Category Archives: products

Confession: I am a Costco Neophyte

Not kidding. I have lived in the suburbs for the past 20 years and have only been to Costco one time. Until today. Gary usually does the Costco run. He loves keeping inventory, as my friend Todd would call it. And the CD section is his little treat at the end of the spree.

Today, I needed paper towels, Swiffer supplies and light bulbs. So I figured I would go with him to avoid spending $300 in the quest to buy those few items.

We drove up and someone had a couch on a dolly, wheeling it out to their car. They sell furniture at Costco?! Honestly, can I actually be the last person on earth who does not know this? Or who does not shop at one of the big box stores for that matter. I really need to get out of the basement more.

Not gonna lie, I did get a kick out of the place. And Karen, you were right, the little snack stations are simply divine. But for the life of me I cannot understand why anyone would think it was good merchandising to sell area rugs directly next to fresh fish. That just seems wrong. “Honey, I love this new rug you bought for the living room but it smells oddly like crab legs.”

My favorite purchases? 18 pack of sponges! Love that. And the big thing of cinnamon for 4 bucks (I make my coffee with cinnamon every morning. Hey, it adds up).

So, in my quest to avoid having Gary spend $300 by himself, we spent…

$325 instead!

Agreed, impossible to get out of there for less. But hey, we needed it all, right?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Bread Gloves

This one had me laughing for quite awhile. I LOVE the unleavened option; nice sensitivity to the tribe.

Look at this guys face, he could almost be described as ecstatic. How many shots do you think they had to do before they got this one. Or wait, are those mits photoshopped in?

I can’t wait till they come out with the muffin slippers.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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iPad. Can I have one even if I had an ihysterectomy?

I am sorry, did that title make you feel uncomfortable? No worries, I had that surgery quite a few years ago and left my ovaries which would explain my raging insane menopausal behavior. My title is not as funny as my friend Jessica Gottlieb‘s but then again, she is a rock star and I am not. (and in all fairness, to my knowledge she still has a uterus).

But this post will NOT be about my girlie parts. This will be about the abnormal obsession that I, and hundreds of thousands of other Apple geeks have for all things Mac.

I have been a MacUser since before many of my readers were out of iDiapers, I am sure. I used to be in the minority but now I am just a semi-cool mom who gets all hot and bothered when that technostud in the black turtleneck, Steve Jobs, comes out on stage to unveil a new Apple product.

Today was no different. With 4 windows open on my extra large cinema display I watched a lousy ustream attempt at live streaming and followed the tech specs for the new tablet today as they were unveiled on engaget.com and twitter. After much speculation about the name it was announced to be the iPad. The photo at the top came across my twitterstream during the presentation. (thanks to Katmanalac). Photoshop users are not only funny, they are fast. You can see what the real one looks like here, and watch the dazzling video about all its features.

So here is the story in a nutshell. This is an iPhone on steriods. For those of us who like realtime email and blackberry messenger and hate AT&T we will not have to keep longing for the iPhone anymore. We can keep the blackberry and add this to the arsenol. Personally, I don’t care if I have one device that does it all and these 50-year-old eyes would way prefer to read off a 9.7″ screen than an iPhone any day. The typing looks easier and the ability to read books, listen to music, read newspapers and magazines, view pictures and videos, and surf the web all on one device that I don’t have to squint at is rather appealing. The Keyboard dock got a lot of wows from the audience as it was foreshadowing into what this baby will grow up to be. The fact that is missing a camera is a big negative.

If you are not excited by this, you will be by the third generation of this product. You can go bury your Kindle out back with your VCR because this baby blows that dinosaur away! The Apple cool factor is intoxicating as always.

I have a strict policy of never buying the first generation of anything tech item because there is always a level of disappointment by the next holiday season when they release the bigger, better, less buggy version of whatever it is. But at the $499 entry level it is hard to not want this toy. Do I think that there is anything revolutionary about this product? Not really as is, but I think that it will be very soon. Although the iBook store, Apples book version of iTunes, will surely blow Barnes and Noble/Amazon and the Kindle right out of the water. And the potential for developers is endless.

For those geeks hungry for tech specs, you have probably heard them already but here they are:

1/2″ thin, 1.5 lbs, 9.7 ips display, full multi-touch, 1Ghz apple A4 chip 16, 22 or 64GB flash storage, wifi 801.11n, 10 hr battery, iphone apps work out of the box, keyboard doc and a price point ranging from 16GB with no 3G at $499 to 64GB with 3G for $829 with the big news that although it is still on the dreaded AT&T network  there is NO contract. $14.99/month for 250mg data and $29.99 for unlimited.

To my parents and inlaws, sorry for this post, I am sure I lost you on ihysterectomy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Hannah Montana Mall Madness – Good Grief!

I took a trip to Toys R Us today, a place I have not visited in many years – thankfully. Although I must say all the salespeople were extremely helpful and in cheery spirits, which is something I do not remember from years ago. And there were a lot of them on the floor. Kudos to Toys R Us for doing a great job with your staff.

While I was on the check out line this appalling piece of merchandise caught my eye. I could not resist a post.

Note the dollar signs in the logo. Straight from the Hasbro product description I would like you to take a look at what this game is about:

“Will you be the rock star of this game? Hit the stores to see what bling bling you can cha ching with the stars of the Hannah Montana show! Get some steals and deals on clearance – but be careful not to totally max out. Catch a movie with Miley or head out for some ice cream with Jackson. Then meet up with Hannah Montana and see if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm. Buy six items and reach your final destination first and you’re the star of this mall scene!”

See what bling bling you can cha ching! Are you friggin kidding me?! So this is what we want to teach our 9 and up girls. Recession or no, this ‘game’ is simply downright offensive. (would you like me to really tell you how I feel?) Of course they will tell you they put in that line about deals on clearance and cautioning you not to max out. But remind me why we want to encourage our young girls to use credit cards again.

Look, I have wasted spent my share of money on senseless plastic items. I could have made a few year’s mortgage payments on the investment I made in Playmobil, Polly Pocket and Littlest Petshop (which BTW is made by Hasbro and these days also has a mall madness version – “Bring your pets to the mall for a wild shopping spree!” Oh dear G-d! Now we are corrupting the animals!). But at least my kids sat and had a few good hours of imaginative play with the earlier versions of these toys. Without ever once talking about credit cards, go figure.

This? This is just upsetting. Take a look at the electronic console. It has a damn ATM slot. Oh I guess that is for when you asked Hannah “if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm” (good friendship skills would be learned here)

I suppose this would be preferable to the poll dancing doll, but not much. Feel free to share any awful toys you see out there this holiday season.

Now all ranting aside – if you can – please make toy donations to children in need. This is what I really wanted to write about today.

There are many fabulous organizations out there who will get those toys directly into the hands of a child that might otherwise have a barren holiday season. Here are just a few (this list is not vetted and I have no affiliation with any of these organizations), or check your school district or community organizations for something more local.

toysfortots.org The primary goal of Toys for Tots is to deliver, through a new toy at Christmas, a message of hope to less fortunate youngsters that will assist them in becoming responsible, productive, patriotic citizens.

beaniesforbaghdad.com a bridge between our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, the chidren of Iraq, Kosovo and Afghanistan and very generous kind hearted people back home who want to do a small part to make the world a better place. Our Network of Points of Contact receive joy in passing out donations to young children who have suffered so much and have so little happiness in their life. Many of the children live in extreme poverty.

giftsinkind.org Through The Toy Bank, the first industry-wide program of its kind, charities in North America supporting underserved, homeless and at-risk children can obtain newly manufactured toys. And, toy manufacturers, retailers and distributors can reach children in need around the world– Millions of toys for millions of kids®

Now aren’t you glad this post ended on a happy note?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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What to get those ‘difficult’ people on your list

Oh please forgive me this post, but I could not help myself. A quick stop into Urban Outfitters today (no Jana this had NOTHING to do with your Hannukah gifts) and I came across these on the sale table. (can’t image why they were not a sell out).


I am only sorry I did not buy the whole lot of them.

The fact that they sell these does not surprise me. Keep in mind their demographic. And they sell a fart book with sound for goodness sake.

So, if there is a douche bag or two in your life (Ronni, I am thinking you might want to buy a set for that next PTA meeting) or an asshole you just can’t avoid having to buy a gift for, these would come in mighty handy.

I particularly like the design of the asshole plates, that diminishing spiral ending in what suggests to be the asshole of the plate is simply perfect. I am just a little stumped trying to figure out what you could serve on these.

I really think I need to go back and buy them…

Oh, and if you were thinking there is something wrong with your screen, no worries, it is in fact snowing on this blog and will be till January 4th. (you gotta love WordPress!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, holidays, humor, humor, magnet for the absurd, products, trends

Move over Viagra, now there’s sex GUM!

While buying suntan lotion at Walgreen’s in South Beach I came across Sexlet – the sex gum, at the check out counter. Talk about an impulse buy! I have to admit I find the name rather annoying. Are they trying to do a play on sex and chicklets? Not working for me.

Nonetheless, I was intrigued by the package and then drawn in by the claims on the counter card:

Sexlets™ for him (kind of put off that there is no Sexlets for her) claims to be a proprietary blend of natural male stimulating ingredients (boring so far) which are directly absorbed into the the body’s bloodstream (still very boring). Chewing the gum releases these natural actives and allow absorption through the capillaries (what is this, middle school health class sex, how disappointing). Then a whole bunch of digestive system stuff – talk about a buzz kill. And THEN…

….which cause an increase in blood flow (hmmm, blood flow moves in the right direction). This consequently makes for a larger, thicker penis with longer, harder, firmer and more powerful erections. (NOW we’re talkin’ – oh jeez, mom, so sorry, I know you are reading this).

Wait, all this from GUM? OTC? What a claim. Send a case to everyone for the holidays!

Now, I bet you would expect the follow-up line to be, ” If you have an erection for more than 4 hours, call your doctor.” But no, not this product. Their following line is: “Chewing gum promotes saliva which according to dentists (Dr. Jimmy, please confirm) helps maintain clean and healthy teeth and gums by eliminating promotion of bacteria”. Hey don’t know about you guys but talk of mouth bacteria surely does not put me in the mood.

So I bought this pack of gum and all weekend this became a great running joke. Wow, hot looking waiter, ask him if he needs gum. Hey the towel boy at the pool is a babe, think he needs some gum?

Ok, so we never gave any out. But I do have a pack here if anyone is interested. Maybe I should run a giveaway! Give me your most embarrassing dating story and I will send you a pack.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Drugstore Fun

comfy-cradle

I have proven that I can have fun just about anywhere. Today it was in the drug store while shopping for a get well gift. Joyce, my sometimes MFTA by proxy was delighted to partake in the shoot.

I am always amazed at the terrible packaging in the section with the braces and bandages. This item struck me immediately. First, I have been pregnant twice and honestly, I am so very thankful that no one ever prescribed the Comfy Cradle for me. I mean, it is not like it did not get to be a chore around the 8th or 9th month, but I never had the need to use apparatus to hold up my babies. I like that 17 years later this item makes me feel grateful for that fact.

With all due respect to the product, because I am sure there are many that get major relief from this sucker, but they really need to take a look at updating their packaging. Where should I start? Ok, Starwars light sabre background, not all that contemporary. Hairstyle? Quite popular towards the beginning of the 80s, now, not so much. Low cut leotard? Just don’t get that.

But the thing about this package that gives this today’s Magnet For the Absurd award is the healthcare worker in the top left corner. Am I mistaken, or is she holding a 3 month old? Seriously, if that is the size baby this woman is carrying, no wonder she needs the Comfy Cradle. This kid looks like it came out ready to eat solid food for G-d’s sake!

So, Scott Specialties, Inc., you may want to consider a redesign. Give me a shout, I can spin my Art Direction skills and whip you up a wonderful new line of packaging. And since I clicked over to your website, we can help you out with that as well.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, health, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, products

Just tell them, “I don’t give a…

9226225xSeriously, how infantile is this? And how many of you want to purchase one and send it off to that special someone?

Thanks to my BBFF Liz for sending this a while back. She happens to be on vacation in the very country where they sell this baby, but still reading and commenting so I thought she would get a kick out of this.

This is a little different than sending someone a Big Box of Shut the Hell Up, but has the same sentiment. Sometimes people simply infuriate you. If you are prone to gift giving, these items surely fit the occasion.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Handerpants

mfta approved

This post is MFTA approved!

A big thank you to my friend J. from J-Two-O, who sent me this today.

I am almost speechless. I said ALMOST. You know I can not shut up when I see stuff like this.

This is one of those products that I wish I had invented. It is so incredibly silly that I will laugh every time I see it. And the commercial is perfection. Please watch it:

I have been walking around the house bellowing “Handerpants, Handerpants, HANDERPANTS!” to the point where I am sure my family is ready to kill me. (no, it is not all fun, games and dildos in this house).

I suppose I can truly relate to these because he called me out on three of my main core competencies. No, I am not a Narwhal Aficionado, but after I google narwhal perhaps I might be. And I do know that they have a Narwhal Aficionado Facebook group with 68 kinda have nothing else to do members.

I digress, the groups I fall under in the commercial are Graphic Designers, Night Bloggers (duh) and Twitterers. Oh and I might, at some times of the month, be considered a Mutation.

A few other favorites: Ninjas with Delicate Hands, (or those who use Kiehls products), Dungaree inspectors (translation for anyone under 45, that would be jeans), Cryptozoologists (google that one yourself), Wall Street Tycoons (not your most popular crowd these days) and Hobos (x-Wall Street Tycoons).

Honestly, I think I might have to buy a few pair of these tighty whiteys for my digits. They are just too great to pass up.

I found out they are sold by my friends at Archie McPhee who were so kind as to send me a wonderful package the last time I blogged about their products: The Evolving Darwin Playset and The Flesh Eating Zombie Playset. Hey guys, I don’t mean to be pigish but I fit 3 of your profiles for this product, perhaps a pair or two and I promise to write about them again! And wear them to functions and take pictures!

Yes, I am a blog whore for a pair of Handerpants!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Jesus sells

Back in February I posted about Jesus Toast tattoos with a poll asking if people found this disrespectful, evangelical, Kinda Cool or other. Kind Cool won out at 61%. I am beginning to wonder if humor in religion is acceptable, or just amongst my readers. Never wanting to offend (ok, maybe that is a stretch) please take this post with a grain of salt.

These 2 photos were sent to me by a friend/reader who considers herself MFTA by proxy. She has also brought me the magnificent Butt Paste shot.

I love this first one:

jesus-shaves

This Jesus Shaves mug is heat activated. Pour in hot water and his beard disappears. These types of mugs have been around the ad specialty world for awhile. This is, by far, the best application I have seen. If you would like to purchase it you can do so here (no affiliation, just love the product).

While checking out a place to buy this I found Jeez-its on the same site. This one killed me as we had a crazy conversation one night at a birthday celebration about Cheez-Its vs. Jesus. This would have made a great party favor.

Next item is also quite wonderful.

ww-jesus-wear

What Would Jesus Wear magnetic wardrobe. Oh my, I would love to dress him in the tie dye number! You can buy this item here.(again, no affiliation)

Now, here I might be treading on being a little disrespectful, but hey, I am just a documenting. I took this shot in the LIC subway station. Quite the message!

ww-jesus-do

I will end this ridiculous post with a message I received awhile back on twitter. I wrote about it before but the screen shot is priceless, albeit a touch creepy. Nonetheless, it is a perfect sign-off.

jesus-tweet

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, magnet for the absurd, photography, products