November 6, 2009 · 9:49 pm

Drugstore Fun

comfy-cradle

I have proven that I can have fun just about anywhere. Today it was in the drug store while shopping for a get well gift. Joyce, my sometimes MFTA by proxy was delighted to partake in the shoot.

I am always amazed at the terrible packaging in the section with the braces and bandages. This item struck me immediately. First, I have been pregnant twice and honestly, I am so very thankful that no one ever prescribed the Comfy Cradle for me. I mean, it is not like it did not get to be a chore around the 8th or 9th month, but I never had the need to use apparatus to hold up my babies. I like that 17 years later this item makes me feel grateful for that fact.

With all due respect to the product, because I am sure there are many that get major relief from this sucker, but they really need to take a look at updating their packaging. Where should I start? Ok, Starwars light sabre background, not all that contemporary. Hairstyle? Quite popular towards the beginning of the 80s, now, not so much. Low cut leotard? Just don’t get that.

But the thing about this package that gives this today’s Magnet For the Absurd award is the healthcare worker in the top left corner. Am I mistaken, or is she holding a 3 month old? Seriously, if that is the size baby this woman is carrying, no wonder she needs the Comfy Cradle. This kid looks like it came out ready to eat solid food for G-d’s sake!

So, Scott Specialties, Inc., you may want to consider a redesign. Give me a shout, I can spin my Art Direction skills and whip you up a wonderful new line of packaging. And since I clicked over to your website, we can help you out with that as well.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, products

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 5, 2009 · 11:29 pm

Godspeed?

13435_995232923149_6840975_54761025_6594014_n

It may come as a shock to you, but no I did not take this picture in NY. This baby comes to me from cousin Kelly. He said he took it somewhere in Virginia (that would make more sense).

This is quite a vehicle, don’t you think? Screaming religion down the highway is rather odd, quoting all sorts of scriptures and the like.

But tell me, what is an unusalist? Could that be a typo right there on the bumper? Did they mean unusualist? Actually, neither of them is in the dictionary. Can one of my christian friends define this please?

This vehicle gives godspeed a whole new meaning.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, cars, photography, social media

Tagged as , , , , ,

November 4, 2009 · 6:33 pm

Just tell them, “I don’t give a…

9226225xSeriously, how infantile is this? And how many of you want to purchase one and send it off to that special someone?

Thanks to my BBFF Liz for sending this a while back. She happens to be on vacation in the very country where they sell this baby, but still reading and commenting so I thought she would get a kick out of this.

This is a little different than sending someone a Big Box of Shut the Hell Up, but has the same sentiment. Sometimes people simply infuriate you. If you are prone to gift giving, these items surely fit the occasion.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, humor, products

Tagged as , , ,

November 3, 2009 · 8:20 pm

Indecent Exposure

pants-down-front

mfta momentAt this point I am fairly convinced these things are put specifically in my path. Yes, I have been targeted in life, a true MFTA. How else can you explain this one?

I hardly ever go shopping, even more rarely am I in the men’s department of Macy’s. But today, while trying to get some clothes for the boy, we came across this scene. I took a picture of the back first (which was quite funny). But Danny casually walked passed these guys and told me the front was much better, then kept browsing through the racks. Seems the next generation has become accustomed to my need to capture the absurd.

This was surely better for him than the old lady I made him follow through the Bloomie’s women’s department wearing reptile tights, leg warmers and gold metallic Converse. (no Danny was not wearing that, the old woman was!) Sadly I could not get a good enough shot of her and he was not great camouflage for me in the evening dress department.

So back to Mr. No Head With His Pants Down. Of course I had to get a closer look at was was going on under those shirt tails. It seems the poor guy has just a hint of a package, if you will. Kind of like a nub or a turtle type shrinkage sort of apparatus. I guess you would say he was sort of anatomically… castrated.

Take a look for yourself:

anatomically-castrated

This all got me to thinking whether this was intentional or simply a wardrobe malfunction. What do you think?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, danny, humor, humor, magnet for the absurd, trends

Tagged as , , , , ,

November 2, 2009 · 7:01 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sudden Death Overtime

senior-soccer-mohawk-boys

Sometimes sports terms can be so over-dramatic. You want to criticize the phrase but you really GET what it means.

The moment that goal hit the net, ‘IT’ was over. The whole shabang. 10+ years of standing on the side of a field or court, reduced to one slow-mo moment when the realization strikes that those days have come to a grinding halt.

Ok, some mothers can also be so over-dramatic.

Yes, soccer season ended last Friday. Danny’s team made a valiant effort but the host of injuries the team had suffered, coupled with the soccer gods not being on our side – oh and the fact that the other team scored that one damn goal at the right place at the right time – ended the playoffs in the first round.

There stood a team of mohawked heads – some bleached blonde – stunned as their last efforts were just not good enough. Yes, someone has to win and someone has to lose.

But the loss was not only on the field that day. It was the loss of an era. The retirement of the Soccer Mom (and Dad) in many of us. Second child, last sports season. How the hell did that happen?

I think back on the years when we were in the thick of 2 kids in sports. The weeks of running, running, running. Work left undone to make it to the game on time. The rainy days, the games as it turned dark, the traffic, the late dinners or no dinners at all. Homework till midnight and laundry, laundry, laundry. Lost uniform parts and broken laces and temper tantrums abounded. (those might have been mine)

I know it sounds crazy, but I am really going to miss all that. Well, maybe not all of it. But I think the end of parenting eras are like childbirth. You don’t remember the labor all that clearly, but you never forget the way it felt when they handed you that infant.

Likewise, I will try to fade the memories of being soaked to the bone or frenzied too far to enjoy ‘the moments’, and I will forever keep the image of my kids on the field, running their hearts out, having the time of their lives.

It is no coincidence that the day after the game I heard this song, not once, but twice on the radio. “For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”

Email subscribers, click the still frame link to watch the video, and join me in a good cry…

this Tuesday.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

November 1, 2009 · 9:59 pm

What a Difference a G Makes

anus-deluxe

Yep, thinking of going out tonight with the family to try the new Micky D’s Anus Deluxe. You know, because the Anus Minis are just not filling enough. I will refrain from all the other follow-up comments that have run through my twisted little brain as I am listed as a mom blogger in some online communities and really, this is so inappropriate.

Ok, so maybe everyone loves a girl fight, doodyman, and metal dildos are probably not all that maternal either.

Thanks  to Cousin Frankie for sending me this photo. Keep the absurdities coming, folks.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

10 Comments

Filed under absurdities, family, humor, signage

Tagged as , , , ,

October 31, 2009 · 11:41 pm

Trick or Treat in the Age of the Self Involved

iStock_000007437531XSmall

Two true halloween anecdotes.

A group of kids converged upon my house as I was coming home this afternoon. “We want candy!” they cried. “Well, good thing because I have lots of it. Let me go inside and get it” I said.

From within the crowd of princesses and ninjas emerged a cute little girl who said, “Trick or treat, I have a nut allergy.” And if that was not crazy enough, one of her little friends had one too.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I understand the danger of nut allergies so don’t be hounding me with all sorts of comments about being insensitive. But SERIOUSLY, if your kid has a nut allergy, take them on the spooky walk and buy them safe treats, but don’t be having them announce this at each house. And honestly, even the candy companies have warnings that the non-nut candies are made in the same factories. I was allergic to chocolate as a kid and my mom did not have me announce it at every house. She just gave to my brother.

Second story:

Adorable little lady bug comes up to the door by herself. Her parents waited at the street. She couldn’t be more than 4. Not a word from her, she just stood there. I brought out my big pot of all sorts of candy and she just looked in it. “Take anything you like” I said. “I WANT CANDY CORN!” she shouted and then stormed away. Parents were aware of the issue and said they would buy it themselves next year. Said she was asking everyone in the neighborhood for candy corn. Um, sorry folks, hop down to the store and get her some damn candy corn and stop having her make the neighbors feel bad.

What happened to simply running from house to house and jamming your bag full of candy?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

9 Comments

Filed under holidays, humor

Tagged as , , ,

October 30, 2009 · 9:17 pm

Handerpants

mfta approved

This post is MFTA approved!

A big thank you to my friend J. from J-Two-O, who sent me this today.

I am almost speechless. I said ALMOST. You know I can not shut up when I see stuff like this.

This is one of those products that I wish I had invented. It is so incredibly silly that I will laugh every time I see it. And the commercial is perfection. Please watch it:

I have been walking around the house bellowing “Handerpants, Handerpants, HANDERPANTS!” to the point where I am sure my family is ready to kill me. (no, it is not all fun, games and dildos in this house).

I suppose I can truly relate to these because he called me out on three of my main core competencies. No, I am not a Narwhal Aficionado, but after I google narwhal perhaps I might be. And I do know that they have a Narwhal Aficionado Facebook group with 68 kinda have nothing else to do members.

I digress, the groups I fall under in the commercial are Graphic Designers, Night Bloggers (duh) and Twitterers. Oh and I might, at some times of the month, be considered a Mutation.

A few other favorites: Ninjas with Delicate Hands, (or those who use Kiehls products), Dungaree inspectors (translation for anyone under 45, that would be jeans), Cryptozoologists (google that one yourself), Wall Street Tycoons (not your most popular crowd these days) and Hobos (x-Wall Street Tycoons).

Honestly, I think I might have to buy a few pair of these tighty whiteys for my digits. They are just too great to pass up.

I found out they are sold by my friends at Archie McPhee who were so kind as to send me a wonderful package the last time I blogged about their products: The Evolving Darwin Playset and The Flesh Eating Zombie Playset. Hey guys, I don’t mean to be pigish but I fit 3 of your profiles for this product, perhaps a pair or two and I promise to write about them again! And wear them to functions and take pictures!

Yes, I am a blog whore for a pair of Handerpants!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, products

Tagged as , , , ,

October 29, 2009 · 6:04 pm

Pet Chauffeur

pet-chauffer

Driving home from the city the other day we spotted this vehicle. I snapped a quick shot that I was not thrilled with and then tortured asked Gary nicely to follow that car so I could get a better shot. Traffic was terrible and it did not happen, so this one will have to do.

Ok, so the economy is terrible, right? People are tightening their belts and trying to get a handle on spending only what it is truly necessary.

Define necessary.

For some that would be paying someone to DRIVE THEIR PETS AROUND!

Ok, maybe I am being a bit judgmental, but I just don’t see how this one can be justified. Not wanting to destroy this business that I am sure someone worked very hard to build, but the idea of not being able to drive your own pet is a bit much, no?

Ok, so wanting to give them the benefit of providing a necessary service I checked them out here. My first thought is, hey guys, with this kind of luxury service to a market that surely has lots of cash, how about a nicely designed website. You could certainly use a little help.

So I read a little bit and thought, hey, nothing like a biz model that preys on the inadequacies of the rich. I am going to go out on a limb and do a complete 360 with my opinion on this baby. Go for it guys. And honestly, you had me with the 3-point doggie seatbelts and the pet stretchers for emergencies.

Good luck to you and as far as I am concerned, if you are still picking up pets the economy has to be picking up as well.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, New York, pets

Tagged as , , ,

October 28, 2009 · 7:39 pm

Zaidie was right!

steely_dan-can_t_buy_a_thrill-big

I have been sitting on this story for the past few days wondering if it was a good idea to share with you all how crazy my family truly is. And then I figured if I have not scared you off yet, this one will entertain you.

The players:

Gram: my mom

Zaidie: my dad

Danny: my son

Gary: my husband

Me: me

(phone rings)

Me: Hello

Gram: Hi. Hey do you know what Steely Dan is.

Me: Sure, mom, it’s a band

Gram: No, I know it is a band. We were just listening to them. But do you know where the name came from.

Me: Um, no. Gary, do you know where the name Steely Dan came from?

Gary: (funny grin, then makes the universal hand signal for a boner)

Me: Really?! Ok, mom, Gary says it’s a boner.

Gram: A boner, nope. Dad said it is a metal dildo.

Ok, so let me interject here for a minute. My mom is 78! And she has always been rather proper. So I am going to say it is a safe bet that I have never heard her say ‘dildo’ before. Surely not ‘metal dildo’ (ouch, BTW)

Danny: (from downstairs) WHAT are you guys talking about?!

Me: Zaidie says that a Steely Dan is a metal dildo but Dad says it is a boner.

Danny: Oh Jeez!

Me: Danny, can you google it please.

a moment passes and then…

Danny: Hey Zaidie was right, it is a metal dildo. Sometimes 2-headed. Ew, I cannot believe I am having this conversation with my parents and grandparents (I believe that was paraphrased)

Seriously, don’t you think that hearing your 17-year-old son say, “Zaidie was right, it’s a metal dildo.” is somehow crossing the line?

Yeh, well, it will all come out on the couch.

FYI, here are may favorite definitions from urbandictionary. com:

1) proper name of a steam powered dildo from the novel Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs.

STEAM POWERED?!! ouch! and this one:

2) A Massive Metal dildo, sometimes double-headed.

Yeh, well that will surely fuel a nice little therapy session for my son in his future.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

15 Comments

Filed under absurdities, aging parents, conversations, danny, family, gary, humor

Tagged as , , , , , ,