spanx, dunkin’ donuts and the fear of youtube

how can you resist a title like that one? 

you have all been here at one point. (except my friend joanne who did not know what spanx were… bitch!) 9PM the night before an event with ‘nothing to wear’. you have just about finished emptying the contents of your closet onto your bed. there are shoes and clothes everywhere and your husband calls innocently from downstairs, ‘hey, what’s up?’

your response in the voice of some horror film character, ‘don’t even THINK of coming up here!’ 

then you find it. that little black dress that you have had so long you forgot about it. the one that you would have spent 4 days trying to find if you were to go shopping (if the event were not the next day and a 3 hour drive from your house)

great. problem solved. well, almost. 

that 10-year-old dress will surely need ‘a foundation garment’ (i started my career at a lingerie company) enter the spanx. we love these. they suck you in and flatten you out. but if you attempt to wear these for the 3 hour drive you will surely need to be hospitalized for gastro-intestinal damage. so you figure you can stop and change in the bathroom at a dunkin’ donuts off I-95.

until you remember last week’s headline:

Hidden Camera Found In Dunkin’ Donuts Bathroom

Shop Employee Arraigned On Charges Of Unlawful Surveillance

KINGS PARK, N.Y. (AP) ― A doughnut shop worker installed a surveillance camera in the women’s bathroom at work and watched the footage from a computer in his car, police said Sunday.

JUST GREAT! my worst nightmare. what if this is a trend and the whole eastern seaboard is riddled with DD employees filming bathroom scenes. i can see it now, i log onto my computer monday morning and there is a link from my biggest client to a youtube vid of me squeezing my fat ass into a pair of spanx! it doesn’t get any worse than that!

lesson learned? get there early enough to check into the hotel and change.

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Filed under fashion, humor, women

14 responses to “spanx, dunkin’ donuts and the fear of youtube

  1. Ell

    My dear…you obviously don’t need them or use them because they are SPANX not spanks…anyway, will you be wearing them to impress?

  2. amyz5

    haha, thanks ellen i changed the spelling. if only i did not need them!

  3. joyce

    10 years? That’s a long time, but iImagine buying and wearing a wedding dress at our age . . . didn’t really like it 20 years ago and my additude unfortunatly is the only thing that has stayed the same!!!!! AHHHHHHH
    ; )

  4. Riki

    you really have such a normal but so out there look on everything and an incredible way with words. Can wait to read more…does this mean we won’t talk 12 times a day?

  5. Barbara Levy

    Of course you have to add manipulatives to a 10-year old dress! Now that my dear was one great buy.

    Reading your story made me flash on a friend’s wedding that took place in an old farmhouse located too close to the outlets not to make a stop. We had three minutes to change clothes at a sleezy gas station and unfortunately still missed the ceremony, but I picked up a fabulous pair of shoes.

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