Tag Archives: cemeteries

Today’s Mail

guilt

You never know what you will find in the mailbox. I am just happy there are no dead rodents in there after last week’s dog food episode. Yes, I am traumatized by that event, thank you for asking.

So what has come in the mail to entertain me. Well, today, I don’t really know because it is 11PM and I am still at my desk and haven’t brought the mail in yet. (scary). But over the last few days I have received:

1. The postcard above. Nice right. It’s always nice to get a little (4×6) guilt in the mail just in case you don’t have enough of it hanging around your house. No it is not from my mother, or someone channeling my dear departed Nana. This was from a local church advertising an Easter service. My favorite line on this card was “Does life offer a reboot?” That would be cool. But do I run the risk of losing data? 

2. ANOTHER AARP card. That makes a total of 4 in the last 6 months. Whoever is in charge of sending out these cards, leave me the hell alone, I am not 50 yet!

3. A lovely flyer from a Crematorium. I have received mail from cemeteries, but never one of these. 

4. Hmmm, I also got a really high-end brochure from a funeral home. Does somebody know something about my health that I don’t? 

5. Oh and this one was great. A solicitation from a stock broker addressed to Arny Levinson (married name for those who are confused). Ok, so I get that when you squint an ‘a’ and an ‘r’ could look like an ‘m’. But this was typed in all caps! ARNY

That’s all I’ve got. Anybody else get any interesting mail lately?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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What kind of free offer is this?!

free-offerThis one is priceless. In my mail, addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Amy E. My Maiden Name (Gary just loves this!), would be this lovely promo. 

And who, you might ask, has sent me this charming offer? 

Pine-friggin-lawn Memorial Park and Garden Mausoleums. Um, park and gardens? Correct me if I am wrong but I see dead people

The scary part is that we already own real estate here, thank you very much. And I am trying my best to stay the hell out of there for as long as possible.

What was the free offer for? A Let’s Face it Now booklet that answers all those ‘questions’. Like these (with commentary of course):

Do you need a will? (do you really need to ask this question?)

What does survivor do with will? (nice grammer – contest it, of course, that is what makes for a good family fight)

How about lawyers’ fees? (right off the bat I will say they are too high)

What 6 phone calls must be made? (1. liquor store, 2. liquor store, 3. liquor store, 4. liquor store, 5. liquor store, 6. dry cleaners – they always have the black dress)

How do you claim benefit payments? (call the high priced lawyer)

How do you arrange for family memorial property? (I am sorry here, but don’t we call these graves?)

cemetary

Keep in mind I do this kind of stuff for a living. I can only imagine what the meetings for this piece were like. Check out this picture. Can you imagine art directing this shoot? Cuh-ree-py!

I thought receiving the AARP card 3 times before I turn 50 was bad enough, but now this!

Sheesh! And a happy holiday to these guys too. Thanks Pinelawn Memorial Park and whatever, I will pass.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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