Monthly Archives: December 2009

Student Bus Driver

I should not be surprised that there are student bus drivers. I mean, I don’t think they just jump onto the bus and know how to drive it. And I suppose that part of the bus drivers’ ed would have to include driving on Route 80 west in NJ and learning how to maneuver the GW Bridge. But does it have to be while I am on the road?

Note the double yield signs on the left side. Not sure what they say but I would imagine one says ‘Yield’ and the other one says ‘Seriously, we are not kidding YIELD!

I guess I should have one of these on the back of my car if I am going to continue to take these shots while I am driving.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under carry a camera, humor

Time to Cry Tuesday – For the love of a dog

A few years back we were given a plaque in our house (thanks Linda) that reads:

I wish I could be half the person my dog thinks I am.

How true is that? Seriously, she never tells me to stop obsessing, surely never asks me how much coffee I have had, and I don’t believe she has ever told me my ass looks fat in anything.

G-d I love that dog!

Mel is 11. Ok, she is 11 1/2. But she can hold her own on a long walk and is truly the mayor of the neighborhood. In her younger days she was known to wander. She can’t drive, but she thinks she can, she makes an impressive snowball and even has her own calling card.

Many of us have them, these canines we have raised alongside our children. They have walked the floors with us when our kids were sick, sat by our sides at night while we waited up for our teens and licked our tears when we needed a good cry. They love us unconditionally, carry our secrets and act as if a car ride for errands were a trip to the caribbean. They ask for nothing but a belly rub, a scratch behind the ear and table scraps.

Ahhh, the love of a good dog. There is no relationship on earth that compares.

So this Time to Cry Tuesday is a tribute to our Mel and to her dear friends, the ‘senior dogs’ in our lives that have given so much to the families we love: Ginger, Barkley, Penny, Misty, Gus and Cody. You guys rock the dog world!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under mel, pets, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Overheard while shopping

Since I am no fan of shopping I try my best to do little things to entertain myself while suffering through the task.

This weekend I decided to write down some shopping observances. The craziest thing about shopping now is that most people walk around with a bluetooth in their ear and appear to be either talking to themselves, or to you, which is rather embarrassing when you try to answer. I get the bluetooth in the car, but is it unsafe to operate a shopping cart while holding a phone?

Here are my favorites:

1. Husband: There is no way we are buying Transformers. You buy one toy and then they play with it and it turns into something completely different!

Wife: (leering at him like he was an insane person) I think that is the whole point.

2. Crazy bluetooth woman: I can’t talk to you right now. No, I can’t talk to anyone until I find that damn talking dog! (just another woman who lost the holiday spirit and her last nerve hours before).

3. Young preganant wife to her husband pushing an overflowing shopping cart: It is not the kids’ fault that money is tight. (oh man, I see big credit card debt in their future).

4. Crazy bluetooth man on phone with wife: What did you want me to get again? (guys, don’t worry if you think that is you, that could be every husband)

And this one is my absolute favorite:

5. Clerk at small neighborhood toy store speaking very loud 10 minutes before store closing: As soon as these customers leave we can lock the back door and close up. (there could not possibly have been an owner present. This was after she told me what a slow day they had and blamed it on the rain).

I will have one little rant here because, well because this is my blog and where else would I rant. I would like someone from Rite Aid corporate to contact me and tell me why a town of approximately 32,000 residents with 4 synagogues and two Rite Aids does not sell Hannukah wrapping paper? Seriously people, that little self-shipper tower with a few candles, dreidels and shopping bags does not cut it. Get your act together and put out some wrapping paper for the tribe, will you?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under holidays, humor

Hannah Montana Mall Madness – Good Grief!

I took a trip to Toys R Us today, a place I have not visited in many years – thankfully. Although I must say all the salespeople were extremely helpful and in cheery spirits, which is something I do not remember from years ago. And there were a lot of them on the floor. Kudos to Toys R Us for doing a great job with your staff.

While I was on the check out line this appalling piece of merchandise caught my eye. I could not resist a post.

Note the dollar signs in the logo. Straight from the Hasbro product description I would like you to take a look at what this game is about:

“Will you be the rock star of this game? Hit the stores to see what bling bling you can cha ching with the stars of the Hannah Montana show! Get some steals and deals on clearance – but be careful not to totally max out. Catch a movie with Miley or head out for some ice cream with Jackson. Then meet up with Hannah Montana and see if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm. Buy six items and reach your final destination first and you’re the star of this mall scene!”

See what bling bling you can cha ching! Are you friggin kidding me?! So this is what we want to teach our 9 and up girls. Recession or no, this ‘game’ is simply downright offensive. (would you like me to really tell you how I feel?) Of course they will tell you they put in that line about deals on clearance and cautioning you not to max out. But remind me why we want to encourage our young girls to use credit cards again.

Look, I have wasted spent my share of money on senseless plastic items. I could have made a few year’s mortgage payments on the investment I made in Playmobil, Polly Pocket and Littlest Petshop (which BTW is made by Hasbro and these days also has a mall madness version – “Bring your pets to the mall for a wild shopping spree!” Oh dear G-d! Now we are corrupting the animals!). But at least my kids sat and had a few good hours of imaginative play with the earlier versions of these toys. Without ever once talking about credit cards, go figure.

This? This is just upsetting. Take a look at the electronic console. It has a damn ATM slot. Oh I guess that is for when you asked Hannah “if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm” (good friendship skills would be learned here)

I suppose this would be preferable to the poll dancing doll, but not much. Feel free to share any awful toys you see out there this holiday season.

Now all ranting aside – if you can – please make toy donations to children in need. This is what I really wanted to write about today.

There are many fabulous organizations out there who will get those toys directly into the hands of a child that might otherwise have a barren holiday season. Here are just a few (this list is not vetted and I have no affiliation with any of these organizations), or check your school district or community organizations for something more local.

toysfortots.org The primary goal of Toys for Tots is to deliver, through a new toy at Christmas, a message of hope to less fortunate youngsters that will assist them in becoming responsible, productive, patriotic citizens.

beaniesforbaghdad.com a bridge between our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, the chidren of Iraq, Kosovo and Afghanistan and very generous kind hearted people back home who want to do a small part to make the world a better place. Our Network of Points of Contact receive joy in passing out donations to young children who have suffered so much and have so little happiness in their life. Many of the children live in extreme poverty.

giftsinkind.org Through The Toy Bank, the first industry-wide program of its kind, charities in North America supporting underserved, homeless and at-risk children can obtain newly manufactured toys. And, toy manufacturers, retailers and distributors can reach children in need around the world– Millions of toys for millions of kids®

Now aren’t you glad this post ended on a happy note?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, games, humor, marketing, products

A bouquet of what?!

Could not resist posting this. Here are today’s top search terms to find this blog:

That’s right kids, not one listing, but two for bouquet of penis! Not sure how they got here but if you are the people who keyed that in might I direct you to this lovely option for a penis lollipop bouquet (in pretty colors, I might add).

Wendy had the best comment when I sent her this today:

“My favorite is Bouquet of Penis. Wondering if it’s an air freshener or a decorative item…”

She has a point there. Perhaps a poll is in order. I am a little poll happy this week.

A bit concerning were the searches for kid penis and women with penises. Seriously, think about what people are looking for out there and it will send a chill up your spine.

I am thinking I may need to take myself off the mom bloggers lists.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, polls, search engine terms, searches

The Driver’s License

There a few givens in this world. One of them is that you will rarely, if ever, be satisfied with your driver’s license photo. And to add insult to injury, you are stuck with it for years.

My license expired this past September with the momentous occasion of my 50th birthday. As if it were not enough that AARP has been harassing me for the past 2 years by sending those damn cards every few months, I was faced with ‘the big decision’. To reshoot, or not to reshoot.

I was never fond of my license photo, I always felt I was having a bad hair day and I was wearing some ridiculous shade of lipstick that made me look a bit like Lucille Ball. So in my infinite wisdom, I decided to have a new picture taken.

I did my hair in the morning, put on a much more acceptable shade of lipstick and off I went to the DMV feeling very proud of myself.

Um, yeh, who’s a complete IDIOT!

Let’s face it, I don’t care who the hell you are, nobody looks better now than they did when they were TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER. Bad hair, bad lipstick and bad breath for G-d sake, a 30-year-old, by nature of her 30-year-oldness is simply going to look better in a picture than a 50-year-old.

Especially one who was not ready when the bitch sadist clerk behind the counter snapped the unfortunate shot of her.

This new picture makes me look a little like a football player. I am not sure exactly how they managed to give me a 30″ neck, but they did. And aside from being so washed out that I looked almost green, the expression on my face is one of say, maybe severe constipation? Or smelling something putrid? Or perhaps the exact look one would have when they took a look at their new driver’s license when it came in the mail 2 weeks later!

And please, don’t ask me to post the 2 photos here. It is bad enough when I get that look of pity from the security guys at the airport.

Take my advice, keep your old picture.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under humor, photography

What to get those ‘difficult’ people on your list

Oh please forgive me this post, but I could not help myself. A quick stop into Urban Outfitters today (no Jana this had NOTHING to do with your Hannukah gifts) and I came across these on the sale table. (can’t image why they were not a sell out).


I am only sorry I did not buy the whole lot of them.

The fact that they sell these does not surprise me. Keep in mind their demographic. And they sell a fart book with sound for goodness sake.

So, if there is a douche bag or two in your life (Ronni, I am thinking you might want to buy a set for that next PTA meeting) or an asshole you just can’t avoid having to buy a gift for, these would come in mighty handy.

I particularly like the design of the asshole plates, that diminishing spiral ending in what suggests to be the asshole of the plate is simply perfect. I am just a little stumped trying to figure out what you could serve on these.

I really think I need to go back and buy them…

Oh, and if you were thinking there is something wrong with your screen, no worries, it is in fact snowing on this blog and will be till January 4th. (you gotta love WordPress!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, holidays, humor, humor, magnet for the absurd, products, trends

Bagel and Pap Smear with a side of Santa?

Oh yes, ladies and gent(tile)s, the CBS Cares pap smear commercial has a christian version. If you missed my post last week you can read about it here. In short CBS has created a campaign around gifting pap smears. (that would be a hell of an item to regift, no?) Here is the jewish version complete with cream cheese reference (ew)

Thanks to my friend 24 at heart, I have been made aware that it’s not just jewish guys that think a pap smear appointment is the perfect holiday gift. I’m not going to lie here, I am a little put off that the christian guy is so much better looking than the pap ‘schmear’ jew with the nasal voice. And who could resist the line, “Give her the gift that even Santa can’t deliver”. Check him out (what a babe!)

But… it gets better. You see CBS is an equal opportunity advertiser. So for all you guys out there, this babe is urging us to schedule you a prostate exam. Oh yes, this is not a joke. And the tagline from this sultry blonde would be? “Give the gift that says Merry Christmas, I love ALL of you”. Shouldn’t that have been, “Give the gift that says turn your head and cough?”

What, you say? No woman of the tribe hawking a prostate exam. Oh yes there is! And her line? Oh really, I can hardly type from laughing so hard, “This Hannukah, give the gift of a kosher prostate.” WTF!!!! Again with the food reference. And this hebropsycho has this creepy way of smiling when she says the word prostate, like she is about to… never mind, you know what they say about jewish girls.

Ok, I will have to admit that these are getting attention, but they are kind of like staring at the accident. Since when did secular PSAs go out of style?

I can’t wait to hear the hispanic versions!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

13 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, humor, marketing, religion