December 17, 2008 · 8:17 pm

What kind of free offer is this?!

free-offerThis one is priceless. In my mail, addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Amy E. My Maiden Name (Gary just loves this!), would be this lovely promo.

And who, you might ask, has sent me this charming offer?

Pine-friggin-lawn Memorial Park and Garden Mausoleums. Um, park and gardens? Correct me if I am wrong but I see dead people!

The scary part is that we already own real estate here, thank you very much. And I am trying my best to stay the hell out of there for as long as possible.

What was the free offer for? A Let’s Face it Now booklet that answers all those ‘questions’. Like these (with commentary of course):

Do you need a will? (do you really need to ask this question?)

What does survivor do with will? (nice grammer – contest it, of course, that is what makes for a good family fight)

How about lawyers’ fees? (right off the bat I will say they are too high)

What 6 phone calls must be made? (1. liquor store, 2. liquor store, 3. liquor store, 4. liquor store, 5. liquor store, 6. dry cleaners – they always have the black dress)

How do you claim benefit payments? (call the high priced lawyer)

How do you arrange for family memorial property? (I am sorry here, but don’t we call these graves?)

cemetary

Keep in mind I do this kind of stuff for a living. I can only imagine what the meetings for this piece were like. Check out this picture. Can you imagine art directing this shoot? Cuh-ree-py!

I thought receiving the AARP card 3 times before I turn 50 was bad enough, but now this!

Sheesh! And a happy holiday to these guys too. Thanks Pinelawn Memorial Park and whatever, I will pass.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 16, 2008 · 9:20 pm

Technological Flu

technology

(no this is not a picture of my desk, but it was tempting)

Today was some day. I am pretty sure all the technology in my office got together while I was in the bathroom or making coffee and plotted against me. First, my email account decided to completely stop sending emails. Oh, it would receive just fine, but not a single message would go out. Luckily I am a lunatic with many email addresses, but this was the main one. Wait, was I being censored or just paranoid? Or both?

Then, of course, the blackberry decided to wig out because I changed the password on the email account in lieu of kicking the CPU (that rarely works).

When I plugged the digital camera into the USB port it opened the scanner software instead of the image download utility. Why? To mess me up of course!

For the last few days my large format printer has had a low ink blinking light on one of its eight color cartridges (does it really need light magenta to print? give me a break with the 8 colors!) Could this have been a signal to the other equipment to start acting up? What? This sounds delusional to you?

Of course today was an insanely busy work day, when else would all of this stuff happen?

On my bulletin board over my desk sits a quote,

“When the mechanical-technological things in our life break down, it is not a personal attack on us. It is just the nature of the mechanical-material world”

Lovely. I feel much better, thanks. Makes half a lost day seem ok now (not!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 15, 2008 · 10:06 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Success

Before I begin this post I must point out Jana’s comment on yesterday’s hamster post. “You forgot to mention how after she died we kept her in a shoebox in the outside refrigerator for over a month before we got a chance to bury her.” Yes, we did actually freeze the dead hamster in the garage freezer in a box that was clearly marked. From what we can remember the ground was too frozen to bury her so we ‘stored’ her in our little makeshift morgue… next to the frozen waffles. Ok, maybe a bit quirky, I will admit that. (see below on raising non psycho kids)

silosuccess-mugThese crazy economic times have made so many people re-evaluate the meaning of success. Honestly, if I hear one more person bring up this topic I will be tempted to poke them in the eye. So I would fully understand your disgust if you don’t want to read my 2 cents here (or should I say my 1.25 cents with the state of the market).

Nowadays, flat is the new up (thank you to my financial friends who brought this to my attention). Poor is the new rich. So how do we begin to reconcile the true meaning of success when everywhere we hear stories of people who have worked their whole lives, lived prudently and saved only to find themselves nowhere near the comfort level of security that they imagined. Or worse.

Let me redefine success.

Today’s definition of success is the ability to keep one step ahead. To continue to plug away and make it work. To love what you do, or at least not hate it, even if it is not as financially lucrative as it once was. To think creatively of new ways to make your life full instead of filling your life. To be truly successful is to take stock in what works in your life and be grateful for that . As my Nana used to say, to look at those below you instead of those above, for there are many more in worse shape.

To have raised healthy productive children (translation: kids who are not psychos in spite of our child-rearing techniques). To maintain a marriage not only in the good times, but in the tough ones (translation: to not kill one’s spouse with a butter knife in their sleep). To be a good friend to those in need and know how to lean when you need the help (translation: know who will be available to drive you to the emergency room – thanks again Rik).

In short, the doom and gloom could kill you way faster than the actual situation can.

So lighten up everyone. Panic never helped the situation.

How do you define success? (Tip: net worth comments will be scoffed at here)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 14, 2008 · 9:14 pm

Play it again, Samster

More hamsters; I could not resist. Once again, something utterly ridiculous made me laugh so hard that I keep watching it over and over, driving my family crazy. (it is not easy to live with me. what, that does not surprise you?)

This particular tidbit of absurdity was sent to me by my dear friend Ellen H. (sorry other Ellen’s you are my dear friends too, don’t worry). For those who are email subscribers, click to the blog to see this video. And those who only read this on their blackberries (Susan, you know who you are) this is worth clicking a hamster mouse to see.

What is it about hamsters this week? It makes me nostalgic for our dear departed hamster, Angelina (of ballerina fame). Two good hamster anecdotes from our household.

1. Angelina was our first mammal pet. (not that we did not love the goldfish that lived for 4 years). My kids were probably 5 and 8 when we got her. We brought her home and they set up there little chairs in front of her cage to watch her run around on that inane wheel in her cage for hours on end. We also bought this ridiculous plastic ball that she would roll around the basement in. They LOVED her.

For about 2 hours. That very same day our close friends went out on a whim and got…

a damn puppy.

Jana: Mom, when Angelina dies can we get a puppy?

2. Angelina did eventually die. I am pretty sure the kids did not poison her as we had already broken down and gotten a puppy. We decided to have a funeral for her and invited the neighborhood kids. Gary, decided to make this more of  New Orleans style funeral and had all the kids doing the hamster dance on her grave (not the toddler dance).

To this day the kid across the street still asks if we can have  another hamster funeral.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 14, 2008 · 12:39 am

Do you want soap with that?

Seems there is a new trend of bathing in the dishwashing sink at fast food restaurants these days. This week a group of girls bathed in the sink (in bikinis) at a KFC in Anderson, California. They of course posted the pics on MySpace because…

they are idiots! When does this generation get that pranking and posting doesn’t work out? Let’s run by some other morons who did this and lost their jobs.

Timothy Tackett, the Burger King employee who did the bathing trick in Ohio back in April. This guy is a trip. Great hair and make-up. Watch this video at least halfway through, it is worth checking out his gloves. My favorite line from him: “I had been looking at the sink for like 2 months and I thought, that’s big enough for me to take a bath in”. (hmmmm, what is that black wirey thing wrapped around my fork?)

Then there is the famous cheerleader, Caitlin Davis who got thrown off the New England Patriots squad for drawing swastikas and penises on a fellow cheerleader and posting the pics on Facebook. (I still don’t get the combo swastika/penis thing).

I once had a client who was all sorts of burnt out on biz and told me the only question she wanted to ask at work was, “Do you want fries with that?” Kind of worrying about what ever happened to her…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 12, 2008 · 11:23 pm

NY Friggin’ Hamster House?

nyhh

This will fall under the category of ‘You Just Can’t Make this Up’. I was half listening to WFUV (Fordham University’s gem of a radio station) when a report came on about the New York Hamster House.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, New York has it’s very own shelter for homeless hamsters. Here is quote from the site in case you are not inclined to click on the link:

“Wilhelm, the first guest, was found running across Broadway at Thayer Street in Inwood. Since then, the NYHH has taken in over 500 homeless animals, and has placed most of those in happy, safe forever homes. We shelter, adopt out, and board hamsters (as well as gerbils and mice).”

How lovely that the gerbils and mice are included. This is what I call non-sectarian rodent rescue.

In keeping with the idea that EVERYONE has a blog, the NYHH also has one. Please note that October 30th post has a photo of a hamster in a cheerleading uniform. Better watch out for those cheerleaders, they can be vicious.

Honestly, I am a lover of animals and I appreciate what Ms. Jessica Wells is doing. But for some reason I just can’t get past the idea of what this place must smell like.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 11, 2008 · 11:59 pm

The Dog, The Smoke Alarm and The Rock of Gibraltar

mel_stairs

Let me start this off by saying that every year when we change the clocks I pass by the fire station sign that reminds me to change my smoke alarm batteries and feel very guilty that, once again, the one in my kitchen is no longer functioning. I make the effort to rectify the problem and buy the ‘less sensitive’ kind, hang it back up and all goes well.

For a few weeks.

It is inevitable that I will ‘cook’ something and forget it is on the stove. You know what happens, you put up the broccoli to steam, go down to check an email or two and before you know it the damn pot is black and there is a ‘light’ fog of smoke in the kitchen. Then off goes the damn smoke alarm.

This morning it was chocolate chip pancakes. Yes, I am a the model mom and I do make my son chocolate chip pancakes every morning. The day started fine. I got up early, remembered that I needed rolls, went to the bank and bagel store, even got a nice hot cop of joe. It was all under control.

Sort of.

Somehow I lost the rhythm of the morning and the next thing I knew I was burning the pancakes and off went that friggin’ smoke alarm. Less sensitive my ass! Now all of this would not be such big deal if my poor sweet dog did not have a severe neurological reaction to the sound of the smoke alarm. (You remember, the dog that the UPS man found in the street and put in the yard) I mean this poor pooch starts to shake uncontrollably at the sound of this thing. Perhaps she could use some meds.

Here I am with a broom trying to shut the smoke alarm, the dog is shaking, Danny mentions it might not be a bad idea to shut the stove since the griddle is now smoking, Gary suggests opening a window, maybe a door and then he said it. The dreaded statement that has come up too often lately. The one that proves I have lost my ability to do it all:

“You know, you used to have it all together. Now it is like the Rock of Gibraltar is cracking again”

I HATE that line. Mostly because he is right.

The dog? Don’t worry, by 11:00 she was fine.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 10, 2008 · 10:30 pm

Not so hard to be a saint in the city

saint-elizabeth

You can drive down a street 100 times and never see  something and then one day… BAM, there is the most extraordinary finding.

Down by Battery Park hangs this sign. Shrine of the Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, first American born saint. Quite a gig, huh? She was pretty cool, check out her Wikipedia page.

So, what exactly, is my point? To get you all to take a look around and notice your world. I bet there are some amazing things that you pass everyday but you are too busy worrying about ‘what’s next’ to see ‘what’s here’.

Hmmm… Philosophical Thursday? Nah, has a weird ring to it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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December 9, 2008 · 10:16 pm

Gotta Get Me a Slice of Vodka Pizza

vodka-pizza_small

Where has this place been all my life?! (answer: Spring Street, NYC). How many times have you thought to yourself, ” What I wouldn’t give for a slice of vodka pizza?”

It is both satiating and inebriating. Simultaneously. What could be better?

Would mushrooms be overkill?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 8, 2008 · 9:40 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Please Help

camp-boys1

Oy, talk about time to cry…

This post hits very close to home for my family.

I have written about my kids experience at the summer camp that both my husband and I attended. Friendships made there are ones that run deep and last a lifetime. My son spent this past summer as a waiter; the ultimate summer at this camp. For those who do not know the culture it is hard to understand how seven weeks can make such an impact on a young man’s life. But for the lucky few there is an understanding of what it means to know that each and every one of their boys will always have their back. It is a sense of belonging that can not be duplicated.

Sadly, one of these young men is battling a very serious illness and we all need to have his back. This is a 16-year-old boy that we have known for many years. He is part of our extended camp family and when he falls we bleed.

He is one of 594 patients who are members of the Chordoma Foundation.

In less than two years the Chordoma Foundation has done some VERY promising research which could lead to new treatments in time to benefit those living with chordoma today!

But this research cannot happen without funding. Many researchers have projects ready to start immediately but are simply waiting for one thing – money.

Please join me in helping these families reach their goal of raising $300,000 by the end of 2008. If all 594 patients and family members pledged to donate and/or raise $500 by the end of the year they can get pretty damn close.  Any amount will help, it all adds up.

It is a custom in our family to donate one night’s hannukah gift to a charity. This year it is an honor to do so to help our friend. I urge you all to consider a similar donation, one less present at the holiday is a small price to pay for such a huge gift to those in dire need.

This young man’s brother has created an online Chordoma Community. Through this website, donations made in his name can be tracked. Please make your donation in honor of his mom, my friend Diane Seaman. This season let’s give this family the gift of hope.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Bloggers and Twitterers, please link, digg, kirsty, stumble, RT and whatever else you can do to help pass this along. Follow me on Twitter @amyz5 with the hashtag #chordomahelp.

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