Category Archives: products

June 19, 2012 · 3:59 pm

Babushka Lip Gloss and The Impulse Buy

I found these at the counter at Bed Bath and Beyond. They were sitting at the checkout in the coveted impulse buy spot by the cash register. This is the spot where they put those items that you just can’t resist. Or… this item.

I am convinced that the buyer saw these and told their assistant, “oh, these are kind of kitch, order 10”, meaning pieces and the assistant accidentally ordered 10 cases. That is when the impulse buy spot becomes the we are desperate to move these babies spot.

When I was in HS I worked at a drug store chain and this exact thing happened with a crazy product called Top Coverage. Check it out.

Yes, kiddies, this product claims to be the hair loss concealer that ‘erases bald spots’. Top Coverage is easy to use: just spray on the thinning area, bald spot will disappear instantly. You can choose black, brown, light brown or gray to match your hair color.

Or not.

In actuality it is spray paint for your bald spot. I think it probably worked better for the comb over guys.

After many laughs at the 6 cases vs. 6 pieces fiasco we used this stuff to spray paint doors, make signs, you name it.

Oh the wonderful world of retail!

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May 2, 2012 · 10:50 pm

Horny Goat Weed

Please discuss!

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April 27, 2012 · 12:29 pm

Hot Flash Cool Down Necklace

Ok this one is a first. Yesterday I received an email hawking a necklace that claims to cool down your hot flashes. I love the site that was giving it away so this is by no means a dis to them or their promotion. In fact, this item must be doing really well because they have sold over 5,000 of them and have been featured on all sorts of mainstream media. But for blog humor purposes –  and what else really matters – I could not resist.

If you have ever had a hot flash, or slept next to one,  it sort of sounds like a good idea. What a lovely Mother’s Day gift. “Here honey, I bought you some jewelry”. She gets all, ‘oh what a sweet guy, I love you so much’ on you until she opens the box and sees you have purchased a hot flash necklace with the condescending name of – get this, ‘Hot Girls Pearls‘.

Ummmm, not the kind of hot girl this crazy meno-mama wants to be called. Just a tip guys, when she opens the box, you might want to duck out of the way when she throws these at you. They look like they might hurt on impact. I am thinking a good solid black eye could occur if her aim is good.

Please, no disrespect to the inventor of these babies. They could be very effective and lord knows we are looking for a way to cool down. But seriously, who really wants to wear a necklace modeled after the one that Wilma Flintstone wore.

Just saying.

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March 11, 2012 · 12:13 am

Pugz?

Yes Pugz… Uggs for dogs. And yes they come in sizes.

Thank goodness they are made of faux leather and faux wool. It would be so wrong for a pet to be wearing another animal.

You know, because it isn’t wrong to put little Uggs on your friggin dog. Jeez. This is just going to far. Look at the dog in this picture. It actually looks humiliated.

Although these would go nicely with the biker dude jacket on the dog in Home Depot. Or the Ed Hardy hoodie (say that 3 times fast) that I saw on a Yorkie in Delray. Only sorry I couldn’t snap that picture fast enough.

I clicked over to their site and found these high tops as well. Not going to lie, I do find them kind of cool. Oh right, if people were not putting them on their DOGS! Dr. Jimmy, this would make sense for your dogs… if they weren’t over 100 lbs.!

I love that each unit comes with 4 shoes. So if you are considering this for your 3 legged pooch you will find yourself with an extra. Maybe you can bronze it. (do people still do that with baby shoes?)

Is it because I have a big dog that I have such an aversion to pets in clothing? Or is it because pets in clothing is just friggin’ ridiculous.

Either way, this one wins an MFTA award for sure.

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March 1, 2012 · 7:18 pm

Kosher Dog Biscuits?

The first thing I will say about this shot is, only on the North Shore of Long Island.

This, my friends, is the bakery case at a local pet store. Yes, a bakery case. And these would be dog biscuits sporting messages in yiddish and hebrew. Both are fairly common slang that even those not of the tribe would probably recognize, but just in case, these are the definitions.

Oy vey! Sort of like OMG for Jews. In a sentence, “Oy vey, these people are selling dog biscuits with yiddish sayings on them”.

Shalom: Hello. Goodbye. Peace. Jews like to conserve and recycle. Contextual clues usually give this one away. Yet when someone says, “Shalom, my friend’, you might have no idea what he really means.

I must not forget to point out the half off sale price. Because, you know, we Jews love a good bargain.

No, I did not buy these for the puppy and yes, people did watch me take the picture. I am guessing it might have discouraged sales that day.

 

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February 5, 2012 · 11:04 pm

Easy Feet

No more bending to clean your feet? That just about says it all. These suckers suction cup to the shower flo0r and scrub-a-dub-dub your little piggies without that huge hassle of bending over to wash them. Because, you know, bending over in the shower can be dangerous. In some contexts. Or perhaps if you are morbidly obese.

So, the question is, are those two populations big enough to sell this item to or is that the reason I found this on the sale table?

Have to admit I am a little temped by the over 1,000 bristles…

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January 26, 2012 · 10:41 pm

I Take a Sheet

This is a banner week for people sending me things. This one comes from Natasha.

What a campaign! If you have ever eaten dinner over you know there is an inordinate amount of discussion surrounding…

taking a sheet. You could say we are a little preoccupied with it (or is that just me?)

I can’t imagine how they ever got the client to go for this campaign, but honestly I think it is hysterical and will surely get attention for this ridiculous product; Energy sheets that melt in your mouth like those breath strips with ‘vitamins’ and… caffeine, to help you with endurance when you are doing sports.

You know, for those who don’t give a sheet about their bodies (sorry, cheap shot).

BTW, their website is a gas. (I know I have a million of these)

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January 25, 2012 · 8:49 pm

Avoid poking eyes.

Do you ever wonder who writes these guides? Did someone post a complaint on the Facebook page of the Wahl Lithium Home Hair Cutter complaining that they had tried poking their eyes with this item and it caused injury? Did this person’s parents never use the phrase, ‘Knock it off, you’ll poke your eye out’ whilst they were fiddling around with something as a kid?

A big thanks to Joyce for sending this baby over just as I was pondering a topic for today’s post. Another reader sent me something yesterday that I am contemplating posting but it might just be too outrageous for me (doubtful).

 

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January 22, 2012 · 12:19 am

Creepy Stress Ball

THIS is a damn creepy stress ball. And the way it is packaged with just the face sticking out of a hole like that just adds to its degree of creepiness.

I took this picture for my friend Michelle Lamar, because we are constantly in competition for photos of the bizarre. She is the one who turned me on to tampon crafts way back when. She is my idol of tackiness.

So this guy? What makes him so creepy? Is it the pink lipstick? The bushy eyebrows? Oh right, the fact that someone would design something like this as a desk accessory could be it!

So he represents who? The quintessential asshole boss? Your perverted Uncle Ernie? The pedophile next door? Why, I ask you, will we get pleasure in squishing his seemingly benign, bald little head?

Ok, too much thought, right? WTH, I am so going back to that weird little card store near Home Goods and buying this one. He deserves a spot on my novelty shelf along with the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure , The Mini Marauding Pirates and the Evolving Darwin Playset.

Yes, I do in fact own all three of those.

 

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January 19, 2012 · 9:57 pm

When Men do Merchandising

Jana and I went into the drug store yesterday to pick up some tampax. (Now there is a show-stopping opening line if I ever wrote one.) As we walked down the aisle I heard her famous brand of “ARE you kidding me?!” I turned around to see not one, but two NFL free standing displays…

blocking the tampons and feminine hygiene products.

As a marketer and brand-focused professional I tried to see what the idea was behind this. I have come up with a few thoughts and will outline them here, with a poll at the end to get your input.

Put the NFL stuff in front of the tampons because:

1. while a woman is bleeding she feels the need to get a little gift for her guy to distract him.

2. there are women who are football fans and they may want some of these for themselves.

3. stockperson was stoned and placed the displays there as a joke.

4. stock person just put them randomly in an aisle with no thought to surrounding merchandise.

5. there is a level of discomfort with feminine hygiene products and they wanted to hide them.

6. foreshadowing: Tampax will be coming out with NFL branded tampons (Team Tampax?) and this is a pre-launch teaser.

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