Category Archives: absurdities

June 5, 2011 · 10:06 pm

You know your kids are older when…

My kids are home! For the first weekend in 6 months we have a full house. There is a lot of laundry, boxes everywhere, the dishwasher is always full and the fridge gets empty rather quickly.

It is a little disorienting but I love it.

Now that they are adults(ish) the dinner conversation has changed quite a bit. It really goes over the top when we have a full house with our dear family friends. The conversation is always lively and never fit for a family restaurant.

That has never stopped us.

Just a sampling of topics:

1. Fake boobs. Best comment on this topic: ‘Did you get caught looking at the mom’s fake boobs? Oh she is  the stepmom, that’s a different story’

2. Fake boobs and sisters. Consensus is this is not ok.

3. Nose jobs. How it is uncool to have one and then act like you didn’t.

4. Penis enlargements. Under no circumstances should moms every bring these up in front of their sons. Or call them an adictomy. Both happened (for the record it wasn’t me).

Believe it or not, that was just the tip of the iceberg. I am sure the rest of the patrons were quite happy when we left.

 

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June 1, 2011 · 11:34 pm

Iron Man

If  you arrived here because you were searching for this Iron Man, I am so sorry to disappoint. But you have to admit this is really cool.

We came across this guy on a pretty warm day at a street fair downtown. I cannot imagine what it felt like to be in the crocheted suit, let alone be ironing. The funny thing is that we did not stop to question what all this was about.

So, you are thinking where would a guy like this go to the bathroom? Well, of course here is the answer.

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May 26, 2011 · 12:13 am

What do Jesus and Sushi Have in Common?

Tough question, right? I am sure you are squinting at the details of the back of this car trying to find the answer. Disclaimer, no religious disrespect intended, I am just a lover of parody.

I came across this little gem of a Subaru in the supermarket parking lot. At first glance I thought, wow, this is one religious dude. On second glance I saw that this guy was hysterical. A closer look at the left side and I saw this:

Classic Jesus fish, or Ichthys. Not  so classic Sushi fish.

Panning  to the other side of the car I found these little gems of religious parody:

The ever popular Vegan fish. The FSM fish (I will get back to that one) and the completely irreverent Theory of Evolution Darwin fish. In the center was simply an empty fish. I think that one was trying to stand out. Or perhaps it was the void of religion in contrast to the other parody of religion types. Nonetheless they all clung proudly to the back of the trusty Legacy.

I had to do a little Googling on FSM and here is what I found. This stands for Flying Spaghetti Monster. Here is what Wikipedia served up for me on this.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the deity of the parody religion[1][2] the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Pastafarianism.[3] In 2005, Oregon State physics graduate Bobby Henderson wrote an open letter about a “Flying Spaghetti Monster” as a satirical protest against the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to permit the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in public schools.[4] In the letter, Henderson parodied the concept of intelligent design by professing belief in a supernatural creator that closely resembles spaghetti and meatballs. Henderson further called for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism to be allotted equal time in science classrooms alongside intelligent design and evolution. You can read the rest here. (totally worth the click to see the artwork on that page)

In closing, all I can say is this whole thing only cements the idea that I MUST meet the person who drives this car.

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May 22, 2011 · 10:20 pm

Elmo and The Rapture 2011

Well folks, May 22, 2011 and we are still all here. Guess that end of the world thing did not work out all that well. Sorry to all of you who spent all your money, told your boss to F off or blew off doing your homework. Looks like you will have some explaining to do.

I don’t know if this was some sort of sign, but today at a local shopping area I came upon this little lost Elmo. All I could think about were the poor parents whose kid dropped this. My son, on the other hand said, “Hey that looks like a Elmo Jesus.” Of course I stopped to take the picture and send it to my daughter who texted back, “I thought it was an Elmo Jesus.”

Seriously, sometimes I think these two kids are the same person!

Could this be some sort of Muppet dogma? Is the world not coming to an end but now we will be forced to worship Snuffleupagus till the end of our days?

Is this post more absurd than my usual ones?

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May 18, 2011 · 10:44 pm

Can Glass Cleaner Bring You Happiness?

I am not sure where to start with this one. First, I am thinking that I should not use this product because it is a ‘Limited Edition’ and it might become a collector’s item and be worth something in the future.

Really? Limited edition glass cleaner?

But what blows me away is that this bottle of windex is making the claim that happiness is just a spray away (exclamation point). What makes me mad is that they left the word ‘is’ out in front of ‘just’ so it reads:

Happiness

just a spray away!

No comma, no ‘is’, just a really poorly written sentence.

So how did this product happen. Product manager walks in the room and says I think I know how to spread happiness to consumers across the land. And since this is such a huge claim, let’s make it a limited edition.

Because, you know, it’s hard to sustain happiness.

Ridiculous! (but not going to lie, I really like the crystal rain smell and I am sort of happy when the glass table is clean)

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May 12, 2011 · 10:58 pm

License Plate of the Month

Or Ay Chihuahua, depending upon where you are from.

I love this one. When a plate like this is dropped in front of me while I am at a red light I believe my stars are truly aligned.

Hmmmm… this is my third post about Chihuahuas (and I still have to look up the spelling). One was about an Elvis version of the little varmints and the other had a Grateful Dead reference.

Yeh, I know trichihuahuafecta!
.

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May 5, 2011 · 6:54 pm

Pat the Zombie

As everyone knows, May is Zombie Awareness Month. What? Everyone doesn’t know that? Well by the look of the stats on this blog you would think they did because there is a nice healthy amount of views of last years’ posts.

And I would think that Aaron Ximm and Kaveh Soofi (how do you pronounce those names) knew it was, because they launched their book, Pat the Zombie, this month. I learned about this on a Daily Candy email and could not help but jump with glee and run to post about it. (I am wondering how they were ever able to legally do this).

It would just so happen that our dinner conversation the other night was rather zombiecentric.

Me: Did you know that it was Zombie Awareness Month?

Gary: I love Zombies.

Me: I know that about you.

Gary: Zombies are my absolute favorite horror creatures.

Me: What are your second favorite?

Gary: I would have to say… Werewolves.

Me: Do you think there are such thing as Pet Zombies?

Gary: Oooo, I would like that very much.

What? Are you doubting that we actually had that conversation. You should know better!

When I saw this book I just wanted to buy it for him as a surprise for Father’s Day, but I couldn’t wait to post about it. My kids loved Pat the Bunny (favorite page was ‘Daddy’s scratchy face’). I really hope this book doesn’t scar them for life.

Watch the promo video… it is really out of control.

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May 1, 2011 · 9:04 pm

Dangerous Do Not Eat

Today I went shopping. I hate shopping. No seriously, I loathe the act of shopping. I am simply missing the gene that makes this activity fun. It is not that I don’t like to have new things, I just really don’t like looking for them. Trying them on… I like that even less.

Let’s face it, the 3-way mirror is simply not our friend. It is bad enough to see the parts of you that are in full view, but to check yourself out under florescent lights from every angle… yikes.

As I was browsing through the racks, I came across this item. Stapled to the inside of a garment was one of those little packs of Silicagel with the words ‘DANGEROUS DO NOT EAT’ printed on it.

Funny, but of all the things I have thought to do with that silly little pack of silicagel, tearing it open and pouring it into my mouth just wasn’t one of them.

Anyone? Have any of you found yourself craving a little snack while shopping and going for one of these little packets?

Hey, I hear it tastes just like chicken.

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April 28, 2011 · 7:00 pm

Inspirational AND Groovy

How can you possibly NOT want to see this show. I mean, if inspirational were not enough, groovy should surely get you going on this one. And that tagline: A New Alice. A New Musical.

What more is there to say?

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April 27, 2011 · 10:13 pm

Happy Garbage

Yes, Dr. J, it is time for another garbage post. This scarecrow sort of gave me the creeps. One, because of the horror movie smile, two because I couldn’t see its eyes and three, quite frankly because it took these people six months to toss the Halloween decorations. Seriously, can you imagine the crap they have in their house?

Sorry there was no Mel in this picture, I think the scarecrow creeped her out too.

In case any of you were wondering, no, none of my neighbors have yet to call me on my Garbology photo-taking practices. The key is walk early in the morning.

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