Category Archives: health

October 14, 2009 · 8:27 pm

Snow Bird…

snow-bird-sex-drive

Snow Bird.

Sex Drive.

Sex Drive.

I believe the missing license plate in that sequence would be:

Cialis*

I found the juxtaposition of these quite funny. Even funnier, the fact that Sex Drive had to be repeated. Was it for reasons of hearing, eyesight or poor memory?

*if you have an erection for more than 4 hours, call your doctor (favorite disclaimer/tagline of all times).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, health, humor, photography, places of interest, products, signage, vacation

Tagged as , , , , ,

October 13, 2009 · 8:13 pm

Vermillion Dollar Lips

vermillion_dollar-lips

This little item comes to you via Dr. Jimmy, the rock ‘n roll dentist. He sent me the promo in the mail… with no note. Because, of course, none was needed. Who else but the MFTA would appreciate this to its fullest.

Speaking of fullest, how ’bout them lips. Yowza! When they talk Vermillion Dollars, they aren’t joking around. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love the name of this technique. It’s like a bad SNL skit.

For those who are interested in more details – or would like to get themselves a set of these babies – here is more information about lip and perioral augmentation.

Every once in awhile I like to post about plastic surgery. It intrigues me the lengths that people will go in the name of ‘perfection’. There is the botox route, and of course vaginal cosmetic surgery (yeh, that’s not freaky). Then there is the cosmetic surgery center that thinks insulting their potential market is a good marketing technique. (more on this group later this week). The more festive like to make it into a social event.

Don’t get me wrong, contrary to what many believe, I am not anti plastic surgery. There are many instances where a little nip and tuck can really help someone who has a drastic body flaw that makes them uncomfortable. The origination of plastic surgery was just that. Helping people feel better about themselves. But some of this stuff is pretty damn scary if you ask me. There is an epidemic of obsessive addiction to strive for the unattainable.

And let’s face it, are these the words you want uttered as you leave the room:

‘Jeez, did she ever have work done!’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

5 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, plastic surgery

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

October 5, 2009 · 9:37 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Bloggers for More Birthdays

For this Time to Cry Tuesday I am joining some of my blog friends in the American Cancer Society Bloggers for More Birthdays blog chain. As part of a continuing effort to create a world with less cancer and more birthdays, the American Cancer Society Blogger Advisory Council is harnessing the power of women in the blogosphere to build awareness and activism around this movement. We have been tasked with adding our voices and sharing a story of how cancer has touched our lives. So consider me harnessed.

There are moments in your life that change you forever. Some are joyful and others are devastating. You remember where you were sitting, what the moments right before felt like and how that turn of events changed the way you view the world from then on.

It started like any other ordinary day.

And then the phone rang.

It was my dad. He asked if I was busy or could I talk. He seemed distracted. And then he just said it. “Listen, your mom has breast cancer.”

So, how do you react to that one!? I will tell you how we reacted. The way we always do, as a family.

Taking my mom’s lead we all sprung into action and dealt with it. Head on.

My mom? She showed us a brand of strength that we would stood in awe of. She kept her wits and most importantly her sense of humor through surgery, treatments and the misery of hair loss. My dad? He showed up one day at my son’s basketball game with my mom’s wig on to keep us all amused. My brother? He kept us all going with his undying ability to keep it cool and point out the absurdities that kept us laughing. Me? I did the research and made the binders. Hey, what can I say? I am a Virgo, it is how I cope.

Throughout her treatments she was always concerned about the other patients. One particular day comes to mind. A women was there for her first chemo treatment. She was a young mom and was so very frightened. My mom sat with her, held her hand, looked into her eyes and helped her cope with what she had to face. She acted like… well, like a mom. The quintessential mom. Even through this, her most difficult time, she kept reaching out to others.

I am happy to let you know that mom has been cancer free for 7 years. She has walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, proudly wearing her pink shirt hoping to inspire others to find the bravery to keep going. Her philosophy has always been one of reaching out to help others. When I told her about Bloggers for More Birthdays she embraced the idea of the movement. “Anything that will help build awareness and early detection is something I want to be a part of.”

Thank you mom, for showing me what bravery looks like, and for keeping the glass half full. I love you.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under charity, family, health, moms

Tagged as , , , , , ,

July 26, 2009 · 11:19 am

Proof my dog and I might be genetically linked

meds

Scary, but I think it is true.

My dog has not been feeling well lately. She has been panting at odd times and drinking a ton, so I decided it was time to bring her to the vet. Please understand that I love this animal as if she were part of the family. No, I do not walk her in a stroller, I am able to differentiate between my kids and my pet, but I do love her  just the same.

Keep in mind she just turned 11, so going to the vet to find out what is wrong is a tricky proposition. Nothing worse than dropping 1,000 bucks to find out your dog is terminal. Luckily, she is not. And it only cost $480 to find that out – a bargain.

It seems, good ole Mel suffers from hypothyroidism. This would explain her weight gain (not the table scraps I have berated Gary for giving her) and could explain her other symptoms. Oh, and her pH is off (what the hell?).

So who else in this house suffers from this plight? You guessed it (and the photo gave it away). So, my friends, my dog and I are now on the same meds!

I am praying she does not get rabies!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, humor, humor, mel, pets

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

July 24, 2009 · 6:46 pm

Recession Rosaries

recession-rosaries

Yep, you can’t go wrong with these babies. I give a lot of credit to this vendor. These are a nice blend of recessionary reaction, trend appeal and religious affiliation.

Ahhh, AND they make the perfect gift.

I should have investigated them further to see if there was anything different about them. I wonder if they had some recession specific markings or maybe it was just a tag. The tag would make more sense. We are in a recession you know, need to watch the bottom line on every SKU. And surely you don’t want to be left over with heavy inventory once the recession breaks.

Perhaps they could expand their products with another current event driven line like Swine Flu Rosaries; great for the religious school market. They could package them with a plaid surgical mask and a little bottle of Purell. Great Back-to-School gift item that no kid’s backpack should be without.

Sorry, it is quite obvious I have been in marketing and promotions for way too long.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, current events, health, humor, marketing, photography, products, religion, signage

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

July 10, 2009 · 10:19 pm

Just call me Kimmie O’Chaos

kimmie-o'chaos

I LOVE this name. If I had any musical talent this might be my stage name. It is so fitting. As was the circumstance in which I found myself behind this truck. I was on the way to the doctor for another in a series of bizarre ailments. No, my burning mouth syndrome has not flared up again, this is something new… ish.

Other people get bug bites. Me? I get the mother of all swell up and fear anaphylactic shock type bug bites. Gary can be sitting in the same spot and not get a single bite. I am like his fly strip! I have taken more than one trip to the the ER for bee stings, but this sucker was just a mosquito.

Doc walks in. Says “Wow”. (is that a diagnosis?) Writes a scrip for some industrial strength steroid cream and tells me to call if it gets worse.

Define worse.

Ok, so I have one arm that looks like I have been pumping iron and the other, not so much.

My life is always one long emergency. Even now, in the slow dog days of summer with no real crisis on the horizon, no kids home, work quiet and managable, something always seems to pop up.

I guess you can just call me Kimmie O’Chaos. (seriously, doesn’t that name kill you? I am so easily amused).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, humor

Tagged as , , , ,

June 9, 2009 · 9:21 pm

Ooh La La, You have the Flu La La


ooh-la-la

I was standing behind this woman in the supermarket checkout line and I could not resist a shot of her rather offbeat scrubs. For some reason Betty Boop goes to Paris is not the motif I want from my healthcare worker.

I could not help but think how ridiculous it would be to receive the news that you had the swine flu from a nurse sporting the Eiffel Tower and Betty in a beret.

What next, the Naked Cowboy scrubs?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

 

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, health, humor

Tagged as , , , , , ,

May 21, 2009 · 9:19 pm

Ménage a Twins

tdy-090521-twinfamily2-6a.standard

This morning, while making breakfast for my son, I saw the most amazing news story. A women who had twins was suspicious about their paternity and had them tested. And why would she be suspicious? Hmmm, let’s think.

It seems they are twin sons of different fathers. Wasn’t that an album from the 70s? Oh no, that was Twin Sons of Different Mothers. Now that is a physical impossibility, or at least in the 70s it was. I suppose with surrogacy you could achieve that today. Hey what every happened to Dan Fogelberg, anyway?

Back to those amazing twins with 2 dads. How could this happen? Well, my friends, those l’il swimmers can stay viable in the repro tract for up to FIVE DAYS. Who knew? You would think I would, with all the work I have done on infertility brochures. Oddly, this never came up. Go figure.

It would seem this mom did the dirty with more than one guy and wound up with a little gift from each of them. Now this mom is 20 years old and the kids are a year. Dad A, we will call him for argument sake, is 44. So this guy was schtuping a 19 year old when he was 43. (ew). Got her preggers, had two babes and found out only one was his. Luckily he is a menschy guy and vows to love them both the same. Rather big of him.

BTW, they plan to marry ‘some day’. Um, now might not be a bad time since good ole mom is pregster AGAIN.

Seriously, would you trust this woman? And why, exactly, did this couple think it was a good idea to go on a national morning news show with this discovery? They claim they will ‘tell the kids one day’. Um, hello! National news. Thinking it might come up if they ever Google their names.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, humor, men and women, moms, news

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

March 29, 2009 · 7:41 am

Forget about diet and exercise

md_thin

This is my week to pick on the local medical community. Honestly, this one makes Turkey Neck look good. I must admit I absolutely LOVE the clip art.

When I was growing up there was a doctor that people used to go to for ‘diet drops’. I am pretty sure it was liquid speed and he surely behaved more like a drug dealer than a doc. Basically if you had the cash he gave you the scrip. Or maybe he was dispensing, come to think of it. Nonetheless his operation was eventually busted.

So here we are in the year 2009 and this guy is placing an ad like this in small town local newspapers. And this is ok because…?

I jumped over to his website and the language is really frightening. How about this: “Since we are able to get these medications from the manufacturers directly and in large quanities, we are able to pass the savings to our patients”, said Dr. Mostafa. “Our Weigh loss (yes, there was a typo) program is easy, safe and now affordable.”

Wow, the whole damn county should be thin with this kind of offer!

Safe? Phendimetrazine. Addictive much?

Oh right. Look Your Best.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, body image, health, humor

Tagged as , , , , ,

March 27, 2009 · 6:02 pm

Turkey Neck?*

turkey_neck

Another ridiculous ad from the same local paper that brought us Doodyman! But this one is more about crap than he was.

Anyone else find this ad offensive? Jeez, give me a break. Seriously, with all the money you guys are making here on the Gold Coast could you not pay for a better logo than the one you have? And while I am giving a critique, there is nothing worse than a medical practice with the suffix ‘tique’. Is this a doctor’s office or the makeup counter at Bloomies? They even have a ‘cosmetic coordinator’. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I must admit I was lured in by the question mark and asterisk in the headline. Draws you right into the definition and treatment for the ol’ turkey neck. So here are some of my thoughts (what, you were not expecting a list from me?)

1. sagging neck shows your age? Yeh, well if you already altered your face I guess so. When you fix the neck then what do you do about the hands?

2. Smartlipo?! TM no less, jeez!

3. Body-jet water assisted lipo? Why does this sound like a power enema to me?

4. SAVE THE TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING. ENJOY THE FINEST TRIMMINGS TODAY! How the hell did the ad agency sell that line?

Seriously, I find this so sad. Insulting and body-image-paranoia-focused advertising is such a low blow. What is the follow up headline going to be? Here are few thoughts:

Hey fat ass. Or maybe, Yo Hadassah Arms (that would be a combo street/yenta focused ad). Or why not go straight for the aging juggler: Who cares if you feel good, you look like crap.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against doing whatever rings your bell to make you feel better about yourself. But it feels like whores doctors who play this game are simply parasitic.

Enough for tonight. Hmmm, is it me or you guys craving a hot open turkey sandwich right about now?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, body image, health, humor, marketing, women

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,