Category Archives: absurdities

May 16, 2009 · 9:26 pm

Offices for Rent

offices-for-rent

Stopped at a red light on my way back from food shopping this image was a gift. it is hard to believe this was taken in our pretty little suburb. If I did not know better I would have thought this picture was taken in the Bronx.

This guy is quite attractive, don’t you think? I mean, wouldn’t you want to rent space from him. Hey bud, how about a shirt? I can’t help but wonder who he was taking to and what they were taking about. He seems so intense.

I always wonder if other people notice this kind of thing as they navigate through their day. I shot a bunch of images today as I went through the mundane tasks of a Saturday.

Errands are so much more fun with a camera. (hey, that would make a great tagline).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, photography

Tagged as , ,

May 13, 2009 · 10:37 pm

Today’s Mail

guilt

You never know what you will find in the mailbox. I am just happy there are no dead rodents in there after last week’s dog food episode. Yes, I am traumatized by that event, thank you for asking.

So what has come in the mail to entertain me. Well, today, I don’t really know because it is 11PM and I am still at my desk and haven’t brought the mail in yet. (scary). But over the last few days I have received:

1. The postcard above. Nice right. It’s always nice to get a little (4×6) guilt in the mail just in case you don’t have enough of it hanging around your house. No it is not from my mother, or someone channeling my dear departed Nana. This was from a local church advertising an Easter service. My favorite line on this card was “Does life offer a reboot?” That would be cool. But do I run the risk of losing data?

2. ANOTHER AARP card. That makes a total of 4 in the last 6 months. Whoever is in charge of sending out these cards, leave me the hell alone, I am not 50 yet!

3. A lovely flyer from a Crematorium. I have received mail from cemeteries, but never one of these.

4. Hmmm, I also got a really high-end brochure from a funeral home. Does somebody know something about my health that I don’t?

5. Oh and this one was great. A solicitation from a stock broker addressed to Arny Levinson (married name for those who are confused). Ok, so I get that when you squint an ‘a’ and an ‘r’ could look like an ‘m’. But this was typed in all caps! ARNY

That’s all I’ve got. Anybody else get any interesting mail lately?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, humor

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

May 8, 2009 · 5:15 pm

Would you like a side of mouse with that?

Ewww. EWWWWWW! EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!

This is how my day started. Lying in bed I actually heard the dog’s stomach rumbling. That would be the same dog that Danny forgot to feed last night. Feeling bad for her I got up, brushed my teeth and went downstairs to feed her.

Before I even made coffee!! (I am such a good mother)

Picture this:

1. Open door to garage.

2. Lift (unsecured lid) off the ‘rodent-proof’ dog food container.

3. Reach for a really big scoopful of dog food cuz I felt bad for the starving dog.

That is when it happened. I lifted up the cute dog-faced blue scooper filled with dog food and…

Dead Mouse with Feet to the Skystuck into the kibble – head first mind you – with his little mouse butt and rigamortis tail and feet jutting out, was the deadest mouse I had ever seen. Of course I threw the scooper back into the container but was not exactly sure that the mouse landed back in there.

(I would like make a side comment that I am not your typical girly girl. Bugs do not bother me. Live rodents are a nuisance but I don’t freak when I see them. Slugs, hmmm, I hate these too. If you are a long time reader you will remember the last time I was really grossed out by something).

So I did what any self respecting, independent, fearless, i-can-handle-anything (but a dead mouse in the dog food) type woman would do. I stormed upstairs, woke Gary out of a dead sleep and demanded that he de-mouse the garage immediately. His protestations were short-lived as he could see I was not going to wait another minute. (yes, living with me IS paradise).

I will not describe his de-mousing outfit because that would make me seem ungrateful for the fact that he not only threw out the food AND the mouse but washed the container. This was because he ascertained that we had us, in fact, some ‘fresh mouse’ as there were droppings in there. This sucker had one last big ole meal, took a crap or two and expired in the depths of the kibble.

The fact that he wanted to still feed the food to the dog was a bit concerning, but again, I don’t want to criticize and appear ungrateful.

For now on when we feed the dog, the desire to ask, ‘Do you want a side of mouse with that?’ will be very tempting.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under absurdities, gary, homeowner, humor, pets

Tagged as , , , , ,

May 7, 2009 · 11:42 pm

Garbology

Wikipedia defines this as the study of refuse and trash. I call this the Gladys Kravitz syndrome. For those who do not remember her, or those who are too young (f all of you that are too young; ) she was the nosey neighbor on Bewitched. I seem to have a lot of references for Bewitched characters. I think I will post about Larry Tate at a future date. And then maybe Dr. Bombay.

Back to garbology.

As I have mentioned many times, I walk in the morning with Mel. Dog walkers love garbage day because there are cans out to dump our doody bags in and we don’t have to walk the whole way carrying them. But I love garbage days for another reason, I get to see what the neighbors have been up to.

I walk down the street with these thoughts bouncing through my head:

hmmm… these guys can sure suck down the white wine.

oh my, look whose toddler is still not toilet trained, another case of diapers.

oh these guys just got a new chainsaw, that confirms they are not Jewish!

wow, that’s an awful full recycling can of beer bottles when there are no parents home at that house.

I have seen boxes marked with a label that says ‘Do Not Throw Away‘ and others lying on the ground that say ‘Do Not Lay Flat’. Old furniture and knick knacks so ugly you cannot believe anyone would ever purchase them.

All in all, the garbage of your neighbors can give you a glimpse into their households without really knowing who lives in them

The perfect Gladys Kravitz experience.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, homeowner

Tagged as , , ,

May 5, 2009 · 8:43 pm

Llamacide

I have always had a deep affection for llamas. No, seriously. Sometime back in High School there was an episode involving sleeping on the beach in the Hamptons, a hibachi and a poncho that looked like a llama…

Never mind, you certainly had to be there. Those of you who were are laughing so hard you are crying right now, I am sure of that. I digress (as usual).

llama_inge_morath1Back to the llamas. I love them. I have this photo over my desk. It is from 1957 and was taken by  Inge Morath a wildly talented photographer. (you can see more of her images at magnumphotos.com.) I have often stared at this image late at night during a break from work and wondered how the hell she got the damn llama in that cab. Or do you think she simply happened upon this scene? (did you know they kick and spit when they are nervous?)

I did a little more research on llamas tonight and came across llama.org (not kidding) whose tagline is ‘Put a little llama in your life’ (again, not kidding). Here is a little llamamercial from their site:

Did you know llamas are affordable, fun, can pull a cart, go on a short walk or a long-trek, can be used as an investment vehicle (wait are they recession proof, I need to get me a 401L), are easy to care for, are displayed at shows throughout the US, are great with kids, can guard sheep and other livestock (this should be helpful on the North Shore of Long Island) and that their colorful fleece can be woven into durable, luxurious garments? (a poncho, perhaps?)

Anyone thinking of what to get me for my 50th birthday? Perhaps you should read the Buying Your First Llama section. Wow $3,000 – $10,000. Seriously, who wants a low-end llama, for G-d sakes?

What spawned this post and what the hell does the title mean? Check out this video I found today (along with 1 million other YouTube viewers). Yes, I know that technically Llamacide would be the killing of llamas, but it made a good title.

I don’t know why, but this video made me laugh so hard I had to share it. I must have watched it 5 times today. I hope it makes you all laugh too. Email viewers, you must click over and watch this on the blog, it is REALLY worth the click. (BTW,I am pretty sure the llama.org peops would not find this funny).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, pets, video

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 3, 2009 · 7:50 pm

I’d Walk a Mile for a Camel

lawn_camel

Driving down a street in a neighboring town Danny and I came across this…

lawn camel?

Seriously, what the hell? A quiet suburban street with fairly regular homes, nothing extraordinary about this neighborhood until we saw this silver fiberglass saddled, tassled camel parked on the neatly kept front lawn.

I did a little web searching on camel symbolism and came up with this lovely interpretation of camel dreams (anyone having these lately?)

To see this beast of burden, signifies that you will entertain great patience and fortitude in time of almost unbearable anguish and failures that will seemingly sweep every vestige of hope from you. To own a camel, is a sign that you will possess rich mining property. To see a herd of camels on the desert, denotes assistance when all human aid seems at a low ebb, and of sickness from which you will arise, contrary to all expectations.

Hey, with the shape the world is in these days it is no wonder we don’t see a camel on every lawn.

Whatever happened to those garden gnomes (my grandparents had one) or the cute little family of plaster ducks crossing the lawn (my parents had these). Or Pink Flamingos for G-d sake. They were the bomb!

Lawn decor. Now that would be a great photo book for me to do…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, communities, danny, photography

Tagged as , , , , , ,

May 1, 2009 · 6:36 pm

I Saw Jesus on State Street

jesus-on-state-street

For a Jewish girl I have been writing an awful lot about Jesus lately. There was the toast tattoo in Pennsylvania, the Cheez-Its comparison at Mohonk and now this very interesting shot of two young gentleman carrying a door-sized image down State Street in Madison.

Religious zealouts of this type fascinate me. I always wonder what their agenda is. Do the truly believe they will convert others? Is it tribe pride? Or are they just plain crazy? Seriously, do you wake up one morning and say to your buddy, “Hey Bill, let’s get a big picture of Jesus Christ and stretch it on a frame. Then we can walk up and down State Street and through campus with it.” Yeh, well either that or “Let’s go get some brunch”.

Whatever, it’s harmless. And as long as no one is pushing a pamphlet in my face I am good with the act of self expression.

Plus, it makes for a great picture.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, photography, religion, signage

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 30, 2009 · 9:25 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 9)

untitled-1

OK kids, here we are again, my favorite post of the month. Welcome to the 9th installment of the top ten search terms. There are some great ones this month. Enjoy!

menopause irrational behavior Go figure, who would ever suspect someone in menopause of displaying irrational behavior.

menstraution tampon yes, this was misspelled. and what else, might I ask, would one use a tampon for?

snorting smarties negative effects do you think there are any positive effects? another one in this category would be: smarties naked. are smarties ever dressed?

sorry but i don’t have time for this doesn’t it make you wonder why someone who is so busy would waste their time keywording something like this into a search engine?

satan calling and how to call satan these two are a little scary. ‘who’s calling?’ Satan’ ‘Hold, on. Honey it’s for you’. I am more than a little concerned about people who are keywording the phoning of Satan.

ricky martin lunchbox was someone really looking to buy one of these? too bad I found it on the sale rack.

jesus in cheese its wait, are they now putting Jesus in every pack of Cheez its now?

meaning of live to the point of tears if this has to be explained to you then the chance of you actually experiencing it is unlikely

first:”amy” last:”zimmerman” state:”oh” why are people looking for me in Ohio

fart email subscription WOW, this one is the best ever. can you actually subscribe to farts by email?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, search engine terms

Tagged as ,

April 29, 2009 · 10:11 pm

Flesh Eating Zombies

flesh_eating_zombies

No, I am not talking about an upcoming family reunion. Families can eat your heart out but flesh? No can do.

There is a never ending supply of toys that entertain me. This was something that Gary really wanted for his office but was afraid it was too large. If only there was a mini-version.

Although the Evolving Darwin playset is still my fave (I think the fishman won my heart) this one is a close second. The dog zombie is wonderful, he even has his own blood spatters like the rest of them. The business man zombie looks a lot like the people walking down the street after they get off the commuter train in my town.

Best part?

Glow in the dark, of course.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, gary, photography, products

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 23, 2009 · 7:35 pm

Evolving Darwin Playset

evolving_darwin_playset

Who could resist such an item? I am starting to accumulate a serious toy collection in my office. At first I just took a picture of this one but Gary convinced me to go back and buy it. He knew I would be sorry. You have to love that about him.

It all started with the Albert Einstein Action Figure – funny how you have such a soft spot in your heart for your first. I actually bought two of those, one to keep sealed and one to play with.

Back to Darwin. My favorite part is the thought bubble:

‘From “Fish-Man” to “Genius” in only 380 Million Years!

Brilliant! Simply Brilliant.

I wish I could have gotten a close up on Fish Man’s face, he was Jana’s favorite part.

This lovely item, and another that I will grace you with later on, are made by the company Accoutrements. I just love to say that word, don’t you? Here is a little something from their About Us page:

For over 25 years we’ve provided the world with amazing products that provoke, challenge and entertain. From our Yodelling Pickle to our Bacon Bandages, we create things that people need to have!

I have to admit, I am thinking of buying those Bacon Bandages. (for my vegetarian brother of course)

You can purchase their items retail at mcphee.com. There you can purchase some all-time faves like Stress Weiner (your husband will thank you), Mr. Bacon vs. Monsiuer Tofu (an interesting match to say the least) or the ever popular Watermelon Flavored Sigmund Freud Head Lollipops (because seriously, who DOESN’T want to suck on a little Freud – as always a little head would be nice).

Oh and don’t forget the Love Rats (wasn’t that a B52’s song)

Hey Accoutrements, let’s see how good your social media monitoring is out there. I am thinking I should be getting a nice care package of absurdities for this post, don’t you?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under absurdities, companies, products

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,