Category Archives: danny

Indecent Exposure

pants-down-front

mfta momentAt this point I am fairly convinced these things are put specifically in my path. Yes, I have been targeted in life, a true MFTA. How else can you explain this one?

I hardly ever go shopping, even more rarely am I in the men’s department of Macy’s. But today, while trying to get some clothes for the boy, we came across this scene. I took a picture of the back first (which was quite funny). But Danny casually walked passed these guys and told me the front was much better, then kept browsing through the racks. Seems the next generation has become accustomed to my need to capture the absurd.

This was surely better for him than the old lady I made him follow through the Bloomie’s women’s department wearing reptile tights, leg warmers and gold metallic Converse. (no Danny was not wearing that, the old woman was!) Sadly I could not get a good enough shot of her and he was not great camouflage for me in the evening dress department.

So back to Mr. No Head With His Pants Down. Of course I had to get a closer look at was was going on under those shirt tails. It seems the poor guy has just a hint of a package, if you will. Kind of like a nub or a turtle type shrinkage sort of apparatus. I guess you would say he was sort of anatomically… castrated.

Take a look for yourself:

anatomically-castrated

This all got me to thinking whether this was intentional or simply a wardrobe malfunction. What do you think?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, danny, humor, humor, magnet for the absurd, trends

Zaidie was right!

steely_dan-can_t_buy_a_thrill-big

I have been sitting on this story for the past few days wondering if it was a good idea to share with you all how crazy my family truly is. And then I figured if I have not scared you off yet, this one will entertain you.

The players:

Gram: my mom

Zaidie: my dad

Danny: my son

Gary: my husband

Me: me

(phone rings)

Me: Hello

Gram: Hi. Hey do you know what Steely Dan is.

Me: Sure, mom, it’s a band

Gram: No, I know it is a band. We were just listening to them. But do you know where the name came from.

Me: Um, no. Gary, do you know where the name Steely Dan came from?

Gary: (funny grin, then makes the universal hand signal for a boner)

Me: Really?! Ok, mom, Gary says it’s a boner.

Gram: A boner, nope. Dad said it is a metal dildo.

Ok, so let me interject here for a minute. My mom is 78! And she has always been rather proper. So I am going to say it is a safe bet that I have never heard her say ‘dildo’ before. Surely not ‘metal dildo’ (ouch, BTW)

Danny: (from downstairs) WHAT are you guys talking about?!

Me: Zaidie says that a Steely Dan is a metal dildo but Dad says it is a boner.

Danny: Oh Jeez!

Me: Danny, can you google it please.

a moment passes and then…

Danny: Hey Zaidie was right, it is a metal dildo. Sometimes 2-headed. Ew, I cannot believe I am having this conversation with my parents and grandparents (I believe that was paraphrased)

Seriously, don’t you think that hearing your 17-year-old son say, “Zaidie was right, it’s a metal dildo.” is somehow crossing the line?

Yeh, well, it will all come out on the couch.

FYI, here are may favorite definitions from urbandictionary. com:

1) proper name of a steam powered dildo from the novel Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs.

STEAM POWERED?!! ouch! and this one:

2) A Massive Metal dildo, sometimes double-headed.

Yeh, well that will surely fuel a nice little therapy session for my son in his future.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

15 Comments

Filed under absurdities, aging parents, conversations, danny, family, gary, humor

Time to Cry Tuesday – Where the Wild Things Are

where-the-wild-things-are

“Oh please don’t go – we’ll eat you up – we love you so!”

I can’t help it. That line kills me.

Every time.

To say that I have a soft spot for this book is an understatement. A few weeks ago I mentioned that my son hit send on his first college app as the movie commercial aired. Danny agreed to see it with me. Part humoring me, part his own nostalgia, I suppose.

Life takes mysteriously coincidental turns. As we were leaving to see the movie yesterday, I did a quick check on the college website to see his status. Miraculously, before my eyes, the pending status changed to…

Danny_accepted-collegeAll sorts of screaming, tears, and jumping up and down ensued (that was mostly me). And then we went off to see the film. (which by the way I LOVED, but by no means should you take little kids to see this).

Sitting there in the dark with my boy – watching this childhood fave come to life – was such a MOMENT. But when that last line was spoken, those words were almost too much to bear. In my head I thought, off you go, my son, on to your next adventure. But in my heart all I could hear was…

“Oh please don’t go – we’ll eat you up – we love you so.”

Congrats to my boy who worked so hard to get all that he deserves. And I want you to always remember that no matter where you go, when you come home to your ‘very own room’ you will always find ‘your supper waiting for you’

‘and it will still be hot.’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

10 Comments

Filed under advice to my son, college, college applications, danny, family, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Anti Monkey Butt Powder?

anti-monkey-butt

mfta momentHere is a little Magnet for the Absurd (MFTA) moment brought to you by my BBFF (best blog friend forever) Liz. For those who are regular readers, I have deemed myself the MFTA because, well because I can, but also because oddities seem to present themselves to me quite often. Now when people see absurdities they send them to me to blog about. How wonderful since I really did not have much else to say today.

This lovely product seems to have many uses. It is for those who do Butt Busting activities as well as those who sit on their but all day which makes their target market…

Everyone!

Since you probably can’t read the fine print it says:

‘Absorbs excess sweat and reduces frictional skin irritation.’ According to my son, I believe this condition is called ‘swamp ass’. (hey, he is 17, they have very frank descriptors)

It is also ‘Ideal for butt busting activities such as motorcycling, truck driving, horseback riding, bicycling and other extreme sports.’

A little hop over to their website is quite entertaining. Seems they have expanded the line into a ‘Lady Anti Monkey Butt’ and they sell apparel and merch too. I love the copy in the top bar of the site “Is your butt irritated?”

Hey you could powder your ass with this stuff and then put on a brand spanking new pair of Uranus underwear. This seems like the grown up version of Butt Paste, also brought to my attention by a reader. Yes, I am an infant. Did I not prove this when I posted about Doodyman, Call-A-Head and the Modern Toilet restaurant.

Ok, I’ll stop, I promise…

for now.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, danny, magnet for the absurd, products

Time to Cry Tuesday – Hit Send

send-button

We are here. Where, you ask?

Here!

On the other side of ‘send’.

And with that simple click of the mouse, Danny – the baby – has submitted his first college app.

Too melodramatic, you say. Hmmm, well I say you are all too vocal tonight. How do you like that?

Tonight, as we were watching promos for ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ – the movie adaptation of one of our favorite books from his childhood – that crazy app went soaring through the interwebs and officially turned my little boy into a college applicant.

‘It roared its terrible roar and gnashed its terrible teeth’ and transformed ‘that little boy who made mischief of one kind…

and another…’

into a man(ish)-type person.

Never in the history of ‘send’ has such a small gesture meant so much. (ok, I agree I AM leaning heavy on the melodrama pedal here). But there is something both exciting and petrifying about the idea of this process beginning.

First kid launched? Of course that was monumental. Second kid off? That means all sorts of things. Yes, even more than looking for that special cat food parmesan recipe because we are paying for two kids at the same time.

It means sad things like the end of an era. But it means exciting things too. Like having actually survived custodial child-rearing (with minimal scars). And not having to travel during school vacations.

So here’s to ‘send’. May it bring to my boy all he dreams of and send him where his new life will begin.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under college, college applications, danny, education, family, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Baby you can drive my car – disco version

danny in the car

One short year ago I wrote a post about my son getting his learner’s permit. Now, here I sit on the eve of his 17th birthday while he counts down the hours when he drives out of the driveway with NO ONE ELSE IN THE CAR.

No, really, I’m good. I am OK with this. He is a good driver and a responsible kid and I am perfectly fine with him operating 3,507 pounds of machinery down the block. (yes, I googled that).

Ok, so maybe when I dropped him off at school this morning and realized this was the last time I was EVER going to drive a kid to school I did sob just a little on my way home. So shoot me. I can lean toward the monumental moment overdrama lately. Let’s see how you all do when you are faced with that reality.

So, Danny boy, this post is for you. Congrats on holding out till you can legally drive (as if you had a choice). And happy happy 17th birthday. You will always be my little buddy. Love you forever.

Be careful and ‘be all that you can be.’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

9 Comments

Filed under advice to my son, cars, danny, family

Putting the Fun in Funfetti

funfetti

Around these parts Funfetti cupcakes are the bomb. Pillsbury makes this mix with cool colored morsels in the cake mix and frosting. For as long as I can remember, my kids’ friends have been obsessed with Funfetti.

The week that my son came home from camp I made sure to make a batch when the boys came over. By some miracle there were still a few left over, so I left them in a container on the counter.

I arrived home the other day and noticed a piece of green note paper in with the cupcakes. The picture above is what I found. Similar to the famous initialed banana in my fruit bowl, these boys have a way of letting me know they were here.

There are times when 17-year-old boys can all but break your heart. This is one of them. Just when you thought that perhaps you were invisible, they make you realize that you are anything but.

I texted my son to tell Mark that I loved him too, and to let him know that these cupcakes were probably better 2 weeks ago when I baked them. (hopefully I did not poison the poor kid).

Thank you Mark C, for the sweet reminder that the little things do not go unnoticed.

(now, Pillsbury, let’s see how good your social media monitoring is)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under danny, food, friendship, moms, parenting, teenagers, trends, Uncategorized

Time to Cry Tuesday – Transition

DANNY_baseball

Miriam Webster defines transition as 1 a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change b : a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another.

As parents, we define transitions as those pivotal moments that define us.

I have never transitioned particularly well when it comes to my kids. The year my daughter “graduated” from the 4s class I told that to the pre-school director in passing. To my surprise she quoted me moments later when making her speech. It seems that sentiment hit the nail on the head for her.

It is so bittersweet to watch our kids move on to the next level. They usually float from transition to transition with much less apprehension than we have. Perhaps it is part of our desire to protect them. Or maybe we are just trying to hang on just a little bit longer to the previous stage we have become so attached to.

Funny thing about parenting, the better we get at it the more independent our kids become. In some ways, we facilitate our own obsolescence. Isn’t that the natural order?

It is that time of year folks. Back to school no longer means a new box of crayons and color-coded binders and folders. (what? all families don’t do that?). This year, in my house, back to school means college applications for my youngest and back to college for my oldest. Not to mention that 7 of my close girlfriends are sending off 7 daughters and a son in the next few weeks.

This is the mother of all back to schools!

So here I am, right before it all starts. And yesterday my son’s oldest buddy drove up to the house hours after he arrived home from camp. There he was, sitting behind the wheel of a car, and all I kept thinking was how can this be that adorable little boy I have known since he was born? How can he be over 6′ tall and driving a car? And then with the sweet demeanor of that same little boy inside him he said, “Oh, Amy, come here. I keep forgetting to show this to you. For some reason I have been carrying this around in my wallet.” And out he pulled the baseball card above of that 40 lb. 3’8″ little blonde boy. Danny at 6 1/2!

Thanks Robbie, for bringing back that time and reminding me that no matter how many transitions we experience, the foundation we have built will always keep us all close.

Let the games begin.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under danny

Time to Cry Tuesday – Camp is Short and Life is Long

camp-is-short

This little pearl of wisdom spilled out of Gary while he was on the phone. He was explaining how we feel about the kids being counselors at camp. In these times of rising unemployment and stiff job competition it is hard to let go of the idea that internships and job experience are the only route to travel. Unless of course you understand the need they have to fill by going back to camp because you too, have known it first hand.

I have gushed about the way we feel about camp ad nauseam here, but bear with me on this one.

Read the title of this post and really think about it for a moment. If you ever went to summer camp you are smiling and nodding your head. If you have not, let me try to articulate the importance of this statement.

Camp is the essence of the freedom of summer. It is the place where you leave the social and scholastic pressures of the ten previous months at the threshold and you don’t look back for eight weeks. You can breathe and just BE YOU. The sweet core you without the hinderance of all that life piles on you. Yes, even as a kid. Or, in these times, especially as a kid. Sure there are social issues and competition, but somehow the aura that surrounds you at camp is one of tolerance. Kids of all kinds mesh into the fabric of the place.

When you walk into an alumni weekend at a sleepaway camp like we did this weekend, you see droves of young (and not so young) adults converging on the promised land of their childhoods. Some have just begun their journey down the path of adulthood. Some come back with their spouses in tow, trying to show them exactly why this place is so much a part of who they are today. Others are bringing their children to see the place in hopes that they will want to attend next year. And still others, like ourselves, watch our own kids become the leaders of the place.

How’s this for full circle? I watched my daughter tour a prospective camper around the place, giving her the full flavor of why she would want to be a camper there. This 7-year-old? She was the child of a woman who was my camper when she was ten. And the kid looked just like the mom did when I had her.

History. Love. Belonging. A sense of place.

Camp is short. And life is surely long.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under danny, friendship, Jana, relationships, road trip, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time To Cry Tuesday – Happy Campers

4109 056

No, make that counselors. Yes, after 11 years of writing a check to that haven in the adirondacks I am happy to say BOTH of my kids are staff members this year.

But the joy of not paying is tempered by the fact that for the first time in 11 years I will not be attending visiting day. And though I am sad that I will not be able to visit with my kids I could be equally heartbroken that I will not be able to eat the best fried chicken on earth and those heavenly little lemon meringue tarts with the little dollop of whipped cream on them.

Seriously, this is Time to Cry Tuesday so let me squeeze out a few tears for you.

We have aged out – for the second time in our lives – from a place that holds such intense memories that its culture is ingrained in our family as much as, if not more, any other piece of us.

I look at this picture and wonder, how can this be them? Wasn’t this just us? (note the Grateful Dead T) Ok, Gary’s beard was way more impressive (Danny is partaking in the great facial hair experiment). But I look at this photo and I know exactly what they are feeling. How the air smells first thing in the morning. How the lake tastes. The sense of belonging like no other from a place that is rival to none. For us still!

I look at those faces and the passage of time is so evident. (and I think what good money was spent on the orthodontist). Yet I could conjure up what a day at camp feels like as if I attended last year. So could my mom (yes, she went there too). And of course I have that tug at my heart that asks, “what happened to my little campers?”

I know they appreciate every minute. Jana surely did not think she would be there again this year. And they are forever grateful that we gave them this gift.

They are giving it right back with this image. Thanks guys for bringing us back, yet again.

We love you both, more than life itself.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under danny, family, Jana, Time to Cry Tuesdays