Category Archives: humor

Spy Shop

spy_shops

This picture was taken on the north service road of the Long Island Expressway just before exit 37. For those who are not familiar with the North Shore of Long Island, this is what I like to refer to as the belly of the money beast. Like moneytown on my friend Twentyfour’s blog, this is a place where wealth is most often worn on the sleeve, and usually it is a designer one.

Yes, this is the land of the lifestyle of the rich and clueless.

I had seen it on my way out of the area earlier in the day and made it a point to stop on the way home to take this picture. I pass this spot often, but have never seen this store. Perhaps it is new.

I could not help but wonder how a spy shop could survive here. Note the ‘s’ at the end of shops. Does this infer a chain of these stores?

Really now, are there that many spies living on the Gold Coast? I was at a party tonight and showed a few people the picture. I asked how they thought this place stayed in business. The first response was that it was for spouses to catch each other cheating. The second was that they sold nannycams. The third was the same as the first and came from her spouse. Don’t worry, they just think alike, neither one of them would need this store.

So, any other thoughts on how a Spy Shop stays in business in an upscale suburban town?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, places of interest, signage

Ground Control to Major Toilet

toilet control

When eating at a new restaurant, some people are impressed by the bar. Others are interested in the mood set by the decor. Still others focus on the food.

Me? I am all about the bathrooms. What? You are not surprised by that? Well, after all, this is the same blog that has brought you the Japanese restaurant Modern Toilet, elephant poop paper, and fart pads. Sorry, if you find this infantile. I understand, but there is something about bathroom humor that always makes me laugh. Sophomoric? Duh!

The photo above was taken in the bathroom of a very chic NYC restaurant that my sorry ass has no business eating in. Mirimoto NYC is tragically hip and filled with the most severe of materials: polished cement, leaf embedded resin, glass dividers, acrylic butt-hugging bar stools, walls created from hundreds of bottles and a crowd that frankly looked a little on the hungry side to me. Face it, if you are that skinny there is no way you are in this place for the food. Surprisingly, the food was excellent.

I entered the bathroom stall and noticed two things immediately. First, the toilet seat was heated. Seriously! I thought we are not supposed to seat on public toilet seats. Perhaps the heat is thought to kill the germs. I was in full squat when I felt the heat rising off the seat. Then I looked to the right and saw this very impressive control panel. In case you can’t read the labels let me list them here:

Flush (this one is basic), oscillating (hmm, remind me why do I want to have my toilet oscillate again?), pulsating (I guess this would be the obvious follow-up to oscillating), dryer (all that previous activity probably causes some splashing, so this makes sense), stop (good idea to have this option in case any of these features gets to be too much), rear cleansing (self explanatory), front cleansing (same), pressure (anyone wonder why we need pressure from our toilet, isn’t life stressful enough?) and of course your fave and mine, position. Not sure what the little symbols were for but I think they had to do with cleaning.

I was a few glasses of wine to the wind when I entered the bathroom, and for the life of me I do not know why I did not try out all the toilet options. I suppose I was a little bit intimidated or maybe too concerned with getting a picture to make sure I did not hallucinate this one.

I will leave you with this question. Was this panel custom designed or can you actually buy this for your home?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, New York City, photography, places of interest

Ménage a Twins

tdy-090521-twinfamily2-6a.standard

This morning, while making breakfast for my son, I saw the most amazing news story. A women who had twins was suspicious about their paternity and had them tested. And why would she be suspicious? Hmmm, let’s think.

It seems they are twin sons of different fathers. Wasn’t that an album from the 70s? Oh no, that was Twin Sons of Different Mothers. Now that is a physical impossibility, or at least in the 70s it was. I suppose with surrogacy you could achieve that today. Hey what every happened to Dan Fogelberg, anyway?

Back to those amazing twins with 2 dads. How could this happen? Well, my friends, those l’il swimmers can stay viable in the repro tract for up to FIVE DAYS. Who knew? You would think I would, with all the work I have done on infertility brochures. Oddly, this never came up. Go figure.

It would seem this mom did the dirty with more than one guy and wound up with a little gift from each of them. Now this mom is 20 years old and the kids are a year. Dad A, we will call him for argument sake, is 44. So this guy was schtuping a 19 year old when he was 43. (ew). Got her preggers, had two babes and found out only one was his. Luckily he is a menschy guy and vows to love them both the same. Rather big of him.

BTW, they plan to marry ‘some day’. Um, now might not be a bad time since good ole mom is pregster AGAIN.

Seriously, would you trust this woman? And why, exactly, did this couple think it was a good idea to go on a national morning news show with this discovery? They claim they will ‘tell the kids one day’. Um, hello! National news. Thinking it might come up if they ever Google their names.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, health, humor, men and women, moms, news

Today’s Mail

guilt

You never know what you will find in the mailbox. I am just happy there are no dead rodents in there after last week’s dog food episode. Yes, I am traumatized by that event, thank you for asking.

So what has come in the mail to entertain me. Well, today, I don’t really know because it is 11PM and I am still at my desk and haven’t brought the mail in yet. (scary). But over the last few days I have received:

1. The postcard above. Nice right. It’s always nice to get a little (4×6) guilt in the mail just in case you don’t have enough of it hanging around your house. No it is not from my mother, or someone channeling my dear departed Nana. This was from a local church advertising an Easter service. My favorite line on this card was “Does life offer a reboot?” That would be cool. But do I run the risk of losing data?

2. ANOTHER AARP card. That makes a total of 4 in the last 6 months. Whoever is in charge of sending out these cards, leave me the hell alone, I am not 50 yet!

3. A lovely flyer from a Crematorium. I have received mail from cemeteries, but never one of these.

4. Hmmm, I also got a really high-end brochure from a funeral home. Does somebody know something about my health that I don’t?

5. Oh and this one was great. A solicitation from a stock broker addressed to Arny Levinson (married name for those who are confused). Ok, so I get that when you squint an ‘a’ and an ‘r’ could look like an ‘m’. But this was typed in all caps! ARNY

That’s all I’ve got. Anybody else get any interesting mail lately?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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Would you like a side of mouse with that?

Ewww. EWWWWWW! EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!

This is how my day started. Lying in bed I actually heard the dog’s stomach rumbling. That would be the same dog that Danny forgot to feed last night. Feeling bad for her I got up, brushed my teeth and went downstairs to feed her.

Before I even made coffee!! (I am such a good mother)

Picture this:

1. Open door to garage.

2. Lift (unsecured lid) off the ‘rodent-proof’ dog food container.

3. Reach for a really big scoopful of dog food cuz I felt bad for the starving dog.

That is when it happened. I lifted up the cute dog-faced blue scooper filled with dog food and…

Dead Mouse with Feet to the Skystuck into the kibble – head first mind you – with his little mouse butt and rigamortis tail and feet jutting out, was the deadest mouse I had ever seen. Of course I threw the scooper back into the container but was not exactly sure that the mouse landed back in there.

(I would like make a side comment that I am not your typical girly girl. Bugs do not bother me. Live rodents are a nuisance but I don’t freak when I see them. Slugs, hmmm, I hate these too. If you are a long time reader you will remember the last time I was really grossed out by something).

So I did what any self respecting, independent, fearless, i-can-handle-anything (but a dead mouse in the dog food) type woman would do. I stormed upstairs, woke Gary out of a dead sleep and demanded that he de-mouse the garage immediately. His protestations were short-lived as he could see I was not going to wait another minute. (yes, living with me IS paradise).

I will not describe his de-mousing outfit because that would make me seem ungrateful for the fact that he not only threw out the food AND the mouse but washed the container. This was because he ascertained that we had us, in fact, some ‘fresh mouse’ as there were droppings in there. This sucker had one last big ole meal, took a crap or two and expired in the depths of the kibble.

The fact that he wanted to still feed the food to the dog was a bit concerning, but again, I don’t want to criticize and appear ungrateful.

For now on when we feed the dog, the desire to ask, ‘Do you want a side of mouse with that?’ will be very tempting.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, gary, homeowner, humor, pets

The 6:30 Movie

For some reason I thought going to a 6:30 movie on a Saturday night was a good idea. Gary was not thrilled but went along with it.

The upside:

1. You get out early enough to go to dinner.

2. You feel extremely young.

3. Chances are you won’t know anyone there.

The downside:

1. The volume is deafening (this has to be because the projectionist is tired of people asking to have the sound turned up)

2. You have to step over someone who has a cane to get to your seats.

3. At the turning point of the movie you hear the same whisper throughout the theatre. ‘it’s the sister’ echoed from every corner of the place.

No shit, we were introduced to the sister 45 minutes ago!

The movie ended. Gary and I both said ‘It’s the sister’ at the same time and started to laugh. At which point he asked me never to request the 6:30 movie again. Seriously, this was the equivalent of the early bird special.

Crap, could my hair be turning blue?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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I Saw Jesus on State Street

jesus-on-state-street

For a Jewish girl I have been writing an awful lot about Jesus lately. There was the toast tattoo in Pennsylvania, the Cheez-Its comparison at Mohonk and now this very interesting shot of two young gentleman carrying a door-sized image down State Street in Madison.

Religious zealouts of this type fascinate me. I always wonder what their agenda is. Do the truly believe they will convert others? Is it tribe pride? Or are they just plain crazy? Seriously, do you wake up one morning and say to your buddy, “Hey Bill, let’s get a big picture of Jesus Christ and stretch it on a frame. Then we can walk up and down State Street and through campus with it.” Yeh, well either that or “Let’s go get some brunch”.

Whatever, it’s harmless. And as long as no one is pushing a pamphlet in my face I am good with the act of self expression.

Plus, it makes for a great picture.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, photography, religion, signage

Are We Having Fun Yet?

get-real-1071fmWell I certainly am.

As luck would have it, I was crowned the ‘Get Real Girl of the Week‘ on my new favorite radio station 107.1 FM in Minneapolis (alright so I don’t live there but we cares) My two new BFFs Liv and Colleen interviewed me for this week’s show that had the theme ‘Are We Having Fun Yet?’ (one of my favorite quotes). They found me from my 50-something Mom Blog post about a recent birthday celebration for a friend. Pretty cool, right?

You can see the blog post here. And this is the link to the get real girl of the week interview podcast. It’s a long clip but if  screw around with the slider I am about 3/4 of the way in. I need to figure out how to grab that piece of the audio out and embed it here. Till then, humor me with the effort.

Oh, and yes, I know that I used amazing 2 times in one sentence (I hate that) and of course I am aware that a NY Jewish girl speaks about twice the amount of words per minute than those who live in the Midwest.

All in all it was a blast and I can add it to my list of fun things I did this weekend.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under humor, interviews, press

Is that a balloon in your pocket?

ballon_dick

While I am on the topic of ‘bona’s’ I thought this would make a good follow-up post to yesterday. Sometimes life presents us with the most wondrous opportunities. Hence why I will never be caught without a camera.

There I was, enjoying a lovely spring afternoon and Little Mister Balloon Dick just crossed my path at the perfect moment. In respect for the privacy of this kid I cropped his face out, but I left just enough of his little brother on the right side for you to imagine his expression. I have heard of multi-tasking, and multiple orgasms, but this guy had multiple members.

Sometimes life is so grand I could burst.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor

Are they kidding?

bona

Bona?

Bona!!

Bona hardwood floorwax. Seriously, did no one think about the name of this product and the humor here?

This awfully blurry shot is courtesy of my brother who could not resist to snap it with his Blackberry while in the store. I love that the whole family is now contributing to the blog with links and pics.

So back to ‘Bona’. Love the tagline from the website: ‘It’s a Lifetime Committment’. It just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under humor, photography, products