Category Archives: parenting

April 20, 2009 · 8:05 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Twenty!

jana_at_20

Indulge me – if you will – this little walk down the long and winding road of parenthood, for this week I will celebrate not only the birthday of my oldest child, but the anniversary of my 20th year of parenting.

What the hell!

Sometimes I wake up and forget how old I am.  I have had some weird dreams about not studying for a test, or being at camp or some other adolescent place and I totally forget that I am the mom of these young adults. I am embarrassed to say there are times when they are way more grown up than I am.

When I stop to think about it the whole thing is rather staggering.

Twenty years of “I’m the mommy, that’s why”. Two decades of being responsible for the well-being of other human beings. Two hundred and forty months of always being cognitive of other people’s whereabouts and safety. Seven thousand three hundred nights of being only as happy as my most miserable child.

You get the picture.

I have done many things in my life. Built a career, nurtured (or is that tortured) a marriage, made a house a home, navigated the nastiness of the healthcare system with my parents, built friendships and contributed to a community. But there is no other single thing I have done in my life that has had a greater impact on me than being a mom. Seriously. Not because I am expected to feel that way. Or because that is what I want my kids to think. But because it is simply…

True.

I am a better person for what they have taught me to be. From the moment they could reach out and hold my hand as we crossed the street, to the day when they had to push that hand away and ‘do it themselves’. They have taught me when to hold tight, and more importantly, when to let go.

Here’s to you, baby girl. Kiss your teens goodbye and grab your twenties by the balls. You are truly someone to proud of.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

9 Comments

Filed under family, Jana, moms, parenting, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 14, 2009 · 9:36 pm

Mommy’s Time Out

mommys_timeout

I came across this rack of wine quite awhile ago and just stumbled upon this image in the archives on my laptop.

What a brilliant marketing idea. I wonder why I have not seen or heard of this since. So, of course I did a quick search and found their website. Rather unimpressive but I found their little blurb quite charming:

We All know that being a Mommy is a difficult job.  A Mommy’s Time Out is a well deserved break. 

No spin. No pretense. No psuedosnarkiness – (go ahead, click the link. Yes I have yet ANOTHER word in UrbanDictionary. I am become a regular Merriam Websterwitz).

I like that they went for the simple, to the point message.

So here’s to you Mike Cincotta of Selective Wine Estates – a job well done. And chances are there won’t be anyone ‘going motrin on you’ for trying to relate.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under carry a camera, family, humor, humor, marketing, moms, parenting, photography, products, women

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

March 24, 2009 · 8:56 pm

Who needs a quarter when you have a little sister?

A few weeks ago Danny and I staged a funny shot with one of these machines. A friend sent me this video because it reminded him of that post. There is no sound but it is still hysterical. I particularly like how the parents are totally oblivious.

But this! This is proof that kids will get into everything. Literally. If it is small enough – and even if it is not–  they will invariably shove it up their noses. No matter the size of the space, they will collapse their little bodies like mice and slip into a place no one would ever imagine they could go.

I am reminded of a little girl who got her head stuck in the slats of the deck (sorry for the bad memory Jana) and one of my nephews who got a toy lunar LEM wound up in his hair so tight that they had to go to the ER to have his hair cut with a scalpel to free it. And of course my all time favorite story of a neighbor’s kid who got a red jaw breaker stuck up her nose. Tip: don’t use a tweezer, have a nose blowing contest holding the other nostril and that sucker will usually shoot out across the room.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, danny, humor, parenting

Tagged as , , , ,

March 18, 2009 · 9:34 pm

Out of the Mouths of Moms

cursegraphic

We had an interesting dinner conversation tonight. We have a full house/table with Jana home from school. The dynamic shifts, as do the seats, to bring us back to the original four. We fall back into the way we were when she still lived here. There is truly nothing more comforting than a family that is whole again.

The conversation at our dinner table is always pretty lively. There are no rules. No taboo subjects, for me anyway. I believe in open discussion and the right to speak your mind as long as you are respectful to others. It was always this way, but somewhere along the line I guess I loosened up the reigns on cursing and *questionable family topics*. Especially for myself. Come to think of it I would say I am the one that says the most outrageous things at the table.

Not sure how it started, but for some reason I had a run of topics come out of my mouth that left my kids… well almost stunned.

Danny: Wow, think of a list of the most outrageous things to hear a mom say and you pretty much hit them all.

Jana: With each topic I did not think it could get worse… and then it did.

Me: Really? Crap, are you guys going to need therapy from this?

Jana: Nah, it’s fine.

Danny: Don’t worry, the damage was done a long time ago. We’re good.

Gary: this is definitely going to be a blog post!

Perhaps I should consider some restraint in the future.

Probably unlikely.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under danny, family, humor, Jana, parenting, women

Tagged as , , ,

February 14, 2009 · 12:23 am

Dan in Danville

dan_as_prize

Seriously, it is not child abuse when they are willingly participating in a humiliating act. Actually, this is the second time Danny and I have staged a shot like this. We love these machines. It makes me laugh because when his sister was little we had more than one meltdown in front of one of these machines soon after I had used the words, “This is absolutely the LAST quarter”.

This weekend is college tour roadtrip volume one. Hard to believe we are doing this with ‘the baby’ but we surely are. The pediatrician was right, nobody goes off to college still wearing diapers.

On the long strange trip of Route 80 to Penn State from NY we came across a town called Danville and new that we HAD to stop there for dinner. At Perkins! Everyone loves Perkins! I have fond college memories of the Perkins in Rochester (at 3AM).

So this is Danny in Danville. And yes he carries my warped affection for the absurd. After all, I labored with this child on my birthday and he was born at 1AM the next morning.

We are practically twins!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

5 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, college touring, current events, family, humor, parenting, travel

Tagged as , , , , , ,

February 3, 2009 · 12:26 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sunrise, Sunset

sunrise_sunset

The title of this post is for my brother. This is how I will be able to tell if he is reading. What, it’s not all about me and my blog?

When we were growing up my mom had a friend with a beautiful singing voice. At every Bar or Bat Mitzvah she would get up and sing Sunrise, Sunset with the band. As you would expect, all of us kids would roll our eyes, giggle a little, suffer glares and shushes from our parents and fidget our way through to the end of the song.

Years later, at my brother’s wedding, she got up and sang it again. As young adults the eye rolling was replaced with a wink, we had long since learned to stop fidgeting and our parents were way too busy full out weeping to worry about the likes of us.

Fast forward a quarter of a century. (this, too, is for my brother – everyone loves to think of themselves as being married for any fraction of a century, right?)

This past weekend I attended the Bar Mitzvah of a friend’s child. But this was not just ANY Bar Mitzvah. This, my friends, was the celebration of the last of the First Thursday children coming of age. The First Thursday group has existed since the month he was born, he is our measure for the length of our friendship and as you can imagine, he is our little mascot of sorts because of it. (surely every 13 year old boy would love to be referred to this way.)

Yes, number 18 has now become a man. Funny, but he still looked so young to me. Until the video montage looped its way into my line of sight and I saw all those kids frozen in time as they were when they were small.

Then I looked back on the dance floor and caught a glimpse of my sweet *J* (not Jana, this is my other J) in that beautiful blue satin dress the color of her eyes, of *N* and *K* in those drop dead sequin numbers with the high heels that would surely cripple the likes of me. And *V* dancing up a storm as if the whole damn world was her living room and she had it by the balls.

That’s when it friggin’ hit me. Like a ton of corny, OMG-I-have-surely-become-my-mother bricks…

I could have been singing the lyrics to Sunrise Sunset in my head.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under communities, family, moms, parenting, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays, Uncategorized, women

Tagged as , , , , , ,

January 25, 2009 · 9:24 pm

Now she becomes a book reviewer?!

6a00d83451a8cf69e2010536eb729f970c-120wiI have spent the last 20 years trying my best to get involved in a book club and I have finally found the type I could handle. A virtual one. Yes, I know, I have a strange knack of finding almost everything I need in the basement. Kind of scary, but hey, it works for me.

The Silicon Valley Moms Blog was given the opportunity to review Diana Spechler’s new novel, Who by Fire. I jumped at the chance to read this and share my thoughts with the group. Other reviews will be linked at the bottom of this post as well as the lead in post on our group blog. The author will be available there for comments throughout the day, making this quite intriguing for me to participate in.

This is an interesting story about the power of family and how circumstance and human frailty can compromise these bonds. Being one who hates when a book review gives away the entire story – because then why bother – I will be brief in my description.

The story opens with the disappearance of the youngest of three children. It is set in a suburban community not unlike my own. The family is Jewish, and similar to my own family, more traditional than truly religious. The loss of their young daughter causes irreparable damage to this family. The parents split and the remaining siblings take very different paths. The son turns to Orthodox Judaism and flees to Israel, the daughter turns to a life of unfulfilling sexual encounters, often with strangers.

You are thinking, so much for not giving too many details? Sorry, you need these to follow my ‘review’. This is not a traditional book review filled with likes and dislikes or analysis of writing style. I did enjoy the book, found it a quick read and would recommend it for that reason. However it is the lesson from this story that stuck with me and kept me thinking long after I put the book down.

This book was about motherhood and the lengths to which we will go to save our children and preserve a sense of family unity, sometimes at the risk of destroying the individuals and their right to choose their own paths. As mothers, we claim to want to see our children lead happy and fulfilling lives. But what happens when the path they choose is not the one we sought for them? Do we support their life decisions, or do we push them away with the very acts that we think will draw them closer?

The mother in this story is torn by her son’s decision to pursue a more religious path than she has taken. She goes so far as to consider his choice cult-like. It aggravated me to think of how this tortured her and led her to manipulate her kids. I have known people who have chosen to live more religious lives than their parents. Although it is hard on their families they work it out and respect their lifestyle.

The hardest thing for a parent to do is to hold their tongue and only give advice when it is asked for. We live in a generation of helicopter parenting and over-involvement that sometimes pushes our families away instead of drawing them closer.

So far I have been fortunate to have children who have level heads and make well informed solid choices. But they are on the cusp of their adulthood. The choices get harder from here on. My only hope is that I will always be able to support them no matter who they are and where life leads them.

If you would like to read more reviews of this book you can find them below. Please be warned that these are more traditional reviews and give full details of the story.

Florinda at The 3 Rs blog

Rebecca at The Book Lady’s Blog

Julie at Booking Mama

Marie at Boston Bibliophile

Gayle Weiswasser at Everyday I Write the Book Blog

Meghan at Meghan’s Mindless Muttering

Sarah at Genesis Moments

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under book review, parenting

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

January 14, 2009 · 11:32 pm

15 years ago I was really nuts!

jana4thinvitepdf2You think I am crazy now, you should have known me when my kids were little.

For those who did, you might remember this invitation to Jana’s 4th birthday party. For those who didn’t, this invitation was hand-drawn to match the fabric of the dress she wore to the party. But no, I did not stop there, the cake was also decorated with the same art. Nope, not one of those Carvel photo cakes. Yes that was me at 3 in the morning decorating the cake.

What would I have done if she spilled something on that dress before the party?

What a psycho! I suppose this was all part of my working mom, over-compensation, do it all, be everything to everyone, I am as good as any stay at home mom if it kills me sort of thing. Before all these terms existed I was a DIY (Do It Yourself), WAHM (Work At Home Mom), who always felt a little inadequate with the SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) and had to prove I was worthy. Now I just want to be a MILF (sorry, no translations if you don’t know what that one is. And not really but it was a funny way to end this paragraph).

The day before the party I had lunch with a client who had become a dear friend. When she asked why I was so exhausted I told her of all the party preparations. That is when she reached across the table, put her hand on mine and said, “Hon, it’s time to stop the nonsense, order the damn Carvel cake and call it a day!” Her thought was that this surely meant more to me than the 4-year-old and in the long run this would not be the stuff she would remember.

Fast forward 15 years, Jana and I just talked about this and laughed the other day. Then today she decided to organize one of my many piles of pictures and momentos in my office. And what fell out of the pile onto the desk…

you guessed it, the invite art!

And you know what? We BOTH remembered it. I can laugh at how important this stuff was to me back then, but I am sure I would not change it if I could do it all over.

Once a psycho, always a psycho!

Now where are those magic markers…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under Jana, moms, parenting

Tagged as , , , ,

December 27, 2008 · 11:39 pm

Maybe she was just hungry

hunger

I ran out to the market tonight to pick up a few things at an odd hour, 5:00 on a Saturday. And there she was, this magnificent mom with two equally beautiful children. They were all really breathtaking. She looked oddly familiar in a movie star sort of way but I doubt it. Just another well-healed North Shore Long Island women over-dressed for the supermarket.

But here’s the thing, she was a total bitch to her kids. Believe me, I have seen kids misbehave in a supermarket, sometimes even those of my loins. These two kids were not acting out, maybe being a little ‘overly helpful’ but certainly not worthy of reprimand. But the skinny bitch pretty mom? She did not have a shred of patience for them. To the point were she sent the little boy out to the parking lot to wait for them. (nice judgement, no?)

So here is what I am thinking:

Maybe she was just hungry.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

1 Comment

Filed under family, moms, parenting, relationships, women

Tagged as , , , ,

November 29, 2008 · 9:33 pm

The upside of laundry

laundryLaundry. Never been a big fan. No matter how often you do it the pile keeps growing. Quite frankly I was never one of those moms that got off on the smell of the clean clothes. Or the neat piles when you put them away – maybe because those are non-existent in my house. 

But the upside of laundry in my house means it is a full one. My daughter (the jam master laundry maker) is home; filling a hamper in just a few days. Scary, but I love to see her clothes in the laundry. It is evidence that she is present. And there are a bunch of sheets on a half dozen aero beds tonight for the slew of boys who will roll in after midnight from a concert in the city. With any luck an equal amount of towels in the morning if they actually shower, but with 16-year-old boys that is always a crap shoot. 

A full house. I LOVE a full house. The laundry, not so much. But it is a small price to pay to have them here. A few years back it seemed like a nuisance. Now? I love nothing more.

So, all you moms who think that one more rinse cycle will put you over the edge, just remember, no laundry means they are not around. I have told many a mom who complains about their house being messy that a clean house is an empty one. 

Don’t get me wrong, it is not as if I have no life without the kids – there is always Twitter for G-d sakes – but there is something about having parented for almost 20 years that makes me really appreciate a heavy dose of it now and then.

Now if I could only teach the dog to fold…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under family, humor, moms, parenting, teenagers, twitter

Tagged as , , ,