Category Archives: humor

March 10, 2010 · 10:29 pm

An Equidistant Moment

It’s moments like this I am absolutely certain I was born to carry a camera. And I always wonder if other people notice this kind of stuff.

Right after we saw the white dogs with orange socks, we came upon this odd little scene on the World Financial Plaza. This was one of the first warm days in NY and everyone was trying to catch some time outdoors. The odd thing was that these five seemingly unrelated people decided to do so in almost the exact same way. They were spaced perfectly (hence equidistant), legs crossed on the same side, each one reading, as if they had been set up by an art director. Of course this was not, in fact,’a shot’.

It was real life.

I mean, seriously, what kind of art director would have kept that guy in the powder blue sweater on the left side there. He is the wild card in this shot. I mean, for G-d sake, he is not even crossing his legs.

Damn rebel!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, communities, humor, New York, New York City

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March 9, 2010 · 9:09 pm

White Dogs with Orange Socks

I don’t know, I just couldn’t come up with anything clever as a title for this. Sometimes the obvious is so outrageous it just fits.

Seems like the theme this week is pets. So if you are not an animal lover check back on maybe Saturday.

I saw these little lambikin like doggies on the Esplanade in Battery Park City yesterday. If you have never been there, you should visit, it is a very cool place and it almost seems like it is a different city than NY. Full disclosure, Battery Park City Authority is a long-standing client but I genuinely love this place and have watched it grow over the past 25 years from a whole bunch of open lots into a thriving urban jewel.

Back to the white dogs in orange socks (this sounds rather Suessian, no?). I was with a friend/client and we stopped to talk to the owner of these little… scamps. I am pretty sure she suffered from a little OCD of sorts because when I asked to take their picture she was all upset about their ‘faces being dirty’. Apparently these tiny orange socks are not meant to protect their delicate itsy bitsy feeties, they are to keep them from getting soiled.

Oh my!

Do you think she was offended when I bent down to pet them and told her my dog takes bigger dumps than this? Yeh, probably was classic anti-social behavior, but it did get a laugh out of my friend.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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Filed under absurdities, communities, humor, New York City, pets, photography, places of interest

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March 7, 2010 · 5:39 pm

Bad Carma and the Three Dog Night

No, not a typo!

“When the mechanical-technological things in our life break down , it is not a personal attack on us. It is just the nature of the mechanical-material world.”

This hangs over my desk. I don’t know who said it but it sounds kind of Eckhart Tolle-ish to me. Nonetheless, it helps me cope.

Carma, you ask? Yeh, well first Gary’s car decided to overheat on the way home Friday night. He got towed. For those who remember the last AAA debacle you will be happy to hear he called them without hesitation this time.

And then the tow truck broke down in front of our house (poor guy got dragged into our bad carma – I know, too corny to say twice, sorry).

Gary had a hose replaced on Saturday. Well not Gary, the car, you will be happy to know his hose is fine. (you see, things could be much worse).

And then the car overheated again. (fixed, um, think not).

Then the oil pressure somethingorother light in Danny’s car went on.

Ok, that would be two cars down, going to the shop first thing Monday morning.

Now on to the dogs. When things suck you can always count on your dog to make them not suck. How? By simply being the dog. Fortunately, tonight we find ourselves triply lucky in the canine department. Not only do we have Mel to keep us from feeling sucky, we also have Ginger and Barkley, our two fave dog sitting companions. Look at those 3 old dogs and tell me your life would not be sheer bliss if you could hang with them.

Oh and one of the dogs came with another teenage boy so we have plenty of food in the house if you want to come over and visit our crazy home.

Hey, I wonder if I can find a dog sled for Gary to get to work tomorrow. Damn, too bad that snow melted. (Dr. Jimmy, that snow comment was for you, babe)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 28, 2010 · 9:31 pm

The Perfect Husband

I know, you all saw that title and thought, “How sweet, she is going to praise the virtues of her sweet Gary of Hey Nanny Nanny and Janie Knight fame.” Well, of course he is the perfect husband, but this post is not about him.

For those who have been following along, my daughter Jana is doing a semester abroad. That is college-speak for I will tolerate a few hours a week of class so I can be in a different city (sometimes two) every weekend. This weekend found her in Amsterdam, with a side trip to Brussels. When she is traveling I usually wake up to a BBM (blackberry messenger message – it’s like a text for you non-crackberry heads). This morning I found this photo with no message. It was hard to read on my bberry so I had to email it to myself to see what it was.

If there was any doubt that I was genetically linked to this girl you will now understand that I would have to be her mother. Ahhh, the Inflatable Perfect Husband. This must be the 20-year-old version of the Grow Your Own Parents that I bought her in middle school when we were getting on her last nerve. I particularly like the french word for inflatable… gonflable. How do you pronounce that? Anyone? I took Spanish so it is lost on me but I love the way it looks.

I shudder to think what the Inflatable Perfect Wife has behind her back.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, gary, humor, Jana, travel

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February 26, 2010 · 7:46 pm

OK…”uncle!” Now vodka please

And make it a double.

Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.

Sometimes you meet in the middle for hours upon hours of tedious negotiations. Yep, door number three, that was my day.

So kiddies, you will forgive me for not writing last night. And for leaving this post that borders somewhere on the periphery of the mentally unfit. (a little place I call my playground almost every friday night these days).

Not unlike those little spongey capsules that turn into animals and circus characters when you add water that my kids used to love so much, I will add a little vodka to this twisted little mind and hope it springs back to something acceptable by the AM.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 23, 2010 · 6:19 pm

Is this me or what?

I simply must own this shirt. There are many versions of it out there on different sites but this one is my fave. (I saw this on twitter tonight from my friend Marci Diehl so I thought it only right to give her a little link love here). And if there really was a National Sarcasm Society and not just a ‘we’ll be right back’ website I think I would have to be a lifetime member.

If you read me regularly you would agree. If you live with me or talk to me on a regular basis, aside from wanting to run me over with your car on occasion, you would testify to it in a court of law.

I always wonder if sarcasm is an inherited gene or if it is a nature vs. nurture question with my kids, but these two have surely honed the fine art. A night at our dinner table is always a walk into the fire. If you are off your game you are surely screwed. I think our favorite family line is ‘Are you kidding me?!”

I constantly talk about doing a T-shirt line, I have scraps of paper and lists in my notebook of some really great lines. Maybe it is time for me to go ahead and do this. What do you think?

Hey, like I need your support? (oh sorry, I got carried away)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 17, 2010 · 7:40 pm

Honey, does this potato make my butt look fat?

No, folks, no Photoshop miracle here. This baby came right out of the bin at the supermarket we affectionately call Stinky Farms (for the way it used to smell when I was pregnant, before they renovated).

I always find it uncanny when I find body part vegetables. This is not the first time I have blogged about them. Who could forget my friend Katie’s rather impressive cucumber from fire island? (All the other vegetables were jealous Vol. 1) or the rather impressive horse radish during Passover (vol 2)? And then of course there is Gary’s hidden talent for peeling an orange into an ‘elephant’ (cough, cough, yeh right)

But this one? This one is almost freakish in its resemblance to a perfect little baby’s butt.

Yeh, I know, you all wish you could go food shopping with me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, carry a camera, gardening, gary, holidays, humor

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February 13, 2010 · 12:45 am

Olympic Malfunctioning Caldron and Other Fails

I waited all week for this. I LOVE the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. I know it is a little corny but I can’t help it. And I have to say I was greatly disappointed. The last winter olympics opening ceremony in Beijing was so spectacular, this simply fell flat. Even the logo was so much cooler last time.

There was, however, one tremendous highlight for our family. The Canadian National Anthem was sung by a 16-year-old super talent named Nikki Yanofsky. And why do we care? Because not only is Nikki an alum of my kids’ camp, she was my daughter’s camper. Check out her official Olympic song here. It hit #1 on Canada’s itunes. Chills from this one. You go Nikki, we are very proud!

Back to the opening ceremonies. Here are my top 5 fails:

5. First half hour… painfully boring. I kept looking for the Cirque style bungee jumpers and fell short with beads and head dresses.

4. What was the criteria for being one of the dancers in the white outfits, did you just have to have legs?

3. Opera singer… OMG who thought it would be a good idea to do that after 11PM?

2. The speeches: 2 old guys droning on for 15 minutes after 11:30? Bilingually. Seriously!

And the number 1 fail of the ceremonies, the one we are sure that someone was fired for, the one that brought about all sorts of cursing behind the scenes (in French AND English) would be…

1. The caldron malfunction!

Although they were fortunate enough not to have a nipple show during this sucker, we did notice Wayne Gretsky getting awfully antsy waiting for those poles to rise.

All in all, this was a sleeper. Although we were quite fond of the suspended thing that had a Georgia O’keefe Tri-vaginal quality about it. I believe Larry knick-named it The Trigina. (another Urban Dictionary entry for sure).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under camp, current events, family, games, humor, sports

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February 11, 2010 · 9:29 pm

Dr. Hey-Nanny-Nanny

File this under I am pretty sure my son will need therapy after being parented by the likes of us.

Dinner conversation:

Gary: Danny if I was an oby/gyn I would let you come in the delivery room.

Danny: Oh greeeeaaaat. (lots of eye rolling)

Me: That’s lovely. Would the tagline on your business card be ‘Hey Nanny Nanny is my bi-nuss’?

Gary: No, but Hey Nanny Nanny would definitely be my license plate.

(Judy, just a quick question, does anyone in your practice refer to it as the Hey Nanny Nanny? And if yes, do they have it on their license plate?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, advice to my son, conversations, danny, family, humor, license plates

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February 9, 2010 · 6:56 pm

Sleep Apnea and You

Ahh, those fabulous facebook targeted ads. Does anyone else pay attention to these? One of my concerns of late is that I get more absurd ads than anyone else. Am I paranoid, or am I truly the Magnet For the Absurd (MFTA)?

This beauty came across my page the other night:

What the hell? What is a CPAP mask and is anyone else horrified at the idea of sleeping next to someone wearing one of these things? And, oh wise algorithm of facebook…why me? I wonder, is there a huge population of women my age on facebook that suffer from sleep apnea. Or is this just an ad that rotates through the entire facebook community in hopes that they will find those who do suffer. I had to do myself a little research on this (big surprise) and found this horrifying article that states the following:

New research from South Korea indicates that people who suffer from severe obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) have reduced concentrations of gray matter in multiple areas of the brain.

Gray matter refers to the brain’s cerebral cortex, where most of the analyzing processes take place. The changes in brain structure maybe the cause of heart and memory problems—which are both common in individuals with OSA.

Oh crap, is my lack of gray matter showing! Honey does this reduced gray matter make my ass look fat?

I digress, back to facebook ads. I can understand some of the others that show up on my page. You know the ones that target everything towards 50-year-olds just to remind me how old I am in case I maybe forgot for a moment or two in between the days when AARP has sent me membership cards – I have received 7 to date, no lie. I have seen the Buy Uggs at 50 ad with the pink Uggs that no one on earth would be caught dead in. Figuring this ad was done by some 20-something who thinks her mom’s friends are lame enough to buy them. Or the hey 50-year-old we need you to test out the i-pad, maybe because the i-adultdiaper is not quite out of beta yet! Yeesh!

Wait, what was this post about again? (uh oh, must be the gray matter thing)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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