January 15, 2011 · 11:33 pm

Everybody Loves a Girl Fight Vol. 3

For those who have not been reading all along, I became educated on the sociological fascination that men have with girl fights when my son was the tender age of 15. You can read the full story hear on the Vol 1 post, but the gist of the story is that although I thought my husband was being both a bad father and a neanderthal when he agreed with my son that everyone did, in fact love a girl fight, the notion was actually confirmed by almost every man we asked.

The Vol 2 post was yet another dinner chat where my brother in law chimed in that the best part was when their boobs popped out (which by the way has become one of the top search terms for this blog… G-d help me!)

Fast forward to yesterday when Jana and I were riding the subway downtown. Two young women got on the train at the same time. One sat down in front of me and the other stood by the doors behind me. The car was unusually quiet when this exchange began:

Seated girl: What are you looking at?

Standing girl: No what are YOU looking at?

Seated girl: Yeh, I know I am good looking you don’t have to stare.

Standing girl: No, YOU don’t have to stare (standing girl was not very creative)

This sort of hostile banter continued for a few minutes culminating in a ‘you/no you’ exchange until the entire car began to share in an anticipatory sense of awkwardness that left us all simultaneously uneasy and yet a little titilated. I am not going to lie, there was a part of me that was starting to think, “Damn, everyone loves a girl fight.” That is when I realized I have been living with Gary too long.

And I also realized that if there was going to be a girl fight I was directly in the line of fire and there was a good chance I could have had my picture on the cover of the NY Post the next day. “50-something mom gets knocked unconscious in subway girl fight” Subtitle: Everyone loves a girl fight except this mom.

But honestly, I sort of got the vibe that the whole train was thinking the same thing.

Of course Jana saw right through it and suggested that they were friends who were just trying to get a rise out of the crowd. As we got off at Broadway/Lafayette, so did they… together. And laughing all the way down the platform.

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January 12, 2011 · 11:02 pm

If you kiss this bag will it turn into a prince?

This one was sent to me by a reader as it has MFTA written all over it. Yes folks, these are none other than authentic…

toad purses.

Yeh, I know, you don’t know how you lived without one of these up until now. Well, no worries, you can get one here. And it seems you will be doing your part for the environment by ‘keeping the cane toad population down’. Yep, that has been of huge concern to both myself and my extended family! You should consider buying one for a friend because, you know, ‘cane toad novelties make unique and unusual gifts’.

I’ll say!

These babies are almost as good as the famous rat slippers. What a lovely ensemble the two would make!

Thanks J., for sending me the link.

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January 11, 2011 · 11:02 pm

Comfort Wipe

Oh yeh, now we’re talkin’ MFTA material. I big thank you to Jana’s friend Sarah for finding this baby….

The Comfort Wipe.

In a nutshell, this is a a plastic arm that holds your toilet paper while you wipe your arse! They claim this is the first improvement to toilet paper since the 1880s. Oh, you mean the year it was invented? So they are saying nothing has changed in the TP world since it was first conceived of… I sort of doubt that. With all those bears and clouds hawking the stuff I would think there have been a few improvements along the way. I mean 2010 alone was a huge year in the land of the wiping of ones butt with advertising smackdowns and the like.

Back to the Comfort Wipe, I love the idea that these people find toilet paper ‘archaic’ and ‘disgusting’.  They are marketing this towards those who ‘just don’t want to touch dirty toilet paper’.

You know, as opposed to those of us who really like to.

With a pitch like that how could anyone not own one of these. Of course I do wonder how the hell you are supposed to clean this thing.

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January 11, 2011 · 12:48 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – ‘That’ dream

You know ‘that’ dream. The one you have when you are a little stressed out. When you are probably more anxious than you care to admit and it needs to go somewhere.

And there it is, in the middle of some really good REM you find yourself going down that rabbit hole to the land of no return. Somewhere in the back of your mind you know you are dreaming but it still gets you every time anyway.

Mine is the classic, late for class, didn’t study for the test and have no idea whatsoever where the hell the classroom is. And it is in the middle of the semester. AND, I am in High School, no less.

I had this dream last night. The added twist this time was that my daughter was in my class but she did not wait for me. I had no idea what classroom it was in, nor did I remember what my schedule was. I found my way to the office where my friend Rona was working and she typed out my schedule for me on my iPad (she can be sweet that way). Then I ran into an actual friend from HS and she acted like this was all very normal.

Ok, seriously, I am 51. I don’t even have any KIDS left in High School. Don’t you think it’s time I upgrade the anxiety dream?!

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January 9, 2011 · 11:49 pm

What we say vs. what they hear

Today I was having a lovely conversation with my brother. We have been phone tagging most of the week and it was nice to finally catch up.

Somewhere towards the end of the conversation I said that I had to get going because ‘I had to go food shopping.’

He hesitated and then said, “What did you say?!”, with a bit of surprise in his voice. I told him that I had to go food shopping and thought, jeez, his life must be mighty dull for him to ask me to repeat that.

“Oh!”, he said, “I thought you said you had to give a blow job.”

Really?! I mean this was my friggin’ brother, mind you, not my husband who I would expect this response from.

Not sure if this was a hearing issue, like yoga vs. yogurt, or simply my theory of the answer to every question being, “a little head would be nice” still holding up.

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January 5, 2011 · 5:58 pm

National Whipped Cream Day

I am always amused by what becomes a trending topic on twitter. Apparently today is National Whipped Cream Day. According to the Huff Post the holiday falls on the birthday of the Reddi-wip founder, Aaron “Bunny” Lapin.

It is official. We now have a holiday for every reason. While scanning the stream on twitter I was amused by such tweets as:

It’s National Whipped Cream Day! My nipples have been waiting all year for this!

National Whipped Cream Day? Really? Some of you Porn Freaks must be happy.

and this great one:

It’s funny that “National Whipped Cream Day” and “Britains Fattest” are trending at the same time.

I still like mine the best:

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January 3, 2011 · 10:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – 1.3.11=0 to 60

If you were as lucky as I,  you were able to take it easy for the past couple of weeks. I was not officially on vacation, but I did take advantage of both the holidays and Snowmageddon ’10 to slow it all down and lose the frenzied pace.

My kids were home, there were many friends to celebrate with and we saw a bunch of movies and simply just hung around. We started a jigsaw puzzle, I became obsessed with Scrabble and Words With Friends apps (both of which I royally suck at and don’t care) and I even did a little office cleaning and organizing.

It was lovely.

And then I got hit with the ton of all bricks Monday. It was if the business world awoke from its hibernation and was mighty hungry. Somewhere around 3:00 I had a mad craving to finish the top left corner of that puzzle and new I could not leave my desk. (so sad)

Hard to switch gears.

But there is something nice about getting back into the routine and being what you are. Certainly not as nice as a bloody mary at 11 am, but still – it has its merits.

How did you guys do on your first day back?

 

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January 2, 2011 · 11:11 pm

Snowman Condom

I saw this hermetically sealed snowman on my morning walk. As I was passing by I ran into a neighbor of mine who said he thought it looked like a snowman condom. What a perfect description!

I can only imagine the meltdown in that house that would prompt a parent to wrap an entire snowman in plastic. I assume the rain forecast put some poor young child into some sort of snowman frenzy.

Do you think they had that plastic sheeting in the house or did they make a special trip go buy it?

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December 30, 2010 · 8:24 pm

Goodbye TwentyTen

New York Times Square New year celebrations in...

Image via Wikipedia

Not sure if I will ever get used to the ‘twenty’ thing in the date. I guess I have the rest of my life to adjust to it.

I am never one for big New Year’s celebrations or resolutions. For me, if my desk is clean (it is, along with my desktop that finally has the current operating system) and my kids are happy (they are) and we are not staring down the business end of a full-blown crisis (we aren’t) I am relatively content at the end of the year.

2010 has had it’s moments; some good, some not so much – all part of the roller coaster of living. We have learned to live with ever changing expectations and to realize that what you think is going to take you down probably is not the one that will. But watch the hell out for what you least expect. Be nimble. Laugh whenever possible. Cry, on Tuesday’s of course. And most of all, appreciate the people in your life. Those who believe in you are your best assets.

So as we roll the calendar over to the new year, I will take this moment to thank all of the people in my life for being the PEOPLE in my life. And I thank the cosmos for always throwing out things to amuse me, even when I don’t think that I can be amused.

Oh, and Happy New Year to you all. May you turn the calendar to find what you have been looking for. Or better, maybe something that you haven’t.

 

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December 29, 2010 · 11:14 pm

Voice Texting

I am sorry, is this not the most absurd concept ever? Voice texting. Hello… if you are willing to talk into the phone, why don’t you just… TALK into the phone.

The theory behind this is to make texting safe while driving. So, in practice, the recipient does not want to chat, they still want to text. And in all fairness, the caller may also not want to chat either but they are driving and want to be safe.

I guess I just find the whole thing sort of silly. A contradiction of terms. I think the texting wave gets taken to a whole new level here.

I have to commend the development of the technology in the name of safety. But it makes me sort of sad that we have reached a point in communication evolution that makes a quick vocal check in undesirable. I get the convenience. It comes in handy for the times when you need to ‘talk’ to someone who perhaps is hard to get off the phone. And you know I am a major lover of technology, early adopter, geek of another color. But this one… leaves me cold.

What next?

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