Category Archives: fashion

July 15, 2009 · 10:38 pm

The Art of the T-shirt

Soaring-mmortal-Blazing

I love the summertime when people proudly sport their favorite T-shirts. In some circles, picking out the T to wear to an event is akin to teenage girls and their outfit obsessions. Come on guys, the ones who do this know who you are, I don’t think I have to single you out here.

This guy was surely standing in front of his dresser pondering the perfect message to wear to the Dark Star Orchestra concert at the beach on Governors Island. This is a very T-shirt appreciative crowd. What you wear is admired, and yes sometimes coveted, like jewelry at a bit yenta-fest Bar-Mitzvah.

I Googled the message on this shirt so I would not appear pop culture ignorant in this instance (heaven forbid). I could not find any reference to the Soaring Immortal Blazing or any other phrase like Golden-maned warrior, but hey, this could be so hip it is not Googleable. (Is that a word? If not it should be). Or maybe fringe. But nonetheless, not only did I not find it, I had to read this shirt 3 times to absorb the message.

Perhaps it is simply because I am unburdened by the gravity of my mission.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 17, 2009 · 10:54 pm

She awoke and saw stars

star-tattoo-face

Here is an odd story. This ‘young housewife’, 18-year-old Kimberley Vlaeminck of Belgium, claims she asked for three little points on her forehead but the tattoo artist suggested three stars would be prettier.

Get this, she WENT TO SLEEP to avoid the pain. How the hell do you fall asleep while someone is tattooing your face?! Are they leaving out some details from this story – like narcotics maybe? I mean, we are not talking about removing a splinter, we are talking about injecting ink into your face!

She claims she awoke to 56 stars on her face; poorly rendered I might add. Nice look. As far as the tattoo artist is concerned, she was onboard with this until her dad caught wind of it and she pulled the nap story out of her hat. She is now suing the tattoo parlor.

I am reminded of my favorite line from Eat, Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:

Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit…

Hmm, I wonder if this chick is considering motherhood.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 19, 2009 · 10:58 pm

Plaid is Rad

plaid is rad

While food shopping the other day I came across a woman in this totally hip plaid outfit. Think about it, you would usually see clothes like this on a rapper. But this grandma was flying her plaid flag high last Saturday and strutting her stuff through the gourmet section of a market Gary and I like to refer to as Stinky Farms. (before they renovated the place it stunk to high heaven, I used to gag when I was pregnant and had to go in there).

Notice the adorable young gentleman in the background picking up some goodies for his family like the super hubster that he is. That would be the fabulous Matt, who nailed me taking this picture… big time.

There I was, camera at waist level as he rounded the corner the moment I was framing the perfect shot of Plaid Rad Granny. At this point I have learned to carry the camera in a spot in my bag akin to a holster. I whip that baby out and don’t miss a step.

Right after that shot was taken he came over laughing and pointing that he had nailed me taking random supermarket pictures.

As if that is something everyone does not do.

Oh, they don’t? Well they should. Some moments simply beg to be immortalized. If only for the sheer joy of sharing them with your friends.

(A quick newsflash for the PW peops, I am happy to report that the School Budget passed  2785 to 1989). 

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 22, 2009 · 3:29 pm

The Dressing Room

fitting-room

There is something about shopping for a dress that puts most women over the edge. Unless you have the perfect figure, and even then there is usually something about yourself that does not work for you in that evil 3-way mirror under those horrifying fluorescent lights.

This is an actual conversation that I heard from the next dressing room:

Woman 1: I am sure this is my size. And I am wearing the perfect bra!

Woman 2: Ummmm, I don’t think so, hon.

Woman 1: Sure, you hold the bottom and I will hold the top, I will take a deep breath in and then we can zip it together.

Woman 2: Honestly, I just don’t think there is enough fabric. What’s the big deal, no one will ever ask to see the tag and verify the size you are wearing. And anyway, you would need someone to dress you before the wedding AND you won’t be able to sit down the whole time.

Woman 1: I should have never eaten lunch before going shopping.

You seriously cannot make this stuff up. Lady, eat a sandwich, wear the bigger size, get a pair of spanx and get a grip.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 13, 2009 · 12:02 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – I don’t know and you don’t know

fire-in-the-sky_sm1

There are times in our lives when we are profoundly touched by another person even though we have never met them. Sadly, sometimes they are already gone and we have lost the opportunity.

I have a friend in my community who I am very fond of. We do not know each other all that well but have been friends for a long time and our husbands are btff (best tennis friends forever). She and her family emanate an infectious warmth and hospitality. Being in their home one feels instantly comfortable and engaged. Their circle of friends is equally embracing. We always leave their house feeling as if we have had a full experience. Does that make sense? I hope so.

This past weekend we attended a memorial service for her mom who passed away suddenly last month. This particular congregation has a beautiful custom of creating a booklet of readings for its life cycle events. Friends and family members read from this booklet and helped paint a picture of this vibrant woman.

During the service my friend spoke about the mom she had lost. Theirs was a tender relationship, one that every mother and daughter hopes to have. Her loss was very painful to witness, yet being there I felt the greatest honor she could give her mother was to share who she was with those who did not know her.

She told a story about going back to her mom’s home to sort through the pieces of her life. The most precious things she found were two post-it notes. Her mom had a habit of scribbling down thoughts and sticking them around her home. (a woman after my own heart as I have a bulletin board filled with such things over my desk). One of the notes said it all for me:

You don’t know and I don’t know.

How perfect is that? Pretty much says it all. We can worry and ruminate. We can plan and organize. We can strive and learn and try to control it all. But in the end, you don’t know and I don’t know.

I am sorry I never had the pleasure to meet this fine woman, but in some ways I suppose I have.

To my dear friend, may your grief be tempered with the knowledge that you were loved fully by a mother who adored you. And may your wonderful boys, or shall I say young men, give you the strength and support you need during this terribly sad time.

And may I say, it was an honor to ‘know’ your mom.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 17, 2008 · 8:17 pm

What kind of free offer is this?!

free-offerThis one is priceless. In my mail, addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Amy E. My Maiden Name (Gary just loves this!), would be this lovely promo.

And who, you might ask, has sent me this charming offer?

Pine-friggin-lawn Memorial Park and Garden Mausoleums. Um, park and gardens? Correct me if I am wrong but I see dead people!

The scary part is that we already own real estate here, thank you very much. And I am trying my best to stay the hell out of there for as long as possible.

What was the free offer for? A Let’s Face it Now booklet that answers all those ‘questions’. Like these (with commentary of course):

Do you need a will? (do you really need to ask this question?)

What does survivor do with will? (nice grammer – contest it, of course, that is what makes for a good family fight)

How about lawyers’ fees? (right off the bat I will say they are too high)

What 6 phone calls must be made? (1. liquor store, 2. liquor store, 3. liquor store, 4. liquor store, 5. liquor store, 6. dry cleaners – they always have the black dress)

How do you claim benefit payments? (call the high priced lawyer)

How do you arrange for family memorial property? (I am sorry here, but don’t we call these graves?)

cemetary

Keep in mind I do this kind of stuff for a living. I can only imagine what the meetings for this piece were like. Check out this picture. Can you imagine art directing this shoot? Cuh-ree-py!

I thought receiving the AARP card 3 times before I turn 50 was bad enough, but now this!

Sheesh! And a happy holiday to these guys too. Thanks Pinelawn Memorial Park and whatever, I will pass.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 16, 2008 · 12:06 am

The Three Joes

Joe update: no license, no really plan on how to buy the biz. And the reason he thought a press conference was a good idea? Score another vetting screw-up for the McCain camp. No biggie, this morning I already heard that Jane was the new Joe. Jeez, fame is fleeting in these times!

Ahhhh, another debate. How did I ever watch without Twitter. My fave comment of all times was about The Three Joes: Biden, Six-Pack and The Plumber. Did all elections have so many cartoonish sound bites? Here is a link from the BBFF Liz that tells you more about who this (in)famous guy is in real life.

Somewhere after the third ‘Joe the Plumber’, Twitter actually put up a most popular category for ‘Plumber’. Can’t make this stuff up!

I made a joke about wanting an ‘I heart Joe the Plumber’ T-shirt and could not resist putting up a Cafepress shop. So here you go peops. Get yours here. And pass this onto your friends. You can even get yourself a nice little button, bumper sticker or mug. I may not be the only one with this idea out there but I am the one you love the best, right?

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October 4, 2008 · 11:38 pm

For Leg Use Only?

Lately I have had to dress up more often than usual. Usual being hardly ever since I work at home and the dog could not care less if I stay in my walking clothes and don’t shower until 4:00.

Between the holidays and a few parties I have had to rummage through my closet and find things to make myself presentable. 

With the change of season I am never up to speed on the stocking fashion. One year it is no stockings – even if it is 20 degrees below, the next opaque, then ultra sheer. I am simply leg covering ignorant. Thank goodness for Riki who always tells me which way to go with this. (Riki is my stocking consultant).

Today, after she was kind enough to tell me that the black semi sheers I had on were all wrong, she informed me that texture was ‘very big’. Great, I thought, I am sure I have some texture in my stocking drawer. Mind you, this is the only neat drawer in my house because I never go into it. Sadly, no textures in there, unless you count the sheers with all the little pulls in them.

On top of the drawer I found the package above. I don’t remember the last time I even went into Daffy’s let alone when I bought these. I looked at the package and said to Gary, “For Leg Use Only”? What does THAT friggin’ mean?

Perhaps it means, don’t take these out of the package, pull them over your face and go rob a convenience store.

The funniest part of that is the list in the top left corner: silken sheers, with spandex, control top, sandalfoot, pantyhose.

Hey Joe, before the heist make sure you get me sandalfoot, that reinforced toe gives me a headache. And I like the feel of the silken sheers but make sure it has a little spandex and control top, they give me that simulated facelift look and I don’t want to look too old for this job.

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September 23, 2008 · 10:18 pm

Lace Love

Ok, everyone. Since Jana claimed to be more interesting than Danny in the comments section of my last post, she is proving it by taking part in our first poll experiment. After waiting many, many weeks Jana’s custom Nikes have arrived. They are cool, aren’t they? And tiny I might add… size 6.

She looks a bit like the Mona Lisa in this shot, doesn’t she? Well, she would if that uptight bee-otch – Mona not Jana – would have really cracked a good smile and showed off those beautiful teeth that her parents spent all that money on braces for.

Wait, did I just call the Mona Lisa an uptight bee-otch and did I claim she wore braces? I am really losing it.

This is a screen shot from a video chat session. She wanted us to help her decide. Note how happy Danny looks in the bottom screen. Frankly I think he is pissed about being labeled less interesting.

I just love this, don’t you? My kid is halfway across the country and we can do this kind of thing. Very cool indeed.

I expect lots of voting here everyone. That means all of you who don’t like to comment. I see the stats people, I know you are visiting!

And all of you who receive this by email, you lazy slugs are going to have to go directly to the blog to vote. Janny-girl, you better have all your friends vote so we don’t look foolish here, ok?

Come on everyone! Stop being so non-participatory for G-d’s sake. This is an interactive medium.

So interact. (jeez she is bossy!)

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Filed under family, fashion, humor, parenting, polls, trends

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August 18, 2008 · 12:47 am

Fashion?


Ahhhh… today the NYT Women’s Fashion Magazine arrived. Ok, so if you know me it is obvious I don’t pay all that much attention to fashion. But the NYT Fashion issue? That I LOVE.

It is the art director in me that brings you this brief commentary. (this is certainly funnier with the issue in front of you, but still pretty funny without it).

Cover: Black lipstick? Under no circumstances is this flattering, you will never convince me it is. And the photoshop work on this shot is awful (note the hair).

Inside front cover spread: Ralph Lauren leapord stuff… not my thing but I must admit the shoes are wildly hot.

Gucci: Garments and accessories suffer from materials overload with hippie-in-the-poppy-fields layout… is it me, or is this off-brand?

Chanel: Beautiful layout. Ok dress. But what is with the one-armed, lace, fingerless, elbow-high glove? Chanel does Micheal Jackson?

Louis Vuitton: Orgasm on the ferris wheel while hitting myself on the head with a gold lamé bag?

Armani: Ok, there is a model on the second page of this spread that looks like a severely drugged geisha. In a oh so creepy this is kind of freaking me out sort of way. And I am pretty sure her entire head was retouched into this shot. Poorly. None of this makes me want to buy the dress she is wearing – which is actually quite elegant but the lighting is so dark I cannot really tell.

Calvin Klein: I am simply frightened by the shape of her hair while being wildly curious about how they achieved that.

Prada: Ugly clothes. Uglier layout. (I have always felt this way about Prada – to me this designer is the Emperor’s new clothes).

and last, but certainly not the least absurd…

Hermes: What the hell were you guys thinking? Is this woman actually walking a… what is that? A buffalo? Or a yak? (Gary says definitely a yak) On a leash!!

Ok, so I don’t know much about fashion. But you have to admit that I am kind of funny (and maybe more truthful than all those fashionistas would like to admit).

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