Category Archives: absurdities

May 21, 2010 · 7:42 pm

Egyptian Cotton Blanket is the New Mattress Cover


If you have been falling the saga of Jana’s new bed you would know that there is most probably a wanted poster hung in every linen department within 30 miles of my home. After 3 shots at a mattress cover and a nice sunny day for air drying I am happy to report the last one is on the bed and quite comfy.

Enter the navy blue egyptian cotton woven blanket. I love these. I put them on all the beds, layering them with quilts to give temperature options to my poor kids who have to live with their menopausal mom and kinda hairy dad who like to keep this house somewhere between meat freezer and wind tunnel temp.

So, I finally get the damn mattress cover on the bed, put on the yummy soft butter yellow million thread count sheets that I got a great deal on at Home Goods (they thanked me for not returning these) and floated down the navy blue woven blanket on top of them, straight out of the bag when I noticed that it smelled like – as Jana would say – ass! Seriously, it had the worst odor. AND it left all these little navy blue pills all over the pretty pale yellow sheet!

So of course I read the label and tossed that baby in the wash (on delicate with like colors) then into the dryer (on low heat). Yeh, well, the thing came out of the dryer with a million pulls in it AND there was a full puppy’s worth of navy blue lint overflowing from the trap (luckily no fire in the machine).

Yep, back to Bed Bath and Beyond with this sucker. I did contemplate wearing a nose and glasses to disguise myself at the customer service desk. But oddly there was never a question on any of these returns, even without a receipt. They just swiped my card and told me to have a lovely day.

I can’t be the only one having these problems. Can I?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 20, 2010 · 5:31 pm

Parking Lot Hair Ball

I am not sure what to say about this. There I was, getting into my car in a parking lot and stuck to the pavement was a patch of…

… well, a patch of hair. In some sticky stuff. I don’t want to think all that much about the sticky stuff or how the patch of hair got stuck to it. Did someone lay down and have a patch of hair pulled out? Cleaned their brush out the window of a car and the residue floated down and serendipitously stuck to the parking lot goo? Ok, maybe I do want to think a bit about it.

So, here’s the thing. I was about to get into my car and there was someone waiting, not so patiently, for my spot. She saw me get out of the car with my camera and take a shot of the hair ball in the goo and then drive off. Out of the corner of my eye I caught the quizzical look on her face. Do you think she got out of the car to see what I had taken a picture of or did she just write me off as a nut. C’mon, am I the only one who notices this stuff? Probably not but I suppose most people don’t take pictures, or even think all that much about them. What can I say, it is part of the MFTA credo.

This could actually be one of the more disgusting things I have encounter lately. And I don’t know why, but I was drawn to it. Enough to take a picture at least, it’s not like a touched it or anything. I think Eckhart Tolle would call me extremely present for this one.

Yeh, I just wrote four paragraphs about a hair ball in a parking lot. So what!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 19, 2010 · 7:41 pm

The Mattress Cover Debacle

Why is it that I tend to find myself in situations that make me feel like I am living in a bad sitcom?

For those who do not know, my lovely daughter will be arriving home this Saturday after a semester abroad. She will be spending the first summer in 11 years at home – a story for another time. Since she has been gone for the better part of the past three years we never replaced the bed in her room. The very same twin bed that she has had since she got out of the junior bed when she was 5; that would be 16 years ago. It’s time, we certainly got our money’s worth.

We promised her, as she put it, a big girl’s bed before she came home. In true Amy fashion it was purchased and delivered within the last week before she arrives.

Of course I needed to get a nice fluffy cotton mattress cover and OF COURSE no self-respecting mom would put it on the bed without washing it. I mean everyone knows that the people in those factories have sex on those things before packing them (or worse) and it must be washed (with Downy) before ‘any daughter of mine will sleep on it’. Please refer back to this post about ironing her graduation gown that did not work out all that well either.

Mattress pad #1: Purchased for a song at Home Goods. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and the damn thing melted! Seems there is some skeeve guard lining under the gazillion thread count cotton that is not all that fond of dryer heat. Home Goods took it back, no problem. So much for a bargain (even if it was Ralph Lauren and the tag said tumble dry low)

Mattress pad #2: Purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and… yep, same deal. Even on low. Yes I am an idiot. At this point my dear friend Karen who had told me to air dry it confirmed my idiocy. And my new friend @squashedmom told me on twitter that i need to use the no heat setting (who knew, obviously NOT ME)

Mattress pad #3: BBB kindly let me exchange #2 saying they were surprised it melted and apologized. Seriously is this not happening to anyone else?! Ok, #3 in as many days is washed and air drying when I notice the NO HEAT setting on the dryer. Not gonna lie, popped it in there for 10. No melting but there were signs of a revolt going on around the edges so I stopped.

Yes, my domesticity is going down the toilet. And yes, I never learn.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 18, 2010 · 9:36 pm

Sarcasm Meter?

Credit: dictionary.com

It seems from now on I can have a full and meaningful relationship with a computer. Everyone knows that my personality is lost on anyone without a true appreciation for sarcasm. It is amazing that my computer and I have had a relationship that has lasted this long.

According to this article on POPSCI.com SASI, a Semi-supervised Algorithm for Sarcasm Identification, can recognize sarcastic sentences in product reviews online with pretty astounding 77 percent precision.

Ok, so what they are saying now is that first there was voice recognition and now there is wise-ass recognition. I am trying to think of the real world need for this. Apparently this will help shopping sites make better recommendations based on the knowledge that when you say that a product sucks eggs you did not actually mean it was a vacuum cleaner for cleaning up a dropped carton of said eggs. It will actually get the yolk. (oh, jeez, sorry for that one) Or as those crazy kids at Popsci said “This isn’t all just so your Roomba gets the joke when you tell it it sucks.”  (apparently everyone is a comedian today).

Is everything about algorithms now? What happened to eye contact and intuitive behavior? Oh right, now there’s an app for that.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 13, 2010 · 6:08 pm

How did we ever live without the rice bra?

(credit: Triumph)

It seems those days of pining away to grow a little something other than what naturally sprouts in our bras have come and gone. Yes folks, those crazy kids at the Japanese lingerie company, Triumph, have come up with the solution to world hunger – the rice paddy bra.

My Tanbo Bra has cups that form a rice planter, because, well because who wouldn’t want to grow a little crop close to their bosom? Oh right, EVERYONE.

Don’t be silly, you don’t grow the rice on your body, you take it off, put the two cups together and they form a little planter. And I believe with each purchase you receive gardening gloves and belt that is a hose. A love little accessorizing!

These guys are a riot. Who knew the Japanese had such a sense of humor about foundation garments? They come up with a novelty bra every year like the golf bra (I know a few women I could by this one for – Riki, Cindy and Linda come to mind), and the solar panel bra which looks like it comes with panties too (very green!).

Ok, here is a little treat for you because who does not love a Japanese demo video. That’s right no one.

And of course in case you were wondering, this is surely MFTA approved.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 11, 2010 · 10:17 pm

I just think monsters are so interesting

This is one of my favorite Bugs Bunny cartoons of all times.

And if you ever sleep over my house (no this is not an open invite) you might hear me quote the title of this post when I emerge from brushing my teeth first thing in the morning. I have extremely thick hair, and for some reason after a night’s sleep it has a tendency to take on the shape of the monster’s head.

Ok, not really sure why I shared that one, but hey, I know Jeanne is going to love this post because it was her favorite Bugs Bunny too (AND she has seen my hair like that but was too polite to mention it).

UPDATE: Could not resist kiddies. Since there are so many of you that seem to love this one (even quoting lines, Celia, very impressive). Enjoy Everyone!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 7, 2010 · 7:14 pm

License Plate of the Week

Aren’t we all?!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 4, 2010 · 6:23 pm

May is Zombie Awareness Month

Really?

Really. I know, where do I find this stuff?

I think I probably first saw this on twitter but I did a little research and came across, what else, the Zombie Research Society website (no joke). I love their tagline:

What you don’t know can eat you.® (yes this is a registered trademark)

It would appear that May is the month when some of the most famous zombie movies take place (think Night of the Living Dead series), so this is the most likely month for zombie awareness (um, ok).

Here are the Society’s three foundational principles (with my commentary):

  1. A zombie is a biologically definable, animated being occupying a human corpse. (my sister-in-law told me she knows a few people that fit that description – yikes!)
  2. The zombie pandemic is coming. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when (this sounds pretty definitive to me – I am leaning towards being concerned).
  3. Enthusiastic debate about zombies is essential to the survival of the human race (sorry, I find this one to be a bit of a stretch – you?)

If you are interested you can buy their merch here. I am thinking the t-shirt might make a nice father’s day present for my husband.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 2, 2010 · 9:53 pm

Hair Today, Jewelry Tomorrow?!

I first heard about this on Daily Candy and had to do a little more digging because it simultaneously intrigued and repulsed me.

Seems that Larissa de Souza creates jewelry out of human hair. I am trying to wrap my head around this one (no pun intended – ok, maybe). I remember when my daughter was in camp they cleaned out their hairbrushes and made a hair doll. That too, intrigued and repulsed me.

When my kids were little I was at a birthday party and I saw a kid walking around with this braid attached to a stuffed crocheted ball. I asked the mother what it was and she said it was his ‘transitional item, you know like a teddy bear’ only this was mom’s hair. I, personally, preferred teddy bears and blankets, but hey, whatever blows your hair back, right? (i know, these jokes are getting tiresome, sorry)

My point here is maybe in light of these examples maybe there is a strong market for hair jewelry.

There is something so borderline not OK about wearing someone else’s hair as a necklace, but then again, why is it OK to wear human hair wigs and extensions and not this?

And you have to admit, the stuff is kind of nice looking. In a crap I wonder whose hair this was before it was around my neck sort of way.

Ok, sorry, I just can’t do it. Weigh in on this one, I am curious to see how you feel.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 30, 2010 · 11:30 pm

Nonpariel

Friends served these at a dinner party tonight. They were a big hit.

But the question immediately came up, “If these are nonpariels, what are… pariels?”

Sorry, that’s all I got tonight kids.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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