For those who do not know, I am in Florida visiting my parents. Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentelman, I am in the the land of Del Boca Del Vista Del Mar Del… vodka please!
If you have never been to the east coast of Florida (west of 95) then think Seinfeld’s parents.
First, my mom made sure I took a sweater because ‘the restaurants down here are freezing’. Um, Mah, I am a menopausal women. Yeh, well, 85 in the restaurant, hands down.
Right about now you are wondering about the transvestites, right? Ok, so we met my Aunt Arlene Whose Not My Aunt and Bert who we never called Uncle Bert and he has finally gotten over being bummed out about that for dinner. (neither of them is a transvestite, hold on, I am getting to it). Growing up she was like my second mom. She and my mother have been best friends since they were girls and she is truly family. We have not seen eachother in a couple of years and tonight she did not disappoint.
Somehow we talked about how they used to take me to Loehmanns when I was little and how freaky the communal dressing room was with all those ladies of different shapes and sizes with the pantyhose and no underwear and the makeup nets on their faces. (I know, a visual to scar any young girl, may explain my severe aversion to pantyhose)
Next they started to talk about when they would go to the Bronx Loehmanns – the Long Island woman’s mecca of fashion bargains. This was a major trip, mind you. They would pack a lunch! They called it ‘doing battle’. Well, it seems Arlene took one such trip without my mom and wouldn’t you know as she came out of the elevator first she saw, “you know that actress that just lost all the weight on Jenny Craig”. “Oh”, I said, “Valerie Bertanelli”. Yes that was it. And right after she gave her a little high sign of a wave, who should come off the elevator but…
a pack of transvestites.
“What?”, I asked.
“Oh, yes”, she said, ” they come for the ball gowns.”
Then she went on to tell me about a group of transvetites in Forida who would drive a car through the plateglass window of a high-end boutique in Delray to steal the fancy gowns. The woman moved her store and they found her again so she finally closed shop.
And who knew Arl was such an expert on transvestites.