Category Archives: humor

October 26, 2008 · 9:50 pm

Halloween (vol. 2) Tampon Crafts

I was first turned on to this wonderful craft site by a fellow SVMom blogger, White Trash Mom. Her blog is hysterical, I recommend stopping by and checking her out. She has a post with a kick-ass tampon bat on it that I am tempted to craft myself. Although this little ghost here is much easier to make and it has moving eyes. (Ronni and Jeanne you will love it for that reason alone). We were always doing crafts when my kids were little, I wonder if I would have done this with them.

Yeh, probably. Nothing like having a neighbor ask you where you got those cute little ghosts in the trees. The ones that are so absorbent when it rains.

For those who have been insane enough to follow me from the beginning, I have an affinity for all things tampon. I have written about a crazy tampon site with a bowling for tampons game, a don’t flush the tampons sign in my daughters bunk at camp and even a search term that lead a reader to my blog: obama covered in tampons. Of course the big joke is I have no need for these suckers anymore as I am sans uterus (yes, TMI for sure). Maybe I am just a little nostalgic about it all.

Nah, they are just friggin funny and I am all for a cheap sophomoric laugh whenever possible.

When I was in college we loved to decorate Christmas trees with outrageous handmade ornaments. Candy-pons and mousetraps were a big hit. Hmmm… Doreen, did you start this tampon craft site? I wish I had. Check out the other options. The turkey is fantastic, LOVE the menorah and the toupee? This is laugh-so-hard-I-had-chest-pains kind of funny. Just one item had me a little concerned. What kind of mind would think to make a tampon shooter? Very creative but a little scary.

Yes, I know I was a little link happy in this post, but they all help to give you the big picture, so live with it.

Have I mentioned how much I love Halloween?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and Sarah Palin Condoms show up here as well.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 25, 2008 · 11:32 pm

Halloween (vol.1) Dr. Seymour Bush

This is the beginning of my countdown to Halloween series. I LOVE Halloween. When I was in art school it was the best day of the year. Costumes were way over the top creative. I always been one for making costumes, but that does not mean I do not appreciate the mass market versions.

Today I stopped into one of those Halloween Marts that pop up in empty stores for the month before Halloween. There were all sorts of spooky things in there. I was shooting away, so over the next few days you will see the best of what I shot.

This first one is probably the best. I would be furious about the sexist tone of this costume if it were not so pathetic. I love this package. Doesn’t the model look like George Costanza?

1. Um Seymour Bush? Are you KIDDING me? Could we possibly be more sophomoric? You really have to laugh at this.

2. Adult Costume. Oh great, glad this was clearly marked. I am sure many mothers were standing in front of this sucker wondering if they should buy it for their sons.

3. One size fits most. Most what? Neanderthals?

4. One Plus Size Lab Coat. So you are saying that this is a costume for a big fat guy, right?

Yeh, this sucker is sure to get you laid on Halloween. I know most women would find this baby so appealing there would be no way they could resist going home with the (chubby) guy who chose to wear it.

‘Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 24, 2008 · 11:12 pm

TOGAAAAA

Should I be concerned that when I IM’d my daughter to remind her that her credit card payment was due this was her auto-reply message? You have to feel a little bad for college kids today, their lives are always right out there all the time. The downside of technology.

No worries. She did, in fact call me. A little on the late side, but let’s face it, she had been at a Toga party last night. With visions of Animal House I asked her how her evening was.

‘Oh, it was fun. You know those jersey top sheets I have make a great Toga’.

Thank goodness, I will let Linens and Things in on that little tidbit and maybe they can include it in their Back to School flyer as a selling point. Actually, she has both brown and turquoise sheets. Either really would make a fine toga and I am sure the jersey fabric drapes nicely and is quite flattering.

And the phone call wasn’t a total loss, she did handle the credit card bill.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 23, 2008 · 10:19 pm

Aliens on Post-its

Rifling through my desk drawer looking for a post-it I found a pile of yellow ones at the bottom. Hmm… what’s up with this ratty pile of old post-its?

Then I turned them over. And there they were. In all their glory. Pre-school Jana (now a college sophomore) drawings! A dozen of them. The past in my desk drawer. Cool. (Janny, i know you are reading, how excited are you to see these again?)

Aren’t these a riot? 16-some-odd years ago this was her signature style.  I am thinking that we might need to resurrect it. I love these people. I am pretty sure the Jana sigs on here were done by my nanny. Not my hand writing and thinking if she drew like that she couldn’t write that well.

So what do you think? T-shirt line. Look at these friggin’ faces. We could title them. Bottom right would certainly be WTF.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 22, 2008 · 6:47 pm

Does this gum make my ass look big?

A friend once bought me this gum and I could not stop laughing. (thanks Cath). You can buy this gum here if you are so inclined, but that is not what this post is about.

As women we are always torturing ourselves about weight. For those who don’t know me, I try to balance my love of food, distaste for exercise (sorry Gary, but this is not news to you) and my desire to look good in a pair of jeans. Other stuff too, but jeans are what I wear the most. Weight is not a huge problem for me nor do I focus on it more than the next vain, aging woman. It is not necessarily a losing battle but lets just say I am still trying to drop the baby weight and my youngest is 16.

I have managed to successfully raise a daughter who has a pretty healthy attitude towards eating and body image. I attribute this less to what I have done but rather the luck of the draw and I thank my lucky stars every day for it. We try to stress healthy eating but the bombardment of media images, celebrity (anti)role models and peer pressure are some pretty serious bullets young girls have to dodge.

All that preachy-shut-the-hell-up-and-let-us-watch-the-friggin-video-already stuff aside:

Watch this, and think about it. I, for one am thrilled that this was created by a sorority on a college campus. Of course I am late the party for the initiative that took place last week, but the sentiment is timeless.

Bloggers, if you want to post the original YouTube link you can get it here.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, family, humor, parenting, teenagers, trends, women

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October 19, 2008 · 9:20 pm

Living la vida lunchbox

Oh, my. Kind of creepy, right? I had to take a picture of this! Sadly, poor old Ricky M. was on the discount shelf at the art supply store. Who would have thought the artist with the 1999 song that topped the charts would end up here?

I got a particular charge out of this as that song was the theme of my 40th birthday dinner with the First Thursdays.

I guess every lunchbox has its day.

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October 18, 2008 · 12:06 am

Sarah Palin Condom!

…or why you should always have $5 in your pocket in Times Square.

I kid you not, my friends. Oh no, did I just say ‘my friends’? Help, I think my brain has been infiltrated by election pop culture. Um, do you think? This is my 4th friggin’ consecutive post on this drivel. I can’t help it, everyday gets more amusing.

Back to the story of the condom. I was walking from Penn Station to meet Gary and some friends for dinner on 56th Street. For those who know NY, this is a walk through the belly of the beast known as Times Square. At rush hour! This is about as out of the basement as you can get.

Overstimulation is an underestimation.

I was getting into the bob and weave of the ebb and flow of bodies and traffic, street noises and meat-on-a-stick smells, when all of the sudden I hear:

“Get your Sarah Palin Condoms. Limited Edition!”

What? Are you KIDDING me? And there it was again, coming from another place. And then another. There must have been a half a dozen young men carrying boxes of condoms. A whole swarm of condom hawkers. (BTW, they also had Obama and McCain – those are simply not funny).

But Palin condoms? With the tagline “When abortion is not an option”. That is absolutely hysterical.

Here is the best part. A young french man came up to the vendor as I was buying one.

French Man: what are theez?

Vendor: Sarah Palin condoms.

French Man: Ugh! I wooood not put my deeeek in one of theez.

And this is when I knew for sure that the humor gods had smiled down upon me once again and I could live another day!

(fyi, you can purchase them here, but they are cheaper on the street if you happen to be in Times Square).

Also, my candidate paper dolls came today. They are so amazing I must do a follow-up post on them. Just a preview… first page, they are in their underwear!

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October 17, 2008 · 12:03 am

Joe Twitter

I don’t know how I ever watched a debate without Twitter. (have I said that before?) Today I have a little poll I thought would be kind of fun. The screen grab below is a montage of some of my favorite tweets on the Plumber stream that popped up after about the 5th mention of good ol Joe (BTW, he has no plumber’s license).

Now all you lurkers, let’s show a little love and cast your vote. After all it is your responsibility as a citizen of the couldcryosphere. And email subscribers (you know who you are) you are going to have to jump onto the blog to cast your votes. C’mon, this will make some tweeters out there all sorts of happy. I don’t even know any of these guys… yet. So cast your vote below and let your voice be heard. Oh and don’t forget to check out the t-shirts and stuff.

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October 16, 2008 · 10:33 pm

Crosby, Nash and the fat guy sitting behind me

Have you ever been to a concert where the guy behind you insists upon singing EVERY word to every song?

Poorly.

Yeh, well that was the guy behind me last night at the David Crosby and Graham Nash concert. This friggin’ guy thought he was headlining! Imagine the big galoot belting out the words to Our House like a high school girl for G-d sake! “Our Houssssssse, is a very, very very fine Housssssse…”

Jeez bud, give me a break. For the ticket price I would prefer the traditional Crosby/Nash harmonies over you reminiscing in my ear, thank you very much.

It was an otherwise nice nostalgic show. But for some reason it took on the feeling of a Twilight Zone episode. When we first walked in my friend asked me if I had this odd feeling that we were at a terrible high school reunion. I looked around and realized that we were in a crowd of some of the sorriest looking souls I have seen in a long time. Hey, we were absolutely gorgeous in this crowd! (not a bad thing).

We took a walk to the outside deck before the show and suddenly this women started talking to us as if we were old friends. Donna was her name. Let me preface this with the fact that both Ellen and I have this personality trait that makes complete strangers spill their guts to us. Unsolicited, I might add.

Before we knew it we had good old Donna’s life story down. Two grown kids, widowed, took her kid to see Crosby and Nash in ’86 – partook in some questionable activities that led her son to grab the wheel when she was driving, legal secretary – semi-retired, fat stomach that caused her to hike up her pants and ask us if we had issues with our jeans falling down (I kid you not), loves salsa music prompting her kids to call her ‘Mambo’, lives in Queens, does not like the subway, refuses to learn how to text message and was trying like hell to get us to go back stage with her to meet the band.

Ooooooo boy, this was one surreal episode for sure. Our husbands came outside to find us hanging with good ol’ Donna and did not quite know what to make of her. Honestly, we were kind of into Donna. She had an ‘I don’t give a crap about anything at this point of my life’ kind of way that was actually quite refreshing.

Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be a post about the annoying fat guy singing behind me? I suppose this post took the same direction as the evening did.

Organic, in a bizarre sort of way.

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October 16, 2008 · 12:06 am

The Three Joes

Joe update: no license, no really plan on how to buy the biz. And the reason he thought a press conference was a good idea? Score another vetting screw-up for the McCain camp. No biggie, this morning I already heard that Jane was the new Joe. Jeez, fame is fleeting in these times!

Ahhhh, another debate. How did I ever watch without Twitter. My fave comment of all times was about The Three Joes: Biden, Six-Pack and The Plumber. Did all elections have so many cartoonish sound bites? Here is a link from the BBFF Liz that tells you more about who this (in)famous guy is in real life.

Somewhere after the third ‘Joe the Plumber’, Twitter actually put up a most popular category for ‘Plumber’. Can’t make this stuff up!

I made a joke about wanting an ‘I heart Joe the Plumber’ T-shirt and could not resist putting up a Cafepress shop. So here you go peops. Get yours here. And pass this onto your friends. You can even get yourself a nice little button, bumper sticker or mug. I may not be the only one with this idea out there but I am the one you love the best, right?

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