Category Archives: products

October 20, 2009 · 7:53 pm

Wipes are Not Just for Baby Butts Anymore

toilet-paper

The scene: My breakfast table with a cup of coffee and the NYT business section (that I fought with Gary to keep, BTW)

The article: Adult Toilet Training, from Madison Ave.

I would like to dedicate this post to my family, especially my brother and nephews, because no one loves a good chat about the bathroom better than the ‘Z’ family.

Let’s see, where to start? Ok, how about a quick overview. This is an article about the marketing of none other than an item that is close to all our… well you get what I mean; toilet paper.

It appears that all these years of wiping our asses and we have not been doing it correctly. That’s right. You see, now they are marketing toilet paper along with moist flushable wipes. Yep, just like the ones we used to clean up junior with when s/he had a super-doody-blow-out. Apparently ‘dry paper’ just does not do the job it should. I would think this combo would be great for all you out there who feel compelled to shower after each dump. C’mon, you know who you are. Yes, you would be the ones jotting down the product name for the moist flushable wipes.

Now, here is a priceless quote straight from brand management:

“Dry toilet paper is generally thought of as being a functional product, and a lot of brands in the category talk about strength and softness,” said Courtney DeSalvatore, a brand manager for Cottonelle wipes. “But we are reframing the Cottonelle brand as a personal care brand, which is a much more emotional space.”

Oh yeh, now we’re talking. I don’t know about you but there is nothing more emotional than the space where I drop the kids off at the pool (that one was for my daughter). You’ve heard this famous quote before, right? “Crap to the point of tears.”

It gets better. Cottonelle has put up this snappy microsite cottonelleinstitute.com.  Actually, quite nicely excecuted if it were not so ridiculous. Kind of campy and beautifully designed. But do we really want to spend this much time thinking about the act of wiping? This surely rivals Bowling for Tampons. How’s this for a mission statement:

“At the Cottonelle Institute of Sensitive Skin Care, we believe that the gentle care you give to the rest of your sensitive parts should also go to your buns.”

Um, well, yeh, I guess they are right.

You can set up a sensitivity profile and they direct you to the right kind of toilet paper or wipes to use. No really. I’m not kidding. You may also want to check out The Lounge ‘where you can relax, play games and let your caboose loose’.

Wait, wouldn’t a loose caboose require additional wiping?

I can not help but think of the South Park Chipolte Away episode I saw recently. That link is worth a click. Gary and I were dying when we watched that episode.

Here is one last thought I have on this topic. Of all the crap I read this morning in the business section, this was by far the most useful. (sorry, cheap shot)

Now you will excuse me but I think I need to go…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 18, 2009 · 8:33 pm

Shopping ; (

shopping-bags

I.

Hate.

Shopping.

No, for real, I am a Jewish girl that simply loathes everything about shopping. Of course sometimes it cannot be avoided. Like the day of a special event, for instance. I am famous for going out around noon before a party and looking for something to wear. Not just shoes, or pantyhose, the whole outfit. Yesterday was no different.

I started at a local boutique in hopes of not having to venture to the dreaded mall on a Saturday. I walked in, tried to act nonchalant and then there she was; the ‘Personal Attention Saleswoman’. Now, I know this is the basic reason why many women shop in this kind of store. I walked in and the PAS was on me in a second. “Can I help you? What are you looking for? What kind of event? Might I suggest…” yadayadayada, to the point where I am ready to scratch my own eyes out. Yes, you guessed it.

I.

Hate.

Personal Assistance.

I feel bad because she really was lovely. But, she was wearing both a blouse and jeans that were 2 sizes too small for her. Her cleavage was actually screaming at me as she adjusted the top I tried on. Oh, sweetheart, BACK OFF. I seriously don’t do the adjustment thing. Did she not know about my personal space issue?

The thing is, I have lived in this body for a long time. I am fully aware of what works and what doesn’t. So PLEASE, stop telling me how great this will look on me when I already know it is a ‘no can do outfit.’ Ok, so one armload of nothing looks good on me, this is all to expensive, no I will not try these on with 6 inch stiletto heels, I do not dress like a cheap hooker kind of exercise and I was in the dressing room, sweating, trying to figure out how I could make a beeline for the door ASAP.

Out of that place and on to the mall where I started to freak out almost immediately. There must have been some sort of Disney event going on and at least 60% of the people in the mall were wearing mouse-ka-ears. No joke. First I passed an old women with a walker, then a baby in a stroller, then an entire family wearing these things. Proudly! Gary has called me Amy Mouse for years after seeing pictures of me as a young girl. Ok, maybe I was a little mouse-like. I was convinced that perhaps no one was actually wearing these ears, but in fact, I had finally snapped and was hallucinating.

At one point I was in a dressing room trying to get into one of those tops that has the drapey overthing with an attached tank top and I was stuck in it like a straight jacket. (hey, if the straight jacket fits…) I was fearful that I would never get out of that thing and was a minute away from calling for assistance.

You will be happy to find out that after what seemed like many hours I did come up with a skirt I loved and made it work with existing wardrobe items.

Now if I can only get rid of this recurring dream about Mickey Mouse in stiletto heels.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 15, 2009 · 11:12 pm

Hot Nuts

hot-nuts

Hot Nuts. Anyone else find this funny? Please don’t confuse these with Dave’s Burning Nuts, which quite frankly sound pretty scary to me. As the website says, ” Everyone is talking about Dave’s nuts!” Oh boy, I think I will leave it at that. (poor Dave, burning nuts AND everyone is talking about them).

Honey, when you are at the supermarket can you pick me up a bag of Hot Nuts?

Yum, I can’t wait to sit me down to watch some TV and put my hand into a big bag of Hot Nuts.

It might be cold outside, but I have some Hot Nuts!

I could go on forever. They surely must have had a lot of fun naming this one.

A little research and I found out that in February 1994, Food & Beverage Marketing named these “The greatest snack food item ever devised by mankind…”

Tall order, but hey, seriously, who doesn’t like the idea of Hot Nuts?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 14, 2009 · 8:27 pm

Snow Bird…

snow-bird-sex-drive

Snow Bird.

Sex Drive.

Sex Drive.

I believe the missing license plate in that sequence would be:

Cialis*

I found the juxtaposition of these quite funny. Even funnier, the fact that Sex Drive had to be repeated. Was it for reasons of hearing, eyesight or poor memory?

*if you have an erection for more than 4 hours, call your doctor (favorite disclaimer/tagline of all times).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 6, 2009 · 8:14 pm

Anti Monkey Butt Powder?

anti-monkey-butt

mfta momentHere is a little Magnet for the Absurd (MFTA) moment brought to you by my BBFF (best blog friend forever) Liz. For those who are regular readers, I have deemed myself the MFTA because, well because I can, but also because oddities seem to present themselves to me quite often. Now when people see absurdities they send them to me to blog about. How wonderful since I really did not have much else to say today.

This lovely product seems to have many uses. It is for those who do Butt Busting activities as well as those who sit on their but all day which makes their target market…

Everyone!

Since you probably can’t read the fine print it says:

‘Absorbs excess sweat and reduces frictional skin irritation.’ According to my son, I believe this condition is called ‘swamp ass’. (hey, he is 17, they have very frank descriptors)

It is also ‘Ideal for butt busting activities such as motorcycling, truck driving, horseback riding, bicycling and other extreme sports.’

A little hop over to their website is quite entertaining. Seems they have expanded the line into a ‘Lady Anti Monkey Butt’ and they sell apparel and merch too. I love the copy in the top bar of the site “Is your butt irritated?”

Hey you could powder your ass with this stuff and then put on a brand spanking new pair of Uranus underwear. This seems like the grown up version of Butt Paste, also brought to my attention by a reader. Yes, I am an infant. Did I not prove this when I posted about Doodyman, Call-A-Head and the Modern Toilet restaurant.

Ok, I’ll stop, I promise…

for now.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 25, 2009 · 11:13 pm

Uranus underwear!

soyunderwear-797191

I kid you not. Thanks to that grand diva of design in the blogosphere, designmom, I am now privy to these skivvies.

These are soy based underwear. Sustainability with a sense of humor, what could be better?

Imagine the founders sitting around naming the line. Can we really call it Uranus? Sure, why not? I mean it does cover your…

Seriously, I am sure this is a lovely product, but I know I am inclined to try it out because the name is so funny. In fact, I could buy these as a gift for oh so many people.

The three things I like best about this product:

1. the word Uranus boldy printed on the waistband

2. the ‘about uranus‘ button on their website.

3. their tagline: help save the planet earth starting with uranus

Yes, I am an infant. But admit that you have laughed through this entire post.

So Uranus babes, let’s see if you pick this post up in your social media monitoring. If you are wondering, I am thinking this big ole butt is probably a large.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 29, 2009 · 11:32 pm

ish

1-cupish

If you read me often you will know that my favorite suffix is ‘ish’. I add it to words where it does not usually exist because I have a philosophy that many things in life just are… well, ‘ish’.

Ish is neither here nor there. It does fall in the usual defined, orderly categories of life. Ish is when you think it might be, but maybe not. It is the perfect description for when you need to color outside the lines.

In fact, as far as I am concerned, ish should really be a stand-alone word. Well, actually Urban Dictionary has a few listings for it so I guess I am not alone in that thought.

I saw the measuring cup in the picture at the beginning of this post when I was in Urban Outfitters in Madison (a lot of Urban’s in this post, you might even call it Urbanish). I am not sure why I did not buy it, perhaps it is because I had already bought out Bed Bath and Beyond  and Target and was feeling a little lightish on cash.

So, did you like this post?

ish, maybe?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 26, 2009 · 8:22 pm

Rats!

rat-slippers

Yep, rat slippers. These are, by far, the creepiest items I have seen in a long time. I found them on this post featuring 14 unusual slippers. Someone tweeted this the other day and I am so glad I was curious enough to check it out. This link is worth a click as there are many other amusing styles.

None are as outrageous as these suckers. Seriously, can you imagine slipping your feet into them? They look so real I fear that they are actually hollowed out rats. Could that be? They would have to have been made by a taxidermist. And what do you think the inserts are made of?

I am not sure why I find these so amusing. Perhaps because one of Gary’s favorite expressions is, “I don’t give a rat’s ass!” For some reason I always laugh when he says that. It makes no sense at all. If you DO give a rat’s ass does that mean you care deeply about something?

If I buy these for him he can nestle his feet into a rats ass. Kind of.

Oh, and yes, I realize that this post is a far cry from my poignant outpouring about sending my daughter off to college. (SHE will really love these!)

Chalk this all up to the stunning breadth of topics I cover here.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 8, 2009 · 9:52 pm

Crotch Grabbing Elf

Paranoid-elf

So many images, so little time.

I took this shot earlier this month at the Brooklyn Flea. This place was a treasure trove of the bizarre. Looking through the shots of the summer this one was begging to be featured. After the Krazy Glued penis caper I could not help but think this little guy was awfully symbolic. Oh, and I saw this right after Michael Jackson died in the height of MJ fever. Any connection? Can’t you picture him in this get up?

This artifact begs a few questions:

1. Who designed this item, for mass market, no less? And for what purpose? I am thinking this could easily be one half of a nesting salt and pepper shaker from the 50’s. Like the dancing bears my mom had. Hey, Ma, do you still have those?

2. What is the significance of the crotch grabbing? Protection? Masturbation? Or simply the need to pee?

3. Why do I think that this little guy could star in a nightmare I will have real soon. One where all the weird stuff I have taken pictures of will come alive and start chasing me.

Oops, sorry, I probably should not let the inner workings of my warped mind out of the bag so candidly.

Oh, right, isn’t that what I have been doing here from the beginning?

The biggest question of all: Why did I not purchase this little guy?

Stay tuned for more oddities from the flea market on days I have nothing to write about.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 5, 2009 · 8:03 pm

Rethinking a Wardrobe Choice

I-just-farted

Yes, I know, I am the ultimate MFTA (magnet for the absurd). It is no longer a coincidence that things like this present themselves to me like little bloggy gifts. I still hold to the idea that many people see things like this. They just don’t process or don’t carry a camera.

So, ok, let’s take a look at this ‘I Just Farted (You should run now) T-shirt on this rather portly gent. I will only comment by saying,’What the hell was he thinking?’ This was taken at a kids summer camp alumni weekend. Perhaps the thought was ‘Hey, farting always gets a good laugh, why not?’

This next one is from visiting day a few years back at the same camp:

I-only-date-MILFS

This one kills me on oh so many levels. First, the shirt is flaming orange, no way we can miss it. Second, this guy is the father of 3 boys – to quote my daughter ‘what the hell?’ Third – let’s just say MILFs ain’t dating him back, K? All joking aside, this man actually planned to wear this. He packed it in his suitcase and thought to himself, ‘Hey wouldn’t it be cool to totally humiliate my kids on visiting day?’ Or maybe he just thought it was funny. Scarier.

Ok, one more:

as-a-kite

This one does not fall in the offensive category, in fact I find it rather graphically clever (even though I hate that typeface but that is my own personal graphic design neurosis). Thankfully this was not at camp with kids around, that would just be wrong. But it was at a concert where you would think if this guy was high, perhaps he would want to be a little more discreet about it.

Or not.

Guys, when you get dressed for these events, might I suggest you consult a woman before leaving the house?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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