Category Archives: humor

December 22, 2009 · 9:21 pm

Let’s Play Holiday Air Travel – A Reality Show

Flying. It just plain sucks these days. Weather, no weather, it’s all the same. Delays, cancellations, cranky passengers, bag fees, no meals… no fun.

Today, Jana played the third installment of fly home at Christmastime from a school in the Midwest.

After a huge snowstorm that crippled the east coast airports.

With very heavy luggage.

Now that the stage is set here is how the reality show went. These were the parameters: Connecting flights through Milwaukee. Two different airlines (thanks studentuniverse.com). Ok, flight one is delayed 1 hour. Flight 2 is delayed only 1/2 hour. Here is the catch, airline one will neither check the bag through to final destination, nor will they assign a seat on flight two (airline two). She is now required to do the following:

1. take delayed flight #1.

2. retrieve bags at baggage claim.

3. go to airline #2 ticketing desk to check bag (pay fee and heavy surchage AGAIN – bags flew for more money than she did)

4. get seat assignment.

5. go back through security.

6. arrive at gate and board plane.

All this had to be achieved in under 45 minutes. Now THAT is what I call incredible customer service! Jeez, can they be any more alienating?

I placed a little over/under on Facebook but I am happy to report she is now seated on flight 2 (behind a crying baby, of course) and on her way home.

Hey, at least her next flight will be to Europe for semester abroad. I am sure connecting flights in Madrid will go much smoother. Imagine, the Telemundo version in Spanish!

2/23 UPDATE:

To the idiot behind the counter at Airtran in Milwaukee… thanks for your undying lack of compassion, completely inexcusable lack of customer service and your totally inane comment of, “There is no way either you OR your bag will make this flight.” Seriously, do they give you a handbook on how to be a total creep when you do your training? Oh and of course, thanks also for being the slowest moving damn ticket agent in the midwest, just to add insult to injury. No thanks to you, she AND her bag made it. Perhaps that was due to the good nature of each and every person on the security line that let her cut through, and a great pair of 20-year-old legs that sprinted to (of course) the furthest gate in the airport.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 20, 2009 · 8:19 pm

Never too old to rock n roll but way too old to shovel

My mother in law called this morning, “Don’t you dare shovel”, she said.

Then my mom called, “Please don’t shovel”, she said.

Me? Oh I am a big shot. I LOVE shoveling. The cold crisp air, the dogs running around, the neighbors being all neighborly. Yeh, one big happy group out there shoveling away, throwing balls for the dogs and snowballs with the kids. (note the heartbreakingly adorable picture of my dog)

Well hear me now world. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SHOVEL.

Dinner conversation:

Me: I am pretty sure I am having a heart attack.

Gary: Nah, I am pretty sure you pulled a muscle, that is what manual labor feels like.

Me: What do you know from manual labor? Tennis is NOT manual labor.

Danny: He uses the leaf blower.

Me: (after 20 years of refusing to agree to this) Ok, go buy a snowblower. And make sure it is a big-ass one and gas powered.

I suppose there are times in all our lives where we have to start to realize our limitations and adjust our behaviors. I can rock n roll with the best of them, but the snow shoveling, not so much. And hey, it’s not like giving up something that is all that pleasurable.

Now you will excuse me while I go crawl up to bed with my cardiologist on speed dial (just in case).

(kidding moms! seriously that was just for effect. i am fine, really)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 19, 2009 · 4:35 pm

Does your mom look like this? Another online ad fail.

Ok, who’s responsible for this one? I am constantly entertained by online advertising these days. This beauty showed up on weather.com this afternoon. Let’s see, huge eastern seaboard blizzard this weekend, how many impressions do you think this baby got? I am sure this is the kind of mom Obama was talking about educating.

So, anyone out there have a mom that looks like this? Just asking. Don’t want to make too many assumptions but I am pretty sure this guy would not fall under the category of mom… ANYWHERE! Perhaps the American Laser Centers would like to give this guy a shot for their next ad. Way to go classesUSA.com, nice photo pick.

But wait. A refresh on the site came up with this tidbit. Seems our ‘mom’ is being used in more than one ad on here. Another Obama backed program and hairy dearest has shown up on a driver’s license promoting auto insurance discounts. lowermybills.com, you may want to talk to your agency about this.

Nope, not done yet. One more page refresh landed me here. We have now gotten ourselves a shot at government refinance relief. Seems lowermybills.com did not want to pay extra for more stock photo images, so one bearded guy fits all is the mantra for their ads.

Now that I look at this guy I worry that he was stolen out of someone’s Facebook pictures from the 70s. Anyone recognize him? I mean, I think I went to college with at least a dozen guys that look like this.

Can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 18, 2009 · 10:28 pm

Are New Yorkers Really Miserable?

The CDC told us today that New Yorkers are the unhappiest people in the country. Seems our neighbors are pretty miserable living next door because New Jersey and Connecticut are up there too. Hey Jersey, I get it (just kidding Jersey friends) but what the hell does Connecticut have to be so unhappy about being all Norman Rockwell up there?

These studies are so ridiculous to me. Tennessee and Louisiana are in the top five along with Colorado, Hawaii and Florida. Ok, so Colorado and Hawaii I get. But Louisiana? What? Katrina left in its wake a state full of the elated. Nope. Don’t think so. And Florida, well, let’s see, half the state is full of New Yorkers. Oh, I get it, all the happy ones moved down there.

There is all this data about good weather and happiness. Sure I get it. But NY has a lot more than weather to offer. Honestly, I will take a cultural center over the early bird special any day.

Happiness, in my opinion, is not something that geography can control. It comes from inside us all. Find what makes y0u happy and you can stay that way wherever you live.

And hey, I know plenty of miserable people in Florida!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 17, 2009 · 9:48 pm

All thumbs

Texting, or BBMing (blackberry messenger texting) is the way many of us communicate these days. It is not only the kids that converse this way, now many adults do as well. The keyboard-based phones have revolutionized the speed in which we can now get our message out. Back in the day of traditional cell phones (jeez, that does sound ridiculous) we were forced to spell things painstakingly with triple keystrokes to get the correct letters out. The full keyboards have eliminated that awkwardness and helped us to type out error free, coherent messages.

Well, most of us.

Every crowd has one. The person who loves to converse in BBM and does so regularly. That person is sensitive, completely in touch, a responsible friend and the worst damn thumb typist on the face of the earth. Many try to understand her messages but few can decode the nonsense that rolls off her fingertips and out into the BBMosphere. I have gotten pretty good at looking at the letters on the keyboard next to the ones that have been typed to try to decipher her messages.

Oh, honey, you know who you are, and so do all your friends. But we love you just the same.

Full disclosure, I asked permission to write this and she is a damn good sport.

To give you an example of how funny things can with a friend like this, here are a few examples that happened during a not so funny time in her life this week.

First, she bbmd her husband who was picking up her daughter at college with an urgent message. He looked at it. Looked at it again. Then handed it to his daughter and said, “Can you tell what she is trying to say here.” The daughter’s response was, “Hmmm, there really is no way to tell.”

Later that day she sent me a message about her son having to have some unpleasant test while in the emergency room. Here was our exact conversation:

Me: Ew at 50. Ewwwwwww, kill me now at 14.

Her: That’s what linda said

Me: Who the hell is linda?

Her: Long Nails

Me: Linda long nails?

Her: no I mean that is what he kinda said. my nails are long for typing

Me: OMG, I thought the nurse giving him the test was named Linda and she had long nails.

I am happy to report her son is now ok. But during the afternoon we did get to talk about ‘ibtestines’, i found out that ‘whabdoesnt kill u makes us stronger’ and she shared that nails were a mess because she had ‘missee her monicrd’.

Yeh, well, better to be all thumbs than tongue tied, right?

Wishing a speedy recovery to a 14 year old who is a reeeallly, reeeallly good sport!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 15, 2009 · 5:59 pm

No more shaving?!

Nope, didn’t make this one up. This baby is a screen grab right off my Facebook page. One of those creepy targeted ads towards women over 50. Or should I say, bearded women over 50. Hold onto your hats kiddies, I am up for a good rant on this one.

C’mon American Laser Centers! Are you friggin’ kidding me!

I mean, do you really think that a woman with shaving cream on her face is going to attract the likes of me and my kind? Honestly, we wax. And we laser after weighing the consequences of lifelong hair removal from certain parts of our bodies. Many do have to do a little touch up above the lip (I am thankful to say I do not). But um, facial hair to the point of having a beard?! Did you think maybe a shot of some long legs or a perhaps a hint of the bikini line might get us a little more attracted to your service than to show a woman…

SHAVING HER DAMN FACE!

I am sorry, last time I went on a girls weekend with my 50-year-old friends I don’t recall any of them whipping out the shaving cream and the razor and going to town on their chinny chin chins. I do remember a few conversations with the word ‘Brazilian’ in it but hey, we are just a bunch of women over 50, what do we know about hair removal? Well, this one does know that the hair removal market sits at around $1.8 billion annually – yes with a B! Thanks Wendy for that little factoid.

Wait, have I mentioned that 50-year-old women tend to be menopausal with erratic behavior patterns and reactions to things that piss them off. Oh right, did not show up in the research.

Oh, you were trying to be funny you say?

NOT.

Just curious, did you do any kind of focus group on that ad? Was there even a woman in the building when you guys did that creative? My friends, this is what we call a big time fail in my book.

So, my dear friends at the American Laser Centers, let’s see what kind of social media monitoring you are doing now that you put that ridiculous ad on my Facebook page. Or shall I say anti-social media? Rule number one, make sure you monitor or you are setting yourselves up for a nightmare. Might I suggest  The Social Studies Group, they can set you up with a nice program. And hey, $3,000 worth of free laser treatments would be a good sort of apology for insulting the hell out of me.

Now, you will have to excuse me, I have to go call the wonderful woman who waxes me and tell her how much I appreciate her sensitivity.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 11, 2009 · 12:49 am

Out of the Basement

For those who know me, I am usually rather subterranean. My office is in the basement. It has been called the command center by those who humor me, or maybe the people who truly get who I am. Aside from my morning walk, most of what I do – professionally and personally – can be handled from this underground habitat.

However, this week I have been very out of the basement. Let me rephrase that, I have actually been VERY out of the basement. It’s not bad. But I feel as if I am becoming a little disoriented. Perhaps it is all that oxygen. Or it could be that I am simply  a little overstimulated. Actually, I think I am a lot overstimulated. But on the other hand, a big thank you to those who added to the overstimulation. Not bad once in awhile. And no, I am not an agoraphobic for those of you who were starting to go down that road.

The controlled environment down here keeps me somewhat focused; if having a blog post, a twitter stream, a facebook page (with the odd chat going on) and various work projects open while emailing, listening to WFUV, answering texts and talking on the phone simultaneously would be considered focused.

Jeez, perhaps I need to sit in a dark room!

I have driven so much this week that I almost ran out of gas tonight. There I was at almost midnight on the Whitestone bridge and that scary orange ‘low fuel’ light came on. Not a great place to run out of gas. Happy to report I made it home. (I wonder if the car will start in the morning).

So tomorrow I will vow to spend most of the day down here. I will be productive and try my best to process it all. And yes, if any of you need me to look something up or mapquest for you like you usually do, you know where to find me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 9, 2009 · 8:47 pm

Facebook Invitations – how far will they go?

If you are on Facebook I am sure you have friends who are users of these ridiculous (anti)social requests and invitations. I get them all the time. There is no end to the senseless applications that people use to try to socialize. Hey, you want to chat, comment on my status, send me a link? Great, I love to connect with old friends as well as new. But these hideous applications: ismile, farmville, mafia wars and now the one that surely crosses the line…

a feel your boobies invitation.

No, I did not make this one up. That graphic up there is an actual screen grab. Not gonna lie, it had me laughing.

It all started with my crazy HS friend whose Facebook status the other day was:

Listen I hate Farming and to join another family in Mafia wars would be crazy cause I cant handle my own.. SoooooooThe answer is NO.

The comments on this thread started to get really funny when she wrote:

I just got a” feel your boobies” request…has the whole freakin face book world gone mad…I kinda wanna say yes to see how they’re gonna pull this one off.

Hard to keep reading as I was laughing so hard. Then came this response from another HS friend:

would you please open your back door. I’VE BEEN OUT HERE KNOCKING ALL DAY!

and yet another:

OK so this form of fun is so much better than farming, mafia and so on. Let me know if your boobs get a rub down  as perhaps there are other feels out there!

So of course she sent me the request because I had to check it out. I am happy to report that not only is this application not porn (sorry guys, I know you were getting into this), but it is actually a breast cancer awareness foundation called, you guessed it, Feel Your Boobies, to promote self examination.

You can read about the app here and the join the facebook group here. Although I think this is a great program and I love the edge, it is unfortunate that at first glance on Facebook this was considered offensive or at best fodder for jokes. If I were not inquisitive and/or a student of social media I probably would have made fun of it, hit ignore and forgotton about it.

So, for my social media friends, was the use of Facebook for this program edgy or a fail? I am not sure where I weigh in on this. Again, being a lover of polls, let’s take a vote.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 8, 2009 · 9:11 pm

Student Bus Driver

I should not be surprised that there are student bus drivers. I mean, I don’t think they just jump onto the bus and know how to drive it. And I suppose that part of the bus drivers’ ed would have to include driving on Route 80 west in NJ and learning how to maneuver the GW Bridge. But does it have to be while I am on the road?

Note the double yield signs on the left side. Not sure what they say but I would imagine one says ‘Yield’ and the other one says ‘Seriously, we are not kidding YIELD!

I guess I should have one of these on the back of my car if I am going to continue to take these shots while I am driving.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 6, 2009 · 8:46 pm

Overheard while shopping

Since I am no fan of shopping I try my best to do little things to entertain myself while suffering through the task.

This weekend I decided to write down some shopping observances. The craziest thing about shopping now is that most people walk around with a bluetooth in their ear and appear to be either talking to themselves, or to you, which is rather embarrassing when you try to answer. I get the bluetooth in the car, but is it unsafe to operate a shopping cart while holding a phone?

Here are my favorites:

1. Husband: There is no way we are buying Transformers. You buy one toy and then they play with it and it turns into something completely different!

Wife: (leering at him like he was an insane person) I think that is the whole point.

2. Crazy bluetooth woman: I can’t talk to you right now. No, I can’t talk to anyone until I find that damn talking dog! (just another woman who lost the holiday spirit and her last nerve hours before).

3. Young preganant wife to her husband pushing an overflowing shopping cart: It is not the kids’ fault that money is tight. (oh man, I see big credit card debt in their future).

4. Crazy bluetooth man on phone with wife: What did you want me to get again? (guys, don’t worry if you think that is you, that could be every husband)

And this one is my absolute favorite:

5. Clerk at small neighborhood toy store speaking very loud 10 minutes before store closing: As soon as these customers leave we can lock the back door and close up. (there could not possibly have been an owner present. This was after she told me what a slow day they had and blamed it on the rain).

I will have one little rant here because, well because this is my blog and where else would I rant. I would like someone from Rite Aid corporate to contact me and tell me why a town of approximately 32,000 residents with 4 synagogues and two Rite Aids does not sell Hannukah wrapping paper? Seriously people, that little self-shipper tower with a few candles, dreidels and shopping bags does not cut it. Get your act together and put out some wrapping paper for the tribe, will you?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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