February 6, 2009 · 11:40 pm

Making Lemonade from Dental Floss

frank_zappa

Any Zappa fans out there?

Today, after a long but highly productive and very fun work day out of the basement, I took an hour long train ride to meet Gary for a concert about 20 minutes from where we live.

Unfamiliar train station. Unfamiliar venue. Lost for 45 minutes in a 10 mile radius. Sounds fun right?

Luckily, I was too exhausted to get cranky and stayed calm.

We got to the show 45 minutes late.

There was one seat.

After 20 minutes, the ushers determine there was a broken seat in the row. Not our problem? Wrong. Printed on the ticket it says, “no seating after the show begins”.

So we sat in the back. And it was fine. The music was great and the venue fantastic. The Ed Palermo Orchestra is a must see for Zappa fans. And even if you are not, his big band arrangements of Zappa music is a real treat.

Moving to Montana soon, gonna to be a dental floss tycoon…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under music

Tagged as , , , ,

February 5, 2009 · 11:34 pm

Manicures & Martinis

manicure_and_martinins

If you glance at the calendar you will see that tonight is the first Thursday of the month and that means only one thing… First Thursday’s dinner. Tonight there was some show and tell. This is the only item clean enough to share but it is a good one.

Fertility is hot lately, what with a crazed mommy machine squeaking out 8 babies last week. Let me disclaimer this post so as not to offend. I think this concept is fabulous, one of my best friends had kids through fertility treatments (no really, that one is true) and I have worked professionally on fertility patient information materials. Yes I get it is a serious topic. No I don’t think it is in poor taste to laugh about… well anything. That is the whole point.

Now that we got all that out of the way…

I would like to start by stating that I would attend just about any event that promised free manicures and martinis. Honestly, you could sell me on the virtues of embalming fluid at an event like this. Brilliant!

It would seem that this group, The American Fertility Association, is running a few seminars to ‘chat with a leading fertility expert in a safe and comfortable setting’. Oh right, because a fertility clinic or a doctor’s office are extremely dangerous venues. You never know who will be hanging around places like that!

The graphic here is fabulous, but the copy? Not so much. We did not quite get the part about being in your 20s or 30s and simply not being ready to have a baby right now. So the reason those women would come to this event would be? Oh right!

Free manicures and martinis.

Our favorite part of this ad? (and I am quite proud, for I was the only one at the table who could still read the small type). They will also be offering alcohol-free Fertilitinis. What a great name for a drink. Could you imagine serving those at a club?

I guess you would drink them under the biological clock that is ticking above the bar.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under absurdities, education, marketing, women

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

February 4, 2009 · 9:28 pm

Don’t Change that Channel!

The other day I was speaking with a friend who made a suggestion in jest – at least I think she was kidding. She felt that, as a country, it would be to our benefit right now to have a sort of government controlled broadcast of television.

Now, before you get all freedom of speech on me, let me explain.

I wake up each morning, go downstairs to make coffee and breakfast, turn on the TV and immediately get sick to my stomach. I don’t know about you but quite frankly I wake pretty chipper and happy, a fact that has annoyed the hell out of my kids for the past 19 years.

I really don’t need to hear the latest who-the-hell-laid-off-how-friggin-many-how-far-the-dow-dropped-faster-than-the-price-of-my-house-what-stores-are-closing-which-magazines-are-folding kind of ramble. I am a business owner, you don’t have to remind me before caffeine courses through my veins how lousy things are out there. Fear breading more fear. It’s a frenzy I tell you… enough!

Jeez! Where the hell is Willard Scott and the tango dancing, still working, walk five miles a day 100 damn plus-year-olds? Sweet Lord give me a Smuckers commercial to lighten things up already! The only thing that eased the load this morning was the ground hog that bit Bloomberg in Staten Island. (actually, that was really funny).

So here was what my friend proposed:

Leave it to Beaver, 24 hours a day.

For those who are too young to remember ‘The Beav’, screw you for your youth and here’s a little video. For those who are old as dirt like I am, tell me this does not calm your nerves. (Sue and Maddee, this is worth watching on a screen instead of a crackberry)

Your thinking it’s not such a bad idea, aren’t you?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under humor

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

February 3, 2009 · 11:40 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 6)

It is that time of the month again, no worries, I am not talking PMS. This is the monthly installment of the  list of wild and crazy search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the past installments you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here , Vol. 3 here , Vol. 4 here and you guessed it Vol. 5 here.

As always, I link the search term to the post I believe landed the reader here.

Feel free to click on the links. Don’t worry, we will wait while you read the past posts.

10. does hamster cry This was one of my favorite posts. To refresh your memory, or whet your appetite, this post featured a hamster playing the piano. And the famous comment from my daughter reminding me how we froze the dead hamster in a box in the garage freezer until the spring thaw. (true AND yes, scary)

9. dog shakes smoke alarm No the dog did not shake the smoke alarm. The sound of the alarm made HER shake.

8. ny sleepaway camp for abused children G-d no! This poor reader is either misguided or was rather disappointed when they found my blog.

7. hungry tampons Um, ew! This could have been many posts as I have written about tampons a whole lot. Probably something I should take a look at.

6. men wearing tampons See what I mean. Every month I have dozens of search terms about tampons. But this one definitely landed on the Obama wearing tampons post.

5. fat old men in bathing suit This was a favorite Gary post. And in the dead of winter after yet another dumping of snow I don’t mind looking back on that beautiful beach day in August.

4. joys of pantyhose Oh, ladies, don’t we all know the joys of pantyhose. You guys should really be jealous. I love linking to this as it was my first post EVAH! And looking back on it, this could have been one of the funniest.

3. cucumber girls Oh girls, you will LOVE this cucumber!

2. moms orgasm Yeh, well, probably should think about why someone would put those two words together and sit down for a little search.

1. palin condom This one just never gets old for me!

That does it folks. Another month of reminiscing!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under search engine terms, searches

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

February 3, 2009 · 12:26 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sunrise, Sunset

sunrise_sunset

The title of this post is for my brother. This is how I will be able to tell if he is reading. What, it’s not all about me and my blog?

When we were growing up my mom had a friend with a beautiful singing voice. At every Bar or Bat Mitzvah she would get up and sing Sunrise, Sunset with the band. As you would expect, all of us kids would roll our eyes, giggle a little, suffer glares and shushes from our parents and fidget our way through to the end of the song.

Years later, at my brother’s wedding, she got up and sang it again. As young adults the eye rolling was replaced with a wink, we had long since learned to stop fidgeting and our parents were way too busy full out weeping to worry about the likes of us.

Fast forward a quarter of a century. (this, too, is for my brother – everyone loves to think of themselves as being married for any fraction of a century, right?)

This past weekend I attended the Bar Mitzvah of a friend’s child. But this was not just ANY Bar Mitzvah. This, my friends, was the celebration of the last of the First Thursday children coming of age. The First Thursday group has existed since the month he was born, he is our measure for the length of our friendship and as you can imagine, he is our little mascot of sorts because of it. (surely every 13 year old boy would love to be referred to this way.)

Yes, number 18 has now become a man. Funny, but he still looked so young to me. Until the video montage looped its way into my line of sight and I saw all those kids frozen in time as they were when they were small.

Then I looked back on the dance floor and caught a glimpse of my sweet *J* (not Jana, this is my other J) in that beautiful blue satin dress the color of her eyes, of *N* and *K* in those drop dead sequin numbers with the high heels that would surely cripple the likes of me. And *V* dancing up a storm as if the whole damn world was her living room and she had it by the balls.

That’s when it friggin’ hit me. Like a ton of corny, OMG-I-have-surely-become-my-mother bricks…

I could have been singing the lyrics to Sunrise Sunset in my head.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under communities, family, moms, parenting, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays, Uncategorized, women

Tagged as , , , , , ,

February 1, 2009 · 5:09 pm

The Rabbi and Fantasy Football

That title sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke your dad would tell, right? Actually, I have probably the coolest rabbi on earth. He chose to send this video out in celebration of Superbowl.

So here is a little extra post for today.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

Leave a comment

Filed under sports

Tagged as , , , ,

February 1, 2009 · 1:40 am

2-4-6-8 lady you have too much on your plate

babies-on-a-plateCheck out my post at 50-something mom blogs about the California octuplets.

1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, moms

Tagged as , , , ,

January 30, 2009 · 7:23 pm

Manorexic

Scene: Three 16-year-old boys playing xbox 360 and laughing at youtube videos all afternoon, the day after mid-terms end. My basement. (yes, the one with the crickets)

Me: I am going to get the dog groomed (no, this was not her punishment for not eating crickets, she suffers from D.O. and needed a bath). Do you guys want me to pick up anything?

Boy 1: YES, can you get me a half and half from the deli? (this deli is famous for half iced tea/half lemonade)

Me: Go ahead and order lunch and I will pick it up.

My son: Thanks mom.

Upon my return we unpack the bag of food and I see there are only 2 sandwiches and 3 boys. 

Me: Did they forget a sandwich?

My son: No, Boy 1 only ordered a half and half.

Me: Why?

Boy 3: Because he is a manorexic!

Me: Hey, that’s funny! Did you make that up.

Boy 3: Nah

Which is true, he did not. Seems manorexic is in urban dictionary with more than one listing, my favorite of which was #2:

n. an anorexic of the male persuasion. an emaciated male.
Did you see that pathetic emo kid? He was such the manorexic.
 
Now please do not get all upset with me and say that I am being insensitive to a serious disorder. It is simply that I cannot resist a made up word! Think of it as my own illness! And hey, at least I was not crass enough as to put a picture with this post.
And seriously, I am not kidding here, I know that eating disorders are no joke.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, danny, humor

Tagged as , , , , , ,

January 29, 2009 · 9:20 pm

Crickets in January

Cricket 01Once again the command center has turned into a little episode of Wild Kingdom. For those who do not read me regularly (shame on you) the command center is my office in the basement. It is safe to say I spend a scant 10 hours a day here on average. Ok, maybe 12, I am just a little embarrassed about that.

A while back I wrote about the critter that was living in the soffit of my ceiling. I thought that little sucker was gone but it would seem that the freezing temps and snow must have driven the little guy back in there and he – with perhaps a friend or two – were doing the scurry thang all night last night.

No worries, I am sort of used to it and did not think all that much about it. Until…

I heard and then FOUND a friggin cricket hopping across the floor. A cricket?! In January? WTF, what the hell is going on. Pretty soon I am going to have a petting zoo down here.

And really, what is up with the dog? She can’t earn her keep and pull a little Where in the World is Matt Lauer and eat a cricket of two?

Thinking she wants to renegotiate her contract.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, homeowner, humor, pets

Tagged as , , , , ,

January 28, 2009 · 9:34 pm

Home Candy

home_candy2

Those have to be my two most favorite words on earth. Seriously, talk about branding. The comfort of home and the rush of sugar. And this shot, with the confectionary dusting of snow in front of the sign is too good to be true.

When I took this picture I was not familiar with the store. Now that I have checked them out online I am hopelessly in love. Talk about innovation in merchandising. Kind of like a sale in a garage… garage sale? Their goods are the type of things that you could surely live without out but you think really NEED.

Love. Love. Love.

Except for these fluffy mittens. These I don’t get at all. And I REALLY don’t get them at $70 or even the sale price of $59.50.

But the dog bowls… very cool. Kitchenware… want everything on this page (except the egg tray, just don’t serve this many eggs unless it is Passover) . The Vintage Collection is a riot. Pretty sure between my mom and I we have most of these items. I may have to rename this section ‘Nana’s Pantry’. (seriously Mom, check this out, you will crack up). And the grand finale… the wallets are very fun.

You just never know when you grab a quick shot walking down the street what you will uncover.

Again, that is why I always carry a camera.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under carry a camera, grandmothers, New York City, photography, products, trends

Tagged as , , , , , , ,