These neighbors have the absolute BEST garbage ever. They are the same ones who had the headless mannequin last week. I don’t know them but I am hoping to meet them soon. With such interesting garbage how can they not be interesting people?
Mel, of course, used the opportunity to view the artwork on her walk and add a little culture to her morning.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, garbage, photography
Are you suffering from Snow Fatigue? Or perhaps PTSFS (Post Traumatic Snow Fatigue Syndrome). Then again, how can we reach the post- traumatic phase when the damn snow keeps falling? Enough already, right?
This morning I was listening to another weather report warning me of yet more accumulation – this time with the added treat of ice on top of all the snow. Just at the moment that I thought I would surely scream, my son sent me an instant message with a link. It simply said, “My friend showed me this. I knew you would love it.”
Now, there is really nothing on earth better than a kid that knows you so well he can imagine you sitting at your desk cracking up at a ridiculous video. It was as if he could feel my weather disgust halfway across the country and knew just when to send out some relief. Funny thing about having a stupid sense of humor… I am pretty sure it is genetic.
So, my poor frozen Northeast friends, here is some relief – Danny style, to chase those blues away. And for those who are in more temperate climates, you will just love this for no other reason than it is so endearing. Warning: you will be singing this song for the better part of the day.
Filed under absurdities, danny, humor, Time to Cry Tuesdays, weather
I came across this headless… I am not sure what it is, in a neighbor’s garbage. Anyone have an idea what this might have been before it was garbage. I don’t know about you, but I find this just a little bit creepy, with or without a head.
Should I be concerned about what was in the garbage bag underneath?
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, garbage
If you have been driving on a highway lately you might have noticed the latest alert on the road signs:
New Law. Move over for stopped emergency vehicles.
Does this not see obvious? Call me crazy, but do people opt to slam into the back of a stopped vehicle as opposed to moving over? To the point where a law had to be passed?!
I saw this on the road a few times and wondered… what the hell? I did not think about it much till someone brought it up to me today out of the blue, “Hey, Amy, I know you are the type to ponder this sort of thing. Have you seen those new signs on the highway? New Law…” at this moment we both said it together, “Move over for stopped emergency vehicles.” What does that MEAN?! Throughout the rest of the evening I asked a few more people who also did not get it. Some thought it meant to move to the right when you see an emergency vehicle in your rear view but the sign specifically says stopped emergency vehicles. And that the move to the right thing is surely not a new law… it is on the permit test for G-d’s sake!
Ok, you know I could not leave that one alone. So I googled it. And yikes! How did we not have this law sooner. I urge you all to go over to moveoveramerica.com and read why this law came to be. It seems that idiot drivers would not change lanes when they saw the stopped vehicle on the side of the road, and the cop getting out of the car would get popped by the careless driver. How sad is that? Warning, some scary graphic vid on that site.
It would appear from google image search that there is a major awareness campaign going on for this. Color me stupid, but I seemed to have missed it. And I suppose most of my friends did, too.
So… what started as a what the hell funny story has now become a sort of a public service announcement.
Because, you know; I can be that way.
Filed under absurdities, road signs, signage
The other night we stopped by the King Kullen to pick up dessert to bring to a friend’s house. On the way out between the Pennysavers and the auto finders was none other than…
I love their tagline: We are keeping Long Island safe… and you can help!
Yikes!
Really? In our sleepy little town this is the last item I would have expected to find on the way out of a supermarket . We particularly liked the Fugitive of the Month on the cover. I shudder to think how he earned that spot. Note that this paper is free. Seriously, would someone pay for the Fugitive Finder? Or is there a worry that it would be stolen? The whole thing is a bit creepy.
If you are wondering who advertised in there we found a Become a Security Guard ad, a couple of attorneys, a bail bondsmen, a staff and recruitment company (odd, to say the least) and on their website this ad was my absolute favorite!
Guess someone was scorned out there in Quogue.
We picked this copy of the Fugitive Finder up as a gift for our friend the criminal attorney.
He was touched.
Filed under absurdities, communities, humor
Let me preface this post with the fact that I have an 11 1/2 year old dog who I adore. That said, I also have 2 kids in college and money does not exactly grow on the trees in my yard (although we are pretty convinced it might on the trees of others in our zip code – note to self: buy one of those houses).
This week our dog, Mel, was diagnosed with diabetes. I am happy to report that after a rough few days and fear that I would be working the night shift at Dairy Barn to pay for her treatment, the financial hit was not that bad. We will manage because… well because she is our friggin’ dog, for G-d sake and it is hard to put a price on her head… ish.
Which brings me to a story about my dear friends in Rhode Island who called in a timely fashion as we were going through this with a story that is not to be believed. This is a bit long but worth following. And it has a major ‘ish’ to it.
Their dog had a tumor in her eye. She is also almost 12. No pain, happy as can be, just an eye tumor. Vet recommended removing the entire eye and the cost of surgery was $2,800 plus-plus (hospital stay, meds, etc). They opted out and the vet had an attitude. Fast forward a few months or so and the tumor had grown out of control. They went back to the vet who then wanted to charge $4,000. They hem and haw and realized that with all the unexpected expenses that month (wisdom teeth, new boiler, etc) they simply didn’t have the cash and $4,000 to do surgery on a 12 year old dog seemed crazy. She had a good long life and their hearts were broken but they decided they had to put the dog to sleep.
They say their goodbyes the night before. They bring her into the vet. They are sick. The receptionist tells them the vet wants to see them. They are then told that they have found someone who will adopt the dog and pay for the surgery but they have to sign the dog over to them.
WTF! They are freaking! “Sure”, he says, “they have now embarrassed me that I will not save the dog, then they knock her out and she wakes up without an eye and has to live in some alternate reality where they start calling her Daisy and want to be her family. Now how the hell can I do that?! This is a tiny town in RI. I can see it now, I am going to pull up in a parking lot a few months from now and there will be my freakin’ dog sitting in someone else’s car. She will see me and give me the ‘where the hell have YOU been’ look and ask me why everyone is calling her Daisy.”
At this point of his telling of the story I am both laughing and crying and cannot breathe.
Needless to say they grabbed their dog, left the vet and went for a second opinion. They went to a well known animal hospital that quoted them $2,000 for their canine opthalmic surgeon (still wondering why they need the specialist if they are taking out the whole damn eye) and they schedule the surgery. Of course there is a snowstorm and they have to reschedule.
It gets worse. The next day they see blood on the kitchen floor and they find that the tumor has burst. They wrap the dog in a blanket and rush her to the doggie ER where they do emergency surgery, remove the eye, the dog is fine and the cost?
$1,000 because it was emergency, not scheduled, and they did not use the specialist.
Seriously!
Happy to report the dog is now happy as can be – sans one eye – and barks with a bit of a pirate’s accent. They are using the money they saved to buy a wardrobe of eye patches for her.
Can’t make this stuff up.
Filed under absurdities, humor, pets
For those who have not been reading all along, I became educated on the sociological fascination that men have with girl fights when my son was the tender age of 15. You can read the full story hear on the Vol 1 post, but the gist of the story is that although I thought my husband was being both a bad father and a neanderthal when he agreed with my son that everyone did, in fact love a girl fight, the notion was actually confirmed by almost every man we asked.
The Vol 2 post was yet another dinner chat where my brother in law chimed in that the best part was when their boobs popped out (which by the way has become one of the top search terms for this blog… G-d help me!)
Fast forward to yesterday when Jana and I were riding the subway downtown. Two young women got on the train at the same time. One sat down in front of me and the other stood by the doors behind me. The car was unusually quiet when this exchange began:
Seated girl: What are you looking at?
Standing girl: No what are YOU looking at?
Seated girl: Yeh, I know I am good looking you don’t have to stare.
Standing girl: No, YOU don’t have to stare (standing girl was not very creative)
This sort of hostile banter continued for a few minutes culminating in a ‘you/no you’ exchange until the entire car began to share in an anticipatory sense of awkwardness that left us all simultaneously uneasy and yet a little titilated. I am not going to lie, there was a part of me that was starting to think, “Damn, everyone loves a girl fight.” That is when I realized I have been living with Gary too long.
And I also realized that if there was going to be a girl fight I was directly in the line of fire and there was a good chance I could have had my picture on the cover of the NY Post the next day. “50-something mom gets knocked unconscious in subway girl fight” Subtitle: Everyone loves a girl fight except this mom.
But honestly, I sort of got the vibe that the whole train was thinking the same thing.
Of course Jana saw right through it and suggested that they were friends who were just trying to get a rise out of the crowd. As we got off at Broadway/Lafayette, so did they… together. And laughing all the way down the platform.
Filed under absurdities, conversations, Jana, relationships
This one was sent to me by a reader as it has MFTA written all over it. Yes folks, these are none other than authentic…
toad purses.
Yeh, I know, you don’t know how you lived without one of these up until now. Well, no worries, you can get one here. And it seems you will be doing your part for the environment by ‘keeping the cane toad population down’. Yep, that has been of huge concern to both myself and my extended family! You should consider buying one for a friend because, you know, ‘cane toad novelties make unique and unusual gifts’.
I’ll say!
These babies are almost as good as the famous rat slippers. What a lovely ensemble the two would make!
Thanks J., for sending me the link.
Filed under absurdities, humor, products
Oh yeh, now we’re talkin’ MFTA material. I big thank you to Jana’s friend Sarah for finding this baby….
The Comfort Wipe.
In a nutshell, this is a a plastic arm that holds your toilet paper while you wipe your arse! They claim this is the first improvement to toilet paper since the 1880s. Oh, you mean the year it was invented? So they are saying nothing has changed in the TP world since it was first conceived of… I sort of doubt that. With all those bears and clouds hawking the stuff I would think there have been a few improvements along the way. I mean 2010 alone was a huge year in the land of the wiping of ones butt with advertising smackdowns and the like.
Back to the Comfort Wipe, I love the idea that these people find toilet paper ‘archaic’ and ‘disgusting’. They are marketing this towards those who ‘just don’t want to touch dirty toilet paper’.
You know, as opposed to those of us who really like to.
With a pitch like that how could anyone not own one of these. Of course I do wonder how the hell you are supposed to clean this thing.
Filed under absurdities, humor, marketing, products
i could cry but i don't have time 