Category Archives: Uncategorized

July 17, 2010 · 12:29 am

Mother Daughter IM

Sometimes the only communication I have with my kids is virtual. It’s ok; any connection is fine by me and sometimes you can simply jump into each other’s day and ease the pain a little. The following is part of a chat with my daughter who, as part of her internship duties, had to be the receptionist for two days in a row. This came in at about 4:45 PM just as most of the office was getting ready to vamoose. (note we both have our dog as our icons… scary) I am in the blue in case you could not guess.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 21, 2010 · 2:08 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Zen and the Art of Letting Go

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There are times in your life when you simply have to let it go. When you are a parent – and a control freak to boot – letting go is not the easiest thing to do.

But I know better. Time marches on and either we march along with it or we get trampled. Ok, so maybe I feel some boots on my back right about now. And I know I am not alone.

So, to all of you who are trying to march into step with the graduation class of 2010, here it is: the Time to Cry Tuesday post about graduating your youngest child.

The other day, during the 4-hour end of school/pre-camp errand, Danny and I found ourselves in the bookstore and I came across Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. This 1974 novel was one of my most favorites back in the day – whenever the hell ‘the day’ was. Maybe High School, or college. I like to recommend some quality books to my kids in between the trash so I suggested that he read this. After being rejected by over 121 publishers it went on to sell over 4 million copies and was translated into 27 languages.

I suppose I was not alone in my love for this book.

While he browsed, I stopped at the Starbucks to try to alleviate the sleep-deprived haze I found myself in that is all too familiar this time of year. I began to refresh my memory by reading the back of the book. Up until this moment I had done a damn good job of holding it together. He is ready. He is excited. He is moving on to the next chapter of his life with the confidence and unbridled passion that only a young man of almost 18 could have.

I was good, I tell you, until I read this:

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a powerful, moving, and penetrating examination about how we live… and a breathtaking meditation on how to live better… an unforgettable narration of a summer motorcycle trip across America’s Northwest, undertaken by a father and his young son. A story of love and fear – growth, discovery and acceptance – that becomes a profound personal and philosophical odyssey into life’s fundamental questions…

And that was when it happened. I broke. There in the Starbucks while ordering the grande iced latte (not even half caff, for G-d sake) I could not breathe. What if I had not imparted enough to him? Could I have done more? Could I have ‘lived better’ by example? Why did I never take a motorcycle trip cross country with him when he was younger ? (ok, that one is a stretch) Wait, I need a do over! I am sure there is some colossal parenting task I did not achieve well enough. Seriously, it went too fast, how could he make it without me?

And then I looked across the store.  And there he was, with that scruffy almost-beard and that ultra-confident, but in no way cocky little swagger that he has. And I realized the only wisdom that was not realized was my own:

The Art of Letting Go.

My friends, the road is long. And then it ends(ish). But as we who have graduated the siblings before these kids know, being a parent is a life-long job. And this stage is in many ways more fun than any of them. They are the people we grew from babies.

Their own people. And with any luck they will take care of US when we are old. (which may be sooner than I think if I don’t get some sleep soon)

To my boy, may we always have days like these past few weeks we have shared. Thanks for humoring me through them. And for making me so very proud to be your mom.

I love you. Now go and be all you can be.

And be careful.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under advice to my son, college, danny, parenting, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

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June 17, 2010 · 11:59 pm

Cracking of the Rock of Gibralter – Part 2

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Or: This chick surely does not have her sh*t together anymore!

Back in December of 2008 I wrote this post about the gradual – or not so gradual – deterioration of my ability to keep things together the way I used to. When the kids were young I could juggle a toddler, a baby, a job, a puppy, a husband in the ICU and still hold down a full time job.

Now? Lucky if I remember to feed any of them. Hey they are old enough to fend for themselves. Ok, maybe the dog has an issue with the can opener, but she could live off the begging she does just fine.

Today I bring you the top ten list of why I simply cannot consider myself superwoman anymore. And to let you know that I am fully liberated from giving a crap about it.

10. No milk for the coffee and cereal (for more than one day)

9. No lunch reservation for graduation day (next friday)

8. No corsage ordered for Danny’s prom date (again, next friday)

7. Danny’s suit for this Saturday night’s fundraiser is not altered (masking tape anyone)

6. Cannot find the receipt for Danny’s prom tuxedo (See a Danny pattern here? Hey, he needs to start taking care of himself, he is going to college)

5. Have not written a blog post since Tuesday (please tell me you guys noticed)

4. Picked up the materials for a presentation hours before I was giving it (usually had this done at least a day in advance in the past)

3. Have lost my blackberry, shoes, wallet, glasses,  ______ fill in the blank, at least once a day (hopeless)

2. Have not filed the last 2 month’s worth of paperwork (office is an embarrassment)

And the Number One reason I am convinced I am no longer even a shadow of the woman I used to be:

1. Camp trunks go out tomorrow and they are still in the attic at 2PM

Ok, but here is the thing. Eventually I went to Dairy Barn and got milk. No one in the house is starving to death, certainly not the dog. If I don’t blog for a few days, only my stats suffer.  Danny is 17 and does not care how well his suit fits, is fully aware that we will order the corsage today, and knows that even without the receipt I will find a way to get that tuxedo. (I still have skills, for G-d sakes!) The presentation went fine, I find and re-lose all items daily like the tides. Papers were meant to left in piles, and most important, those trunks will get packed in the same 1 hour window whether we do it over 2 weeks or one night at 10PM.

Lesson learned: it all get’s done anyway. Lighten up.

Superwoman is sorely over-rated!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 14, 2010 · 10:11 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – A Hole in the Blogosphere

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If you read me regularly you have noticed that I also write over at 50-Something Moms Blog. I have been part of the SV Moms Group community for almost two years and consider them a family of sorts. Or as Gary likes to refer to them, my satan-worshipping blog friends.

As far as I can tell, none of them are actual satan-worshippers. Instead they are hundreds of moms – and a few dads with a strong sense of their masculinity – who write about everything from parenting to politics. The blogs are segmented geographically with one demographic group – the must current group of 50-somethings I have ever met!

In the background we are members of a thriving discussion board where we offer support, help promote one another, network and collaborate. Never before have I worked within such an amazing group.

I have been in business for many years. I have watched moms struggle with every aspect of the collision of parenting and career –  be it the choice to continue working or the option to stay home. As part of this group I have watched and listened. At times I have given council and at others I have been taught by the masters. When I needed an answer or a resource on any topic, they were my go-to group and there was always someone who would jump in and help me out.

It is with great sadness that I report the SVMoms Group is dissolving the site. The bloggers were all notified at around 3:00 PM EST on Monday. Within 6 hours a new alumni community was formed on Ning with members immediately joining by the dozens. I would imagine the whole group will migrate there within a day or so. This is a network that will not dissolve.

So, to the Sisterhood of the SVMoms I show my deepest gratitude for having been a part of something so very special. And to our fearless leaders, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to be a part of something so life-changing. (oh yeh, and letting me lie about my age for the first year I was writing on 50-something).

Yes, there will surely be a hole in the blogosphere where we once lived!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 3, 2010 · 6:16 pm

Friend of the Devil

That would be me, I suppose.

Yesterday as I was obsessing over perusing my blog stats it came to my attention that I had just posted my 666th post. How interesting that the title was ‘Got Balls?’ Seems if I were to have a mission statement or a tagline it might run along those lines.

My facebook status currently reads: Wow, just checked my blog stats and I just posted my 666th post. I am feeling a bit devilish…

At which point the comments included me being a Friend of the Devil and The Devil with the Blue Dress On as well as some reference to Route 66 which was a stretch but the sentiment was there. This should give you and idea of the age of my readers. (Feel free to comment on my selection of the renditions of each of these songs in the links above, but these are my faves)

Nonetheless, it is the nuances in life that keep me entertained. And I try my best to pay attention to the little things, because as we all know…

the devil is in the details.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 2, 2010 · 9:46 pm

Got Balls?

Yes it is quite obvious that these type of people seek me out on the road and present themselves in front of me. It has become more than just a coincidence at this point.

I have a few friends that I would love to buy this bumper sticker for, and you certainly know who you are. (cough, cough, Joanne)

I particularly like the way the bumper is dented and the sticker is damaged, it makes it look that much ballsier.

Do you think this would look good on the back of my momUV?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 29, 2010 · 6:29 pm

Back Waxing

While taking this picture on Main Street in my town a couple walked by and he said, “Hey, maybe I should go get my back waxed.”

I must say that $40 seems awfully cheap for a whole back, doesn’t it?

Is there really anything else for me to say about this that I have not already said? Please refer back to this post and this post to hear my opinion of hairy backs.

That should do it. Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 28, 2010 · 8:00 pm

The Colonoscopy: A recap in 3 acts

Act One: Scheduling the appointment

Me: Hello, I would like to schedule an appointment for my colonoscopy.

Receptionist: Oh, we have an opening on the 28th at noon.

Me: (thinking ‘an opening’ was a poor choice of words) I will take it.

Understanding that this was the Friday of a holiday weekend I figured it would be a good day to take off, and I jumped at the idea of the weight loss.

Yes I am extremely shallow.

Act Two: The pre-prep (I will spare you the actual prep because I am classier than that)

Me: What flavor Gatorade should I mix the Miralax with?

Danny: Yellow

Gary: Yellow

Jana: Yellow

I bought grape.

Oh, and yellow – I am not an idiot! I did the taste test and under the advisement of Jana’s boyfriend decided on yellow because he said I would get sick of the grape after the second glass.

Jana: OMG you are mixing that ENTIRE bottle of Miralax* into that Gatorade, that is like a month’s worth!

Me: Yeh, I know. I thought that is why you were going to stay at Corey’s house for the night.

You will be happy to know that after I fasted for 24 hours and had been starving for a day Gary came home and made himself probably the most delicious smelling omelette ever made on the face of this earth.

I asked him why he didn’t bake a chocolate cake right after that too.

* I would like to mention that on the side of the Miralax package it states that your stool may become soft and runny… um is that not the point of a laxative?

Act Three: Phone call with a friend after the colonoscopy was finished

Friend: How are you feeling?

Me: Not bad, actually. It was just like any other Friday at work except this time I was sedated before I got reamed up the ass.

Friend: I guess I should tell you my daughter is in the car and I am on speakerphone (note: daughter is in college)

Me: Well, now is as good a time as any for her to hear about the real world.

Daughter: Thanks Amy, I really appreciate that.

 

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 19, 2010 · 7:41 pm

The Mattress Cover Debacle

Why is it that I tend to find myself in situations that make me feel like I am living in a bad sitcom?

For those who do not know, my lovely daughter will be arriving home this Saturday after a semester abroad. She will be spending the first summer in 11 years at home – a story for another time. Since she has been gone for the better part of the past three years we never replaced the bed in her room. The very same twin bed that she has had since she got out of the junior bed when she was 5; that would be 16 years ago. It’s time, we certainly got our money’s worth.

We promised her, as she put it, a big girl’s bed before she came home. In true Amy fashion it was purchased and delivered within the last week before she arrives.

Of course I needed to get a nice fluffy cotton mattress cover and OF COURSE no self-respecting mom would put it on the bed without washing it. I mean everyone knows that the people in those factories have sex on those things before packing them (or worse) and it must be washed (with Downy) before ‘any daughter of mine will sleep on it’. Please refer back to this post about ironing her graduation gown that did not work out all that well either.

Mattress pad #1: Purchased for a song at Home Goods. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and the damn thing melted! Seems there is some skeeve guard lining under the gazillion thread count cotton that is not all that fond of dryer heat. Home Goods took it back, no problem. So much for a bargain (even if it was Ralph Lauren and the tag said tumble dry low)

Mattress pad #2: Purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and… yep, same deal. Even on low. Yes I am an idiot. At this point my dear friend Karen who had told me to air dry it confirmed my idiocy. And my new friend @squashedmom told me on twitter that i need to use the no heat setting (who knew, obviously NOT ME)

Mattress pad #3: BBB kindly let me exchange #2 saying they were surprised it melted and apologized. Seriously is this not happening to anyone else?! Ok, #3 in as many days is washed and air drying when I notice the NO HEAT setting on the dryer. Not gonna lie, popped it in there for 10. No melting but there were signs of a revolt going on around the edges so I stopped.

Yes, my domesticity is going down the toilet. And yes, I never learn.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 18, 2010 · 9:36 pm

Sarcasm Meter?

Credit: dictionary.com

It seems from now on I can have a full and meaningful relationship with a computer. Everyone knows that my personality is lost on anyone without a true appreciation for sarcasm. It is amazing that my computer and I have had a relationship that has lasted this long.

According to this article on POPSCI.com SASI, a Semi-supervised Algorithm for Sarcasm Identification, can recognize sarcastic sentences in product reviews online with pretty astounding 77 percent precision.

Ok, so what they are saying now is that first there was voice recognition and now there is wise-ass recognition. I am trying to think of the real world need for this. Apparently this will help shopping sites make better recommendations based on the knowledge that when you say that a product sucks eggs you did not actually mean it was a vacuum cleaner for cleaning up a dropped carton of said eggs. It will actually get the yolk. (oh, jeez, sorry for that one) Or as those crazy kids at Popsci said “This isn’t all just so your Roomba gets the joke when you tell it it sucks.”  (apparently everyone is a comedian today).

Is everything about algorithms now? What happened to eye contact and intuitive behavior? Oh right, now there’s an app for that.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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