Category Archives: absurdities

June 2, 2009 · 8:59 pm

File this Under Fugly

ugly-givenchy

This is real. We are actually supposed to be excited that we can buy these hideous shoes on sale. Big sign, ‘Luxury Designer $199.95’ ‘Compare at $215.00’. They are kidding right? Huge savings of $15.05! Was this a mistake?

I put these in the same category as the article about chipped nail polish being fashionable.

The sign might not have been one but the shoe design surely was. These could be the ugliest PLASTIC shoes on earth. Givenchy, I expect more from your shoe designers. I don’t claim to be a fashionista, but I know fugly when I see it.

Maybe this is why they wound up in the discount shoe store.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 31, 2009 · 8:11 pm

Her Senility

Her-senility

If you have every tried to upload a link to Facebook, you have seen this window before. This is a security feature on many blogs and social media applications called ‘captcha’. You are required to type the words in the box in order to continue with a comment or link. This feature helps to eliminate spam and ensures that a real live person is creating the link or comment.

The other day I was posting a blog link and these are key words that came up. This got me to wondering if the catcha words are targeted like the ads are. Will the next one I come upon be ‘need botox’? Or perhaps ‘crazy bee-otch’?

Ahhh, maybe I am just paranoid. But honestly, I am starting to embrace what appears to be the first showing of my senility.

Anyone else have a good set of keywords to share?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 30, 2009 · 10:23 pm

Department Store Buddies

headless_conversation

Walking through Bloomies today I came upon this scene. Just at the moment I was walking past these two, it appeared as if they were deep in conversation. That was until I realized that the guy in the black suit with the white bucks had no head!

It really looked like cane man was palling around with these dummies. Do you think he realized that his friend was headless? Or perhaps this guys wife is constantly chewing his ear off and he finally found someone who would listen to him.

For those who know me, I am not from the shoppers. In fact, I loathe it. I get mall head and I feel all spacey and claustrophobic when I shop. I found the camera helps keep me amused.

Here is another shot that cracked me up.

men love to shop

This was taken at DSW, a discount shoe warehouse. What the hell did this guy do that he had to make it up to his wife by going shoe shopping with her? And really, what kind of woman wants her guy with her for this activity. Hey, get some girlfriends, will you?

One of these days I am going to get arrested (or punched in the face) for taking pictures all the time. But it is a wonderful way to stay amused.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 29, 2009 · 9:17 pm

Leopard Mohawk

leapord-mohawk

These are the times when not having a camera would have been a cryin’ shame. Danny spotted this guy. And no, he was not in the East Village, he was right in the center of our sleepy little hamlet.

I love his creativity, and marvel at the beautiful execution.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 28, 2009 · 4:03 pm

Vaigra Soft?!!

viagra_SoftTabs

No, I did not make this one up. This is a generic version of Viagra in a soft tab form. Apparently these were designed for those who can’t get it up or swallow. (I know, cheap shot, but admit that was funny).

I received an email today with a ridiculous subject line: ‘Look for my cell around’ from a sender named Chauncey. Under the headline ‘80% Discount’ with a Canadian Pharmacy banner was a row of pills:

Viagra, Cialis, Levitra,Tamiflu (apparently the swiney is as hot as erectile dysfunction these days), Viagra Soft and Cialis Soft.

Um, BRANDING rules folks! Viagra and Cialis S-O-F-T. I think we have a little problem with messaging here. I do a ton of work in Pharma, we change things day in and day out. How the hell did this one come to pass? (again, no pun intended).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 23, 2009 · 11:46 pm

Spy Shop

spy_shops

This picture was taken on the north service road of the Long Island Expressway just before exit 37. For those who are not familiar with the North Shore of Long Island, this is what I like to refer to as the belly of the money beast. Like moneytown on my friend Twentyfour’s blog, this is a place where wealth is most often worn on the sleeve, and usually it is a designer one.

Yes, this is the land of the lifestyle of the rich and clueless.

I had seen it on my way out of the area earlier in the day and made it a point to stop on the way home to take this picture. I pass this spot often, but have never seen this store. Perhaps it is new.

I could not help but wonder how a spy shop could survive here. Note the ‘s’ at the end of shops. Does this infer a chain of these stores?

Really now, are there that many spies living on the Gold Coast? I was at a party tonight and showed a few people the picture. I asked how they thought this place stayed in business. The first response was that it was for spouses to catch each other cheating. The second was that they sold nannycams. The third was the same as the first and came from her spouse. Don’t worry, they just think alike, neither one of them would need this store.

So, any other thoughts on how a Spy Shop stays in business in an upscale suburban town?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 22, 2009 · 11:22 pm

Ground Control to Major Toilet

toilet control

When eating at a new restaurant, some people are impressed by the bar. Others are interested in the mood set by the decor. Still others focus on the food.

Me? I am all about the bathrooms. What? You are not surprised by that? Well, after all, this is the same blog that has brought you the Japanese restaurant Modern Toilet, elephant poop paper, and fart pads. Sorry, if you find this infantile. I understand, but there is something about bathroom humor that always makes me laugh. Sophomoric? Duh!

The photo above was taken in the bathroom of a very chic NYC restaurant that my sorry ass has no business eating in. Mirimoto NYC is tragically hip and filled with the most severe of materials: polished cement, leaf embedded resin, glass dividers, acrylic butt-hugging bar stools, walls created from hundreds of bottles and a crowd that frankly looked a little on the hungry side to me. Face it, if you are that skinny there is no way you are in this place for the food. Surprisingly, the food was excellent.

I entered the bathroom stall and noticed two things immediately. First, the toilet seat was heated. Seriously! I thought we are not supposed to seat on public toilet seats. Perhaps the heat is thought to kill the germs. I was in full squat when I felt the heat rising off the seat. Then I looked to the right and saw this very impressive control panel. In case you can’t read the labels let me list them here:

Flush (this one is basic), oscillating (hmm, remind me why do I want to have my toilet oscillate again?), pulsating (I guess this would be the obvious follow-up to oscillating), dryer (all that previous activity probably causes some splashing, so this makes sense), stop (good idea to have this option in case any of these features gets to be too much), rear cleansing (self explanatory), front cleansing (same), pressure (anyone wonder why we need pressure from our toilet, isn’t life stressful enough?) and of course your fave and mine, position. Not sure what the little symbols were for but I think they had to do with cleaning.

I was a few glasses of wine to the wind when I entered the bathroom, and for the life of me I do not know why I did not try out all the toilet options. I suppose I was a little bit intimidated or maybe too concerned with getting a picture to make sure I did not hallucinate this one.

I will leave you with this question. Was this panel custom designed or can you actually buy this for your home?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 21, 2009 · 9:19 pm

Ménage a Twins

tdy-090521-twinfamily2-6a.standard

This morning, while making breakfast for my son, I saw the most amazing news story. A women who had twins was suspicious about their paternity and had them tested. And why would she be suspicious? Hmmm, let’s think.

It seems they are twin sons of different fathers. Wasn’t that an album from the 70s? Oh no, that was Twin Sons of Different Mothers. Now that is a physical impossibility, or at least in the 70s it was. I suppose with surrogacy you could achieve that today. Hey what every happened to Dan Fogelberg, anyway?

Back to those amazing twins with 2 dads. How could this happen? Well, my friends, those l’il swimmers can stay viable in the repro tract for up to FIVE DAYS. Who knew? You would think I would, with all the work I have done on infertility brochures. Oddly, this never came up. Go figure.

It would seem this mom did the dirty with more than one guy and wound up with a little gift from each of them. Now this mom is 20 years old and the kids are a year. Dad A, we will call him for argument sake, is 44. So this guy was schtuping a 19 year old when he was 43. (ew). Got her preggers, had two babes and found out only one was his. Luckily he is a menschy guy and vows to love them both the same. Rather big of him.

BTW, they plan to marry ‘some day’. Um, now might not be a bad time since good ole mom is pregster AGAIN.

Seriously, would you trust this woman? And why, exactly, did this couple think it was a good idea to go on a national morning news show with this discovery? They claim they will ‘tell the kids one day’. Um, hello! National news. Thinking it might come up if they ever Google their names.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 19, 2009 · 10:58 pm

Plaid is Rad

plaid is rad

While food shopping the other day I came across a woman in this totally hip plaid outfit. Think about it, you would usually see clothes like this on a rapper. But this grandma was flying her plaid flag high last Saturday and strutting her stuff through the gourmet section of a market Gary and I like to refer to as Stinky Farms. (before they renovated the place it stunk to high heaven, I used to gag when I was pregnant and had to go in there).

Notice the adorable young gentleman in the background picking up some goodies for his family like the super hubster that he is. That would be the fabulous Matt, who nailed me taking this picture… big time.

There I was, camera at waist level as he rounded the corner the moment I was framing the perfect shot of Plaid Rad Granny. At this point I have learned to carry the camera in a spot in my bag akin to a holster. I whip that baby out and don’t miss a step.

Right after that shot was taken he came over laughing and pointing that he had nailed me taking random supermarket pictures.

As if that is something everyone does not do.

Oh, they don’t? Well they should. Some moments simply beg to be immortalized. If only for the sheer joy of sharing them with your friends.

(A quick newsflash for the PW peops, I am happy to report that the School Budget passed  2785 to 1989). 

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 17, 2009 · 10:38 pm

National Penis Day?

I am not sure if it is a coincidence that I have been working on a patient information booklet on male infertility when an email from my college friend, Paula, showed up on my blackberry with these outrageous pics of National Penis Day in Japan. I have proofed more pages about sperm and scrotum in the last week than I care to admit.

I did a little searching and I have not been able to validate the event. There are a few bloggers who have written about it with other names. I don’t really care all that much about the full story, the pictures speak 1,000 words.

Enjoy, my friends. For those viewing this through email subscription on a blackberry (Sue and Maddee specifically), quickly get to the nearest computer as these are shots you do not want to miss.

Picture 1: Do any of you have those neighbors that hang flags outside their houses for every occasion. Bunnies, hearts, santas, flowers? This would be a nice answer to those holiday lovers. The vein work is lovely, don’t you think?

penis-flag

Picture 2: Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Dick Baguette. Doesn’t this one resemble a french bread. I love the way he has a matching headband to the ribbon around the shaft. Oh and is there some sort of symbolism with him holding a ‘box’?

a penis and a box

Picture 3: “Cumming to you live from in front of the big penis with a suspicious looking red sore on the tip. And now, back to you in the studio, Dick.” (sorry that was a couple of cheap shots).

penis day 3

Picture 4: “Honey, make nice to the big penis. Uh, oh, I did not see that sore at first. My wife is going to kill me.”

kid with penis

Picture 5: Just a lovely group of women taking their pet penises out for a stroll.

penis bouquet

Picture 6: I love the face on the guy on the right. This would be the expression of someone lost in a sea of penises. Talk about smoking a bone(r).

penis statues

Picture 7: I REALLY need one of these. This reminds me of a dinner that we went out for years ago. My brother and his friends made the reservation under the name Penisnose. Nothing funnier than hearing the hostess call us when our table was ready, “Um, party for 10 for, um, a, Penis Nose”.

penis-nose

A big heartfelt thanks to Paula for giving me a great post to start the week.

Happy Monday to all.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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