September 25, 2009 · 11:13 pm

Uranus underwear!

soyunderwear-797191

I kid you not. Thanks to that grand diva of design in the blogosphere, designmom, I am now privy to these skivvies.

These are soy based underwear. Sustainability with a sense of humor, what could be better?

Imagine the founders sitting around naming the line. Can we really call it Uranus? Sure, why not? I mean it does cover your…

Seriously, I am sure this is a lovely product, but I know I am inclined to try it out because the name is so funny. In fact, I could buy these as a gift for oh so many people.

The three things I like best about this product:

1. the word Uranus boldy printed on the waistband

2. the ‘about uranus‘ button on their website.

3. their tagline: help save the planet earth starting with uranus

Yes, I am an infant. But admit that you have laughed through this entire post.

So Uranus babes, let’s see if you pick this post up in your social media monitoring. If you are wondering, I am thinking this big ole butt is probably a large.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 24, 2009 · 10:35 pm

Menopause, Mercury in Retrograde and other Mania

Mercury1I can’t sleep. All forms of technology are going wacky. Appliances are on the blink. I feel like I am in groundhogs day. I am hot. I am cold. I am bloated. I am starving. I can’t complete a task, let alone multi-task. The sun is in my eyes. There is a bump in the bowling alley. The dog ate my homework.

I am in a funk (and I am NEVER in a funk!)

Ok, you get the point. Things are just a little amiss these days. I could have written it off to turning 50, menopause (because everything gets blamed on that) or simply cyclical mania which I suppose I can be accused of being prone to. Hell, I could even blame it all on being the Magnet For The Absurd.

But thankfully both Yogamom (2nd shout out to you, babe) and my sister-in-law have pointed out that Mercury is in Retrograde from September 7th till October 18th and that crazy devil, that cosmic trickster, can cause all types of problems. And what, you ask, does this actually mean? Read this from astrology.com:

A planet is described as retrograde when it appears to be moving backwards through the zodiac. According to modern science, this traditional concept arises in the illusory planetary motion created by the orbital rotation of the earth with relation to other planets in our solar system. Planets are never actually retrograde or stationary, they just seem that way due to this cosmic shadow-play. Click here for more on the science of retrograde planetary motion.

Huh?

Whatevs. My takeaway on this is simply things will be back to normal on October 18th.

Define normal!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 23, 2009 · 5:37 pm

Long Guyland, New Yawk

Picture - Map of Long Island - Nov 1, 2008_0

For those who do not live in these parts, that is the way people tawk heah.

Well, not all of us, but I suppose many. If you are a New Yorker you can tell the subtle difference between the Brooklyn dialect and that of  say, Joisey. If not, we all sound the same to you. It is even more apparent when you were raised here and then move away. My brother gets a big kick out of hearing the old NY-speak.

I bring this up today because I have encountered a particularly classic brand of the Long Guyland accent this week. As I posted earlier, I am a Jury Duty phone alternate this week. Every night, after 5, I have to call in to see if I am required to show up the next day. Yes, this is very convenient… NOT!

Anyway, when I called in the second night and every night since, the man on the recording had the most classic form of the Long Island accent. The first time I actually laughed out loud and then proceeded to leave his accent as my Facebook status. It had such a warm reception there I thought I would bring it over to the blog and share it with all of you. Here is what he said:

“This is the Nassaw County Jurah notification system. You must locate yaw jurah numbah located on paht A of yaw jurah caud. Yaw numbah stahts with the lettah aw.”

Let me translate that for you:

“This is the Nassau County Juror notification system. You must locate your juror number located on part A of your juror card. Your number starts with the letter R.”

Hey, there’s no place like home.

This reminds me of an ad campaign I did in a High School art class…

Long Island, more than just an accent!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 22, 2009 · 7:35 pm

Bandals or Soots?

bandals-or-soots

I just don’t know what to make of this style.

Are these bandals or soots?

Neither really works for me. Sometimes you can get away with a combo name. Like the skort, for instance. That was big back in the seventies. That shorts/skirt combo. The new word just worked. These simply don’t cut it.

Nor does the style in my book. Seriously, did she buy these because she truly loved them or because she was a slave to fashion?

Or would that be a gladiator?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 21, 2009 · 10:06 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Hit Send

send-button

We are here. Where, you ask?

Here!

On the other side of ‘send’.

And with that simple click of the mouse, Danny – the baby – has submitted his first college app.

Too melodramatic, you say. Hmmm, well I say you are all too vocal tonight. How do you like that?

Tonight, as we were watching promos for ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ – the movie adaptation of one of our favorite books from his childhood – that crazy app went soaring through the interwebs and officially turned my little boy into a college applicant.

‘It roared its terrible roar and gnashed its terrible teeth’ and transformed ‘that little boy who made mischief of one kind…

and another…’

into a man(ish)-type person.

Never in the history of ‘send’ has such a small gesture meant so much. (ok, I agree I AM leaning heavy on the melodrama pedal here). But there is something both exciting and petrifying about the idea of this process beginning.

First kid launched? Of course that was monumental. Second kid off? That means all sorts of things. Yes, even more than looking for that special cat food parmesan recipe because we are paying for two kids at the same time.

It means sad things like the end of an era. But it means exciting things too. Like having actually survived custodial child-rearing (with minimal scars). And not having to travel during school vacations.

So here’s to ‘send’. May it bring to my boy all he dreams of and send him where his new life will begin.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 20, 2009 · 8:01 pm

Phone in Jury Duty

Jury-duty

Whose idea was this one? Do they have this everywhere or is this county specific?

I am not sure if this is a great idea or a really lousy one. I will let you know at the end of the FIVE FRIGGIN’ DAYS that the county of Nassau has decided they are entitled to hold my schedule hostage.

Really guys, no problem for me to call you every damn night (after 5:00) to find out if my next day is my own. Of course I have nothing better to do than keep rescheduling anything that needs to be addressed the following day. Or better yet, write the whole week off to that frivolous style of spontaneity that has always been so successful in running both a business and a family/home.

I suppose this is better than the show up and sit in that big room kind of thing I had to do last time. But what happened to the sole proprietor of a business exemption I used to enjoy years ago. Give me a break, I can’t just stop working because you guys need jurors. Perhaps I could show up with my underwear on the outside of my clothing and act like nothing is wrong. That might discourage anyone from wanting me on a jury.

Then again, that might be just the thing to get me picked.

Or perhaps when I tell them I come from a family of lawyers they might not find me all that desirable.

Oh, and BTW, not that I encourage racial or religious profiling, but my married last name is Levinson. And this would be the week between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The days of awe (and brisket) are not always the best time for a Jew to take off yet another day from work.

My husband received the dreaded Juror Questionnaire this week. He asked me if I thought it was a bad idea to just answer all the questions with ‘F-off’. Um, yeh, probably would certainly get him a seat on jury, don’t you think?

So, if you are looking for me this week and I don’t get right back to you it is because perhaps my number was up.

You guys know me by now. Do you really think it would be in the best interest of any attorney to pick this big-mouthed, opinionated, menopausal bee-otch to help determine the fate of another person? (that question was rhetorical).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 17, 2009 · 9:26 pm

Email. Brisket. Conference Call. Kugel.

There are days when working at home is both wonderful and manic.

Is it hard to juggle it all? Sometimes.

Would I have it any other way?

Probably not.

There is nothing like preparing a holiday while you try to juggle tying up a week of work.

For those who are of the tribe, I wish a sweet new year. And for those who are not, I wish you no lines at the movies or your favorite restaurant on Friday and Saturday night.

I’ll be back on Sunday.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 16, 2009 · 8:48 pm

Subliminal Signage

marvel

Here is the first of two great signs that do a little ‘borrowing’ into the brand loyalty of others. This one is a true landmark in an area near where I grew up. If you were not thinking, you might call the place Marvel – like the comics. But that big soft ice cream cone makes you realize that around these parts the name rhymes with Carvel. (I wonder if they sell a pudgy the whale cake).

blinkos

This next one just kills me. They even have the FedEx affiliation. “Hey hon, be right back, I am going down to the Blinko’s to make some copies.”

Got to give them both credit for some clever naming. I am sure that there are some brand police out there who would get a kick out of this.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 15, 2009 · 9:56 pm

Baby you can drive my car – disco version

danny in the car

One short year ago I wrote a post about my son getting his learner’s permit. Now, here I sit on the eve of his 17th birthday while he counts down the hours when he drives out of the driveway with NO ONE ELSE IN THE CAR.

No, really, I’m good. I am OK with this. He is a good driver and a responsible kid and I am perfectly fine with him operating 3,507 pounds of machinery down the block. (yes, I googled that).

Ok, so maybe when I dropped him off at school this morning and realized this was the last time I was EVER going to drive a kid to school I did sob just a little on my way home. So shoot me. I can lean toward the monumental moment overdrama lately. Let’s see how you all do when you are faced with that reality.

So, Danny boy, this post is for you. Congrats on holding out till you can legally drive (as if you had a choice). And happy happy 17th birthday. You will always be my little buddy. Love you forever.

Be careful and ‘be all that you can be.’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 14, 2009 · 10:16 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – It’s Only a Number

number

“Not bad for 99”, said the old woman in front of me at the supermarket as she gestured towards her husband counting out his change.

“99?!” I said, how old are you?” She told me that she was 95, he would be 100 in November and they would be married 76 years that same month. All I could think was that either Gary or I will surely run one or the other over with the car before then I hope to have such a long, happy marriage. Seventy-six years of marriage, YIKES!

Honestly, these people looked like they were in their early 80s. “He does all the cooking now. I did it the first half of our lives but he finds it relaxing and I just do the wash and the ironing now. Maybe a little dusting now and then.”

Now, here is a little something you do not know about me. It is more than a coincidence as it has been happening my whole adult life. At times when I am most stressed or aggravated, perhaps suffering from some good old-fashioned self pity, I get a sign. No seriously, I do. It is not that I am all that religious, moderately I would say, but I am spiritual. And I do pay attention to the signs.

So here is the thing. I could be having a rotten day, things can be going all sorts of wrong and then I will see a blind man get on a subway. Or someone with two canes walking down the street. All kinds of disabilities show up in my line of vision just as I am feeling good and sorry for myself.

And that is when I look up and say, “OK, I get it.”

So back to my little old couple, who by the way were driving which did concern me, but I digress. I was in the supermarket off schedule. I was racing from a soccer game in the rain to a Saturday night affair with an hour to shower, hair and make up. Oh and of course Spanx which take up 15 minutes of that hour. If you have ever put on Spanx you know what I mean. I realized that I did not have dinner for the drenched and famished soccer player so I stopped off to pick something up.

I was driving and thinking about turning 50. Not one to usually care about the numbers, this year was no exception. Until just then. And I thought, hell, 50 is old. I mean not out of it, life is over, drama queen, where has my youth gone kind of old. Just old. Or maybe old(ish).

And then there they were. My sign. The fact was these people were twice my age. And ironing for G-d sake! Seriously, get over yourself, kid!

To add to the attitude adjustment there were the 2 trips to the DMV today (a story for another time), that made me realize that in that context I was a totally young, skinny, babe.

So in celebration of turning 50 I will reaffirm my favorite thought:

There is no reality. Only perception.

Here’s to perception!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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