Category Archives: moms

June 24, 2010 · 10:56 pm

Jeans, a Hurricane and Wet Feet

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I know what you are thinking, “She has finally snapped. The pressure of her son’s graduation has snipped the remaining thread she was hanging by”.

Close.

Long and short of it, Danny’s brand of jeans are nowhere to be found sending us on an exasperating quest. Some bizarre storm blew through a sliver of Long Island leaving in its wake the worst damn gridlock I have ever seen and the AC in the kids’ car is spewing ice cold water on our feet every time we make a turn.

Honestly, none of this matters. But it does give you a little glimpse into the type of day that Danny and I had – the last day together before graduation.

And there it is folks: The Last Day. Staring me down with its beady little eyes. Making me threaten to curl up in a ball and hide under the headless mannequins in the mall while searching for the perfect pair of boy jeans and finally letting it all out with either a primal scream or uncontrollable sobbing. (both of which are not all that desirable to witness your mom doing when you are a 17-year-old boy who is also at the end of his rope).

So we found jeans and the car will wait in line to get fixed. And I, being one who with a strong distaste for drama, did not lose it at the mall. It was tempting, but I used restraint.

Then I walked in the house and there it was…

The graduation gown hanging on the back of the door.

And the tape loop of a little boy turned man furiously ran through my mind. Legos. Why can I not stop thinking of Legos? And blocks. And Brio trains and bridges on the basement floor at 6AM Sunday mornings when I was dying to sleep. And little blonde bowl haircuts. Apple juice – why is the smell of apple juice so damn nostalgic?  And Axe, why do I tear up at the thought of the whole upstairs smelling like Axe Body Spray? Could I actually be craving the smell of sweaty soccer socks? Have I lost my mind or would I give any amount of money to drive one more carpool or sit on the sidelines of a soccer field in the broiling heat/pouring rain/freezing cold just one more Sunday morning in Center friggin’ Moriches or better yet Ronkonkoma?

This is what mothers do at times like these. We reflect. And we share. And we promise our sons we will keep it together when everyone knows that keeping it together is actually the last thing we are skilled at.

So here’s to the class of 2010.

And their moms (and dads). And to sons thinking that maybe it is ok to let mom lose it once in awhile… because they know that the act of keeping it together may be the one that finally sends her over edge. And that crying at graduation is the mom version of separation anxiety. And perhaps our sons remember that feeling from way back when…

as they watched us drive away.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under college, danny, family, humor, moms, shopping, teenagers

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June 17, 2010 · 11:59 pm

Cracking of the Rock of Gibralter – Part 2

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Or: This chick surely does not have her sh*t together anymore!

Back in December of 2008 I wrote this post about the gradual – or not so gradual – deterioration of my ability to keep things together the way I used to. When the kids were young I could juggle a toddler, a baby, a job, a puppy, a husband in the ICU and still hold down a full time job.

Now? Lucky if I remember to feed any of them. Hey they are old enough to fend for themselves. Ok, maybe the dog has an issue with the can opener, but she could live off the begging she does just fine.

Today I bring you the top ten list of why I simply cannot consider myself superwoman anymore. And to let you know that I am fully liberated from giving a crap about it.

10. No milk for the coffee and cereal (for more than one day)

9. No lunch reservation for graduation day (next friday)

8. No corsage ordered for Danny’s prom date (again, next friday)

7. Danny’s suit for this Saturday night’s fundraiser is not altered (masking tape anyone)

6. Cannot find the receipt for Danny’s prom tuxedo (See a Danny pattern here? Hey, he needs to start taking care of himself, he is going to college)

5. Have not written a blog post since Tuesday (please tell me you guys noticed)

4. Picked up the materials for a presentation hours before I was giving it (usually had this done at least a day in advance in the past)

3. Have lost my blackberry, shoes, wallet, glasses,  ______ fill in the blank, at least once a day (hopeless)

2. Have not filed the last 2 month’s worth of paperwork (office is an embarrassment)

And the Number One reason I am convinced I am no longer even a shadow of the woman I used to be:

1. Camp trunks go out tomorrow and they are still in the attic at 2PM

Ok, but here is the thing. Eventually I went to Dairy Barn and got milk. No one in the house is starving to death, certainly not the dog. If I don’t blog for a few days, only my stats suffer.  Danny is 17 and does not care how well his suit fits, is fully aware that we will order the corsage today, and knows that even without the receipt I will find a way to get that tuxedo. (I still have skills, for G-d sakes!) The presentation went fine, I find and re-lose all items daily like the tides. Papers were meant to left in piles, and most important, those trunks will get packed in the same 1 hour window whether we do it over 2 weeks or one night at 10PM.

Lesson learned: it all get’s done anyway. Lighten up.

Superwoman is sorely over-rated!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 14, 2010 · 10:11 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – A Hole in the Blogosphere

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If you read me regularly you have noticed that I also write over at 50-Something Moms Blog. I have been part of the SV Moms Group community for almost two years and consider them a family of sorts. Or as Gary likes to refer to them, my satan-worshipping blog friends.

As far as I can tell, none of them are actual satan-worshippers. Instead they are hundreds of moms – and a few dads with a strong sense of their masculinity – who write about everything from parenting to politics. The blogs are segmented geographically with one demographic group – the must current group of 50-somethings I have ever met!

In the background we are members of a thriving discussion board where we offer support, help promote one another, network and collaborate. Never before have I worked within such an amazing group.

I have been in business for many years. I have watched moms struggle with every aspect of the collision of parenting and career –  be it the choice to continue working or the option to stay home. As part of this group I have watched and listened. At times I have given council and at others I have been taught by the masters. When I needed an answer or a resource on any topic, they were my go-to group and there was always someone who would jump in and help me out.

It is with great sadness that I report the SVMoms Group is dissolving the site. The bloggers were all notified at around 3:00 PM EST on Monday. Within 6 hours a new alumni community was formed on Ning with members immediately joining by the dozens. I would imagine the whole group will migrate there within a day or so. This is a network that will not dissolve.

So, to the Sisterhood of the SVMoms I show my deepest gratitude for having been a part of something so very special. And to our fearless leaders, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to be a part of something so life-changing. (oh yeh, and letting me lie about my age for the first year I was writing on 50-something).

Yes, there will surely be a hole in the blogosphere where we once lived!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 8, 2010 · 3:00 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Firsts and Lasts

So sorry for the late posting of Time to Cry Tuesday. I am sure there are many of you who are thanking me for not starting your day with a good cry but then there are others who might have missed it and I hate to disappoint. Hey, it’s still Tuesday!

Today is the first day of Jana’s internship.

Tomorrow is Danny’s last day of classes in High School.

This past weekend was Danny’s first time registering for college classes.

This coming year will be Jana’s last one in Wisconsin.

This was the first time I took both my kids to Madison to give them a glimpse into their year to come.

The flight home was the last time I will fly back with them both.

New beginnings and doors close.

The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down
You can’t let go and you can’t hold on
You can’t go back and you can’t stand still
If the thunder won’t get you then the lightening will.
The Wheel – Grateful Dead

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 19, 2010 · 7:41 pm

The Mattress Cover Debacle

Why is it that I tend to find myself in situations that make me feel like I am living in a bad sitcom?

For those who do not know, my lovely daughter will be arriving home this Saturday after a semester abroad. She will be spending the first summer in 11 years at home – a story for another time. Since she has been gone for the better part of the past three years we never replaced the bed in her room. The very same twin bed that she has had since she got out of the junior bed when she was 5; that would be 16 years ago. It’s time, we certainly got our money’s worth.

We promised her, as she put it, a big girl’s bed before she came home. In true Amy fashion it was purchased and delivered within the last week before she arrives.

Of course I needed to get a nice fluffy cotton mattress cover and OF COURSE no self-respecting mom would put it on the bed without washing it. I mean everyone knows that the people in those factories have sex on those things before packing them (or worse) and it must be washed (with Downy) before ‘any daughter of mine will sleep on it’. Please refer back to this post about ironing her graduation gown that did not work out all that well either.

Mattress pad #1: Purchased for a song at Home Goods. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and the damn thing melted! Seems there is some skeeve guard lining under the gazillion thread count cotton that is not all that fond of dryer heat. Home Goods took it back, no problem. So much for a bargain (even if it was Ralph Lauren and the tag said tumble dry low)

Mattress pad #2: Purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and… yep, same deal. Even on low. Yes I am an idiot. At this point my dear friend Karen who had told me to air dry it confirmed my idiocy. And my new friend @squashedmom told me on twitter that i need to use the no heat setting (who knew, obviously NOT ME)

Mattress pad #3: BBB kindly let me exchange #2 saying they were surprised it melted and apologized. Seriously is this not happening to anyone else?! Ok, #3 in as many days is washed and air drying when I notice the NO HEAT setting on the dryer. Not gonna lie, popped it in there for 10. No melting but there were signs of a revolt going on around the edges so I stopped.

Yes, my domesticity is going down the toilet. And yes, I never learn.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 30, 2010 · 11:42 pm

Ah… Americans!

I snapped this shot at JFK airport. This kid was in full tilt meltdown mode and this mom was so nonchalant I found it hard to believe she had not be lobotomized. Her solution to her kid losing it was to basically hang him by his shirt.

From her finger.

Take a look at this pose. She is looking off in the distance barely paying attention to the little monster. At one point he was suspended in mid-air by his shirt. He continued to scream and rant and she continued ignoring him. A textbook portrait of fine parenting for sure.

But, I do kind of like the way they are dressed alike.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 26, 2010 · 10:34 pm

Why My Mom is Like an iPad

Florida Day 2

My Brother: So, are you going to get the iPad?

Me: Nope, not the first generation. It doesn’t have a camera, doesn’t support Flash and has no memory.

My Mom: Jeez, that sounds like me.

Can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 25, 2010 · 10:08 pm

Transvestites, Loehmanns and the Plate Glass Window

For those who do not know, I am in Florida visiting my parents. Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentelman, I am in the the land of Del Boca Del Vista Del Mar Del… vodka please!

If you have never been to the east coast of Florida (west of 95) then think Seinfeld’s parents.

First, my mom made sure I took a sweater because ‘the restaurants down here are freezing’. Um, Mah, I am a menopausal women. Yeh, well, 85 in the restaurant, hands down.

Right about now you are wondering about the transvestites, right? Ok, so we met my Aunt Arlene Whose Not My Aunt and Bert who we never called Uncle Bert and he has finally gotten over being bummed out about that for dinner. (neither of them is a transvestite, hold on, I am getting to it). Growing up she was like my second mom. She and my mother have been best friends since they were girls and she is truly family. We have not seen eachother in a couple of years and tonight she did not disappoint.

Somehow we talked about how they used to take me to Loehmanns when I was little and how freaky the communal dressing room was with all those ladies of different shapes and sizes with the pantyhose and no underwear and the makeup nets on their faces. (I know, a visual to scar any young girl, may explain my severe aversion to pantyhose)

Next they started to talk about when they would go to the Bronx Loehmanns – the Long Island woman’s mecca of fashion bargains. This was a major trip, mind you. They would pack a lunch! They called it ‘doing battle’. Well, it seems Arlene took one such trip without my mom and wouldn’t you know as she came out of the elevator first she saw, “you know that actress that just lost all the weight on Jenny Craig”. “Oh”, I said, “Valerie Bertanelli”. Yes that was it. And right after she gave her a little high sign of a wave, who should come  off the elevator but…

a pack of transvestites.

“What?”, I asked.

“Oh, yes”, she said, ” they come for the ball gowns.”

Who knew?

Then she went on to tell me about a group of transvetites in Forida who would drive a car through the plateglass window of a high-end boutique in Delray to steal the fancy gowns. The woman moved her store and they found her again so she finally closed shop.

And who knew Arl was such an expert on transvestites.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 15, 2010 · 9:17 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Little Shirt

When you have lived in a house as long as we have, things have a habit of lodging themselves in the back of places and you never know they are there.

Until, you have to move your massive armoire over six inches and you have to empty the entire thing out. There, on the top shelf, behind the long underwear and old sweaters that have that funky stripe of dust on them because they haven’t been unfolded in countless years, was the t-shirt above.

Size 24 month.

That belonged to the girl who will turn 21 YEARS next month.

Freaky!

How it got there I will never know. It was not a particularly favorite shirt, although it does say Delray on it and Mom, I am sure we bought it at that little place we loved on Atlantic Avenue. So although the shirt itself does not hold any particular memories of little Jana, the days we spent in Florida when she was young surely do.

I held up that little shirt and a rush of memories came flooding in. The smell of suntan lotion mixed with Desitin (she used to eat so much sand it was rough going on the way out). The way she could sit in a hole that Gary dug for her on the beach for hours. Standing at the shoreline with each of us holding one of her chubby little hands and lifting her up as the waves crashed on her feet, her squealing with delight each time as if it were the first. The cry of ‘five more minutes’ when we told her it was time to get out of the water. My kids adored the beach. Nature or nurture? Both, I am sure. Salt air and sand are something ingrained in their lives and a symbol of their childhoods.

That little Jana was one handful. Loads of fun but always giving me a run for my money. She could out-stubborn me any day of the week. Those toddler years were trying as hell but damn what I would not give for just one more day of that curly-headed little whirling dervish.

And now she is halfway across the globe navigating the world as if she were riding her bike around the corner, “It’s fine mom, I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”

Don’t worry?! Isn’t that my job?

Janny-girl, I am thinking that I just might have to save that little shirt a while longer. And no, you cannot still wear it even though I know you love tiny T’s.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 21, 2010 · 10:29 pm

¿dónde está el cuarto de baño?

At pivotal times in the lives of our offspring we feel compelled to impart some wisdom. We can’t help ourselves. As parents we are convinced that no matter how competent our children have become, they still need that last bit of advice from us as they jet off to exciting new destinations.

Tonight Jana left for semester abroad in Sevilla Spain. We were driving back from lunch when I told her that I wanted to give her some words of wisdom. All I could think of was:

¿dónde está el baño? , which I thought meant ‘where is the bathroom’ but in fact it means ‘where is the bath’. Great! So now not only am I being a total pain in the ass, I am giving her the wrong information. I also told her to ask ¿tienes mantequilla? , which may or may not mean ‘do you have butter’ in case they gave her dry toast. This was only because mantequilla rhymes with Sevilla and I thought that was entertaining.

As you can imagine there was quite a bit of eye rolling in the car.

So that’s it for now on the semester abroad updates (since some dentist that will go nameless seems to think I am acting like too much of a mom blogger and would like more MFTA stuff).

Unless of course till Time to Cry Tuesday…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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