I saw this in the book rack at the drug store while I was waiting for a prescription. The local shop owners don’t even flinch anymore when I whip out my camera.
Am I the only one who thinks this title is hysterical? It’s like the guy’s version of the book. I love the quote at the bottom:
“An absolute delight!”
Filed under absurdities, book review, carry a camera, humor
There is something about those old Seinfeld episodes, or more recently Curb Your Enthusiasm or even Arrested Development; you wonder how the writers think up those crazy story lines.
Honestly, I would imagine almost all of them are based, at least loosely, on the writers’ own family archives. My family is no different.
Tonight I was lucky to have dinner with my aunt and uncle who are in town from Florida. Through the years we have always laughed at the stories that come up at our family dinner tables. It never fails that there will be a story about death… we are Jews after all. If not someone recently dying there is the perpetual care at the cemetery to complain about (what the hell is perpetual care, anyway?).
Tonight did not disappoint. The evening opened with a bizarre story about a deceased overweight family member and the amount of ashes his cremation produced (I know, ew!) and ended somewhere around a story surrounding an abscess of someone I am pretty sure I don’t know.
The poor waitress was torn between staring at the accident of our conversation and wanting to run away as quickly as she could in between courses.
I for one, was little disappointed that we did not have time to cover the bodily functions topics that usually end the meal. This was in respect to my aunt who requested that we not go there with the remnants of the chocolate dessert melting on the table.
Filed under absurdities, family, health, humor
This one gets the MFTA tag because I was waiting on line to pay at a store today and was called over to the cashier on the completely opposite side of the counter from where I was standing. Why? Because in the ‘impulse buy’ rack at that counter would be the very last pack of…
I heart my penis gum. It was fate!
Yep, kiddies, this little package is the real deal. It contains ‘8 pieces of artificially flavored fruit chewing gum’ (why fruit?)
I told the cashier that I would have bought 10 packs if they had them and she told me they can’t keep this stocked. Seriously, is there a guy you know that you COULDN’T by this for?
You know how they all feel about them. And then there are the guys that refer to their penises as ‘the little guy’ or ‘little ____ (fill in their name in the blank)‘, ‘or he’ as in ‘he wants ____ (again fill in the blank)‘ as if there is a separate brain sitting down there in their pants. (which I guess there is).
No, guys, this is not a penis bashing post, you have to admit there is truth in all this. And do you really think you would ever see ‘I love my Vagina’ gum for sale. I think not. Maybe Gary can market the ‘I love my Hey-Nanny-Nanny gum, though.
Ok, so perhaps most men would prefer us to give them the ‘I love your penis’ but somehow I don’t think it would be as big a seller.
This is equally as entertaining as the Sexlet gum I found in South Beach and the Does this gum make my ass look big gum that I received as a gift.
I guess you could say I am the Magnet for the Absurd Gum (MFTAG).
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, magnet for the absurd, photography, sex
You can buy anything on Craigs List. Really, ANYTHING!
And I can prove that with this listing for…
The Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch
Yep, that’s right. I bet you were wondering what the picture was. Or maybe you weren’t exactly wondering because it is kind of obvious. But maybe you were thinking it was a Georgia O’Keefe sculpture.
I love the description in the listing where she says, “For Sale – beautiful pink “vagina couch” that I made in art school and no longer have space for.”
Ok, so what is she adding to her decor that leaves her with no room for this? A penis chair maybe?
This is even better:
“the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape.”
So what, this hey-nanny-nanny* couch has not seen all that much action, huh?
Thanks, once again, to cousin Frankie for pointing this out to me. Hey Frankie, what were you doing shopping for a vagina couch anyway?
* Gary term
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, technology
Sometimes I worry about sharing the absurdities in my household.
Wait, no I don’t, this is one of the main reasons I started blogging.
Backstory: Gary has all sorts of crazy sayings that he claims ‘everyone knows’. Most of them are not exactly family-rated (ok, I guess the Steely Dan post wasn’t either). This is one of the kids’ favorites. When you say something to aggravate him he tells you to…
“Jump up my ass and look for strawberries!”
No, I am not kidding. At first they tried to analyze what it meant. (scary) Then it just became a given.
Sunday morning phone call:
Gary: I am done with tennis, what do you want to do for breakfast.
Me: I am making french toast but I need strawberries.
Gary: Great, I will pick some up.
then he hesitates a moment and says:
Or… I could bend you over and pull them out of your ass.
Yeh, well maybe you had to be there. Or maybe you are calling social services as you read this. Forget about it, the younger one is 17. The damage is already done.
French toast anyone?
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, family, gary, humor
This post is MFTA approved!
A big thank you to my friend J. from J-Two-O, who sent me this today.
I am almost speechless. I said ALMOST. You know I can not shut up when I see stuff like this.
This is one of those products that I wish I had invented. It is so incredibly silly that I will laugh every time I see it. And the commercial is perfection. Please watch it:
I have been walking around the house bellowing “Handerpants, Handerpants, HANDERPANTS!” to the point where I am sure my family is ready to kill me. (no, it is not all fun, games and dildos in this house).
I suppose I can truly relate to these because he called me out on three of my main core competencies. No, I am not a Narwhal Aficionado, but after I google narwhal perhaps I might be. And I do know that they have a Narwhal Aficionado Facebook group with 68 kinda have nothing else to do members.
I digress, the groups I fall under in the commercial are Graphic Designers, Night Bloggers (duh) and Twitterers. Oh and I might, at some times of the month, be considered a Mutation.
A few other favorites: Ninjas with Delicate Hands, (or those who use Kiehls products), Dungaree inspectors (translation for anyone under 45, that would be jeans), Cryptozoologists (google that one yourself), Wall Street Tycoons (not your most popular crowd these days) and Hobos (x-Wall Street Tycoons).
Honestly, I think I might have to buy a few pair of these tighty whiteys for my digits. They are just too great to pass up.
I found out they are sold by my friends at Archie McPhee who were so kind as to send me a wonderful package the last time I blogged about their products: The Evolving Darwin Playset and The Flesh Eating Zombie Playset. Hey guys, I don’t mean to be pigish but I fit 3 of your profiles for this product, perhaps a pair or two and I promise to write about them again! And wear them to functions and take pictures!
Yes, I am a blog whore for a pair of Handerpants!
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, products
The NYT article, How Nonsense Sharpens the Intellect, by Benedict Carey, hits home here at i could cry but i don’t have time. Was Mr. Carey writing this article specifically for me, the Magnet for the Absurd? It is almost like he is directly promoting this blog by telling my readers that they will be smarter if they read me everyday.
A stretch? Maybe. Feeling a little egocentric these days.
Mr. Carey reports on a study by Travis Proulx of the University of California, Santa Barbara and Steven J. Heine of the University of British Columbia that suggests witnessing the absurd may cause people to feel the need to rid themselves of the uneasy feeling by getting highly involved in something else which appears to improve some kinds of learning. The brain gropes for something that will bring a person back to anything that makes sense. The study gives college students an absurd story to read and then uses a test that is a standard measure of what researchers call implicit learning: knowledge gained without awareness. The students performed quite well compared to a group who had read a coherent story.
I love this quote from the article:
“Still, the new research supports what many experimental artists, habitual travelers and other novel seekers have always insisted: at least some of the time, disorientation begets creative thinking.”
Hey, don’t know about you, but I am surely no stranger to disorientation.
Ok, so here is my test. Think about it. Say you wake up in the morning and read a blog post about the mirdle,or the mansierre or maybe even Uranus underwear. Perhaps the women in a parking lot with her pet bird or kids on leashes and dogs in strollers. Maybe you read about Relations Auto Body or a drive through Prozac Country. Or better yet, for those who were not here from the beginning, bathroom branding (wow I am getting a nice portfolio of this stuff, right?)
Now take a look at how you perform a difficult task or learn a new skill right afterwards. Perhaps you are a student, you read one of these posts and then take an exam.
Don’t laugh, I could be on to something.
Now, how can I monetize this…
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, magnet for the absurd
I have always noticed the oddities out there in the world. Even before this blog became the catch-all for all things crazy, they always found me.
Now that I have deemed myself the Magnet For the Absurd it seems to have stuck. In the last 2 weeks people have sent me all sorts of oddly humorous and offbeat things, via every technology possible. I thought it would be fun to share a few.
This came from an old friend via email:
Driving cross country. Now in arizona. Just passed a billboard and thought of you: Ostrich Eggs. Meteorites. 50% off.
This was from a friend via Facebook:
I thought of your photos and your blog yesterday while passing through Frenchtown on our way home from Elon U. . . we noticed a street sign stating ” Saturday is cancelled” — found it to be funny . . . and maybe something I should send along to my two kids away at school?!
And these two pics came via text message from Sedona:
I particularly love the ‘Est. Before Mankind’. Nice touch.
These submissions prove to me that people do see the absurdities out there, they simply never had a place to share them.
I am happy to be that place, so keep ’em coming!
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor
Yep, rat slippers. These are, by far, the creepiest items I have seen in a long time. I found them on this post featuring 14 unusual slippers. Someone tweeted this the other day and I am so glad I was curious enough to check it out. This link is worth a click as there are many other amusing styles.
None are as outrageous as these suckers. Seriously, can you imagine slipping your feet into them? They look so real I fear that they are actually hollowed out rats. Could that be? They would have to have been made by a taxidermist. And what do you think the inserts are made of?
I am not sure why I find these so amusing. Perhaps because one of Gary’s favorite expressions is, “I don’t give a rat’s ass!” For some reason I always laugh when he says that. It makes no sense at all. If you DO give a rat’s ass does that mean you care deeply about something?
If I buy these for him he can nestle his feet into a rats ass. Kind of.
Oh, and yes, I realize that this post is a far cry from my poignant outpouring about sending my daughter off to college. (SHE will really love these!)
Chalk this all up to the stunning breadth of topics I cover here.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, humor, products
i could cry but i don't have time 
Comment of the Month
Verbatim!
This is what I found in my spam blocker over at Leaving the Zip Code. This is some pretty serious advise.
DO SOME PETTY POINT OR GO FOR A VISIT TO POINTE CLAIRE QUEBEC. LITTLE GIRLS LIKE YOU USUALLY WEAR PONY TAILS ANG GO BY THE NAME OF SWEDISH PIPI LONGSTOCKING NOT ANE DE GREEN GABLES, THATS A DONKEY SIMILIAR TO THE ONE FROM PIXCZAR NOT THE ONE YOU ARE THINKING OF NAMED FRANK. YOU SEEM TO BE OFF THE WALL BUT I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU’D WALK THE PL-ANE-K (AS ON WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S STAR TREK) OR BE THROWN OFF SOME BRIDGE BY THESE CEMENT COMMENTS. THAT’S A PONT IN FRENCH AND THAT’S THE POINT.
IF YOU NEVER FOUND A JOB IN THE POINT DOWN BY GRIFFINTOWN AND THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD, THE VICTORIA BRIDGE, YOU MIGHT BE IN FOR A PRETTY NASTY TIME. LEAVING YOUR ZIP CODE. THAT’S ALL IN THE POST BOOBS. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD ASK ELVIS HOW HE SWUNG HIS PELVIS OR THAT OTHER GIRL WHO WAS ‘IN THE ZONE’.
I do love the reference to Pippi Longstocking. And of course the reference to William Shakespeare’s Star Trek. Do you think he meant Shatner?
The scary part is that this crazy person writes in a stream of consciousness (maybe English as a second language) sort of style that might be a tad bit reminiscent of say… me maybe?!!
But my favorite line of all is “Leaving your zip code. That’s all in the post boobs.” Would that be the post boobs as in after-boobs. Or do you think that means on the blog post boobs?
Just asking.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
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