuum

carwash

Wow, that sucks!

Sorry, could not resist. This, my friends, is a true story. It appears 29-year -old Jason Leroy Savage (why do the nuts always have 3 names) was caught performing a sex act with a CAR WASH VACUUM and was sentenced to 90 days in prison. He pleaded no contest to indecent exposure and must also submit to a drug test. Yeh, I would say that would be indecent for sure, and you have to be pretty wasted to think it was ok. But lets face it, a lot of you guys out there reading this are a bit curious, no?

Wow, a car wash vacuum. That REALLY sucks. Literally. Surprised he did not leave his member behind.

Gives the saying ‘chrome off a bumper’ a whole new meaning.

Can’t make this stuff up.

I will leave you with a much loved video in my household.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 24, 2009 · 8:56 pm

Who needs a quarter when you have a little sister?

A few weeks ago Danny and I staged a funny shot with one of these machines. A friend sent me this video because it reminded him of that post. There is no sound but it is still hysterical. I particularly like how the parents are totally oblivious.

But this! This is proof that kids will get into everything. Literally. If it is small enough – and even if it is not–  they will invariably shove it up their noses. No matter the size of the space, they will collapse their little bodies like mice and slip into a place no one would ever imagine they could go.

I am reminded of a little girl who got her head stuck in the slats of the deck (sorry for the bad memory Jana) and one of my nephews who got a toy lunar LEM wound up in his hair so tight that they had to go to the ER to have his hair cut with a scalpel to free it. And of course my all time favorite story of a neighbor’s kid who got a red jaw breaker stuck up her nose. Tip: don’t use a tweezer, have a nose blowing contest holding the other nostril and that sucker will usually shoot out across the room.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 23, 2009 · 9:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Lifestyles of the Rich & Clueless

prada_purple_jeweled_bag

Prada purple stone nylon patent trim medium tote from Bluefly

Yesterday Newsday ran an article titled, Luxury retailers hit as wealthy LIers cut back, too. Catchy title, right? Actually terrible title. LIers means Long Islanders in this context, but hey, this looks mysteriously like LIARS to me.

In the wake of AIG rage, a reporter did a piece on how the wealthy in my neck of the woods are ‘cutting back’ in reaction to the economic crisis. Touching. Seriously folks, is the best use of ink on paper? Does it help for the average Long Island resident to read these sound bites? It feels as if the media is out there fueling the divide. Why? Maybe because it is so entertaining to read this stuff:

There was a time not long ago when Marina Stern of Great Neck would buy a $1,500 shirt without thinking twice. She can still afford to, she said, but now, she’s more likely to go for the one costing $500.

No I am not kidding, that was a direct copy and paste. Marina, I am thinking perhaps you should have kept that inane comment to yourself, not making you look so good hon. The funny thing for me was that I really had no idea you could actually buy a $1,500 shirt. I mean, what’s the point? Chances are I would probably drop something and stain it anyway.

Don’t worry, it gets better:

While no one has yet requested a plain wrapper for their purchases at Prada in Manhasset, some are asking that multiple purchases go into one bag. “A lot of them say, ‘I don’t want to be too showy,'” an employee said. “What if they randomly walked into a girlfriend who lost a ton of money and their husband lost a job? It would feel funny.”

Funny? SERIOUSLY! Um, only mention of the husband losing a job? Oh right, women don’t work in this group, but apparently they do have the ability to *lose a ton of money*.

Here is another gem:

 “They’re still buying luxury but maybe not the big purple bag with stones on it,” said the Prada employee. “Instead of two $3,000 jackets, they’re saying ‘OK, I have to choose one.'”

Maybe the reason you should not buy the big purple bag with stones on it is because IT IS UGLY! Never mind the $1,000+ price tag.

Ok, enough! You get the point. Understand, this is not the norm on Long Island. Not even on the ‘Gold Coast’. This is a stereotypical representation of the wealthy in our area. They are no different in the OC, or Palm Springs, Miami or New England. These people are a parody. Of themselves perhaps. And the media that feeds off their clueless behavior is adding no value to society.

Hey, things are hard enough out there. Must we feed off this stuff  in anger?

I will leave you with a comedic comment from the friend who linked me to this article early this morning:

I have vomited from these people my whole life. Now I can openly show my disdain for them. It is fashionable. Lets go to the [local belly of the beast restaurant] and have some fun.  

Perhaps, my friends, this has all simply become sport.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 21, 2009 · 9:51 pm

Wedding Slinger, lose the rice

wedding_slinger

Interesting item to bring to the service. I particularly like the biracial bride and groom.

Warning: Choking Hazard. Small parts. Not suitable for children under 3 years.

For those 3 and over, no problem. Feel free to give them a gun to shoot mini brides and grooms at the wedding couple. Might as well teach them the hazards of marriage at an early age.

Why not a second disclaimer:

Warning: not responsible for blinding the bride or groom. If small parts get lodged in their ears please see a professional to remove.

Remember, this item catapults bride and groom up to 15 feet.

Rice seems so old fashioned now, doesn’t it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 20, 2009 · 5:24 pm

Would you advertise your tiny head?

tinyheadWhile driving through a parking lot this afternoon Jana spotted this license plate. Of course I had to circle around and have her take a picture.

This poses the question, why would you advertise that you had a tiny head? I happen to have a head on the smallish side, as does my mom. My brother used to call us pinheads.

Affectionately.

Or do you think this is code for the every man’s answer to every question:

“A little head would be nice”.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 17, 2009 · 8:40 pm

Are you 49?

are_you-49This is an actual ad that came up on my Facebook page. Talk about targeted advertising! Did it ever occur to these geniuses that perhaps reminding a woman in her late 40s of her age might not be one of the best selling techniques out there.

Seriously!! Yeh, I am really inclined to take your survey so I can get a free pair of Uggs. And ugly powder blue or pink ones at that. Honestly, should a 49 year old woman be wearing pink Uggs? I think not.

I was inclined to thumbs down this ad but was afraid the data collection that would spawn more irritating advertising.

We surely live in interesting times.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 15, 2009 · 7:25 pm

The Birthday Cake

lucky_chengs

The scenario:

Mom of daughter turning 18 sends her and a group of friends to Lucky Cheng’s for dinner. For those unfamiliar with the venue it is a downtown drag cabaret theater in NYC. Almost makes me nostalgic for those Chuck E. Cheese parties we loathed so much. Then again, I can relate much better to drag queens than I can to grown men dressed up as mice.

The mom calls the restaurant to order a cake for the party.

Mom: Hi, I have a reservation for a group of girls for friday night for my daughter’s birthday and I would like to add a cake to the order.

Reservationist: Sure thing. Would you like that to be a penis cake or regular?

Hey, whatever happened to chocolate or vanilla?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 14, 2009 · 9:59 pm

Shop, Shlep, Repeat

shop_shlep_repeat

For those who are not of the tribe, or who don’t live amongst a large concentration of Jews, to shlep is to lug or carry something. As in all the crap you just bought.

I hate to shop. No seriously, I am a NY Jewish woman that hates to shop. We are a rare breed but there are some of us out there. My daughter is the same way.

This woman? You have to love someone who not only would buy a bag like this, but would actually carry it. As part of my ‘always carry a camera’ philosophy I was lucky enough that I only had to stalk her for a block or two before she stopped at a red light.

For those who would like to purchase this bag I am so very sorry, but I did not have time to ask her before she vanished in the crowd.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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