Monthly Archives: May 2009

May 21, 2009 · 9:19 pm

Ménage a Twins

Photo: Today Show. James Harrison and Mia Washington will soon have another addition to their family, which includes twins by two different dads.

This morning, while making breakfast for my son, I saw the most amazing news story. A women who had twins was suspicious about their paternity and had them tested. And why would she be suspicious? Hmmm, let’s think.

It seems they are twin sons of different fathers. Wasn’t that an album from the 70s? Oh no, that was Twin Sons of Different Mothers. Now that is a physical impossibility, or at least in the 70s it was. I suppose with surrogacy you could achieve that today. Hey what every happened to Dan Fogelberg, anyway?

Back to those amazing twins with 2 dads. How could this happen? Well, my friends, those l’il swimmers can stay viable in the repro tract for up to FIVE DAYS. Who knew? You would think I would, with all the work I have done on infertility brochures. Oddly, this never came up. Go figure.

It would seem this mom did the dirty with more than one guy and wound up with a little gift from each of them. Now this mom is 20 years old and the kids are a year. Dad A, we will call him for argument sake, is 44. So this guy was schtuping a 19 year old when he was 43. (ew). Got her preggers, had two babes and found out only one was his. Luckily he is a menschy guy and vows to love them both the same. Rather big of him.

BTW, they plan to marry ‘some day’. Um, now might not be a bad time since good ole mom is pregster AGAIN.

Seriously, would you trust this woman? And why, exactly, did this couple think it was a good idea to go on a national morning news show with this discovery? They claim they will ‘tell the kids one day’. Um, hello! National news. Thinking it might come up if they ever Google their names.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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8 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, humor, men and women, moms, news

Tagged as fathers, ménage a trois, mothers, paternity, pregnancy, reproduction, reproductive tract, sperm, twins

May 20, 2009 · 8:55 pm

Famous Fruit

famous fruit

Doesn’t this look yummy? This is my favorite bamboo bowl filled with fruit on my kitchen table. On a good day it looks like this. Usually On a bad day there are black bananas, bruised apples and mushy oranges rotting away with perhaps a few fruit flies dancing around it.

I walked passed the table the other day, admired the way the sunlight was hitting the fruit, grabbed my camera and then noticed that my banana…

had been initialed.

JS. Hmmm, who could that be? It took me about a minute to remember that Danny had a few friends over the day before and one of them mysteriously had these initials. Yes Amy S, that would be YOUR boy.

I believe there was some discussion about being able to sign the fruit and still have it be edible.

17-year-olds are so deep!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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6 Comments

Filed under danny, teenagers

Tagged as fruit, initials, signature, teen boys, teenagers

May 19, 2009 · 10:58 pm

Plaid is Rad

plaid is rad

While food shopping the other day I came across a woman in this totally hip plaid outfit. Think about it, you would usually see clothes like this on a rapper. But this grandma was flying her plaid flag high last Saturday and strutting her stuff through the gourmet section of a market Gary and I like to refer to as Stinky Farms. (before they renovated the place it stunk to high heaven, I used to gag when I was pregnant and had to go in there).

Notice the adorable young gentleman in the background picking up some goodies for his family like the super hubster that he is. That would be the fabulous Matt, who nailed me taking this picture… big time.

There I was, camera at waist level as he rounded the corner the moment I was framing the perfect shot of Plaid Rad Granny. At this point I have learned to carry the camera in a spot in my bag akin to a holster. I whip that baby out and don’t miss a step.

Right after that shot was taken he came over laughing and pointing that he had nailed me taking random supermarket pictures.

As if that is something everyone does not do.

Oh, they don’t? Well they should. Some moments simply beg to be immortalized. If only for the sheer joy of sharing them with your friends.

(A quick newsflash for the PW peops, I am happy to report that the School Budget passed 2785 to 1989).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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9 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, fashion, grandmothers

Tagged as foodshopping, photography, pictures, senior fashion, slice of life, supermarkets

May 18, 2009 · 11:00 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Volunteerism

You might have seen this image before, I am recycling today.

Oddly enough, this notepad was given to me by the woman who roped me into the biggest volunteer gig of my life; trying to pass a school bond. For those who were with me back then it was a magical time of passion and community activism at its finest. And of course at its worst.

We lost the fight that year but what I gained was the knowledge that a grass roots effort can be mobilized out of thin air. Not to mention the life-long friendships I forged with people who taught me so much.

I also learned that it is not always such a great idea to wake the sleeping giant of the opposition. (we sickeningly remember that as waking the sleeping no voters. that year there were quite a few who showed up on oxygen and with IV polls, but that is a story for another day). Yes, we lost that time around. In a big way. In fact my friends Dave, Cathy and I still introduce ourselves as the group that single-handedly failed the first school bond. We are quite infamous.

This Time to Cry Tuesday just happens to fall on the very day of our annual School Budget Vote. Sadly, passing a budget in this town has become a very difficult task. Year after year I worked the phones, handed out flyers, threatened my husband and did everything within my power to get out the vote. These days I have left the effort to the new wave of parents.

But the passion never dies.

To all my friends in the zip code, please do not forget to vote. And if your kids are over 18, make sure they vote too. Even if your kids are out of the district, help pass this budget for the sake of the new families who are the life of this community. After all, when our kids were younger the generation before us showed us the same commitment.

Here’s to my love/hate relationship with the act of volunteering. I am taking a little break for awhile, but no worries, I will be back.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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1 Comment

Filed under communities, education, friendship

Tagged as school budget vote, volunteering, volunteerism, voting

May 17, 2009 · 10:38 pm

National Penis Day?

I am not sure if it is a coincidence that I have been working on a patient information booklet on male infertility when an email from my college friend, Paula, showed up on my blackberry with these outrageous pics of National Penis Day in Japan. I have proofed more pages about sperm and scrotum in the last week than I care to admit.

I did a little searching and I have not been able to validate the event. There are a few bloggers who have written about it with other names. I don’t really care all that much about the full story, the pictures speak 1,000 words.

Enjoy, my friends. For those viewing this through email subscription on a blackberry (Sue and Maddee specifically), quickly get to the nearest computer as these are shots you do not want to miss.

Picture 1: Do any of you have those neighbors that hang flags outside their houses for every occasion. Bunnies, hearts, santas, flowers? This would be a nice answer to those holiday lovers. The vein work is lovely, don’t you think?

penis-flag

Picture 2: Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Dick Baguette. Doesn’t this one resemble a french bread. I love the way he has a matching headband to the ribbon around the shaft. Oh and is there some sort of symbolism with him holding a ‘box’?

a penis and a box

Picture 3: “Cumming to you live from in front of the big penis with a suspicious looking red sore on the tip. And now, back to you in the studio, Dick.” (sorry that was a couple of cheap shots).

penis day 3

Picture 4: “Honey, make nice to the big penis. Uh, oh, I did not see that sore at first. My wife is going to kill me.”

kid with penis

Picture 5: Just a lovely group of women taking their pet penises out for a stroll.

penis bouquet

Picture 6: I love the face on the guy on the right. This would be the expression of someone lost in a sea of penises. Talk about smoking a bone(r).

penis statues

Picture 7: I REALLY need one of these. This reminds me of a dinner that we went out for years ago. My brother and his friends made the reservation under the name Penisnose. Nothing funnier than hearing the hostess call us when our table was ready, “Um, party for 10 for, um, a, Penis Nose”.

penis-nose

A big heartfelt thanks to Paula for giving me a great post to start the week.

Happy Monday to all.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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22 Comments

Filed under absurdities, communities

Tagged as national penis day

May 16, 2009 · 9:26 pm

Offices for Rent

offices-for-rent

Stopped at a red light on my way back from food shopping this image was a gift. it is hard to believe this was taken in our pretty little suburb. If I did not know better I would have thought this picture was taken in the Bronx.

This guy is quite attractive, don’t you think? I mean, wouldn’t you want to rent space from him. Hey bud, how about a shirt? I can’t help but wonder who he was taking to and what they were taking about. He seems so intense.

I always wonder if other people notice this kind of thing as they navigate through their day. I shot a bunch of images today as I went through the mundane tasks of a Saturday.

Errands are so much more fun with a camera. (hey, that would make a great tagline).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, photography

Tagged as carry a camera, photography, store for rent

May 15, 2009 · 9:10 pm

Moth Balls

moth balls When I was growing up there was a distinct odor that came for the closets of my nana’s house.

Moth Balls.

Theirs was a generation that lived and died for these little round balls of camphor. You did not think of putting your off season clothing away without surrounding them with moth balls.

I wonder about the moth ball market and if it is shrinking now that the women of my nana’s generation have passed on. Are there younger people who hang onto the practice of using them? I am pretty sure I have never seen them in use again since nana’s house.

Honestly, anyone out there see them other than granny’s closet?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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8 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

May 14, 2009 · 10:11 pm

Signs you are working too hard

the-job-that-ate-my-brain 1. Still wearing last night’s pajamas while sitting at your desk at 10:50 PM

2. When your teenage son asks, “What’s for dinner?” you answer with, “Didn’t you eat last night?”

3. You are pretty sure that the sweatshirt you are passing off for pajamas was purchased after your first pregnancy, and that ‘child’ is now 20 years old.

4. To placate the hungry teen you agree to go with him to the gourmet pizza place – and let him drive.

5. You realize once you get there that the probability is high of running into someone you went to HS with while wearing this lovely outfit, being unshowered and driving your daughter’s beat up old jeep. (loser without a chance to explain). Luckily this did not happen.

6. Going to the bathroom is a nuisance and is getting in the way of you finishing your work.

Oh, I could go on. And sadly I did not make up any of those items (well number 5 was just a fear, but a real one). Working home has its advantages.

Style/personal hygiene is not one of them.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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8 Comments

Filed under carreers, work, work habits

Tagged as gourmet pizza, home office, pajamas, personal hygiene, shower, style, WAHM, work at home

May 13, 2009 · 10:37 pm

Today’s Mail

guilt

You never know what you will find in the mailbox. I am just happy there are no dead rodents in there after last week’s dog food episode. Yes, I am traumatized by that event, thank you for asking.

So what has come in the mail to entertain me. Well, today, I don’t really know because it is 11PM and I am still at my desk and haven’t brought the mail in yet. (scary). But over the last few days I have received:

1. The postcard above. Nice right. It’s always nice to get a little (4×6) guilt in the mail just in case you don’t have enough of it hanging around your house. No it is not from my mother, or someone channeling my dear departed Nana. This was from a local church advertising an Easter service. My favorite line on this card was “Does life offer a reboot?” That would be cool. But do I run the risk of losing data?

2. ANOTHER AARP card. That makes a total of 4 in the last 6 months. Whoever is in charge of sending out these cards, leave me the hell alone, I am not 50 yet!

3. A lovely flyer from a Crematorium. I have received mail from cemeteries, but never one of these.

4. Hmmm, I also got a really high-end brochure from a funeral home. Does somebody know something about my health that I don’t?

5. Oh and this one was great. A solicitation from a stock broker addressed to Arny Levinson (married name for those who are confused). Ok, so I get that when you squint an ‘a’ and an ‘r’ could look like an ‘m’. But this was typed in all caps! ARNY

That’s all I’ve got. Anybody else get any interesting mail lately?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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Blogaversary

Believe it or not, my friends, today marks my one year blogaversary. Yes, I have been banging away here on the the keyboard for a full year, trying to make you all laugh. I look back on my first post and still consider it one of my best: Spanx, Dunkin Donuts and the fear of YouTube. I had no idea what this crazy blog would become. Oddly that first post set the tone and made me realize that my life can be funny sometimes.

I hardly remember life before blogging. Everything seems like it should be a post. Sad, funny, poignant, disgusting, it is all blogworthy.

I think what this blog has done most for me, is made me walk the walk of its mission; to laugh, sometimes to the point of tears.

Face it, life is hard, and we all get cranky… A LOT. Those who know me well hear me kvetch on a regular basis. But this is the place I come to at the end of every day to force myself to see the humorous side of things. No matter how down I get, the idea of a big box of shut the hell up will always get a laugh out of me. Sometimes the topics are ones where you would never find humor, like aging parents. Other times it is just the theatre of the absurd, like the Freakatorium, because that is the best place to escape.

Hey, without this blog I would never have been the Minneapolis fm107.1 Get Real Girl of the Week. A thrill no woman should be denied.

As a little gift to myself I submitted the word blogaversary to Urban Dictionary. If approved this will join my other words there: bloganoia, psuedosnarky, twitobirth, twirgin and twexpert. Yes, it is an odd hobby but someone has to do it. Why? I don’t know, but someone does.

I want to thank all of you that read me so loyally. Those I know in real life, and those I have met through this space. Social media has combined my two faves, connecting with people and technology. I was a natural for this crap.

In celebration of this event, you can stop racking your brains on what to get me (no I am not registered at Blogs ‘r Us), simply humor me and throw a comment out today. Those who read daily but stay quiet, show a little love and tell me what you like, or what you don’t like. A favorite post, a least favorite topic. Or hell, share a recipe or a story of your own. Just de-lurk and show me that you are there. Then you can go back into your little holes and read quietly again after today.

Thank you all, and I see you in the stats so I know you are there. For making me realize that there is always room for more humor in your lives.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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25 Comments

Filed under blogging, friendship, humor, writing

Tagged as anniversary, blogaversary, blogging, blogs, connections, friendship, humor, life, milestones, social media, urban dictionary, words, writing

Monthly Archives: May 2009

Ménage a Twins

Famous Fruit

Plaid is Rad

Time to Cry Tuesday – Volunteerism

National Penis Day?

Offices for Rent

Moth Balls

Signs you are working too hard

Today’s Mail

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Monthly Archives: May 2009

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