What kind of free offer is this?!

free-offerThis one is priceless. In my mail, addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Amy E. My Maiden Name (Gary just loves this!), would be this lovely promo. 

And who, you might ask, has sent me this charming offer? 

Pine-friggin-lawn Memorial Park and Garden Mausoleums. Um, park and gardens? Correct me if I am wrong but I see dead people

The scary part is that we already own real estate here, thank you very much. And I am trying my best to stay the hell out of there for as long as possible.

What was the free offer for? A Let’s Face it Now booklet that answers all those ‘questions’. Like these (with commentary of course):

Do you need a will? (do you really need to ask this question?)

What does survivor do with will? (nice grammer – contest it, of course, that is what makes for a good family fight)

How about lawyers’ fees? (right off the bat I will say they are too high)

What 6 phone calls must be made? (1. liquor store, 2. liquor store, 3. liquor store, 4. liquor store, 5. liquor store, 6. dry cleaners – they always have the black dress)

How do you claim benefit payments? (call the high priced lawyer)

How do you arrange for family memorial property? (I am sorry here, but don’t we call these graves?)


Keep in mind I do this kind of stuff for a living. I can only imagine what the meetings for this piece were like. Check out this picture. Can you imagine art directing this shoot? Cuh-ree-py!

I thought receiving the AARP card 3 times before I turn 50 was bad enough, but now this!

Sheesh! And a happy holiday to these guys too. Thanks Pinelawn Memorial Park and whatever, I will pass.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, fashion, health, humor, places of interest

5 responses to “What kind of free offer is this?!

  1. I’ve been hearing radio spots about preplanning your funeral, too. Depressing stuff. I don’t get this sort of DM yet. (phew) but Andrew does occasionally!

    So, are you sending away for the booklet???

  2. Jennifer Krieger

    I am a funeral director at a large “memorial park” and we do this stuff all the time. Funerals are very expensive. Not very green, either. I recommend green burials, or donation of body/body parts, or cremation. cheap cremation – don’t let them sell you the extras.
    For what it’s worth

  3. Wowie! Burn me up and have a party and let’s call it a life. That’s my plan!

  4. Comment 2 there from Jennifer is something, huh? I love the part about cheap cremation!

  5. Pingback: Todays Mail « i could cry but i don’t have time

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