Category Archives: women

November 1, 2008 · 8:24 pm

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (vol. 2)

I have written about this topic before. You can read it here.

I have always been fascinated by the different way men and women perceive things. This morning I woke up agitated from a disturbing dream. Oddly enough, so did Gary. I assume these trying times are getting to both of us.

He has often placed a request for me not to share my dreams (they scare him). Today I did not give him a chance to reject the story, he was still half asleep and emerging from his own bad dream.

Mine? He was forcing me to move to Florida and we were driving down with all our stuff. Then we were in this awful cookie cutter house with all these boxes and strange people we did not know. He was telling me that he was going to change his career, sell windows and I was a bitch for not supporting him. I was sobbing uncontrollably saying that I hate Florida (sorry Floridians, I like to visit).

His? Oh his dream was that 25% of the earth split off and was careening into space. Alrighty then, a science fiction dream.

I laughed and said this would make a perfect blog post.

Gary: You can’t do that, people will think you are crazy.

Me: Wait, you had a dream about a quarter of the earth splitting off and careening through space and you think people will consider me crazy for dreaming about a forced move to Florida?

And there you have it.

Later he said that he was on one piece of the earth and I was on the other. All I could think of was that the only way his subconscious could figure out how to get rid of me was by destroying the planet.

Kinda scary if you ask me. Note to self: sleep with one eye open.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 22, 2008 · 6:47 pm

Does this gum make my ass look big?

A friend once bought me this gum and I could not stop laughing. (thanks Cath). You can buy this gum here if you are so inclined, but that is not what this post is about.

As women we are always torturing ourselves about weight. For those who don’t know me, I try to balance my love of food, distaste for exercise (sorry Gary, but this is not news to you) and my desire to look good in a pair of jeans. Other stuff too, but jeans are what I wear the most. Weight is not a huge problem for me nor do I focus on it more than the next vain, aging woman. It is not necessarily a losing battle but lets just say I am still trying to drop the baby weight and my youngest is 16.

I have managed to successfully raise a daughter who has a pretty healthy attitude towards eating and body image. I attribute this less to what I have done but rather the luck of the draw and I thank my lucky stars every day for it. We try to stress healthy eating but the bombardment of media images, celebrity (anti)role models and peer pressure are some pretty serious bullets young girls have to dodge.

All that preachy-shut-the-hell-up-and-let-us-watch-the-friggin-video-already stuff aside:

Watch this, and think about it. I, for one am thrilled that this was created by a sorority on a college campus. Of course I am late the party for the initiative that took place last week, but the sentiment is timeless.

Bloggers, if you want to post the original YouTube link you can get it here.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 20, 2008 · 9:24 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Let the Daughters Speak Out

I first saw this video on PunditMom, a fellow blogger at 50-Something Moms blog. (I simply love her daily commentary).

Sorry email subscribers, you probably won’t be able to view this video without going online to the blog, but I urge you to do so. This is very powerful.

Hey, I love a good Sarah Palin Condom or an SNL sketch just like the rest of them, but my fear is that we have all gotten so caught up with Joe the Plumber, hockey moms, mavericks and you betcha’s that we are mired in the satire and don’t stop to really consider the ramifications. I had a friend say the other day that now is not the time to be a one-issue voter. That our country is in such turmoil we need to look outside our personal pet issues and vote for what is best for this country. Thankfully for me, both of those ideas go hand in hand.

If you have a daughter, this one will give you chills. If you are a women, it will make you feel proud of the generation that is speaking out in this piece. Hey, and if you are a (straight) guy, there is a good chance you can ‘get you some’ if you send this to your significant other. (sorry, even Time to Cry Tuesday needs a little levity).

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October 5, 2008 · 11:32 pm

Stocking Follow-up

What is that disgusting mess in my sink, you ask? Well, those my friends, are the uncool and untextured stockings that I wore yesterday.

Um, Amy? Did you perhaps crap in these stockings, you ask? (sorry, I can be so infantile sometimes).

No my friends, this is what happens when you hand wash a pair of Donna Karan pantyhose in cold water. Are you kidding me?! This is how an overpriced pair of $18 stockings wash? (I know Mom, you are appalled that I pay that price for a pair of pantyhose).

My mother reminded me yesterday how I used to rip a few pair of tights a week when I was a kid. She would say, “Oh Amy, those aren’t even paid for yet!” and I always feared she would be taken away by the cops because she had stolen my clothes. (not all that sharp on credit cards in those days). She also reminded me how I used to go back to the playground and look for the circle of the tights that had fallen out of the knee (again, had a little issue with space and form relationships in those early years too).

A few thoughts about the ripoff high-end Donna Karans. What? You thought I would not have commentary on this?

1. If I wear these in the rain will they double as self-tanners.

2. Worse, if it is a hot day and my legs sweat will there suddenly appear weird brown splotches beneath the surface? That could be embarrassing.

3. Should there not be a disclaimer on the package similar to For Leg Use Only?

Ok, enough airing of my dirty laundry, I am calling it a day!

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October 4, 2008 · 11:38 pm

For Leg Use Only?

Lately I have had to dress up more often than usual. Usual being hardly ever since I work at home and the dog could not care less if I stay in my walking clothes and don’t shower until 4:00.

Between the holidays and a few parties I have had to rummage through my closet and find things to make myself presentable. 

With the change of season I am never up to speed on the stocking fashion. One year it is no stockings – even if it is 20 degrees below, the next opaque, then ultra sheer. I am simply leg covering ignorant. Thank goodness for Riki who always tells me which way to go with this. (Riki is my stocking consultant).

Today, after she was kind enough to tell me that the black semi sheers I had on were all wrong, she informed me that texture was ‘very big’. Great, I thought, I am sure I have some texture in my stocking drawer. Mind you, this is the only neat drawer in my house because I never go into it. Sadly, no textures in there, unless you count the sheers with all the little pulls in them.

On top of the drawer I found the package above. I don’t remember the last time I even went into Daffy’s let alone when I bought these. I looked at the package and said to Gary, “For Leg Use Only”? What does THAT friggin’ mean?

Perhaps it means, don’t take these out of the package, pull them over your face and go rob a convenience store.

The funniest part of that is the list in the top left corner: silken sheers, with spandex, control top, sandalfoot, pantyhose.

Hey Joe, before the heist make sure you get me sandalfoot, that reinforced toe gives me a headache. And I like the feel of the silken sheers but make sure it has a little spandex and control top, they give me that simulated facelift look and I don’t want to look too old for this job.

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October 3, 2008 · 10:45 pm

Can we talk about hairy backs?

This one struck me. I suppose it is because as a woman I spend all sorts of time and money getting rid of hair. So it kind of pisses me off that guys can walk around with this kind of natural sweater and it can be ok.

Or maybe not.

I always think of the waxing scene in 40-year-old-Virgin when I see a back like this.

Isn’t fashion kind of ridiculous. Maybe in another era hairy woman will be in style. Then what will happen to everyone who lasered off all those personal places. Where did I read that it was not recommended to laser your ‘bikini’ area clean as the aging process was not kind to ‘those parts’ and it looks better with a little hair on it when you get older?

Wait, did I dream that? No, I don’t think so. I remember reading it and laughing my not so hairy ass off about it. (I know Jana, EW, MOM!)

Ok, so maybe it was a hard day week month season and I needed to be ridiculous tonight. Admit that I made you laugh.

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October 1, 2008 · 8:32 pm

Reborn dolls and women who mother them

Woah! This video really freaks me out! It is long but I could not pause it. Kind of like staring at the accident. The song choice makes it all the more disturbing. If you don’t get to the end, the best part is where we are sternly instructed not to search for ‘fake baby’ as the correct term is ‘reborn’. WTF!!

I searched YouTube for these ‘babies’ after seeing a scary little news story on the Today Show. You can see the story here.

Matt Lauer interviewed some frankly wacko rather interesting women Wednesday morning about these dolls called reborns. What the hell does that mean, reborn? EW! This interview was in anticipation of a BBC film called ‘My Fake Baby’ which is a documentary about these ‘babies’. (shame on you BBC, you did not use the right terminology, how ignorant!).

These dolls sell for thousands and are collected by women, some of whom dress them up and ‘care’ for them as if they were real. Yeh, this is real healthy. Touted as the perfect baby (um, wait, why is this ok?) one woman says that while she doesn’t have children this ‘satisfies a female instinct’ in her. Women find them therapeutic. Oh, I am thinking there is surely some therapy needed. This is way creepy, no? OK, so why do we not think these women need some serious help?

I particularly like the way you can pop their heads off, but hey, that’s me. Seriously, I never got to do this with my kids and I find that to be a nice feature, don’t you?

G-d bless the doll ‘artists’ who are making a fortune on these things. It got me to thinking that this could be a woman’s version of the sex doll. Seriously, they satisfy a need, right? No one gets hurt. Well maybe they do. I wonder about the woman in the interview who had a two-year-old at home. This woman left her real kid home to take her fake baby on TV, um yeh, we are real healthy. I worry about that kid getting the right kind of attention. While mommy is rocking plastic bro to sleep is real life toddler sticking her finger in a socket or something? (I know, I can be so judgmental sometimes).

My favorite line from the Lauer interview:

Matt: What do you do with an old baby when you get a new baby, put the old one on a shelf?

I am thinking if you did not have children there are many creatures that you can ‘satisfy your female instinct’ with. How about a cat? A puppy? Even a fish?

Then again, hard to dress up a fish.

Although there is something to be said about not needing to get a sitter.

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September 2, 2008 · 9:16 pm

Was this just about putting any skirt in the seat?

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge. And today you can read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms as well.

Perhaps this is an appropriate Time to Cry Tuesday post (late and confused from the holiday weekend).

Not one to get into the political fray all that often, I could not help but do a short post about the Sarah Palin choice. I am saddened by what I think is an insult not only to the women of this country, but the people of this country. I started this post hours after the announcement was made but was hesitant to continue. Now that the theatre of the absurd has unfolded it just can’t go unmentioned here. (with my sarcastic twist, of course). This does not contain any new, groundbreaking commentary, but it may make you laugh (a little) while you cry.

I am not claiming to know much about her (scary detail #1) but I certainly do not feel all warm and fuzzy about her being one heartbeat away from the presidency (scary detail #2). What really freaks me out is that McCain would think he could capture 18 million Hillary supporters with a pro-lifer (scary detail # 3,4 and 5).

Another great quality I want in my VP: card carrying member of the NRA.

Oh, and now the pregnant teenage daughter. His people KNEW about this and were still ok?!! Wow, talk about securing those family values votes. This is like a bad Saturday Night Live sketch! What next…Yeh, well we knew she killed a man, but she is still under investigation so we thought it was cool.

Of course you knew this was coming:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

So, my brother and I were talking the other day and I told him I had a very strange feeling that perhaps Sarah Palin was, in fact, Dick Cheney with a sex change. His answer? Can’t be, she has not shot anyone in the face yet.

To sum it all, this quote says it all for me:

A woman voting for John McCain is a like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

– Cecile Richards, President of Planned Parenthood

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August 28, 2008 · 11:38 pm

Love/hate relationship with Spanx

I know. I spend way too much time making references to Spanx. If I spent that much time doing sit-ups I could finally lose this Spanx jones and get that lycra monkey off my back/ass. (oh, sorry, i digress into my Jimi Hendrix persona now and then). 

So, when one of my BBFFs (best blog friends forever), Finding Blanche, posted this video today with a suggestion by Mary (below) that we continue the love with this one, I jumped at the chance. It is long but so funny (almost as funny as my Seth Diamond video) you will go back and watch at least parts of it again. This is why I love the internet! This one is actually the Leggs version. (hey, maybe I should try those)

Here is the history: Finding Blanche posted this after she found it on Gnightgirl who posted it after she found it on Fighting Mad Mary who found it on GloZell. That’s whose it is, by the way. GloZell’s.

Would love to see this keep on going. Any takers for tomorrow?

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August 18, 2008 · 12:47 am

Fashion?


Ahhhh… today the NYT Women’s Fashion Magazine arrived. Ok, so if you know me it is obvious I don’t pay all that much attention to fashion. But the NYT Fashion issue? That I LOVE.

It is the art director in me that brings you this brief commentary. (this is certainly funnier with the issue in front of you, but still pretty funny without it).

Cover: Black lipstick? Under no circumstances is this flattering, you will never convince me it is. And the photoshop work on this shot is awful (note the hair).

Inside front cover spread: Ralph Lauren leapord stuff… not my thing but I must admit the shoes are wildly hot.

Gucci: Garments and accessories suffer from materials overload with hippie-in-the-poppy-fields layout… is it me, or is this off-brand?

Chanel: Beautiful layout. Ok dress. But what is with the one-armed, lace, fingerless, elbow-high glove? Chanel does Micheal Jackson?

Louis Vuitton: Orgasm on the ferris wheel while hitting myself on the head with a gold lamé bag?

Armani: Ok, there is a model on the second page of this spread that looks like a severely drugged geisha. In a oh so creepy this is kind of freaking me out sort of way. And I am pretty sure her entire head was retouched into this shot. Poorly. None of this makes me want to buy the dress she is wearing – which is actually quite elegant but the lighting is so dark I cannot really tell.

Calvin Klein: I am simply frightened by the shape of her hair while being wildly curious about how they achieved that.

Prada: Ugly clothes. Uglier layout. (I have always felt this way about Prada – to me this designer is the Emperor’s new clothes).

and last, but certainly not the least absurd…

Hermes: What the hell were you guys thinking? Is this woman actually walking a… what is that? A buffalo? Or a yak? (Gary says definitely a yak) On a leash!!

Ok, so I don’t know much about fashion. But you have to admit that I am kind of funny (and maybe more truthful than all those fashionistas would like to admit).

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