Category Archives: absurdities

October 17, 2014 · 10:54 am

Happiness

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I am never comfortable seeing the word ‘seminar’ before the word ‘happiness’. Following it with the tagline: Stop Thinking & Start Becoming surely did not help. As a friend commented when I posted this photo this morning, ” Becoming what?”.

I assume the answer to that is becoming happy.

What I found even more amusing was the idea of finding happiness in the Best Western Bayside Inn. In the East Room, of course. In blue type. Assuming that you could never find happiness in the West Room.

I sort of hate the ‘I just want to be happy’ declaration. I subscribe to the notion that misery gives happiness context. You have to do a little suffering to get what happy is, right?

Wanting to not just be flippant, I felt it was my responsibility to research this a bit. That and I am working through a full-blown bout of procrastination this week.

At first google all I could fine was a bunch of event site listings stating that this had no age limitations and was categorized in ‘Other’. The age thing? OK, happiness is not age dependent. But other? Hmmmm…

Further investigation brought me to the Maum Method. Ah… clarity. Meditation. Cool. I have practiced TM on and off for years and can relate. It has surely helped my family members a great deal and I am know a more consistent practice would do me a world of good. (note to self: meditate more regularly)

I read more:

The human mind is an accumulation of pictures that is stored within your mind and body… Through the Maum Method you will become free of pictures and free of the incessant recording, as a result, you will become free of the illusionary false world which is the human mind. No longer trapped in the human mind, you will find your true purpose and reach the state of happiness when reborn in the universe mind.

Ok. No judgement. Whatever gets you there. But for me… life IS all about pictures and sounds. Art and music are what make me happy. Oh wait, that is probably not what they meant. Perhaps it is the directive to lose the self and be part of the whole that never works for me.

Ok, that sounds like judgement. Honestly, this post was really about something that made me laugh at 6AM on the bagel store bulletin board.

But hey, Woo Myung, the founder of Maum Meditation, was awarded the Mahatma Gandhi Peace Price by the UN – NGO, International Association of Educators for World Peace (IAEWP) and was appointed a World Peace Ambassador by the same organization.

I love how a funny siting led me down a road to self-actualization.

ish.

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August 7, 2014 · 4:09 pm

Raccoon Boy

Walking home from the morning dog field the other day we came across the Raccoon Boy truck. I love his tagline: When Animals Annoy, call Raccoon Boy! Not sure if you can see the illustration but there are handcuffs involved!

As luck would have it, he was getting out of his truck as we passed. I told him that I loved his name and he came back with a quick: “I take care of annoying husbands, too!”

Gotta love Raccoon Boy.

racoon boy

Then, as with many oddities that come across my path, I was in a store buying new glass doors for the fireplace and on the counter was this article about a rabid raccoon dropping down the chimney, ransacking a woman’s house and then running upstairs and biting her in the face!

rabid racoon

Of course this was a marketing piece to reinforce not only the aesthetic advantages of glass doors but the fact that they will actually shield you from facial disfigurement.

Everyone has a friggin angle!

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August 7, 2014 · 1:00 am

Universal Symbols of Absurdity

What better for an MFTA graphic designer than to embark upon an icon search for a project and come across these. Talk about having fun at work! I might have done a post like this a while back but both I and my search function are a little brain dead these days so forgive me.

I am going to take a shot at what these mean, but feel free to give input in the comments

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Universal Symbol for: Your ass looks fat in that dress

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A lovely little collection for: Perhaps you are working for the wrong boss (I particularly like the top right one – nothing like a sucker punch to the back of the head)

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Universal Symbol for: College Freshman

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And of course the ever popular Universal Symbol for: Spring Break

I might need to make this a regular series, what do you think?

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August 6, 2014 · 1:00 am

Siri humor

manIt would appear Siri is slightly hard of hearing. Or at least MY Siri is. She never understands what I am asking for.

The other day I needed the phone number for my favorite doctor on the face of the earth, Dr. Samuel J. Mann. Since he pretty much saved – maybe not my life, but surely the quality of it – I considered him THE Man.

Apparently Siri does not. In fact this was all she could come up with:

“I don’t understand ‘Man’.”

Which stopped me for a moment. You know Siri, I can relate. I don’t really understand man either.

 

 

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August 5, 2014 · 2:06 pm

CSI Nursery School

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This!

I saw this in a parking lot last Sunday and it struck me as so funny. Is this where the little investigators go to train?  Instead of blocks and legos do they do fingerprint dusting and dna testing?

Oddly enough, CSI does not stand for Crime Scene Investigation, but rather Congregation Sons of Israel. Apparently no one thought about how ridiculous this might be when they abbreviated their synagogue name. But then to make a sticker for the nursery school (I thought the PC name for that is pre-school), and use a handprint, no less… no one? Not a soul thought about the humor?

Personally, I would have done a fingerprint as a logo instead of a handprint, but hey, not everyone is a graphic professional.

Having sat on a synagogue board in the past – where the discussion of roof tiles and catering chairs, traffic patterns and fundraising efforts are discussed for weeks on end… this?

Yep, I will crown this with the famous MFTA status.

(And yes, I think I might be back to blogging. There are simply too many wonderful things that amuse me lately not to share.)

mfta approved

 

 

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April 13, 2014 · 8:08 pm

South Florida Living

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If you have ever visited one of the many communities in South Florida, this will not surprise you. The level of detail is astounding.

You have to believe that this was not written in the spirit of prevention. I would like to know how many poor people got locked in there before this very detailed set of directions was drafted.

I keep envisioning the condo association from Seinfeld spending the better portion of a month drafting this sucker.

The scary thing about this is that I am surely the most likely person to get locked in there. In fact, this was the third time I had thrown out the garbage and the only reason I noticed the sign was because my dad told me to take my cell phone.

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January 16, 2014 · 10:11 pm

Breast Cancer Calling

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I was on the phone with a colleague today and my call waiting clicked on. Our conversation:

She: Do you have to get that?

Me: Nope, it’s breast cancer calling.

She: Never a good idea to answer breast cancer when it calls.

Me: Yup.

It got me thinking, whose idea was it to have that come up on caller ID? Was this specifically requested because they believed you might pick it up and donate? Do they even know that caller ID is coming up this way? Should I call them back and let them know? And if I do, will I be obligated to make a donation, no matter what the organization is?

Ok, maybe it is a little noisy in my head.

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January 15, 2014 · 8:48 pm

The Funeral Director and the 3D Printing Biz

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This headline is just too good to be true, right?

A Yorktown, NY funeral director has decided to venture down the path of a new revenue stream. He has started a business called Mini 3D ME, creating 3-D figures of people. These are incredible. The detail is really astounding. I would imagine he is going to take the business far. The possibilities are endless… wedding cake topper, trophies, grandparent gifts, sports licensing, celebrities, corporate applications. The franchise opps will be incredible.

Ok, lovefest aside, this guy is a funeral director. Anyone see the humor in this?

“You are creating mini-identical replicas of people,” he states. Anyone who has had the misfortune of sitting at that awful conference table at a funeral parlor with warped family members and an uncontrollable  sense of dark nervous humor can see how the addition of one more friggin’ option like this might just be the last straw. Being one that gets the giggles at inappropriate times, the idea of the funeral director pulling out grandma and grandpa under glass, immortalized in resin to, as he put it, ‘freeze time and create lifelong memories’… well you can see what I mean.

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Actually, I think it’s brilliant. I wish him well. And truthfully, sort of interested in opening a store myself. Again, another business that is in dire need of a good graphic designer. Perhaps I should start soliciting these people for work.

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January 13, 2014 · 12:15 am

Baby DJ School

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Oh those Brooklyn hipsters, they make us yuppies of way back when seem like we did not indulge our children. I am usually saddened by the race to adultify babies. Having been through the whole raising of the kids thing, I want to stop these parents and tell them there is plenty of time for them to become little hipsters and ‘mix music that is super dope’, just not while they are still drooling on the soundboard. But then I fear I am becoming that woman who stopped me on the street over 20 years ago while both my kids were screaming and told me I would miss these days. (that day, I have never missed, btw)

We saw this flyer while walking down Bedford Street and I had to take a picture. A little further investigation, and I found this HuffPo piece on the place. The woman who started it is definitely a genius. I am all for someone being entrepreneurial and preying on the insecurities of the tragically hip. And she has great cred. DJ and composer Natalie Elizabeth Weiss  has shared the stage with LCD Soundsystem and Dirty Projectors. She could, however, use a little graphic help. Just saying. (cute kid, though)

But this mom?  I sort of wanted to punch this mom in the face:

Samantha Al-Fayez, the mother of one of Weiss’ new students, told the Wall Street Journal that her 1-year-old Julien “loves gangsta rap.”

Seriously, Samantha?! Why is your 1-year-old listening to gangsta rap? I shudder to hear his first words! When he calls you mutha, don’t come crying to us when he figures out the second half of that word.

I am happy to report that Weiss does not play any music with profanities for the kids.

Hipster wholesome!

I did so want to make fun of this whole thing but honestly, for the older kids this is quite fabulous. Check out this 4-year-old. I love him. And his dad is a riot. The kid totally gets it, no?

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January 9, 2014 · 10:00 am

ish

6-and-a-half-avenue

I love New York. And I equally love the ish of life. As I was parking my car today I came across this street sign. Who knew 6th Avenue had an ish… a half. A sort of in between 6th and 7th sort of street that had no purpose other than to install a stop sign (yes, a stop sign in the middle of a midtown cross street!). You know, because as the sign says, it is a Pedestrian Arcade. Really? I saw no such arcade. A lovely little restaurant with a Quinoa Bar but no arcade that I could see. A little space between 2 buildings with some cement seating and potted trees. But an arcade? Nah.

Nonetheless, the existence of a halfavenue that I never knew about made me realize that every day has a little surprise if you look.

NYC trivia… name the street this is on. (no prizes other than being able to boast about what a New Yorker you are).

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