Tag Archives: fashion

July 15, 2009 · 10:38 pm

The Art of the T-shirt

Soaring-mmortal-Blazing

I love the summertime when people proudly sport their favorite T-shirts. In some circles, picking out the T to wear to an event is akin to teenage girls and their outfit obsessions. Come on guys, the ones who do this know who you are, I don’t think I have to single you out here.

This guy was surely standing in front of his dresser pondering the perfect message to wear to the Dark Star Orchestra concert at the beach on Governors Island. This is a very T-shirt appreciative crowd. What you wear is admired, and yes sometimes coveted, like jewelry at a bit yenta-fest Bar-Mitzvah.

I Googled the message on this shirt so I would not appear pop culture ignorant in this instance (heaven forbid). I could not find any reference to the Soaring Immortal Blazing or any other phrase like Golden-maned warrior, but hey, this could be so hip it is not Googleable. (Is that a word? If not it should be). Or maybe fringe. But nonetheless, not only did I not find it, I had to read this shirt 3 times to absorb the message.

Perhaps it is simply because I am unburdened by the gravity of my mission.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 2, 2009 · 8:59 pm

File this Under Fugly

ugly-givenchy

This is real. We are actually supposed to be excited that we can buy these hideous shoes on sale. Big sign, ‘Luxury Designer $199.95’ ‘Compare at $215.00’. They are kidding right? Huge savings of $15.05! Was this a mistake?

I put these in the same category as the article about chipped nail polish being fashionable.

The sign might not have been one but the shoe design surely was. These could be the ugliest PLASTIC shoes on earth. Givenchy, I expect more from your shoe designers. I don’t claim to be a fashionista, but I know fugly when I see it.

Maybe this is why they wound up in the discount shoe store.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 22, 2009 · 3:29 pm

The Dressing Room

fitting-room

There is something about shopping for a dress that puts most women over the edge. Unless you have the perfect figure, and even then there is usually something about yourself that does not work for you in that evil 3-way mirror under those horrifying fluorescent lights.

This is an actual conversation that I heard from the next dressing room:

Woman 1: I am sure this is my size. And I am wearing the perfect bra!

Woman 2: Ummmm, I don’t think so, hon.

Woman 1: Sure, you hold the bottom and I will hold the top, I will take a deep breath in and then we can zip it together.

Woman 2: Honestly, I just don’t think there is enough fabric. What’s the big deal, no one will ever ask to see the tag and verify the size you are wearing. And anyway, you would need someone to dress you before the wedding AND you won’t be able to sit down the whole time.

Woman 1: I should have never eaten lunch before going shopping.

You seriously cannot make this stuff up. Lady, eat a sandwich, wear the bigger size, get a pair of spanx and get a grip.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 27, 2009 · 11:30 pm

Fur Coat and Cowboy Boots…

fur_coat_cowboy_boots

…on an eight-year-old?

Whenever I think I have seen it all in this crazy little zip code I call home, someone comes along and surprises me.

I was out to dinner at a low-key brick oven pizza place with my boys this evening. We were enjoying our dinner, with the guys pretending to listen to me but really watching soccer on the TV over my shoulder listening intently to me and hanging on my every word.

Suddenly, the little girl at the next table stood up and with all the attitude of a truly privileged little monster self-assured super-model, she swung her little fur coat on and pranced out on her little be-booted feet like she owned the place.

Hey twentyfour, money town has nothing on this east coast version.

The other highlight of dinner? Paulie from Rocky was sitting at the next table! 

Gotta love this town.

(an no that is a not a picture of the kid silly, she was wearing a short fur jacket and much hipper Frye boots)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 10, 2009 · 12:20 am

Mantyhose, the Perfect Mansierre Companion

mantyhose2hmedium

Once again, my nephew has fed me another absurdity to share with my readers (thanks Matt).

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you:

Mantyhose! Not your mother’s pantyhose. (nice tagline)

Back in November I brought you the man bra, or what we Seinfeld fans like to call the Mansierre. Women, humor me for a moment and think of your significant other in a pair of these. Or better yet, everyone picture you dad. Your favorite professor. Your pediatrician. The gardner. Oh, I could keep going with this one, the visuals are fabulous. Oh wait…

The plumber! No more butt crack worries if he is wearing a pair of Mantyhose. 

I love the ‘male comfort panel with convenient fly opening’. Guys, you will never have to know the joys or a pantyhose waistband around your knees while squatting over a public toilet. 

My favorite part? Mild compression. I would imagine mild compression would be a nice sensation whereas tight compression could become a problem. 

Want to purchase a pair? You can do that here.

Enjoy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 8, 2009 · 7:57 pm

Lingerie or Purse?

bustier-bag_small

If I ever doubted why I carry a camera in my bag at all times this little frivolity confirmed my desire to always have one handy.

When I see an item like this I wonder if it were transported to a different context might it be seen as the hottest fashion craze? Hang one off the arm of an Olsen twin and these things would be flying off the shelves instead of hanging on the sale rack. The very same sale section where I spotted the Ricky Martin lunchbox back in October.

The odd thing is that these items were not found in a novelty store. I saw them at Pearl Paint, an art and craft supply mega-store that I always make excuses to visit as often as possible. This is the art supply store of my formative art student years. I simply feel better in those aisles with all those tubes and brushes. Yeh well, ok. 

This bustier purse begs the question, “What art supply store buyer would make the choice to stock this item in the first place?” Going through supplier catalogs checking off inventory: oil paint, brushes, gold leaf, erasers, drawing paper, hot pink satin bustier purse with rhinestone accents, erasers, picture frames, clay… Sorry don’t see the logic here. Kind of like the Where’s Waldo of retail.

You know, looking at it now it is growing on me. I am kind of sorry I did not purchase it.

Hmmm, do you think it will still be there tomorrow? Seriously, this could MAKE any outfit at a North Shore Long Island Bar Mitzvah, no?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 4, 2008 · 11:38 pm

For Leg Use Only?

Lately I have had to dress up more often than usual. Usual being hardly ever since I work at home and the dog could not care less if I stay in my walking clothes and don’t shower until 4:00.

Between the holidays and a few parties I have had to rummage through my closet and find things to make myself presentable. 

With the change of season I am never up to speed on the stocking fashion. One year it is no stockings – even if it is 20 degrees below, the next opaque, then ultra sheer. I am simply leg covering ignorant. Thank goodness for Riki who always tells me which way to go with this. (Riki is my stocking consultant).

Today, after she was kind enough to tell me that the black semi sheers I had on were all wrong, she informed me that texture was ‘very big’. Great, I thought, I am sure I have some texture in my stocking drawer. Mind you, this is the only neat drawer in my house because I never go into it. Sadly, no textures in there, unless you count the sheers with all the little pulls in them.

On top of the drawer I found the package above. I don’t remember the last time I even went into Daffy’s let alone when I bought these. I looked at the package and said to Gary, “For Leg Use Only”? What does THAT friggin’ mean?

Perhaps it means, don’t take these out of the package, pull them over your face and go rob a convenience store.

The funniest part of that is the list in the top left corner: silken sheers, with spandex, control top, sandalfoot, pantyhose.

Hey Joe, before the heist make sure you get me sandalfoot, that reinforced toe gives me a headache. And I like the feel of the silken sheers but make sure it has a little spandex and control top, they give me that simulated facelift look and I don’t want to look too old for this job.

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August 8, 2008 · 12:19 am

Michelle Obama is the New Wilma Flinstone

(sorry Maddee, you thought it was Betty Rubble, wrong necklace)

Just came home from a stellar night with the First Thursdays. For those of you who are too lazy (or linear) to click the link, these are a group of women who have gotten together for 12 years. We meet mostly on the first Thursday of the month, to laugh and when we have time, to cry. I recommend clicking the link as it is worth reading about them.

Not only did this one actually fall on a first thursday, but we were celebrating a 50th birthday. Birthdays are always a special treat with these women. They come complete with props, songs, gifts (some with batteries – use your imagination), and always lots of wine.

Tonight I was in charge of the camera (of course) and recording the list of running commentary, the best of which started out as ‘Michelle Obama is the New Betty Rubble’. But when researching the images I realized she is actually the new Wilma Flintstone.

Through the years, many women in politics have created a signature look that received attention. In my book, none has been as quite as significant as this.

What was she thinking?

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May 23, 2008 · 1:05 pm

The Emperor’s New Nail Polish

Now I am beginning to understand the meaning of ‘victim’ in fashion victim.

Yesterday’s NYT Thursday Styles section, aside from promoting a Pee Wee Herman-style suit as the next men’s fashion craze, announced that chipped nail polish is now chic!

This is the epitome of the fashion lemmings. A true sociological study on how women will do anything if we are told by the fashionistas that it is ‘in style’. A few of my favorite quotes from this article:

“PITY the mothers and grandmothers. Visible bra straps, glaringly obvious roots — these are but a few of the grooming no-nos that have become yes-yeses in recent years.” (scary opening)

“Over the last few years — since the era of the skull print scarf, let’s say, or the (metaphorical) rise of the Olsen twins — having streaked, chipped or just plain grotty nail polish no longer suggests drug addiction, manual labor or pure laziness.”

Well this a a great relief to me. Keeping with the theme of having no time to cry I certainly am not great about the nail appointment. Could this be the tipping point in fashion history where neglect due to over-scheduled lives drives what is acceptable, or better yet, fashionable?

Now I am cool, right? Oh no, no, no my friends. Read on…

“Being otherwise exquisitely turned out may be the key to making the undone-nails look work. (“Chipping is cool, but chipping in a schleppy way when you don’t have a $5,000 handbag is not as cool,” Ms. Baek said.)”

You are friggin kidding, right? First, if you are insane enough to spend $5,000 on a handbag (no offense to my friends that do) I would say you are using the same judgement in going for the chipped nails.

This one, of course, is my fave:

“I don’t think you can get away with it if you’re a woman of a certain age,” she said. What’s a certain age? “Anybody over 35,” she replied.”

All I can say to that is “kill me now, already”.

I leave you with this thought. What if next month they tell us that toilet paper on your shoe is the height of fashion… but only if you are wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin or Manolo Blahnik.

You girls wearing Nine West… you just have simply left the bathroom in shameful ignorance!

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May 13, 2008 · 7:35 pm

spanx, dunkin’ donuts and the fear of youtube

how can you resist a title like that one?

you have all been here at one point. (except my friend joanne who did not know what spanx were… bitch!) 9PM the night before an event with ‘nothing to wear’. you have just about finished emptying the contents of your closet onto your bed. there are shoes and clothes everywhere and your husband calls innocently from downstairs, ‘hey, what’s up?’

your response in the voice of some horror film character, ‘don’t even THINK of coming up here!’

then you find it. that little black dress that you have had so long you forgot about it. the one that you would have spent 4 days trying to find if you were to go shopping (if the event were not the next day and a 3 hour drive from your house)

great. problem solved. well, almost.

that 10-year-old dress will surely need ‘a foundation garment’ (i started my career at a lingerie company) enter the spanx. we love these. they suck you in and flatten you out. but if you attempt to wear these for the 3 hour drive you will surely need to be hospitalized for gastro-intestinal damage. so you figure you can stop and change in the bathroom at a dunkin’ donuts off I-95.

until you remember last week’s headline:

Hidden Camera Found In Dunkin’ Donuts Bathroom

Shop Employee Arraigned On Charges Of Unlawful Surveillance

KINGS PARK, N.Y. (AP) ― A doughnut shop worker installed a surveillance camera in the women’s bathroom at work and watched the footage from a computer in his car, police said Sunday.

JUST GREAT! my worst nightmare. what if this is a trend and the whole eastern seaboard is riddled with DD employees filming bathroom scenes. i can see it now, i log onto my computer monday morning and there is a link from my biggest client to a youtube vid of me squeezing my fat ass into a pair of spanx! it doesn’t get any worse than that!

lesson learned? get there early enough to check into the hotel and change.

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