April 14, 2012 · 7:45 pm

Miss Friday

I wonder why I don’t go to the flea markets every weekend.

This pic was taken at a pretty seedy outdoor market in Chelsea where most of the stuff looked like it came out of the back of my parents garage. Again, this is an item I wish I had purchased. This would look great in the new office and who doesn’t want a headless secretary. Oh wait, people want a secretary that gives good head… never mind. (cheap, I know)

I particularly like the way she has her hand on her hip with an air of WTH do you want attitude. Take a look at the red and blue buttons in front of the hand. Do you think those are panic buttons? And the name plaque on her desk is the best. Oh how I covet this little tinny item.

I need to go back to this place and see if they still have her. She really is perfect. And honestly, who else would want this besides me?

 

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April 13, 2012 · 9:08 am

Friday the 13th

I love when this happens. People get all crazy and nervous and spend all sorts of energy trying to avoid bad luck; the intervention usually causes the accident.This is one of my strict playground theories and it carries over to real life quite well.

So, my Friday the 13th thing is that in 10th grade, my Social Studies teacher – Mr. Hansen – bless his sense of humor, thought it would be funny to put me in row 13, seat 13 for the Regents exam. You know, because although I had good grades I was sort of a wiseass. I know, that shocks most of you. Well, wouldn’t you know it… I aced the exam with a 98. From then on I felt I had broken the Friday the 13th curse.

I love to be a contrarian whenever possible. Again, a big surprise, I am sure.

Yesterday Mashable posted about Zombie Apocalypse preparedness with this lovely little map of the dead. Zombie fans, like Gary, will love this.

For the rest of you kiddies that are not Zombie predisposed, go out there and Carpe the friggin’ hell out of the Diem. Find a black cat and let it cross your path, walk under a ladder… do whatever the hell people freak out about when they are superstitous and prove this day to be lucky for you.

Either that or start drinking heavily at an early hour.

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April 11, 2012 · 7:07 pm

Big Yellow Butt on Houston

All this talk of Instagram this week had me clicking away just a little more than usual. I am also a big fan of Hipstamatic, I sort of like their filters better. But hey, they didn’t make a BILLION freakin’ dollars this week! Craziness, right? I am guessing there were a lot of tears in the Hispta-office this week.

Back to this picture. Colored jeans are all the rage this Spring and I know this because I have an (almost) 23-year-old daughter, a fashion blogger writing for me and a retail fashion client. Certainly NOT because I would put this 50-something, big ole butt in a pair of yellow jeans. And if you know me, khaki is the brightest color pants I would ever wear.

I would imagine it would be hard to drive west on Houston St. and not almost hit the car in front of you with that colossal sunshine booty looming on top of that building. Butt (cheap, I know)… I assume that was exactly what the Calvin Klein Art Director was thinking when they designed the billboard. I am thinking this will probably sell a lot of yellow jeans. Sadly, I am afraid they will not be all that flattering on everyone.

From a strictly artistic point of view (because I truly could not care less about fashion trends), I love this image. The crazy sky, the super bright colors of the billboard and all that industrial scaffolding (the Puck Building if you were wondering), the urban architecture and just a hint of red peaking through here and there.

Honestly, art is way more interesting than big yellow butts.

Or is it?

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April 10, 2012 · 6:17 pm

Land Shark on Mott

Just another sunny afternoon walking through Soho. Hey, even a land shark needs to shop once in awhile. And this one was trendy at that… a Calypso bag! Gotta love a shark with a big budget. I am sorry I did not catch the full twitter handle on his shirt.

I love NY indeed!

I consider it a gift of the universe when I walk out of a parking garage, rushing between meetings and I come across something like this. This happens to other people, right?

I am pretty sure I heard him muttering under his breath ‘Plumber, ma’am’, but I could be mistaken.

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April 9, 2012 · 9:03 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Childhood Artifacts

On a recent trip to visit my parents in Florida, I came across this charming little artifact of my youth. Sitting on the back of the stove was the mouse and cheese salt and pepper shaker of my childhood.

I remember playing with this at the table as a little kid. I never tired of how the little mouse fit so sweetly in the cheese. And that goofy little pose was always just perfect.

I put this on the counter and took an Instagram shot, then showed it to my brother. I told him this was the only item from the estate that I would ever really care about. My still very much alive mother looked at me and said, ‘Why don’t you just take it home now?’

I admit I did think about it. But there was something about taking it out of their house that did not seem right. For now, this picture will do for me. It is both bizarre and comforting at the same time.

I know, I am most comfortable amongst the bizarre.

Of course I had to do a little searching to see if I could find these anywhere. Sure enough I found them on Mood Indigo and Mr. B’s Attic. These suckers are going for between $40 and $45. Perhaps my brother may fight me for them after all. We thought about a Solomonesque answer… one of us takes the cheese and one the mouse. But really, who wants a mouseless cheese or a cheeseless mouse?

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April 8, 2012 · 5:24 pm

Easter and Passover Musings from an Immature Woman

Yes, I admit that I am immature. In fact, I am rather proud of it. I like slapstick and bathroom humor and yes, even the original 3 Stooges – no one likes Shemp. (the latter being one of the main reasons my husband married me)

This year Passover and Easter fell on the same weekend. This made Riki very uncomfortable as she worried very much about how the chickens were going to produce so many eggs in such a short period of time.

My brother (the labor lawyer) assured her they were being paid overtime.

Here are some of my holiday musings for Passover/Easter 2012

1. Potato Starch drug deal – After 4 trips in 24 hours to the market, I did not have the patience to make one more. Late Thursday night I realized that I needed half a cup of potato starch for a recipe. Riki (she is showing up a lot here lately) was kind enough to leave me some in her mailbox so I could pick it up at the ungodly hour of 6:45 AM when I take Jana to the train. As I lifted it out of the mailbox I thought of the possible headline, “Jewish mother arrested for bag of supposed cocaine in her front seat… later found out this was potato starch.”

2. All of the other horseradish were jealous – no explanation necessary. I have posted about this before. Again… there is no end to my adolescent behavior. I also wrote about a well-endowed cucumber a few summers ago. Let’s face it, phallic vegetables are ALWAYS funny, in the same way that talking about Uranus is.

3. Scary Easter Bunny – I took this shot at the Chelsea Flea market a while back and I had to post it for Easter for none other than my friend Michelle Lamar who has an equal affection for the absurd. We tend to try to outpost each other with weird stuff. She is the one who turned me on to tampon crafts way back when.

Yes, there are many of us out there who act this way.

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April 3, 2012 · 11:00 am

Summer Camp Fortune

What is the shot my family would get this fortune in their Sunday chinese food order? We are the quintessential camp family. My son, as my daughter did before him, is going to attend his 11th summer at sleep away this year. They both beat my record of 9 years (same camp).

Gary had an idea to make xia ling ying t-shirts for the camp this summer.

The kids voted that down.

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April 3, 2012 · 1:00 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Z Goes Home

Way back when, Gary started to call me Z. I am not sure how it started, but it was in college and it just sort of stuck. The only people who call me that besides him are my college friends and Mo and Jo. In fact, when certain people call me Amy it sounds weird.

Z. That is just me.

I don’t remember when I found the book in the picture in this post, but I had to own it. Doing some Spring cleaning it popped up again. I just love the illustration. It made me think not of this house I was cleaning, but of what home means. What the essence of Z coming home means to me.

It was so timely to find this book this weekend. Danny came home for Spring Break on Thursday night. As luck would have it (for us, not them I suppose) both of my kids decided to stay home on Saturday night. I cooked dinner and we just hung out as a family. And Sunday was a lazy family day with brunch at the diner and all 4 of us under the same roof. All this was topped off by Chinese food and some favorite TV shows.

Z Comes Home.

To me, home is being with the family we built. Not doing anything monumental, just being us. Back in the day of diapers and teething, then carpools and sports, who would have ever thought that the idea of all 4 of us together would be so rare? Or that the idea of a diner brunch and chinese food on Sunday night would feel so special.

Z Comes Home.

When Z came home she learned to savor every moment; especially the small ones.

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April 1, 2012 · 4:32 pm

Diaper Lab

A big thanks to Uncle Neal for sending me this photo. (please don’t ask the origin of the Uncle, I do not know and no he is not a relative… of the traditional sense, anyway).

This came with the following explanation – of sorts – “we were leaving a tequila bar and saw this”. At first I thought perhaps he was afraid it was an hallucination so he took the picture to document its existence. Then, when he woke up and saw it on his phone, he thought who better to send this to but the MFTA?

Googling it, he found out that Diaper Lab  is a diaper service. The lab part sort of grosses me out. It makes me think that they are doing experiments on the contents of the soiled little nappies in the middle of the night. Maybe it is the way the shot was taken; in the pitch black with just the spot lights shining on the signage.

Ok, again, vivid imagination.

Of course, this picture has won the MFTA approval, for sure. Thanks Neal!

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March 31, 2012 · 10:54 pm

Catalog Jew?

This direct mail piece came today from Express.

Gary: Hey there is a Jewish guy on the cover of the Express catalog

Me: How do you know

Gary: Look he’s wearing a yarmulke

Me: What?

Then I looked at the picture above. Positioned just in the right place to look like he was, in fact wearing one, was placed a wafer seal.

For those not of the tribe, a yarmulke is pronounced: yamikah and it is a scull cap worn by observant Jewish men. For those who are not in the direct mail business, a wafer seal is the little round annoying sticker that the Post Office requires printers to put on a folded piece of promo material to keep it closed.

If all that description killed the visual joke for you, I totally get that. But it was totally worth that risk to make sure everyone got it. Now go back to the beginning and look at the picture and realize how funny it really was.

Or just tell me to give it up.

 

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