While buying suntan lotion at Walgreen’s in South Beach I came across Sexlet – the sex gum, at the check out counter. Talk about an impulse buy! I have to admit I find the name rather annoying. Are they trying to do a play on sex and chicklets? Not working for me.
Nonetheless, I was intrigued by the package and then drawn in by the claims on the counter card:
Sexlets™ for him (kind of put off that there is no Sexlets for her) claims to be a proprietary blend of natural male stimulating ingredients (boring so far) which are directly absorbed into the the body’s bloodstream (still very boring). Chewing the gum releases these natural actives and allow absorption through the capillaries (what is this, middle school health class sex, how disappointing). Then a whole bunch of digestive system stuff – talk about a buzz kill. And THEN…
….which cause an increase in blood flow (hmmm, blood flow moves in the right direction). This consequently makes for a larger, thicker penis with longer, harder, firmer and more powerful erections. (NOW we’re talkin’ – oh jeez, mom, so sorry, I know you are reading this).
Wait, all this from GUM? OTC? What a claim. Send a case to everyone for the holidays!
Now, I bet you would expect the follow-up line to be, ” If you have an erection for more than 4 hours, call your doctor.” But no, not this product. Their following line is: “Chewing gum promotes saliva which according to dentists (Dr. Jimmy, please confirm) helps maintain clean and healthy teeth and gums by eliminating promotion of bacteria”. Hey don’t know about you guys but talk of mouth bacteria surely does not put me in the mood.
So I bought this pack of gum and all weekend this became a great running joke. Wow, hot looking waiter, ask him if he needs gum. Hey the towel boy at the pool is a babe, think he needs some gum?
Ok, so we never gave any out. But I do have a pack here if anyone is interested. Maybe I should run a giveaway! Give me your most embarrassing dating story and I will send you a pack.
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i could cry but i don't have time 
I think that Gary should be a guinea pig on this one! Just sayin
he always liked you ; )
What will they think of next??? I don’t get all the fuss – if “it” doesn’t “work right” maybe “it” wants to retire or take a break. There IS a natural end to everything – life goes on!
oh no, not a natural end!
I nick named a guy, “Soft Serve” once. Little did I know, all he needed was a piece of gum. This is the most interesting gum since Willy Wanka and the Chocolate factory.
I need some gum Giveaway Man! How about the first date after my divorce. We were at the dinner table and had just ordered, I said to this gorgeous man, “excuse me, I need to go potty”
because he is a man, all he heard was that voice that Charlie Brown’s mom made… and he just smiled. The end of the story: He didn’t need the gum.
love the nickname and not a bad story.
Bacteria is how I make a living, Baby! Will have to watch out for how this sex gum affects my patients behavior in the chair…Must warn my hygienists!!!