how can you resist a title like that one?
you have all been here at one point. (except my friend joanne who did not know what spanx were… bitch!) 9PM the night before an event with ‘nothing to wear’. you have just about finished emptying the contents of your closet onto your bed. there are shoes and clothes everywhere and your husband calls innocently from downstairs, ‘hey, what’s up?’
your response in the voice of some horror film character, ‘don’t even THINK of coming up here!’
then you find it. that little black dress that you have had so long you forgot about it. the one that you would have spent 4 days trying to find if you were to go shopping (if the event were not the next day and a 3 hour drive from your house)
great. problem solved. well, almost.
that 10-year-old dress will surely need ‘a foundation garment’ (i started my career at a lingerie company) enter the spanx. we love these. they suck you in and flatten you out. but if you attempt to wear these for the 3 hour drive you will surely need to be hospitalized for gastro-intestinal damage. so you figure you can stop and change in the bathroom at a dunkin’ donuts off I-95.
until you remember last week’s headline:
Hidden Camera Found In Dunkin’ Donuts Bathroom
Shop Employee Arraigned On Charges Of Unlawful Surveillance
KINGS PARK, N.Y. (AP) ― A doughnut shop worker installed a surveillance camera in the women’s bathroom at work and watched the footage from a computer in his car, police said Sunday.
JUST GREAT! my worst nightmare. what if this is a trend and the whole eastern seaboard is riddled with DD employees filming bathroom scenes. i can see it now, i log onto my computer monday morning and there is a link from my biggest client to a youtube vid of me squeezing my fat ass into a pair of spanx! it doesn’t get any worse than that!
lesson learned? get there early enough to check into the hotel and change.