Category Archives: absurdities

September 14, 2010 · 11:10 pm

Menopause or Malaria?

Ok, here’s the thing. As my 50th year draws to a close I had this expectation that the night sweats would take a hike with the Big 5-0. But the other night I woke up pretty sure that I was suffering from some rare disease spawning the fever from hell.

Me: I think I might have Malaria.

Gary: Pretty sure you don’t.

Me: West Nile Virus?

Gary: Nope.

What the hell does he know. I thought of going to the doctor. Imagine this conversation if I did go:

Me: I think I have Malaria.

Doc: Really? Have you traveled lately?

Me: Madison, WI

Doc: I meant someplace more third-world or jungle-like. Someplace exotic.

Me: Have you ever been to Madison, it is pretty exotic.

Figuring that if I did go and we had a this conversation, now would be about the time he would throw me the hell out of his office.

So I suppose I probably don’t have Malaria. Or the sinus infection I was sure was brewing. And the fire-starter hot flashes that start in the small of my back and spread through me like a Colorado wildfire are just something I am going to have to live with just a little bit longer.

Either that or maybe I can find someone that I can convince of my Malaria status.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, conversations, humor

Tagged as , , ,

September 12, 2010 · 11:55 pm

Must you grab that thang

We were out for ice cream after dinner on Saturday night. Sitting at a table chatting I noticed a rather large man doing the ole crotch tug. Ok, I thought, he needed a little adjustment and forgot that he was in public.

Then he did it again.

So, of course I mentioned it to my husband and friends. And no sooner had I mentioned it then…

yep, one more tug for good luck.

Perhaps he had an infection. Or maybe some sort of a tick. Or maybe, just maybe, he did not give a crap whether anyone saw him, he simply liked to tug on his dick every few minutes. Hey, doesn’t make him a bad person, right?

Of course everyone had to watch him and sure enough he did it again. Quite a guy, perhaps his knickname was Tugger. For good reason.

Amused as I was, I forgot about him until I was driving through a neighboring town on Sunday and who should I see walking down the street? Of course, Mister Grab-a-lot. I am happy to report in the few minutes that I saw him on the street he had his hands free and clear of his dick.

Perhaps it is just a Saturday night sort of thang.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities

Tagged as

September 2, 2010 · 7:05 pm

What Flavoured Soup Mix?

I just could not put the name of this soup in my post title for fear of what Google would drive here. Although it is tempting – being a blog whore and all – to get some cheap stats by using the word ‘cock’ in a post title. But I have enough weirdos googling things like ‘castrated men’, ‘me with bulges’ and a big fave this week, ‘orange peel penis’, which in case you missed  it was an actual blog post you can read here.

So yes, my friends, for those of you who savor the flavor, so to speak, you can go home and cook yourself a big bowl of Cock Flavoured Soup tonight. Who knows what will cum of it (sorry, cheap shot). I particularly like that this is made by a company called Grace. And just because I think it takes a lot of balls (again, sorry, cheap shot 2) to make a soup by this name I will give the dear people at Grace a little link love and let you know where you can buy this stuff. It would surely make a great gag gift (ok, I am taking this a bit too far, so sue me!)

A big thanks to Paula P for sending this one in. Truthfully, who had better friends than me?

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, food, products, search engine terms

Tagged as ,

September 1, 2010 · 11:20 pm

Foursquare Check-in for STD Testing – too ‘social’?

In a nutshell, MTV is teaming up with foursquare to encourage STD testing. That is a good thing, right? I mean, anything that encourages people to get tested is OK in my book. But a badge that shouts to your network that you’ve been tested? Is this TMI? Will my friends be more likely to get tested because I have and bragged about it? Ok, maybe my friends are not the demographic, but you get what I mean.

Is this simply an overshare?

What next? Will EPT be the next to partner with foursquare giving out the ‘INPIWOAS’ (I’m Not Pregnant, It Was Only A Scare) badge. Or maybe what my friend Jessica Smith suggested when I posted this on facebook, perhaps FiberCon could come up with  the IFMAD (I Finally Made a Doody) badge. Ok, she just inferred the badge name by suggesting FiberCon. I don’t want to put words in her mouth, she is very sophisticated.

What do you think? Is this a good share or an overshare?

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, facebook, foursquare, social media

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 21, 2010 · 12:25 am

MyKnobs.com

Sometimes I cannot believe my good fortune. When I saw this sign coming off the parkway was one such time. Funny, but I get off at this exit all the time and never processed this. Perhaps it was the red Ferrari front and center that made me focus.

If I did not have a camera I would have had to go back. Nothing worse than a missed opportunity. Like the other day when there was a guy on a motorcycle making a turn off the main road I was on…

wearing a viking helmut. I am still mad I did not make the turn and follow him. What a picture that would have been!

Nope can’t make this stuff up.

6 Comments

Filed under absurdities, humor, signage

August 19, 2010 · 6:24 pm

Love it or Get the Hell Out?

Talk about overzealous patriotism. I am not sure what would possess someone to paint this on the back of their truck. Do we really need more hostility on the road? Do we need to shove the U. S. of A. down the throats of  immigrants, visitors or citizens for that matter?

Is is not enough to simply ‘like’ this country. In this era of facebook the word ‘like’ has a pretty positive connotation. It crosses the board of things we love, like, just simply think we are aligned with…

I felt compelled to wait to see who got into this truck. But then I was a little afraid that if I did not love the shirt he was wearing he would have told me to get the hell out of the parking lot.

Yeesh!

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, road signs

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 15, 2010 · 11:01 pm

The Most Patriotic Dunkin Donuts in America

I took this picture at a Dunkin Donuts near my house. I was taken by the 8 American flags flying proudly on the roof. Hey, I am as patriotic as the next person, but 8 flags on one establishment. What the hell?

I would love to know the backstory on this one

Any thoughts?

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera

Tagged as , ,

August 14, 2010 · 12:21 am

Bumper to Bumper Stickers

Wow, can you imagine spending the evening with this person? I had a headache just standing next to his car.

Of course my favorite one is:

‘I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe’

I am not sure there is anything else I can say to top that.

5 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, photography, road trip, signage

Tagged as

August 12, 2010 · 10:29 pm

Goony Golf

Yes, Dr. Jimmy, this is the post you have been waiting for.

A perfect summer day in Lake George. You:

A) rent a boat

B) have drinks at The Sagamore

C) play Goony Golf

By the title of this post you know that the answer is C but you can’t for the life of you understand why it won out of A and B. Here are just a few examples why:

Mother (strangling the) Goose.

Mary (the proctologist) had a little lamb.

And of course the proverbial Black Hole. I am pretty sure I have a dozen or so single socks somewhere in there.

Oh, and in case you were wondering…

Not going to lie, a good time was had by all. But next year…

it’s either A or B, hands down.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, dr. jimmy

Tagged as , ,

August 8, 2010 · 10:05 pm

Concerning Twitter Follow

Once-a-Month Cooking is following me on twitter? This might be a bit concerning for my husband now that my kids will no longer be living home.

Hey if you see him on the street looking forlorn and hungry, can you take him in and feed him a home cooked meal.

You know, just in case this was some sort of foreshadowing.

Does take out count as cooking?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, twitter

Tagged as , , , ,