Category Archives: humor

On Mistakes

This came in the chinese food a few weeks ago. I can’t remember whose fortune it was but it matters not.

Who doesn’t repeat a good mistake now and then? You know, you did something, the outcome was a train wreck and the situation arises again and this time you are sure you can fix it and make things right. And then just as you think the outcome is going to be different and you have a really good handle on things you realize …

Oh my G-d, I remember this part. This is a HUGE mistake; and you brace yourself for the fallout with a good old-fashioned cringe.

Then you dust yourself off and make a mental note to not be stupid enough to try it a third time.

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Filed under fortunes, humor

Not Pregnant

Ok, so if you know me personally this comes as no surprise. The fact that my kids are 19 and 22 and I am sans uterus makes it seem like the purchase of this item (and a 2-pack, no less) would be a waste of money.

Today, yes. In 1999, it seemed like the right thing to purchase. Ok, so what’s my point.

Well, the office purge was still going on when I came across a bag in the very back of the closet behind a box of old photos. And this was what I found inside…

with one test missing. I must have shoved it back there to hide it from you know who.

There was a period of time (no pun) when I seemed to always think I was pregnant. Not wanting a third child and having a spouse that sort of kind of did, I was always worried about it. Invariably I would go to the pharmacy the very next day to buy Tampax.

I am pretty sure they all laughed when I walked out.

 

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Filed under absurdities, family, humor

Note from Your Wife

Once again, a big thank you to Susan who has become a better magnet for crazy signage than I.

This one comes to you from our local paint and hardware store. I would assume that after countless husbands came back into their store with tails between their legs, they decided to have a little fun with it and give a gentle nudge towards encouraging spousal approval.

I thought of this yesterday as I was in the supermarket picking up dinner. There in the middle of the store, was a husband staring at a shopping list with a dazed and confused look on his face. Then I saw him dial his cell phone. He was someone I knew so I asked, “Not empowered to make that decision?” and he just cracked up.

What is it about married couples? Are we wives simply ridiculous control freaks or are our husbands truly incapable of these small domestic decisions because we have been handling them for so long?

Or both?

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, signage

Y Kvetch

I had an exceedingly ridiculous day replete with a car that died in a parking lot, a blackberry that kept crashing (but who cares, its days are numbered – iphone 4s is fine for now – they should have just called it a 5 – BTW), an iPad that kept dropping service, a cancelled meeting and yadayadayada.

So I figured, hey, Y Kvetch! I love this license plate. I saw it in a parking lot yesterday and laughed out loud. I always wonder, what drives someone to drive something with a plate like this?

Perhaps the owner of a Ranger Rover has nothing to kvetch about. But seriously, kvetching knows no socio-economic boundaries. And many times those with the most abundant lives have the most robust habit of kvetching.

So, after a day of nothing more than surface aggravation, albeit more than a usual day should have, the Y Kvetch sentiment fit the bill. Hey, maybe we should start a movement.

For those not of the tribe:

kvetch/k(ə)veCH/Noun: A person who complains a great deal. Verb: Complain.  

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Filed under humor, license plates

Dog’s Eye View

This is the Port Washington Animal Hospital

from my dog’s point of view.

We have spent a lot of time here over the past 9 months. Sweet Mel was very ill with Diabetes and dear sweet ‘Dr. Ann’ pretty much saved her life. That, of course comes at a price. Not only the dollars to keep her in insulin, but also the many visits to monitor her glucose and yadayadayada for canine health issues with an old dog.

The other day I was stopping by to pick up a bag of food and I dropped my keys. When I went to pick them up, this is what I saw. Pretty much Mel’s line of vision as we walk into the place. I had to laugh. And of course I had to grab my camera.

Do you think that the fire department purposely put the hydrant in front of a vet’s office for the laugh?

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Filed under animals, humor, mel, pets

Facebook Ad of the Week

After a rather trying day of work this ad popped up on my wall. The title made me laugh but when I looked closer at the photo I started cracking up. It appears that this a line of people sniffing other people’s underarms. I wish it was not such a lo res shot because I would love to get a closer look at this one.

My big question is what the hell was this photo originally taken for? Underarm deodorant ad? It actually looks like a scene from Woody Allen‘s Sleeper.

So, kiddies, does your career stink? Maybe you need to find this ad on facebook and click it.

Hmmm, now I am wondering what the heck I said about not liking my job that led the ominous facebook algorithm to place this ad on my wall. Creepy, indeed.

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Filed under absurdities, facebook, facebook ads, humor

Fluent in Sarcasm

Could there be a bumper sticker that is better suited for me? We were behind this car on the way into the mall and wouldn’t you know my darling daughter grabbed for the camera before I needed to ask.

Love that kid.

It does blow my mind that someone would actually put this on their car. It’s one thing to have an edge, it’s another to announce it to everyone on the road.

Maybe someone put it on there and she has no idea!

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Filed under humor

Oh My Cherry?

Seriously, Zara? You really named your perfume ‘oh my cherry’ (nice typography BTW). Gotta admit it was pretty ballsy in a … well you know, cherry sort of way.

This was perched at the counter when I went to pay yesterday. I even commented to the cashier. “Really?!”, I said. “I know, right?” was her response. She said the employees were all surprised, but people love it.

Hey, who could pass this up? What a great gift item. Sort of a stocking stuffer, if you will.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, marketing, products

Dog Wash

Ahhh… yet another submission to the Magnet For The Absurd. Thanks to Lon for sending in the fabulous picture.

I don’t know about you guys but I would take advantage of this often… my dog stinks! Seriously, she suffers from D.O. big time. Gary would simply love this as he is a frequent flyer at most car washes near his office.

I would love to see the inside of this place. 

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Filed under absurdities, humor, magnet for the absurd

Second Floor Live Porn in Madtown, WI

Yeh, that post title is a blog whore’s way of getting some (albeit unsavory) traffic. So shoot me. And no, my son had nothing to do with this… I hope. Actually, he could very well have been one of the dozen or so people gathered on the street watching this unfold, or undress as the case may be. A big thank you to Dr. Jimmy for sending this one to me.

This is one crazy story. It appears that 25-year-old Kevin Horner (seriously? is that REALLY his name?) took to jumping on the bed of a second floor hotel room in – of all places – Madison, WI. Mr. Horny, I mean Horner, was jumping in front of the window of his room at the University Inn on Frances and State Streets…. sans pants.

I happen to know his corner quite well as it directly across the street from the freshman dorm that both my kids lived in. In fact, you could be running on the treadmill in the second floor gym and look straight into the window that Kevin was wiggling his johnson in. (no not on Johnson Street, that was Frances Street).

The arresting officer said his goal was to keep any innocent bystanders from being exposed and offended by the view. Damn, that guy is no fun! Unless of course the Horner Johnson was, in fact, an offensive looking one.

Horner admitted, “I made a mistake and should have kept my pants on”.

Why is no one asking why a 25-year-old was jumping on the bed?

Can’t make this stuff up.

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Filed under absurdities, college, current events, danny, humor, travel