June 16, 2009 · 8:15 pm

Camp Trunks

camp-trucking

Photo courtesy of Camp Trucking (some scary photoshop work there, wouldn’t you say?). Let’s hope this little plug helps to get our baggage moved with extra loving care.

Jana: Mom, seriously, you don’t need to nametape my underwear. (translation: hanky panky’s or the Gap knock-offs look equally silly with a nametape in them – keep your mitts off them)

Danny: Just let her do the nametaping. She can’t help herself this time of year. It is what she does. (this kid has always fully understood me)

Jana: Mom! We don’t send our stuff to the camp laundry as counselors. I will bring Danny’s into town and have them do it too. They charge like $8.00 for a week’s worth of laundry. (as an aside here I am thinking of driving my laundry up to the Adrondacks at that price)

Me: Danny, how do I nametape the reversible shorts?

Danny: MOM! Stop. You really have to let go of the nametaping thing. (ok, so maybe his patience is not as great as his understanding of me).

Me: Let’s go toiletry shopping. Remember how we always love to do this every year?

Danny: No, YOU love to do it. But you seem to forget that Jana and I did this without you last year because you had a deadline.

Me: All the more reason to do it all together this year.

I guess he is right. I am kind of pathetic around this time of year.

There are households in my zip code that start packing the trunks weeks before they go out. Us? They go out on Thursday.

We are thinking of doing it tomorrow night.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 15, 2009 · 10:38 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family Movie Night

family-movie-night

Countdown to the kids leaving for the summer. When they were younger this was the 10-day period when I was both anxious about them going and elated to have 7 1/2 weeks of adult time and freedom from schedules. (except for work, but doing only one job was like a vacation).

This is the eighth summer that they will both be away. People used to ask us, “what do you do all summer without your kids?” and our response would be, “whatever the hell we want!”

Now that they are older, the thrill of having all that time to ourselves is tempered with the fact that during the year we pretty much do whatever the hell we want! And truthfully, our first choice of social companions at this stage of our lives are the kids themselves.

At almost 17 and 20 they are truly fun to be with. They throw us a bone now and then and agree to hang out, especially if we are paying.

Last night was Family Movie Night (yes on a Monday!) Infants that we all are, we decided to go see The Hangover –  a fine example of good parenting, I might add.

Sitting in the movie theater, with the glow of the screen illuminating what are now the grown up faces of our offspring, I could not help but flashback to their little faces watching the insufferable kids’ movies we used to take them to. Invariably there was always a kid that puked in the next row.

This time the puking remained on screen.

I glanced at Gary and could read his mind. He gave me that misty-eyed Gary face that said: remember when they used to sit on our laps? Remember how his fuzzy little head felt under your chin? Remember how her hair smelled? How one of them ALWAYS had to go to the bathroom at the best part of the movie? When we were sitting in the middle of a row. Next to a very cranky family with a really big tub of popcorn.

Last night, the sound of their laughter, the feeling of being this family unit – one that we do not get to have often – THIS is what it is all about.

For real.

The news, the distractions, the daily grind; they all melt away at times like these when we realize what we have built. These small moments that could burst through the walls if they got any bigger. In a world where there are no answers, I have found mine right under my nose.

In my family.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 14, 2009 · 8:55 pm

If the hag fits, wear it!

attic

Let me preface this with the fact that I have lived in my house for 20 years this month and my attic is, well, let me say where we keep EVERYTHING! Skeletons, portraits – ok, those are not so subtle proverbial examples – but truthfully I have a playpen up there and my youngest is taking his road test this Friday.

When the central air conditioning guys come for maintenance I win the award for the scariest attic. “M’aam (I hate when they call me that) you have a lovely, well-kept home but your attic is a horror show.”

This weekend Gary went up to the attic and passed down the camp trunks and duffles to Danny. I stood at the bottom of the steps bossing them both around because that is what I do.

After the camp crap beloved camp items were dragged down to the living room, I heard Gary banging around in the attic. There could be nothing good about this. Let me explain that when Gary gets a burst of homeowner energy I know there will invariably be something else that catches his attention in the middle and the task will go unfinished. His intentions are honorable but his desire to close is simply not there. At this very moment I was rather annoyed that after 20 years of recklessly filling the attic with useless crap he chose 4 days before the camp trunks were being picked up to clean it.

Me: What are you doing up there?

Gary: Leave me the hell alone, you crazy old hag.

I am not sure why this struck us both so funny, but at the same moment we both started cracking up. And there was poor Danny, standing on the landing between us in a bewildered state.

Danny: I will never get the two of you.

Seriously, Gary was lucky I was in a good mood. That comment could have ended badly if I were in a hormonal rage.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 13, 2009 · 10:11 pm

To the Man at Starbucks Last Night

starbucksI am not quite sure if you were sticking around to hear our conversation because it was like staring at the accident, or if you were just paralyzed and were not sure when would be an opportune moment to get up and leave. Either way, I hope we entertained you.

The setting: suburban Starbucks after dinner on a Saturday night.

Attending: 2 couples of ‘a certain age’ if you will.

Topics of conversation:

1. Tattoos: mainstream or trashy. I argued for mainstream and pointed out that the perception of trashy was a generational one. (translation: you are an old hag, my friend).

2. Being Clean: and by this I am not referring to showering. The question arose whether all young men and women have chosen the route of no hair. This one crosses the age barrier. There has been a request for some research on the percentage of those who have chosen to go hairless, broken down by gender and age. Hmmm, I do know just the person to find this out. Are you biting?

3. Taking no hair one step further we discussed shaving vs. waxing vs. laser. Oh, and you will happy to know not only did the Mangroomer come up, I believe there might have been a request for one for Father’s day.

You know, just a typical suburban chat over coffee.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 12, 2009 · 10:47 pm

Marina Rules

Marina-rules

We had dinner tonight at a favorite place on the water that is situated by a marina. This sign is posted just as you leave the restaurant. Danny and I were reading it and found it rather humorous.

Disorder? Ok, that one is clear. But depredation an indecorous behavior. Seriously! Is this common boating lingo or was someone just trying to show off their vocab. Forget about their meanings, we worked pretty hard at figuring out the correct pronunciation.

For those who are curious:

depredation

Ok, this one really has that real pirate flavor to it. I love the idea of plundering right there in full view of a restaurant. And the related forms? “Hi, what do you do for a living?” “Who me? Oh, well you could call me a depredationist of sorts.”

indecorousDon’t you love the first definition? ‘Not decorous’. I hate that. Oooh, but violating generally accepted standards of good taste or propriety? Would running naked and drunk up and down the dock fall into that bucket?

It could be that Danny is in the throws of the SAT/ACT season but I find it hard to believe that some SAT-word-of-the-day show off did not write these rules.

Well, have to go. I am off to display some indecorous behavior upstairs. Enjoy the weekend!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 11, 2009 · 8:52 pm

Where’s Amy?

wheres-amy

Ok, because I always loved the Where’s Waldo series I have decided to start Where’s Amy here at I Could Cry. I will periodically post pictures where I am hidden somewhere in the image. Not unlike Al Hirschfeld‘s burying of his daughter’s name, Nina, in his illustrations; some will be easy and some will be damn needle in the haystackish.

This is the first one. Of course there will always be a little story associated with the image because, well frankly because I can’t shut the hell up.

This hot bike was parked in the lot at my son’s soccer game last weekend. I am pretty sure the guy that owned it parked it right there in the middle of the land of minivans and SUVs to give all the dads a little ‘ride’ envy as they passed it by. You could see each of the dads get that far away look in their eyes thinking about how they could just blow the whole family popstand and ride off into the sunset on one of these babies.

Ok, maybe so did the moms. But just for a minute.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 10, 2009 · 8:47 pm

What does that sign say?

3D-dance-flick-to-hell

I know, the words you CAN read are ‘3D DANCE FLICK TO HELL’. And if you are like my daughter you did not think twice about it because you know that the movies out right now are: Up in 3D, Dance Flick and Drag Me to Hell – a title, BTW, that makes me wonder why anyone would want to see that movie – but I am thinking some of my clients have taken it as a directive this week.

If you were me, well if you were me the noise in your head would be deafening and you would be shopping for a straight jacket. But I am used to it and I can function quite well on a daily basis, except for the insane urge to photograph every visual pun I stumble upon. I am surely going to get punched in the face one day, but I doubt I will be committed (for this anyway).

Now that the status of my sanity is out of the way, I would like you to squint at the picture above. specifically the second line starting with ‘dance’ and tell me how that reads for ya now. Seriously, think of the change in meaning now that the sentence reads ‘3D Dance F_ _K to Hell’.

What’s with the blanks, you ask? Look, I have a filthy mouth at home but I kind of feel that on this wholesome ‘mom’ blog of sorts I should draw some lines.

Of course that sentiment is rather inconsistent with the fact that last month the most popular search terms for this blog contained the word penis.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 9, 2009 · 9:21 pm

Ooh La La, You have the Flu La La


ooh-la-la

I was standing behind this woman in the supermarket checkout line and I could not resist a shot of her rather offbeat scrubs. For some reason Betty Boop goes to Paris is not the motif I want from my healthcare worker.

I could not help but think how ridiculous it would be to receive the news that you had the swine flu from a nurse sporting the Eiffel Tower and Betty in a beret.

What next, the Naked Cowboy scrubs?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

 

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June 8, 2009 · 10:09 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday: Priceless

There are a handful of moments in advertising history that have touched the souls of those who see them. One of the more famous examples is the Mastercard Priceless campaign. This past week, one of my mommy idols could have starred in one of these commercials.

The scenario: The Dave Matthews Band was playing on the Plaza in the Today Show Toyota Summer Concert Series. Both my friend and her 10th grade daughter are huge fans of the band. In fact, they are a full DMB family of fans. This particular friend has found herself to be an unlucky member of the Sandwich Generation. Many of us are in the midst of raising children at the same time we are dealing with aging parents with health problems. Being an only child of a widowed mom, she is the healthcare concierge extraordinaire. Last week was a particularly harrowing one on that front.

Enter the opportunity to go into the city at some ungodly hour (3:30 AM) to stand in line for the concert. She was all set to take her daughter and a friend until the weather turned nasty and she began to rethink the event. At this point her college-aged son pulled her aside in a sage-like manner and told her that she would never forgive herself if she missed this opportunity of a lifetime that her daughter would never forget. (please note: said son aspires to be a documentary film-maker).

Funny how our kids spout back at us what we have taught them.

So, without hesitation, sporting rain gear of all kinds, off they went on the 3:30 train into the city. I received an early text telling me she was there. Within an hour I texted back that I had not only seen her daughter dancing on camera, but had DVRd it. Her daughter could not be happier. Until… (yes this keeps getting better)

…she screamed out, ‘Dave, I love you” during a lull in the performance and he turned around and smiled at her. Kind of like a young girl’s dream come true. Wait, it gets even better.

During the show they gave out foam guitars to the audience. The daughter’s friend was holding one. After the show, Dave came around and signed the guitar! And the friend? He decided that since he would not have been able to go to the show with out her, gave the guitar to this very lucky girl.

I know, Time to Cry all the way around. I love this story. Not only because the main character is one of my main women, but because every step of the way it was about what I like to call ‘the good stuff’. Truly a priceless experience.

Here is a picture of the two happy teens on the train ride home. The inset shows the Dave Matthews sig.

After-the-show

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under aging parents, family, friendship, moms, music, New York, New York City, parenting, relationships, rock 'n roll, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays, women

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June 7, 2009 · 9:38 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 10)

untitled-1

Better late than never. If you are a regular reader, you know the drill. If not, these are my favorite actual search terms for the past month that landed people on this blog. I am always amazed at what people will key in. I add in a little commentary because, well because that is what I do. And I link them back to the posts that I think they found.

1. big french penis Yeh, well I suppose there is nothing quite like a big french penis. Isn’t it always the accent that always gets you.

2. phone penis bona hmm, would this be like a REALLY smart phone that doubles as a vibrator?

3. is there really a penis day in Japan? The short answer is yes. The long answer can be found in the comments. For those who are wondering why there are so many search terms with penis in them, it is obvious you have not been reading. I do not set out to write about them so often, they just come up.

4. infant farts I wrote about fart pads but I don’t think you would need them for infants. Wouldn’t the diaper serve the same purpose?

5. manorexic catalogue Oh great, now there is a catalogue that perpetuates this behavior? I bet you could buy one of these there.

6. poop Plain and simple. Nothing like a little poop search.

7. picture of fat guys crying That would be one sad and pathetic sight.

8. dead mouse in dog food Ok, so it would appear this has happened to other people, how comforting.

9. reborning wtf Seriously, that’s what I said!

10. big butt or testicles mouse This one? I am just really concerned about the individual that strung those words together. And I am not really sure they found what they were looking for.

That’s it folks. Stay tuned next month for some more fun and games with search words.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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