Monthly Archives: August 2009

August 9, 2009 · 8:59 pm

Loss of Domesticity

moldy-bagelWhenever the kids leave for the summer I have a tendency to lose my housekeeping gene. And it gets worse every year. I have been running a home for over 2 decades, but for some reason, without the kids here the conversations go like this:

Gary: We are out of milk.

Me: Oh, yeh, I forgot to buy it.

Gary: Are we out of dishwashing liquid?

Me: Oh, yeh, I forgot to buy it.

Gary: Is there orange juice?

Me: Oh, yeh, I forgot to buy it.

Note to self: show Gary where the supermarket is.

Tonight I decided it was time to start paying attention to the house again and stop focusing on if it is healthy or not to drink during the week. (the answer to that is both yes and no). To embarrass myself into getting back into the domestic mode I will tell you what science projects I found in my fridge and bread box:

1 green fuzzy bagel, 1 green and white fuzzy loaf of unrecognizable bread, a liquid cucumber (Riki found that while making a salad, only a true friend would not judge, thanks Rik), cottage cheese dated July 12th (has that passed yet?), some sort of yogurt dip from the gourmet store where the lid of the plastic container was popping up (what is that about?!), a tupperware of chicken gumbo that I made 2 weeks ago (nasty), apples that I have a sneaking suspicion I bought at the end of June, freezer burned tortollini and many bags of french fries crusted with ice.

Ok, I am sufficiently embarrassed. And pretty sure none of you will accept a dinner invite any time soon. Seriously, I am a good cook and I promise to mend my ways and gain back the domestic skills that have kept this home a well oiled machine all these years.

At least between September and June.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 8, 2009 · 9:52 pm

Crotch Grabbing Elf

Paranoid-elf

So many images, so little time.

I took this shot earlier this month at the Brooklyn Flea. This place was a treasure trove of the bizarre. Looking through the shots of the summer this one was begging to be featured. After the Krazy Glued penis caper I could not help but think this little guy was awfully symbolic. Oh, and I saw this right after Michael Jackson died in the height of MJ fever. Any connection? Can’t you picture him in this get up?

This artifact begs a few questions:

1. Who designed this item, for mass market, no less? And for what purpose? I am thinking this could easily be one half of a nesting salt and pepper shaker from the 50’s. Like the dancing bears my mom had. Hey, Ma, do you still have those?

2. What is the significance of the crotch grabbing? Protection? Masturbation? Or simply the need to pee?

3. Why do I think that this little guy could star in a nightmare I will have real soon. One where all the weird stuff I have taken pictures of will come alive and start chasing me.

Oops, sorry, I probably should not let the inner workings of my warped mind out of the bag so candidly.

Oh, right, isn’t that what I have been doing here from the beginning?

The biggest question of all: Why did I not purchase this little guy?

Stay tuned for more oddities from the flea market on days I have nothing to write about.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 7, 2009 · 11:20 pm

Social Media Saturday – Facebook Profile Tattoos?

husband-tattoo

Since the whole reason for starting this blog was to learn more about the social media space, I thought it would be fun to start this new series, Social Media Saturdays. I will be taking a look at the pros and cons of social media and of course pointing out the things that amuse me.

For those of you who are not on Facebook, the image to the left is a targeted Facebook ad. And a ridiculous one at that. What targeted means, in lay terms, is that there is some kind of creepy algorithm that aggregates all your profile info – age, marital status, geography, Facebook behavior, professional affiliations and G-d knows what else, perhaps even your bathroom habits. This information is then used to create strategically targeted ads that, in theory, fill your personal needs. (Nothing revolutionary, online ad networks have been doing this for a while. Think Google Ads). Again, in theory, you will be inclined to click on those ads, buy those products and services and the world will be a much better place because you don’t have to see ads for stuff you don’t want.

NOT.

Once again, I will retain my MFTA (Magnet For The Absurd) status with this post. I am guessing that perhaps the sole reason why I saw this ad on my Facebook page was because I am a married woman. (or maybe it is because I have linked to my blog where I have written about tattoos more than once). One would guess that all married women get this one, and all married men get the wife version with Jane on it. But how far does the targeting go? Will my married gay male friends get the John version? Depends upon how evolved the ad network is – both technically and socially. And if I were to get divorced would this ad stop appearing and would it be replaced by a dating service. Probably.

Creepy? Definitely.

Back to the absurdity of the offering. Hey, I love my husband but just as I doubt I would tattoo his name on my ass, I probably wouldn’t do it to my profile either. I wonder if there is an ad for a tattoo removal doctor that follows after you add this to your profile.

This illustrates the level of nonsense that is cluttering the social media networks, most of which is just white noise to the users. You Facebook users out there, for the fun of it, start paying attention to the ads that appear on your profiles and leave the most ridiculous ones in the comments.

This should be interesting.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 6, 2009 · 10:30 pm

Sticky Dicky? (they Krazy Glued what?)

crazy-glueForgive me if you are tired of this story by now, but seriously, did you think I could leave this one unmentioned?

This Wisco ‘playah’ was lured to a motel room by one of his handful of lovers and was bound and blindfolded, most probably in hopes of a little action. To his surprise, his wife and two other angry lovers arrived and this poor schnook wound up with his dick stuck to his stomach with crazy glue.

Ouch. And quite creative, I might add. The visual on this one kills me.

(Note: Let’s not feel too bad for this dickhead (or shall I say dickbelly) as he has now been charged with felony child abuse and three other misdemeanors. Could one of them have been nail polish remover theft? Is that a misdemeanor?)

Oddly enough, as innovative as this act might have appeared, it was not original. Apparently back in 2000 a man found himself in a similar bind. Only this guy not only had his penis stuck to his stomach, he also found his testicles glued to his leg and his butt cheeks glued together. All done while he was sleeping! To quote Gary, “Now, that’s tough!”  I know it is cruel but I cannot stop laughing from that one. Do you think the Wisco guy called him to find out what solvent to use?

I am reminded of good old John and Lorena Bobbit. Now there is a guy who would have begged for some crazy glue!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 5, 2009 · 8:03 pm

Rethinking a Wardrobe Choice

I-just-farted

Yes, I know, I am the ultimate MFTA (magnet for the absurd). It is no longer a coincidence that things like this present themselves to me like little bloggy gifts. I still hold to the idea that many people see things like this. They just don’t process or don’t carry a camera.

So, ok, let’s take a look at this ‘I Just Farted (You should run now) T-shirt on this rather portly gent. I will only comment by saying,’What the hell was he thinking?’ This was taken at a kids summer camp alumni weekend. Perhaps the thought was ‘Hey, farting always gets a good laugh, why not?’

This next one is from visiting day a few years back at the same camp:

I-only-date-MILFS

This one kills me on oh so many levels. First, the shirt is flaming orange, no way we can miss it. Second, this guy is the father of 3 boys – to quote my daughter ‘what the hell?’ Third – let’s just say MILFs ain’t dating him back, K? All joking aside, this man actually planned to wear this. He packed it in his suitcase and thought to himself, ‘Hey wouldn’t it be cool to totally humiliate my kids on visiting day?’ Or maybe he just thought it was funny. Scarier.

Ok, one more:

as-a-kite

This one does not fall in the offensive category, in fact I find it rather graphically clever (even though I hate that typeface but that is my own personal graphic design neurosis). Thankfully this was not at camp with kids around, that would just be wrong. But it was at a concert where you would think if this guy was high, perhaps he would want to be a little more discreet about it.

Or not.

Guys, when you get dressed for these events, might I suggest you consult a woman before leaving the house?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 4, 2009 · 11:06 pm

Supa Dupa Dread Kit

supa-dupa-dread-kit

Finally! A product that produces clean healthy dreads. How did I possibly live without knowing about his product? Take a little visit over at dreadheadhq.com and you will laugh out loud, “We are not just the owners of Dread Head HQ… we’re also clients”. Hmm, was that not the Hair Club for Men tagline?

I found this in Lake George of all places. I posted this picture on Facebook and immediately had two comments from people who had to own this product. Go figure, who knew it would make such a nice gift?

Back to the sales pitch. You have to love this one:

At DreadHead HQ we eat, sleep and sport dreadlocks….we love’em and we want to spread the dreads, letting people know just how much butt dreadlocks kick; as a hairstyle, as well as a lifestyle. We want people to know how enjoyable and rewarding it is to rock their own well maintained dreadlocks.

Um, how much butt dreadlocks kick? Yeh, that would be a nice suburban white kid’s take on a symbol of the Rastafari movement. Perhaps a little too heavy a diet of Bob Marley whilst in the crib? Come to think of it my daughter loved him as a kid. She used to go to sleep listening to Roots Rock Reggae on more than one occasion. And now that I mention it my son has a painting of Bob over his bed. And they did have a Jamaican nanny for many years.

Wait a minute, maybe I should have picked up a few cases of this stuff. You never know when a set of dreads might sprout in this very house.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 3, 2009 · 8:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Camp is Short and Life is Long

camp-is-short

This little pearl of wisdom spilled out of Gary while he was on the phone. He was explaining how we feel about the kids being counselors at camp. In these times of rising unemployment and stiff job competition it is hard to let go of the idea that internships and job experience are the only route to travel. Unless of course you understand the need they have to fill by going back to camp because you too, have known it first hand.

I have gushed about the way we feel about camp ad nauseam here, but bear with me on this one.

Read the title of this post and really think about it for a moment. If you ever went to summer camp you are smiling and nodding your head. If you have not, let me try to articulate the importance of this statement.

Camp is the essence of the freedom of summer. It is the place where you leave the social and scholastic pressures of the ten previous months at the threshold and you don’t look back for eight weeks. You can breathe and just BE YOU. The sweet core you without the hinderance of all that life piles on you. Yes, even as a kid. Or, in these times, especially as a kid. Sure there are social issues and competition, but somehow the aura that surrounds you at camp is one of tolerance. Kids of all kinds mesh into the fabric of the place.

When you walk into an alumni weekend at a sleepaway camp like we did this weekend, you see droves of young (and not so young) adults converging on the promised land of their childhoods. Some have just begun their journey down the path of adulthood. Some come back with their spouses in tow, trying to show them exactly why this place is so much a part of who they are today. Others are bringing their children to see the place in hopes that they will want to attend next year. And still others, like ourselves, watch our own kids become the leaders of the place.

How’s this for full circle? I watched my daughter tour a prospective camper around the place, giving her the full flavor of why she would want to be a camper there. This 7-year-old? She was the child of a woman who was my camper when she was ten. And the kid looked just like the mom did when I had her.

History. Love. Belonging. A sense of place.

Camp is short. And life is surely long.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, friendship, Jana, relationships, road trip, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

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August 2, 2009 · 9:22 pm

Prozac Country

prozac-don't-worry-be-happy

Sometimes you are driving down the road, you are weary from a long trip and the conversation has long since died down. Then out of nowhere a visual gift is placed before you. Sometimes your husband points it out and then actually thinks that he is not obligated to turn that damn car around and pull over so you can take the shot. (guess who won that argument).

I kid you not, my friends, no retouching here. This is not one of those funny church sign generator images. This is the real deal.

Stuck in the worst kind of traffic on the way home from the Adirondacks, we took a side route and ambled upon someone’s front lawn with this sitting on it. Talk about the mother of all lawn ornaments. This blows away the frogs and bunnies. If you don’t believe this is for real, take a drive down route 199 in Milan, NY and you will find this yourself. It is between the Rhinebeck Bridge and the Taconic State Parkway.

After a 5 hour drive one could surely use a million milligrams of Prozac.

(please note the Keep Out sign in the bottom left corner, guess that means they don’t share)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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