No, for real, I am a Jewish girl that simply loathes everything about shopping. Of course sometimes it cannot be avoided. Like the day of a special event, for instance. I am famous for going out around noon before a party and looking for something to wear. Not just shoes, or pantyhose, the whole outfit. Yesterday was no different.
I started at a local boutique in hopes of not having to venture to the dreaded mall on a Saturday. I walked in, tried to act nonchalant and then there she was; the ‘Personal Attention Saleswoman’. Now, I know this is the basic reason why many women shop in this kind of store. I walked in and the PAS was on me in a second. “Can I help you? What are you looking for? What kind of event? Might I suggest…” yadayadayada, to the point where I am ready to scratch my own eyes out. Yes, you guessed it.
I feel bad because she really was lovely. But, she was wearing both a blouse and jeans that were 2 sizes too small for her. Her cleavage was actually screaming at me as she adjusted the top I tried on. Oh, sweetheart, BACK OFF. I seriously don’t do the adjustment thing. Did she not know about my personal space issue?
The thing is, I have lived in this body for a long time. I am fully aware of what works and what doesn’t. So PLEASE, stop telling me how great this will look on me when I already know it is a ‘no can do outfit.’ Ok, so one armload of nothing looks good on me, this is all to expensive, no I will not try these on with 6 inch stiletto heels, I do not dress like a cheap hooker kind of exercise and I was in the dressing room, sweating, trying to figure out how I could make a beeline for the door ASAP.
Out of that place and on to the mall where I started to freak out almost immediately. There must have been some sort of Disney event going on and at least 60% of the people in the mall were wearing mouse-ka-ears. No joke. First I passed an old women with a walker, then a baby in a stroller, then an entire family wearing these things. Proudly! Gary has called me Amy Mouse for years after seeing pictures of me as a young girl. Ok, maybe I was a little mouse-like. I was convinced that perhaps no one was actually wearing these ears, but in fact, I had finally snapped and was hallucinating.
At one point I was in a dressing room trying to get into one of those tops that has the drapey overthing with an attached tank top and I was stuck in it like a straight jacket. (hey, if the straight jacket fits…) I was fearful that I would never get out of that thing and was a minute away from calling for assistance.
You will be happy to find out that after what seemed like many hours I did come up with a skirt I loved and made it work with existing wardrobe items.
Now if I can only get rid of this recurring dream about Mickey Mouse in stiletto heels.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
10 responses to “Shopping ; (”
What? Are you telling me you didn’t purchase a pair of Mickey Mouse ears to wear to your event? It would have livened things up so much!
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Damn, I should have thought of buying a pair. I could have been the hit of the party. A real trendsetter
Shopping. I’m an in/out kind of girl, in the store, see something, leave. Unless it’s housewares, which I could browse for hours. And did yesterday with great abandon.
or shoes. LOVE shoe shopping.
I think there should be a support group, Jews Against Perennial Shopping [or Personal Shoppers]. 😉 (For the record, I hate shopping, and have been known to openly weep in malls and department stores and the Gap.)
ooo, weeping is bad. i get more of a high blood pressure, need to run from the mall screaming sort of thing myself
Where do sign up for that JAPS group? I could personally use the support and I’m sure I could be of some help to others ….. I also hate shopping (except for shoes) Actually I’m fine for the first 30 minutes and then I’m done. I’d much rather go shopping for anyone and everyone else..
Whatever happened to earth shoes and a flannel shirt?
oh right, you cant wear that to a black tie event…..
I’m with you Joyce! All the way. What I like about shoes? You don’t have to take off all your clothes to try them on. 🙂
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